Update on the drunk driver

I just received a letter today from the man who hit me before Thanksgiving. Apparently he has joined AA while he is incarcerated, and he wanted to let Lee and I know how terribly sorry he is for causing us to lose Amylynn.:( He wants to me to respond to his letter, and I just don't know how to handle this. I've just started to feel better and the pain in my heart was starting to let up and now I'm sitting her blubbering like a baby because of my little angel. :( :(

Can anyone give me a hug and some advice???????:(

I would get it court ordered that he has to stop contacting you...look at the pain it caused you. I voted no.

It's part of AA that they apologize to people they have hurt. I would not respond and if he writes again, respond by saying something like thank you for apologizing, now leave us alone - but nicer.

Oh, and I just read your poll, kind of hard to answer since it is an either or question, not a yes or no ;) but I would defnitely let your lawyer know.

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
I to have voted no.

You have to search in your own heart what to do. I think it would be hard though..

But I do know that if we can not forgive, how can WE expect forgiveness .....but heart and mind do not always agree. Follow your heart and maybe in time..........?

Again, like I wrote in general, I dont know the story, but I can offer HUGS! I voted no, just because if it is a court case, let the lawyer handle it...

Definitely consult with your lawyer before you do anything.

The fact that you are even considering answering him (regardless of what your answer is) shows to me that you are a far more forgiving person than many of us on this earth.

**HUGS**

It's part of the AA program, the 9th Step - making direct amends whenever possible. There is no need for you to respond; it's part of his path of recovery. Let Go, Let God.

If you feel the need to turn it over to your attorney, go ahead, but you need not respond.

I'm sending (((hugs))) but I would have to say that you need to search your heart and decide what to do. It is a part of his healing process and whatever you decide to do is part of your healing process....we all heal differently.

((((hugs))))

I agree that you should give this letter to your lawyer. What this man did IS unforgivable!! Drunk driving in combination with a suspended license, that is same as murder attempt to me!!
So, it is great for him that he is trying to change by going to AA; BUT, he has to take consequences too of what he did to you!!

Don't feel as if you HAVE TO answer his letter, if your heart tells you something else. Always follow your heart :)

The main reason for the letter is for him to unburden HIS soul.

He has made the effort to do that.

O.k., But will that change the past?

Nope.

You can't go back and change things after you do something stupid.

I may have missed this but did he go to jail for driving drunk or causing you to miscarry???

To me it's far easier to seek forgiveness for driving drunk than causing someone to lose their child.

Let him stew in his juices.

Did you get my PM on this?

((((HUGS)))
Kim

I guess, let your lawyer respond for you -- if you feel the need to respond at all. If you decide to forgive him, that doesn't mean that what he did was okay. It wasn't and he knows that.

My response would be: I received your letter. I will search my heart long and hard to find forgiveness but that may never happen. There is nothing anyone can do to bring back Amylynn. But, I hope you remember her each and every time you make the choice to drink and drive. Do not contact us again. Our laywer will handle all further communication.

Then ask your lawyer what he can do to ensure that mail from him is forwarded to the lawyer instead of you.

You don't ever have to forgive if you don't want to. But to do so -- is a gift to YOU not him. The place in your heart and soul filled with hate for him does you no good. It certainly is understandable, but that energy could be used for better purposes.

You are in our thoughts and prayers.

I would find it very hard to even read the letter, and certainly would not respond if it were me. (((HUGS))) and I agree that the letter should be turned over to your lawyer. This man needs a lot more sobriety, and to really prove he can be a decent member of society before I'd even contemplate forgiveness.

I am new here but just wanted to let you know that I am very sorry for your loss. I vote no also. You mentioned that he is incarcerated so I'm assuming the courts found him guilty and he's doing time. The courts are probably also requiring AA or some sort of substance abuse program as part of his sentence, as well they should. Then of course, he is asking for forgiveness as required by AA. Do you get the feeling he would be asking for forgiveness without AA? I guess we never really know about anothers sincerety or what is truly in their hearts. We only know what we personally can live with. I'm sure it varies in degrees with all of us.

First off; *HUG* *HUG* *HUG* *HUG* *HUG* *HUG*

I was going to say the same thing as Val did. I also wonder if he would ask for forgiveness without AA.
I'm sorry you are having to go through the pain again because of this. Let the lawyers handle it and I hope and pray that you never hear from this guy again.

What does your hubby say about it?

It's not up to you to help this alcolholic recover. Give it to your lawer mate and have him stop contacting you.

This is what we've decieded to do. After showing Lee a copy of the letter (I turned it over to the lawyer after work last night) We've decieded to let the lawyer handle it. He has offered to write a letter to the guy telling him to never contact me again, and that should he feel the need to try and correspond with us anymore that it is all to be directed to him and not to my work. At this time we've chosen not to respond personally to his letter and may never do so, but if we do it will be us who contact him. Should he violate this request than we will have no other action than to place a PPO (Personal Protection Order) out on him.

For what it is worth, I think that's an ideal way to handle the situation. He knows you got the letter and knows that it is inappropriate for him to contact you directly again and that there will be consequences if he does.

More **hugs**

If he gets away,scott free,then he will never learn,and there ,will be more Victims! The Fellow,has,to pay,for the damage,that he caused NOOOO!