Withdrawn

How many of you experiences shutting themselves away from your loved ones, friends, and even online friends when depressed? I want to apologize to you all whenever I don't reply to a thread. It's not that I am not interested, it's just that sometimes I feel it is better for me to hide my pain and I feel like everyone can see right through me when I write and have been told before that they can tell by the way I write when I am depressed. I feel that I don't want to burden you at most times, but felt I owedyou all for my disappearances from Pet Talk. What I do is just shut myself off from everyone. How many of you have the same problem now? :(

I have PTSD and have had 3 MDE's. I am often housebound. Sometimes PT is all I have and yes, sometimes I even isolate from here. It is a normal, though often *unhealthy* reaction. You are not alone in this behavior. Frustarting though, isn't it? Take care!
Blessings,:)

Yeah it sure is! Plus, I am feeling like a bad friend and famliy member, do you feel that way? Oh and what does those abbreviations stand for if you don't mind telling me...if you don't want to say it here, you could PM me if you'd like-I am not trying to pry, but knowing more details may help me do some research and see if there is anything that might change this in my life. Thanks a lot for you reply, have a great night. :(

I know what ptsd is (post traumatic stress disorder) but what is mde? I am quite familiar with ptsd. If you want to talk, say so. I won't pretend that I have same but do work in field however much little help that may be!!!! Better than being alone?

some kind of episode? is a fugue?

I will put it here in case it helps someone else. I am not ashamed at all. PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Usually people associate it with returning war soldiers who have witnessed horrors but it also happens to others such as survivors or rape, witnesses to murders, abuses or various trauma that cause feeling of fear of well-being, etc. Think about the students who were at school during the Columbine shootings, or the people who survived 9/11, the workers, etc. Anyone who already HAS PTSD is also likely to be triggered right NOW because of the instability in the world and on the news.

MDE is a Major Depressive Episode. Usually an emergency. I have had two, possibly three of them. They are severe depressions that make a person somewhat non-functional for a period of time and usually suicidal. I am prone to depression but MDE's are very different.

YES, anathiona, I often feel like a bad friend and family member - a bad mother and wife especially. How can you feel good when you can't seem to react to people the way you really WANT to? I recall the episodes as feeling like I was existing in mud or cement mixture, and even moving was such an effort! It wore me out to get from one place to the other! Try walking through mud up to your neck!

The worst thing about these illnesses is that they are not understood very well and people who are not familiar with them are afraid of them - tend to feel we can just "snap out of it" and get over it. I used to think that way too, until it happened to me!! I worked as an RN in my 20's and did a psych rotation. I had NO sympathy or much compassion for psych patients. I was afraid of them!!

While virtually everyone has some normal depression at times, I did not have a taste of clinical depression until my late 20's after my first child - just a normal post-partum depression but man was that scary! Anyone who has PMS may be able to identify a bit when they feel their brain temporarily take over - or a pregnant woman who finds she suddenly snaps or cries without knowing why? THAT is a tiny taste of what depression feels like.

PTSD is frightening. It has physical symptoms that go with the diagnosis. Best to look into google but some of them are sudden panics, heart racing. a startle reflex to sounds or sights, disturbing nightmares, sweats, flashbacks in time, insomnia, unable to concentrate, irritable, crying fits, tremor-trembling shaking hands, violent outbursts, depression, empty parts in memory, huge fears, isolation, etc...

anathiona...What can you do for yourself? Just being aware that something is wrong is already more than half the battle. If you can still force yourself out of isolation, maybe you can "ride out" the depressions. Do things for yourself that usually make you happy. Treat yourself well because you deserve it. Be aware that you tend to think badly of yourself when depressed but those thoughts are not true. If you can do that, you may just be OK without having to get help. If you have people to talk to, that helps ALOT!

I would definitely encourage you to keep talking - even if it is to PT folks. Professionals would probably not like that idea - sure, there are plenty of whackos here - but you can also find compassionate REAL people who will talk with you on the Internet. If you feel badly for months and months, or start getting worse, I would suggest talking to a doctor. It's no big deal-really! There are anti-depressants to try and I bet you will find that 1 out of every four people right here on PT have or are taking one of them :D :D

I suffer from Clinical Depression. I was diagnosed over 20 years ago, although I can remember at times when I was 13 sitting and crying for no reason, feeling really bad.

