For the younger crowd here....

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02-02-2005, 12:05 PM
slick

For the younger crowd here....

I've seen some upsetting threads in here lately; some of you are ranting that your parents yell at you and you are mad at them. I know just how you feel because I've been there, done that. I went through a period of time where I didn't attend any family functions at all. I was convinced that I was getting yelled at because of who I was. I regret that now.

I know that you may not understand now, but your parents DO love you whether they are living together or not and even when one of them yells at you, it's because he/she cares so much about your well-being.

One day, you will grow up to be my age and perhaps one or both parents will be gone. Imagine it for a moment. You pick up the phone and suddenly realize that there is no one at the other end to answer. Hurts, doesn't it?

Ten years ago today I lost my Dad and I would give ten years off my life to have him here with me today. So folks, go and hug your Mom, your Dad, your brother or sister and tell them how much they mean to you and know that you are very much appreciated and loved in return.

....and that's just my thought for the day.
02-02-2005, 12:14 PM
star of light

awww this is a sweet post...i am getting better..i know my parents love me...they just want what is best for me since my sister dealed with perr preasure in highschool (i am not going to say) but i think they dont want me to deal with the heart ache my sister wetn threw thats one reason they are homeschoolinh me.

i am begining not to buck with my mother and i learned that she loves me no matter what.
thank you for pointing out some things to me as well to the other young users who are going threw a hard time getting along with their parents.
02-02-2005, 12:24 PM
luvofallhorses

aww thanks for the thought it was sweet and thoughtful:D even though I may not be "the younger crowd" but I still live with my parents and they are getting along better and I know they love me no matter what and I love them no matter what, also. :)

Krista
02-02-2005, 12:33 PM
Kristl

You know, that applies to everyone on here. I am 23 and sometimes don't get along with my parents. I don't live at home, so we get along a lot better now...but we still butt heads! At those times I either just get off the phone with them or go home. But I agree with you. I also know from personal experience that I (and a lot of others, I'm sure) don't always appreciate what our parents do for us. I would probably be living a life of poverty if not for them. I would not be going to college if not for them. I would not have security if not for them. I know that they are there for me no matter what. Even if I am calling from jail!;) Not that that has happened...yet!!!:o
02-02-2005, 03:49 PM
My Peanuts

That is so true. They wouldn't yell if they didn't care. They yell because they want you to be the best person you can be. I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and dad. I also still have both my parents and I feel lucky, not just because I have them, but because I know how much they mean to me.
02-02-2005, 07:26 PM
NoahsMommy

I have to agree with Slick.

I have some things going on in my life where I thought my mom was getting too opinionated on and I thought she didn't understand me. Why? Because I assumed so.

I got a card in the mail today and it made me cry. The wording of the card, as well as what my mom wrote, made me realize she DOES care and only wants the best for me. That when I hurt, she hurts 10 times more because I'm her daughter and she wants to protect me from hurt and harm.

I'm 26 and I'm taking Slick's advice. While they do and say things that don't seem like understanding or love, they DO understand and DO love.

Thanks for the reminder, Slick!
02-02-2005, 07:44 PM
catnapper

Oh Slick, {{{HUGS}}} that is very touching and I'm sorry you lost your dad all those years ago.

I refused to see my grandmom for the last two years of her life. I thought I was right and she was wrong. I made peace with her until her deathbed. Her DEATHBED! :eek: She died 5 years ago this month. I regret not having swallowed my arrogant pride and spent time with her when I could. How I'd love to talk to her know and let her know I understand now and know why she did everything she did. I shudder to imagine what my guilt would be if I never made up with her at the end.
02-02-2005, 07:45 PM
wolfsoul

Thanks Vickie, I wish that I could say that I agree with you when it comes to my situation, but I can't. :(

My situation feels weird -- see, I always say my dad doesn't care about me. He never calls me, he never writes me. He lives in the same city as me and he never comes to visit me. I haven't been to his house for years. Back when he used to call me, he only did it because he was forced to. He's never payed child support. He was supposed to come get me so I could spend a Christmas weekend at his house just last Christmas. My bag was packed, and I was ready to go. And I waited....and waited...and waited. And he never came. He never called me, he never told me he wasn't coming. He just left me there. And it hurt so bad. And yet in my heart, I know he loves me.

