I'm confused & upset about a friend's behavior towards my Sophie

Hey all, I got upset at something last night and was wondering if anyone has ever been through something similar.

Yesterday was my boyfriend Steve's birthday, and he had some friends over. They were all ooh-ing and aah-ing over Tito and Sophie, fawning over them, playing with them, etc. I brought some toys out and we were all having a great time playing with the kitties. Sophie was all hyper and bouncy, and being adorable,of course. One of my boyfriend's friends picked her up, and it was the way he played with her for like about 5 minutes that made me upset.

He was playing rough with her. I don't mean he was hurting her, just upsetting her, I think. Grabbing her belly, paws, etc.; lifting her up in the air with one hand; grabbing her stump (which she HATES and I told him that, and he stopped after that). He also kinda grabbed the scruff of her neck with one hand and was making her attack his other hand - kinda weird I know.

I know she was agitated - she was squeaking a lot at him - but the sweetie didn't really try to bite or scratch him. Now I know Sophie, and I've been there when she's at the vets, or when I have to cut her nails, and I KNOW she could have easily wrestled her way out of his lap and ran off. She didn't though, at least not that I saw. She didn't seem scared or anything. But I was just really upset by it. I felt like, that is my cat, and I have made sure to raise her with a gentle, loving hand, and what says you can come in here and mess with her like that?! She's not a toy. She's my baby. You know?!?!

So anyway, I had been drinking, and when all this happened I decided I better not open up my mouth and risk saying something I would regret. So I sat there, silent for a minute, and tried to give this guy a few looks, like "Dude, stop messing with my cat!" Then, I pulled Steve aside, asked him to make this guy stop, and then went in my room with Tito. Steve got him to quit, saying it was Sophie's dinnertime, and put her in the bedroom with me. She was quite hyper the rest of the night, more so than usual. I guess he just got her riled up, but she was back to normal as soon as she laid down to sleep.

So I know this is a long post, but I feel like maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe I shouldn't freak out just because someone does that, he didn't hurt her after all...but on the other hand I feel like I have every right to be pretty darn upset that someone would treat my pet with a lack of respect. Maybe he's just not experienced with cats, but still....

*sigh* guess I'll stop now. Just had to get it all out. Now that I am thinking about it, I really am getting upset. I know it's no big deal in the long run, but still. :(

I would just tell people that the cats don't like being handled and they may bite or scratch. That usually discourages the most persisten idiot.

I'd have spoken up and said something. Nobody plays rough with my kids! They're just as precious to me as anyone else's skin-kids.

I don't blame you for being upset and I probably would have said something.

That kind of play is what will teach her to be agressive and look at hands as play/fight toys and not good petting/loving instruments. My husband played with Ripley like that a lot and he is part of the reason Ripley is so aggressive at times. I laid the law down with Jazz and Scout and now my hubby agrees that was wrong to teach Ripley.

Just make sure that doesn't happen to her again and I'm sure she will forget all about it. Although she may learn to avoid that guy all together - and for the best obviously.

When Ripley was young and we had just bought a new house we had several people coming over to tour the house. I remember one friend brought her children with their friends - why I'll never know - and the kids cornered Ripley under a table and stomped and yelled at him. I finally had to tell them to stop because their mom was oblivious. He has hated children ever since and who could blame him.

Pets are a person's property.

But, they should be treated with more respect than just property.

I always ask, Can I pick them up? Do they like to play? Can I scratch their ________?

Another point is-
Did the animal walk away?? Or did the person make them 'stick around'?


I'll usually make an announcement, straight out so everyone knows.

You can play but don't _________, If you decide to play rough and if you get scratched remember, I warned you.

Well -Sophie is your cat and so you ultimately you should decide how she gets handled. Guys are rougher by nature and play harder so I can understand why you were upset.
But I wouldn't worry about it too much - it seems that Sophie didn't really mind!
If you watch cats (who are siblings or friends) play, they get ROUGH with each other at times but rarely hurt each other. They just get their aggresion out and move on!!
I play rough sometimes with Mishka on purpose - he loves it (he pretends to get really mad at me but never a bite or a scratch) and then sleeps through the night without jumping on my head...

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Originally posted by RICHARD
Pets are a person's property.

But, they should be treated with more respect than just property.

I always ask, Can I pick them up? Do they like to play? Can I scratch their ________?

Another point is-
Did the animal walk away?? Or did the person make them 'stick around'?


I'll usually make an announcement, straight out so everyone knows.

You can play but don't _________, If you decide to play rough and if you get scratched remember, I warned you.

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I'm the same way Richard. I always tell people "If Remus decides he doesn't like what you're doing, he is capable of making his ire known. He doesn't need my help, and I only am warning you once" Remus hasn't had to bite or scratch anyone, his anoyed meyowl is generally enough to scare people!

No one should be rough with your pets, just like no one has a right to be rough with your kids!

When I was growing up my brother teased our family cat. When I complained to my mother she said: "Oh, he's just playing. If the cat didn't like it, he would get away." I couldn't do anything about it then. But now I have my own cats, and nobody (my brother included) mistreats them.

Filou's and Tigris' daddy is playing rough with them. I warn him and say: he'll get you (and you should see Tigris' knives) and that's what happens:rolleyes:

But Tigris seems to be able to tell the difference. He never messes with me.