I have been on a number of medications until I found the right one, Paxil. It saved my life.

There are times when I go "underground". I stay to myself, don't feel like talking to anyone. Although it has been rare these days, and I attribute it to the wonderful friends I have met here on Pet Talk, every once in a while I'll take time out.

PTSD, clinical depression, bi-polar disease and any number of diseases that effect the brain can be debilitating. There are some people out there who do not understand them and will say things like, "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on!!" "Snap out of it!!" Well, if it were THAT easy, I would've done it a long time ago! A chemical imbalance of the brain is like diabetes. It is necessary to control it with medication. It's not going to go away on it's own. It's also not something you can ignore or treat with alcohol, as some people (including my Dad) have tried.

Like sirrahbed said, there are times in one's life where you get the blues. But when it gets to the point where you become a recluse, sleeping alot, eating alot, not eating, crying for days on end, suicidal thoughts and dependency on alcohol or illegal drugs, that's the time to seek professional help.

I did and I'm glad. Between my cats, having a wonderful, caring therapist and great friends here on PT, I'm one of the lucky ones. Some aren't so lucky.

anathiona,

Hang in there. Know that all of us here on PT are here for you. Anytime you want to talk, give me a call. I'll PM you with my number.

(((hugs))))

It just occurred to me that this discussion could best be held in General - why the DogHouse?:D

I agree that this should probibly be in general...

I was diagnosed with PTSD about three years ago when I overdosed on asprins and was put into a treatment facility. Moonsmom, I've noticed a similar reaction when you tell people you have PTSD. For a while I was an alchohlic (sp?) and addicted to over the counter pain meds and sleeping pills. Not only did I have to deal with the symptoms of PTSD and severe depression, I was also dealing with a growing addiction to alchohol and drugs. It was a double whammy. I am glad I got help and while Im still struggling with it, I DO have family (my husband is a real life-saver) that encurages me to go on with life. It's hard, but don't feel like a bad friend or family member. Friends and family are there to help YOU just as you are there to help them in times of need. Without my husband, I don't know what I would do!

Hang in there, and do talk about it. People here on PT are the most wonderful and encuraging types Ive had the pleasure of meeting. Know that you aren't alone, sometimes thats the best therapy in the world!!

Believe me, I am glad that I CAN discuss things with people on here and like sirrahbed said, it sometimes is better to talk to someone who has experenced this sort of thing instead of some therapist who most of the time doesn't have a clue.

My happy thoughts and prayers be with you!!

DJFyrewolf36,

Actually, I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, not Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Regardless, each disease is debilitating. I wholeheartedly agree with you when you say that we are all here for each other. No matter what, no matter where, let one of us know you're feeling down and out, and believe me, we'll be here! That's what friends are for!!!

A lot of the symptoms you describbed Sirrahbed is things i deal with often and it is scary...I have Bipolar disorder and in the past had some really bad episodes due to wrong meds given to me by a prescrion happy quck psychiatrist! Ever since then, I am afraid of Psychiatrists and so I am trying to manage depression with my family doctor and Zoloft, but the Zoloft isn't working for me, as i have been taking it for three months at 200mg per day and it hasn't made any significant difference in my depressions cycles. But, I will just deal with it one day at a time. Thanks for all the things you said, and all the things that you said too, Leslie, you are very helpful. I appreciate the time you both took in answering me. God Bless you!!! :)

Awww shucks you guys-I wasn't thinking right, you are both right that I should have put it in general...see, my mind just definitley hasn't been all here! Anyhow, thanks to all of you for such good advice, and kind concern. You are all friends to me, and I am a friend for you. :)

You got back to your thread! Lots of people responded! Many, many of us have experienced depression and it is depressingly (lol) debilitating. I hope you will not shy away from exploring other medications and hope you are in regular counseling... I personnaly hate counseling but it does work! (i'm notoriuous for cancelling counceling appts. for various reasons!- yet i do feel better afterwards- go figure! self-sabatoge?)
Anyway, communicate with your treatment providers, sometimes a psychiatrist will make a change via phone, although mostly they insist on seeing the person before making a change. My psychiatrist is someone who is willing to call in changes to my pharmacy without seeing me- guess I got lucky! (or she's awfully busy!) Anti-depressant alone is not appropriate for bi-polar. There are neuological changes in the synopsis' in your brain that require a mood stabilizer- different from an antidepressant (i know you already must know this!!!). Once your brain starts feeling better, back comes some motivation, gradually the dark thoughts will lessen in frequency and duration. (Again, as i am sure you already know- i don't want to come across as "preaching to the choir"! Please keep us posted?! If you want to be cheered up tonight, go to the thread re: does your cat communicate? Not sure what catagory it's in but there is a wonderful video from Tubby and Peanut (hope i got that right!) that is so heartlifting!! So sweet and adorable! check it out!