On the other hand, there's my mother -- She pays for my clothes, she feeds me, etc; And yet I feel like she really doesn't care about me. She yells at me alot, she tells me she hates me, she calls me stupid. When I was younger I was smacked alot. She goes off at me for the dumbest reasons. And this is where alot of my frustration and anger comes from. I carry alot of psychological problems because of the things she's made me deal with.

But I'm looking up. I feel like one day maybe everything will be okay. :) I'm moving out this year...and I won't have to be near anymore pain, and she won't have to be near me, and we'll both be happy. I feel like maybe one day she will die and I'll regret not spending so much time with her. I'm a very passive-aggressive person and I can hold a grudge forever...So I don't know if we'll ever be on good terms. Atleast if we aren't fighting anymore, I can say that we had a good relationship.Ad for my dad, I'm not speaking to him anymore...but I heard from my grandma that he is going to help pay for my grad dress which is a big surprise for me, so maybe we'll be cool one day. Truth is, I really love my dad. I don't know why lol.

Sorry if I ruined the tone of the thread...My reply was going to be nice but then I started to vent a little bit and couldn't stop.
02-02-2005, 08:09 PM
Corinna

Wolf soul , Your mom may be just very tired , I have llots of singlre mom friends . They love their kids but being mom and dad is very exshusting. I don't know how they do it, I was always tired and I had help ,.

Slick you don't know how timely this thread is for me at 43 I just had to try to get my hubby and his absent father to get it ok between them . I had to to he has hurt our immedate famliy a lot. we treid and he (fil) was so mean to me that hubby said we tried and now the old Bas**d can die with out us. I don't have to take the blame which he has tried to put on me. He left Tim and his mom at age 5 then 15 years ago decide to pop up as if nothing ever happened. Father in law doesn't have the same thoughts on wives as Tims mom and the way she raised the boys,you see Tim and his brother beleive we are thier best friends and come before any other family member. Fil thinks only of himself and his wants and needs. So its my fault that Tim can't always run off to Play with dad and do the things he wants to. Arn't I a terrible person!!!!:D Tim says most the time he'd rather be doing laundrey with me than hunting with his bio dad. I have a great guy.
Sorry I got so wordy guess I needed to vent too. {{hugs }} to you Slick for making all remember life is short, we never know what can happen.
02-02-2005, 10:29 PM
K9karen

Well, I'm 53 and my dear mother still loves to remind me that, no matter what, SHE'S still THE mother! :rolleyes: Since she's been ill and unable to walk, I'm now in charge of everything. My boyfriend John has moved in to help, and he cringes at my mother's ways, but, I love her regardless. Over the years, I've accepted that our personalities are so different. Yet we still, in our own way, get along great. Life is too short to hold grudges and people are the way they are. I don't expect or want anyone to change me. We all say things we don't mean. Nowadays, I just laugh or shrug. It's taken me eons not to become defensive or offended. So, "young" people aren't the only ones who have parental difficulties. I just think as you get older and deal with the public more too, ot's easier to bear.
02-02-2005, 10:33 PM
wolfsoul

Quote:

Originally posted by Corinna
Wolf soul , Your mom may be just very tired , I have llots of singlre mom friends . They love their kids but being mom and dad is very exshusting. I don't know how they do it, I was always tired and I had help ,.

My mom actualy isn't single -- she is with my brother's dad. But I do think that my brother exhausts her. He is a handful. I don't understand why she has to punish me for the things he does though. At that age, if I acted like him, I'd get a good beating. She doesn't even tell him to stop beign a brat. Instead she gets angry with me. :( I don't understand, but atleast I know I'm never having kids.
02-02-2005, 11:11 PM
slick

Wow, I certainly didn't expect to get this kind of response.

