Is there anyone here that is estranged from their parents or family member ???? and if so how do you deal with it ???
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Is there anyone here that is estranged from their parents or family member ???? and if so how do you deal with it ???
Whats estranged?
I think I know what it is not sure though, but could you tell me, I might be able to help.
I don't get along with my mom too well. I talk to her every couple weeks for a few minutes and I see her every month or two, she lives less than 10 miles from my house. There was a lot of abuse in my house growing up, mostly from her and I just don't care to see her too often. I am very bitter toward my mother. I have been to consoling with my paster and it helped some. One thing my paster made me realize is that this is MY problem, not my moms. My mom is the source of the problem, but it is my problem. I can't change my mom or the things that happened, but I can forgive her. I need to forgive her to move on, but it's hard. He it could take months or years. I am talking through my memories with my husband and that helps. It seems like it would make things worse, but it helps a lot. I don't think I can just forgive her all at once for all the separate things. When I talk about it, I can sometimes forgive her for that one thing I am talking about, sometimes I can't.
I hope I helped a little.
Quote:
Originally posted by Amber
Whats estranged?
I think I know what it is not sure though, but could you tell me, I might be able to help.
I think what she means is that.. do you have any people in your family that you feel like a stranger to.. as in you don't have the greatest relationship with them.
I certainly do... and i've tried to heal these patches with them, but some people just don't like to listen to other's opinions or feelings.
Puppyluvs,
It's really odd that you would post this kind of thread. But odd in a good way.
Yesterday was the 31st anniversary of my Mom's death. I had been estranged from my brother for many years. I'm 51 and Dave is 56. We had a falling out over (what else??) money/inheritance (mucho denero). Alot of awful, hurtful things were said.
I've been thinking about calling him and it took me 2 weeks to get the courage up to call him. Well, yesterday I did. At first he thought I WANTED something from him. I apologized for being such a jerk. He explained the inheritance situation (my aunt, his Godmother, passed away and he was executor of her estate). He said that before my aunt passed, they discussed every aspect of what she had and how she wanted it dispersed. The Living Trust was set up and legalized. When she passed, my brother did exactly as instructed in the Living Trust. Alot of family members were furious, including me because my aunt told me before she died that she would send me a check to pay off my car. Anyway, my brother was called every name in the book and the family stopped talking to him, including me. He told me he didn't WANT to be executor of her estate but she insisted. He said he didn't know how bad it would get till the time came. I got my grandmother's wedding ring. I cherish it.
To make a long story short, we made amends to each other, said we loved each other and promised to keep in touch via phone and email.
Moral of the story is...Life is WAY to short to hold a grudge, especially over something as trivial as money. Stuff is just STUFF and you can't take it with you. Family is forever.
"Estranged' means living in separate residences and having a relationship characterized by hostility or indifference
I'm estranged from my mother about every other month. lol.
Seriously, though...I was estranged from my father for almost 5 years. In some ways, it is painful because he missed alot of things that happened in my life. In other ways, I wish we were still estranged because he hasn't changed a bit. He's still the control freak he always was. Things were wonderful the first few years that we were reunited, but as time passed, he's gotten a little to comfortable and went back to his old ways.
In the sense of living separately and indifferently, you could say I am estranged from my father. I haven't seen him since I was 4 (so it's coming up 20 years), he has never sent birthday or christmas cards or presents, and as far as I know has never rung or been in touch with me.
I did have the 'opportunity' to see him when I was 12 and my nana had died (his mother), but I didn't want to do that. The only thing I know that he has done 'for me' was pay child support up until I turned 19, which he legally had to do.
I grew up from the age of four without my dad, and I am very well adjusted. There are things that bother me about not having a dad such as while I was at primary school (5-12 years old), most of my friends had two parents which was hard to relate to. Also the fact that my father won't be escorting me down the aisle at my wedding will be difficult, but I will use Matt's dad instead, as he is the closest I have had.
I have also never celebrated a fathers day before.
There are things I have missed, but on the whole since I have only known this, I also don't feel like I have missed out on much. My mum raised me and my brother by herself and did a bloody good job of it. I don't know if I would have coped being on my own all those years with very young schoolchildren keeping me company...
I don't know how relevant that is to your query, but I thought I would share anyway... hope I have helped in some way!
Yes :(
I'm estranged from my dad, his choice. He'll never choose anyone over his new wife, regardless of the situation. He doesn't speak to me, my brother or his own mother. Glad I had a wonderful mom as a role model/parent...he was non-existant after his new wife.
My brother got really, really screwed up in the divorce and he's estranged himself from the family. Completely. :( It makes me really very sad because we were close and I love him so much. :( :( :( I wish he'd come back into my life so badly. I don't know where he is or where he went. He kind of disappeared four years ago, this month. We hear a few things about him now and then, so we know he's OK physically.
I agree, life is way too short to estrange yourself from family...unless the situation is abusive.
Yes, my grandfather. He is a sick child molesting f*** and he is dead to me. I deal with it by having nothing to do with him. I firmly informed everyone in my family that he is completely dead to me and even when he gets out of prison I never want to hear his name ever again.
