Dilema, please help!

One of my friends provided my name as a reference to a no-kill shelter where she wants to adopt a couple of cats. One of them is a special needs cat. He had lost one of his back legs and drags the other behind him, so the shelter is in the process of getting him a wheel chair.
My dilema is, she is my friend, but knowing the past history of her and animals, I really don't think it's wise for her to have any more animals. She already has a cat or two and just recently picked up a 6 week pit bull *sigh*
She is one of those people who has a big heart and it's in the right place, but she simply can't care for the animals like they should be cared for. Basically, to make a really long story short...she's had at least 20 animals confiscated from her in the past. :(
I was hoping she wouldn't get any more animals, but now she has this new puppy and some cats already. I think she needs to stop. Plus, a special needs cat would need attention and care, and it could get expensive.
Now, I love my friend, but I simply can't justify this no-kill shelter letting these cats go to her home. They would be better off in the shelter!
If I tell them so, she will know it is me! :( What should I do? :confused:

You have to tell them. You should also sit down with your friend and explain that while her heart is in the right place her means just aren't what they need to be right now to tend to this animal. I'm sorry you've been put in such a Catch 22 situation.

I have always felt that honesty is the best policy and I would talk to your friend and tell her just how you feel about this.

I would say I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or start an arguement or hurt you in anyway but I feel like you maybe don't have the adequate time to give to your animals. Tell her to look within herself and think about the 20 or so animals that she had taken away from her in the past.

Be honest with her and tell her that when the shelter calls you are going to tell them about the animals that had been taken away...(this way it would not be a surprise to her and your were upfront with her about how you feel and just what you are going to do).

Any animal, but especially a special needs kitty require a lot of time.

Well that's what I would do. (((hugs))) It's never an easy place to be put into. ((((more hugs))) --- Meg

Have someone else make the call for you ... tell them to make it very CLEAR that this friend has had many animals taken from her in the past! This way if the friend asks you if you made the call, you can honestly say "no"!!! GOOD LUCK!!!

Quote:

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Originally posted by kimlovescats
Have someone else make the call for you ... tell them to make it very CLEAR that this friend has had many animals taken from her in the past! This way if the friend asks you if you made the call, you can honestly say "no"!!! GOOD LUCK!!!

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Karen, I'll call them for you. You know I wont say your name and I'll make certain they tell her they found her name on the agency's list that took her 20 away from her.

Just say the word and I'll call. OK?

(((HUGS)))

I think her friend would still figure it out, I agree that honesty is the best policy. Or second choice see if the shelter can tell her the cat already has been spoken for.

Thanks everyone! I saw on my caller ID here at work that they tried calling me about 15 minutes ago when I was on the phone speaking with one of my vendors.
*sigh*
I don't know why I feel so sick over this. I know that one way or another my friend will know it was me.
I like the idea about having the shelter say the cat was already spoken for. I was also thinking about having them say the cat wouldn't be compatible with a dog, since she now has one. :rolleyes:
*sigh*

Kelly, are you at work today? :o

**hugs**

Thanks Kelly! :D

**hugs**

I hate to say it, but I to have a BEST freind that I would feel the same way about. Unfortunatly you are put in a hard spot, if it was me, I would also talk to her and let them know. Maybe you could ask them not to tell her, tell them to tell her it was adopted, Hope all works out for you. Freinds are freinds, animal people are animal people. My best freind is no good with animals, but Im trying to teach her. Just wish she would listen:(

I called the shelter for Karen. Needless to say, this girl isn't getting any new animals, at least, not from them. ;)

Wanna know the scary part? I asked if they had any way of looking up a name in some sort of database to see if people have a record of this sort and she said "no". That makes me sad. :(

Phew! I am glad that problem is resloved.. I did not envy you wolflady... That was a hard one! Thanks PT'er for helping this kitty out!

Thanks everyone! Yes, this is definitely a bad situation to be in. She's my friend, but she has so many problems. I felt a little guilty because oddly enough, my friend called me yesterday afternoon to find out if I had been contacted about being a reference. I said that someone had left me a message (which is true) and that I hadn't had time to call back yet (which is technically true).
:o
I'm still a little scared that she'll find out it was me that gave a negative reference...even though it wasn't actually me! ;)
Apparently she gave the name of another friend of hers, which gave a positive reference and she also gave another name.

Hopefully this place will think to tell her that the cat was already adopted, or doesn't get along well with dogs and other cats etc.

ratchet22, it's so hard to have a friend like that isn't it? They may have their hearts in the right place, but there's no way that it's a good match.
My friend and animals just don't mix. What's scary is that I think my friend thinks that she's helping animals...even though she's had 20 taken away from her in the past...and countless kittens have died in her care. :(
I just can't believe she can justify getting more animals after the previous situation. Kelly is right...I'm a little alarmed that there isn't a way of keeping track of people who have had animals confiscated. Although, she does have a different last name now then she did when the animals were taken away. It's probably hard to track, and she'd probably blame the guy she was living with at the time anyway :rolleyes:

Here's a site that is excellant for reporting animal issues. Their data base goes by state. I've updated them on several local cases here in town that were on their data reports. They are very quick in replying to emails (that same day or next) depending on time of day (they are out of California).

Here's the link
animal abuse/report

They have loads of resources. If the court system or law enforcement has been involved, there will be a paper trail for people to follow.

I know several rescue groups use this as a resource to follow up on protential adoption prospects.

Karen, I would not have wanted to be in your position but I would like to give Kelly a HUGE hug for helping. I would hope to have a friend to do the same for me some day.

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Originally posted by jenluckenbach
Karen, I would not have wanted to be in your position but I would like to give Kelly a HUGE hug for helping. I would hope to have a friend to do the same for me some day.

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Aww, thanks Jen! :)

I told the woman that was calling Karen all about the 20-animal removal and the lack of litterboxes and made it clear she shouldn't get those or any cats.

She said when they have adoptions, they always have a board meeting and look at all the references provided and then make a decision. She said that most people accept when they are denied. She said that if this girl wants to know why, they would diplomatically give her an answer.

Karen, I hope she doesn't figure it out that the reference wasn't positive. I am confident the rescue will know how to deal with her. She made it seem like they've dealt with this before.

(((KAREN)))

Thanks again Kelly! :)
**hugs**

Yes, I hope those animals don't end up with my friend. Even though she's my friend, she has a LOT of problems :( I just hope that they turn her down and give a logical reason like they didn't want to place the cats in a home with a dog or kids. That would make sense and I don't think she would question that. I wonder if I should still call the rescue place and mention that? What do you think? :confused:

Craftlady, thanks for the link. I'll check it out.
**hugs**