I remember being 14 and doing things that I shouldn't have done. I got into drinking and drugs, I was very depressed. I was trying to help my mom through her battle with cancer, I was trying to help my dad with money. I was working 3 jobs, all with friends. I would bring money home to give to my dad (which he hated but he knew he needed the money) for gas, food, medication for him and my mother. I would bath, dress, and drain my mothers tubes. I would clean the house and get food on the table all before my dad got home and all before my brother had to go to work. My opinion at the time was, my dad had to eat because he had diabetes, my mother had to eat to stay strong to fight her illness, and my brother had to eat so he could go to work, I had no reason why I had toe at. I always lied to my dad and told him that I ate to much at school and I wasn't hungry, when in fact I was.

I remeber being in a very bad car accident when I was 10 two weeks later I became a women with all the changes. The person I was in the accident with, she never took me to the hospital, she never let me call my mom to tell her what had happened. I had a concusion, and a headache, she gave me 2 adult tylonal, and I fell asleep, I woke up 2 hours later with her and her kids out of the house, they all went down to the pool. I was left alone in her house after I fell asleep. I went down to the pool figuring that is where they went because we were on our way to the beach when we got in the accident. I went down to the pool and she picked me up and through me into the pool and told me to stay there because i wanted to go swimming. I got dizzy and wanted to get out of the pool and go home she told me NO that I had to stay in the pool until she said it was time to get out. After about 12 hours after the accident she took me home. I never said a word to my parents about it because she was right there. I was afraid. I told my mom I was tired so I went to my room and went to sleep. At 3 am the next morning, I woke up and ran to my moms room. I fell on the floor holding my belly because I was in so much pain. She picked me up and rushed me to the hospital, I had to explain everything that had happened the day before not knowing weather or not she would be mad at me for not telling her sooner. I almost lost my life because of the women I was in the accident with. She never wanted to take me in to the hospital and she was a nurse at that. I never understood why she did that to me and even to this day I still don't know why.

When I was 17 my mom went to California to see her family, my dad had a reaction because he didn't eat on time. I sat there and fought with him asking what he ate and when, he kept giving me the same answer. I would ask if he ate and he would say yes, then I would ask what he ate and he would say nothing. After I looked into his eyes and they were grey I knew I had to do something. I had to force feed him. He spit on me, he yelled at me, he kicked me and he never knew what he was doing. My brother came in and grabbed a steak and went to walk out of the house and I asked him if he wanted to know what was wrong with dad and all he said is yea sure, but it looks like you have it under control. I didn't under stand why I had to do everything to keep my family going. If I wouldn't have fed my dad he wouldn't have stayed alive. He ended up dieing 3 weeks later.

I am still dealing with his death. People tell me all the time that I show no emotion at all. In my mind I do show emotion just not the way people want me to. I don't cry in front of other but I cry all the time in my room, I refuse to let my husband see me cry.

I have asked my whole life why me. Why do I have to take care of my family. Why couldn't my brother help, why why why. My answer is always the same. If I wasn't there to drain my mom's tubes she would have died. If I didn't give my dad money we all would have gone with out eating. If I didn't force feed my dad he woldn't have lived. Even with those answers I am still very depressed. I have good days and I have bad days.

Sorry my post is so long, I just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest, some of it I haven't talked about in years. Sorry I didn't give much advice.

A cautionary note about meds:

Be sure to talk with your doctor about ANYTHING that happens as response to meds, especially mood stabilizers...in Virgina (this is why I have a problem with psychiatrists too, so you aren't alone there!) I got thrown into a mental hospital because someone said they saw me jump out a window :rolleyes: . They put me on this weird med and it actually made me hallucinate! I was freaked out. I tried to tell them what was going on and they totally ignored me. (Turns out the place wasn't even medically licenced but thats a different story) Most doctors wont do that though. My family doctor was rather helpful in telling me how to figure out what meds were doing to me and was willing to talk with me so I could pinpoint what works and what doesn't. I agree with Leslie that you shouldn't be afraid to try new things and you shouldn't be afraid to tell your doctor when something isn't working or your having a bad reaction to it. They are there to help you.

