Having had so much serious talk on PT lately, let's go from one extreme to the other. Here's some serious silliness:
Two blondes walk into a building … you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
I went to a seafood disco last week … and pulled a muscle.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?"
"Don't you start."
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Trevor, or is it my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Trevor.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine'. So that was nice."
A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
… and some more for the masochistic:
1. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
2. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
3. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam! (OK Phred, I know you've used that before!)
4. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's
5. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
6. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
7. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..
8. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
9. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
10. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
11. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
12. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
13. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
14. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
15. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
16. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