I am estranged from my one and only sister. She treats my mom like crap..constantly pretending to be sick and pretending to have mental illness to worry her and get attention. (she does suffer from depression, but is also a hypocondriac among other things) She also doesn't take very good care of her 4 year old daughter. :mad:
Yes my Father, i will NEVER speak to him again. Long story. *Sigh*
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Originally posted by PJ's Mom
I am estranged from my one and only sister. She treats my mom like crap..constantly pretending to be sick and pretending to have mental illness to worry her and get attention. (she does suffer from depression, but is also a hypocondriac among other things) She also doesn't take very good care of her 4 year old daughter. :mad:
I too suffer from MDD ( Major Depressive Disorder) Just so you know it took me years to figure out why I stayed so sick...Depression causes so many physical symptoms that I had no clue about ! Maybe your sister is not hypocondriac at all ! Maybe she is NOT pretending, from what you have told us here she is far from healthy and I doubt very seriously pretending ! Best thing I can tell you to do is read up on MDD...
Hugs
Well I to am estranged from my parents and my youngest brother, it was their choice, My mother just recently came to my home and placed all of the gifts that I ever bought her in my yard ! She is telling people she will never have anything to do with me again, There has been many years of abuse going one here. I AM TIRED OF THE WHOLE THING ! I know in my heart what I have done and what I have not....Just makes me so angry :mad: How could a mother be so cruel ?
I'm sorry you suffer with this. :( I'm also sorry if I sounded cruel or uncaring. I know depression is a real issue and shouldn't be taken lightly.
There have been numerous instances where she has admitted to "faking it" My dad, who was recovering from back surgery at the time had to pick her up off the bathroom floor in the hospital because she faked passing out and not being able to move her legs. :rolleyes: It's things like that that make me want to have nothing more to do with her.
Quote:
Originally posted by puppyluvs
I too suffer from MDD ( Major Depressive Disorder) Just so you know it took me years to figure out why I stayed so sick...Depression causes so many physical symptoms that I had no clue about ! Maybe your sister is not hypocondriac at all ! Maybe she is NOT pretending, from what you have told us here she is far from healthy and I doubt very seriously pretending ! Best thing I can tell you to do is read up on MDD...
Hugs
Yes.
My two aunts - One in Los Angeles and the other in Canada. My aunt in L.A married a guy she had met online & she packed up all of her things and moved out west. We never hear from her except the Holidays.. I don't have a very good relationship with her, and she completely ignored me last Christmas, and I want nothing with her.. My other aunt in Canada, I get along with her, because we both have common interests - dogs & art.
I also have a lot of cousins that are enstraged that I never see anymore.
Geez...
My family likes to complain...a lot. People get P***ed off over the dumbest things. Ever since my grandfather died, my aunt refuses to talk to my grandmother (Everyone does, she is kind of looney, my grandmother I mean). I hardly ever talk to my grandma because if I do the rest of the family gets all mad :rolleyes:. Then again she DID try to shoot my SIL...long story there. When I first got married my parents had a huge problem with my husband. They refuesed to talk to me for a month or so :(.
My Husband has a big problem with his mother. She was (and still is) very abuseive to him and to me. I said "look if she wants to be civil to me and to you she can hang around but the second she gets snippy, she is out the door!" My hubby feels the same way. She really did a lot of screwed up things, and lately although they still get into really bad arguements, things are starting to be patched up.
I'm estranged from my dad. Him and my stepmom divorced, and he got a new girlfriend. He talked to me for a while, and then he just stopped talking to me. I haven't seen him since last January, and I haven't been to his house for two years. He doesn't pay child support...My mom says she is going to go after him for that, but she never does. His gf emailed me and told me that they are going to get me a birthday present...They'll probably just drop it off at my school.
Well if she is "faking it" and doing all of this you have every right to be angry with her !!!Quote:
Originally posted by PJ's Mom
I'm sorry you suffer with this. :( I'm also sorry if I sounded cruel or uncaring. I know depression is a real issue and shouldn't be taken lightly.
There have been numerous instances where she has admitted to "faking it" My dad, who was recovering from back surgery at the time had to pick her up off the bathroom floor in the hospital because she faked passing out and not being able to move her legs. :rolleyes: It's things like that that make me want to have nothing more to do with her.
Hugs
Justin's grandfather is a child molester too. Justin wants nothing to do with him. I've never met him and don't care to. Justin for years has had nightmares and will wake up screaming because of him.Quote:
Originally posted by WolfChan
Yes, my grandfather. He is a sick child molesting f*** and he is dead to me. I deal with it by having nothing to do with him. I firmly informed everyone in my family that he is completely dead to me and even when he gets out of prison I never want to hear his name ever again.
I really don't see or talk to any of my family. I haven't seen or talked to my aunts, uncles, or cousins in years.
My grandpa is a huge jerk and although I see him once a year I'd rather not. He nearly ruined my wedding by causing a scene and picking a fight with my dad. He hates my dad because my dads parents have money. After my grandma died he wrote my mom out of their will because she is married to my dad. He is constantly insulting Justin. I could go on.
My husbands step dad was/is the same way. I have no disire to meet him, thats for darn sure.Quote:
Originally posted by WolfChan
Yes, my grandfather. He is a sick child molesting f*** and he is dead to me. I deal with it by having nothing to do with him. I firmly informed everyone in my family that he is completely dead to me and even when he gets out of prison I never want to hear his name ever again.
Well I too have lived with this......My father & mother are child molesters their selves :mad: ....so I know exacally where you are coming from !!! Why I even worry about being estranged from them is beyond me !Quote:
Originally posted by WolfChan
Yes, my grandfather. He is a sick child molesting f*** and he is dead to me. I deal with it by having nothing to do with him. I firmly informed everyone in my family that he is completely dead to me and even when he gets out of prison I never want to hear his name ever again.