I saw the kittes, sooo cute! I agree, that will cheer ANYONE up lol.

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Originally posted by cubby31682
I just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest, some of it I haven't talked about in years.

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I am very glad you did so!!! You have a great amount of pain to live with! Heavy baggage, so to speak, for a child to drag into adulthood. :( I hope you keep talking, even if it is to Cubby!!!

About meds - yes, I agree with trying others if the current one is not helping. Some "families" of meds have more side affects than positive help and every body reacts differently. I think over time, I have tried them all!! Not everyone even needs medication but for some people, there are lifesavers. My cats are my best therapy ever. They are good listeners, show unconditional love and never tell my secrets!!:)

Isolation IS a very big problem and a temptation so easy to fall into. I know I am a loner by nature anyway, always have been. I *like* to stay home and I *like* to be alone, but being withdrawn gets to be extreme at times and if I am not careful - I can fall into a despair without realizing it. If I find that I do not even want to check PetTalk, for example, this is NOT GOOD.

I AM trying to force myself out and about even though I do not want to. I have joined a gym (Curves) and a Bible Study - both of which I am currently avoiding but will try to do better in June ;)

I will have a my first grandbaby in about ten weeks and so THAT is a very happy and hopefilled thing to look forward to! I will be going to stay with my daughter-in-love during the first days when she comes home - they live here in town - just for support and to give her rest as she needs it. (like she had to ask twice!:D) Her mom is also an RN and will come after work. Evenings she will have hubby-my son.

Take care all - and hope some of you keep posting! This can be a *very* helpful place to visit!

Yes I suffer from Clinical Depression too.
Just after New Year I had to have a long break from Pet Talk - I'm useless to talk sensibly when I'm having a bad time.
Normally my meds., keep me on an even keel - but just every now and then I have to 'hide away'.
I find it very difficult to put my thoughts into words and would just like you to know that your not alone and lots of us here on PT understand what your going through. You're not alone.
I know I'm not within phone reach but a PM would always be answered.
Oh yes - I found a psychiatrist I could trust and he helped me so much it was incredible.

Lynne

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Originally posted by lynnestankard

Just after New Year I had to have a long break from Pet Talk - I'm useless to talk sensibly when I'm having a bad time.

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I agree that a break is necessary at times and I go "underground" as Moosmom put it aptly. It's a fine line though - between a planned temporary hybernation or *cocooning* (my term) and an isolation which is so unhealthy for me.

I am happy to see this thread - just wish it was out of the DogHouse!!:D It is a very healthy and common topic - no shame in it whatsoever!!! I had thought of a tongue-in-cheek thread for General "What is YOUR anti-depressant?". :p

I resisted any sort of help for years and years!! I still don't *like* to go to the hospital where all the clinics are and go down the hallway that used to say "Mental Health" and now say "Life Skills" (PC you know!!) When I stand in line for my pharmacy refills, I feel my face redden when they tell me to stand back because some of my meds are class 3-controled and come from the vault:o - "uh could you shout that a little louder please - some people on the other side of the room didn't hear"

My shrink tells me to compare my ptsd med with insulin or the thyroid I must always take for Graves disease and part of my brain resists anyway.:rolleyes: She tells me how Hollywood folks brag about having a "Therapist" and I'm like don't compare ME with THOSE whackos!!!:D :D

*EDIT - I put my POLL in General - hope it is taken in the right manner:rolleyes:

I moved this thread to General.

Cubby, you are a survivor, and we love you for it!
And each and every one of you who has battled depression or other illnesses, I am proud of you as well. Just had to say that.