I suppose Sophie being a young kitty kind of enjoyed it. And if it doesn't happen all the time it won't do her any harm- she will learn to behave soft from you and understand that you are the purrson to be soft with:)

lizzielou742, I can understand very well that you're upset!! No need to feel bad about it.

I've experienced something similar with my step-father and the way he's treating Lily. He finds it funny to get her startled and grab her, even in her neck.

Like jazzcat, I think I would have said something too. I did when my step father acted like that, and the frustrating thing is that he didn't accept my wish to treat my cat with more respect. Made me so upset that I've almost asked him to go, and I don't like to invite him anymore.

Kirsten

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Originally posted by aguu
Well -Sophie is your cat and so you ultimately you should decide how she gets handled. Guys are rougher by nature and play harder so I can understand why you were upset.
But I wouldn't worry about it too much - it seems that Sophie didn't really mind!
If you watch cats (who are siblings or friends) play, they get ROUGH with each other at times but rarely hurt each other. They just get their aggresion out and move on!!
I play rough sometimes with Mishka on purpose - he loves it (he pretends to get really mad at me but never a bite or a scratch) and then sleeps through the night without jumping on my head...

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I agree......if Sophie really didn't like the rough play, she would have gotten away from it. Although its not good to subject her to it all the time.

My FIL always played really rough with Willie (RB) and I kept warning him that Willie didn't like men (long story), but every time he came over, he would get under the dining room table and play with him. Usually Willie would tollerate him for a while, then when he had enough he would reach out and bite him. :eek: My FIL knew when enough was enough.

To me rough play is ok, once in a while......just don't make a habit out of it.

I am mostly concerned about your reaction to what was going on. While it doesn't sound like Sophie was being hurt, someone was invading your personal comfort zone. You said you were upset by it....so, why not instantly say, "hey, you might think I am over reacting, and maybe I am, but, I am not comfortable with the way you are handling Sophie". That way, your personal feelings are addressed first and foremost, and second, there isn't any danger of hurting Sophie.

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Originally posted by Cataholic
I am mostly concerned about your reaction to what was going on. While it doesn't sound like Sophie was being hurt, someone was invading your personal comfort zone. You said you were upset by it....so, why not instantly say, "hey, you might think I am over reacting, and maybe I am, but, I am not comfortable with the way you are handling Sophie". That way, your personal feelings are addressed first and foremost, and second, there isn't any danger of hurting Sophie.

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I agree with you, Cataholic. I wanted to say something, but my only thing was that I was drinking at the time, and I didn't want to get mad, blow up and say something I would regret later. I was trying to hold myself back from saying something also because I was afraid I wasn't seeing things right since I was not completely sober. Plus I can be a bit rude when I drink - so I just let my boyfriend handle it for me. :D

I have to agree, I don't like people playing rough with my baby either. Even though he doesn't get close enough to other to let them even try.

My brother was over one time and Cubby went up to him and started rubbing against his leg, (very unusual for him) and Sean picked him up and was petting him. Seans friend reach over to pet him and Cubby just looked at with that look of don't you dare touch me. After Sean put Cubby down his friend stomped his foot towards Cubby, Cubby took off and hid. And his friend was laughing and saying my cat is a wuss. All I said to him was, either you grow up or you can get out of my house. Sean looked at his friend and said what if I did that to your dog? Wouldn't you be pisse* at me for it. The guy stopped laughing and hasn't tried anything with my cat again!

Another time, my neice was over and she was here long enough for Cubby to trust her a little bit. Cubby was laying next to my computer chair. My neice walked over and started to pet him. He got tired of it and got up to walk away when all of the sudden she hauls off and punches him in the face. I just looked at her and picked her up by her arms set her on the couch and turned off the tv, and told her she is to sit there with out the tv, radio, computer and Cubby, until her grandma comes to get her. She had to sit there a little over an hour.

Before she left I asked her if she would ever hit my cat or any other animal again and she said no, because that means no cartoons!

Lizzie I know how you feel and I'm sure you would have intervened if Sophie was in trouble. Just take this as a lesson learned and plan on how you would handle a situation like this if it were to ever happen again. That way you won't be caught off guard trying to think of the best way to say something without being nasty.
I'm glad Sophie is back to normal and all is well. I think next time you will be able to handle it without any hurt feelings and that will make everyone happy.
Don't worry about it because we have all had similar experiences. :) :) http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/o...lies/smile.gif

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He was playing rough with her. I don't mean he was hurting her, just upsetting her, I think. Grabbing her belly, paws, etc.; lifting her up in the air with one hand; grabbing her stump (which she HATES and I told him that, and he stopped after that). He also kinda grabbed the scruff of her neck with one hand and was making her attack his other hand - kinda weird I know.

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I would be a upset as well, but maybe he doesn't have much experience around cats and didn't know what he was doing was wrong. The fact that he stopped grabbing her tail after you told him to stop shows that he did have some respect for your kitties. Maybe he's only been around dogs and is used to playing kind of rough with them. The next time he comes over just ask him not to play with your kitty so roughly. He may not have realized that he was hurting your feelings and your kitty. Men can be kind of silly sometimes.

I don't think you were paranoid at all ... just a loving and protective catmom!!! Some people, unfortunately just don't know how to handle kitties! Next time someone treats one of your babies like that, I would just casually pick up the kitty and take to a quiet room ... come back and act like nothing happened! Maybe they will get a subtle hint!!!:rolleyes: ;)

That sdoent go here! Noone smokes around my Cats,and noone roughs them,up,not even Moose The Magnificent,who seems to like it!