Jordan, hon, I had no idea that your homelife was so rough and really, I can't blame you for feeling the way you do. Please remember though, age changes a person. You will find that when you are in your late 20's or 30's you will be a totally different person. Your outlook on life will be different because of your experiences. You say you don't want to have children. Well, that's a personal choice. When I was your age, I made the same decision and stuck to it and have never regretted it. However, my decision was NOT based on my upbringing. It was based on the fact that I just didn't/don't like skinkids and I knew that I would not be a very good mother. Just because your homelife is not a happy one, doesn't mean that you can't provide a loving and happy home for your kids, should you choose that path.

Also Jordan, when you get older, you may decide to hook up with your Dad. I sure hope so. Right now, you are too young to make any permanent decisions. Big hugs to you and I can hardly wait to see you in July.

Kelly, Sis, that's so sweet. I, too, have received cards in the mail from my Mom, sometimes with a little contribution to the household. ;)

Corinna, I'm saddened to hear that. I pray that someday hubby and his Dad will reunite again.

Quote:

I just think as you get older and deal with the public more to, it's easier to bear.

K9, This is so true. Age has a way of mellowing you out and you just shrug off what used to bother you. Priorities change with age.

Catnapper, I'm glad you made that choice. Family is family and blood is blood. Friends come and go but family is always there. That's just something we will never change.

I really started this thread because I was deeply disturbed by some of the threads started by frustrated young people. I really admire the younger crowd and peer pressure these days is so much worse than when I grew up. I just wanted you to benefit from my experience.

Big hugs to you all.
slick xo
02-02-2005, 11:12 PM
gini

Slick, bless you for starting this thread. I hope that it helps everyone - at whatever age you are.

Let me give you a different spin here.............I lost my Mother when I was ten months old. So essentially, I never had a Mother to yell at me - or for me to buck.

I would GIVE ANYTHING to have had the experience of having a Mother. Kinda makes you think doesn't it?

Wolfsoul, I am so sorry that you had this recent experience with your Father. I can understand how this must have hurt you. Your poor Father..........he doesn't have a clue what he is missing in having a loving daughter. I wish that he could read this thread.

I lost a wonderful Father years ago..............he had to do double duty as Mom and Dad for me.
02-02-2005, 11:18 PM
wolfsoul

Quote:

Originally posted by slick
Wow, I certainly didn't expect to get this kind of response.

Jordan, hon, I had no idea that your homelife was so rough and really, I can't blame you for feeling the way you do. Please remember though, age changes a person. You will find that when you are in your late 20's or 30's you will be a totally different person. Your outlook on life will be different because of your experiences. You say you don't want to have children. Well, that's a personal choice. When I was your age, I made the same decision and stuck to it and have never regretted it. However, my decision was NOT based on my upbringing. It was based on the fact that I just didn't/don't like skinkids and I knew that I would not be a very good mother. Just because your homelife is not a happy one, doesn't mean that you can't provide a loving and happy home for your kids, should you choose that path.

Also Jordan, when you get older, you may decide to hook up with your Dad. I sure hope so. Right now, you are too young to make any permanent decisions. Big hugs to you and I can hardly wait to see you in July.

Thanks Vickie, your reply made me feel alot better. :) I'm glad to have a friend that cares so much about me. I certinaly hope things will get better as I get older.

Quote:

Wolfsoul, I am so sorry that you had this recent experience with your Father. I can understand how this must have hurt you. Your poor Father..........he doesn't have a clue what he is missing in having a loving daughter. I wish that he could read this thread.

Thanks Gini. :) I'm not sure why my dad does the things he does. :( But I do love him and I hope he smartens up soon because I'd like to be around him more often.
02-03-2005, 07:14 PM
auggie

Wolfsoul, I can so sympathize with you. I’ve been there.
There is no excuse for a mother to tell her child that she hates her.
But like Slick said, people change with age.
You have to block out the bad times and focus on the good things in your life and your future.
Why don’t you call your dad, or at least write him a letter explaining how you feel?
02-03-2005, 07:16 PM
wolfsoul

Thanks Auggie. :) I'm not very good at talking about my feelings...Atleast not to my dad. My grandma told me that he is going to call me within the next few days. But I don't think he will. If he doesn't, I will call him, and talk to him.