That's me to a "T":( When I get sad, depressed, overwhelmed by life, that's exactly what I do..."close down." Some people feel better talking about their problems, but not me. And working in the medical field, I know I might feel better if I did! But, it's just not in my nature. I think it's becasue I've been disappointed in the past by friends/family's seeming lack of sincere concern, empathy, when I do, so I'd rather say nothing than feeling like I've bared my soul for nothing and feel foolish. So, your're not alone . But, I have good advice for you, even if I don't follow it myself...find someone you trust to talk to and confide in; you'll feel lots better. And Pet Talk's a good place to start. So many compassionate friends here:) Feel better! We love ya! {{{HUGS}}} Sandra

Thanx from me Karen, you know kind words help way more than people give them credit!

Thank you for the move Karen.

Lynne

Yay!!! We are outta the DogHouse!! Thank you Karen!!!:D
Like I had mentioned before, statistics say that one in four people will undergo a mental illness at one time or another. It is no big deal! I mean, YES it is horrible to experience but there is no shame in it. People in emotional pain are just everywhere. It just does not show on the outside for the most part. You meet me in real life - I look normal, act normal, I am smart, funny, educated, I have degrees in Nursing and Literature/Secondary Education, have raised three terrific kids, etc, etc...but there are times when I am non-functional. There are times when I have flashbacks and I cannot sleep for many nights. There are times when I jump at the slightest noise and times when my heart begins to race and I sweat profusely and find it hard to breathe. I HATE IT!!! But, I have it. So, I take my medication and I can live with it. If the episodes start to last very long, I become depressed severely and withdraw, feel like I am not a good friend, mother or person. I don't talk to anyone during those times. Hubby forces me, like a child, to get in the car and go to a store or for a walk around the block. Most of the time, I have no memory or distorted memory of those episodes. He brings me food to eat because otherwise I forget. I feel as if I am walking in cement or thick mud. Those are the Major Depressive Episodes and thank God they have been few. So, I have to monitor how I feel and only allow the withdrawal to be brief enough to be therapeutic and healing.
Something I totally LOVE doing is visiting my local nursing home. I need to get back to a regular schedule. What I most love to do is "give manicures". All I do is rub hand lotion on!!! But, for the "clients" it is a time to hold hands and talk as well as softening for dry skin:D And *I* need it and love it just as much as they do!!

Sandra, that just the way I feel. I would just rather be alone, and not have any contact with anybody. I just get so down, I feel like there is no hope at all. I have been there yesterday and today. I just barely want to post when I get this way. I feel so confused, I forget what I am going to say, and just shut down.

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Originally posted by [email protected]
How many of you experiences shutting themselves away from your loved ones, friends, and even online friends when depressed? I want to apologize to you all whenever I don't reply to a thread. It's not that I am not interested, it's just that sometimes I feel it is better for me to hide my pain and I feel like everyone can see right through me when I write and have been told before that they can tell by the way I write when I am depressed. I feel that I don't want to burden you at most times, but felt I owedyou all for my disappearances from Pet Talk. What I do is just shut myself off from everyone. How many of you have the same problem now? :(

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I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I know I've suffered from bouts of depression (not sure if that's technically really what it is) for a long time. It's more of a self loathing, or constant anxiety and it's always in the back of my head. I've never not been able to function (I have to go to work - so I keep going), but I do seem to sabotage and self destruct every 2 years or so (I've done some pretty extreme things I don't want to get into...but if you need someone to talk to, please e-mail me - [email protected]) - Probably about once a week, to once a month, I'll go into extreme crying for a day or so and thinking only extreme negative thoughts (I'm a terrible person, no one loves me, etc.) for no reason and the hard part is it's impossible to turn it off. My bf thinks I can just train myself to think positively, but it's not like that. Truthfully I'm always thinking 'the worst' in my mind, but mostly I can hide it, but every so often I really show it and suffer an episode. It's like I know how I should be feeling and I tell myself to stop acting this way, but I can't.

I also have a serious problem with wanting to be social, or wanting to be around anyone other than my boys (by boys, I mean my cats :)). This social phobia as the term is called now, prevents me from doing things like going to company christmas parties and family functions. It's not the not wanting to go that bothers me, cause I don't see anything wrong with being a 'loner', it's the fact that I know I'm obligated to go, sort of and I can't just shrug it off and say it's just a night - instead it's like a major trauma and panic the whole day. It just seems to get worse with time.

I know I seeing a dcotor would be wise, but I can't seem to build up the courage.

Anyways not to ramble or respond to your problems with my problems, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone and I do understand. I may not be able to know exactly how you are feeling as I'm not in your shoes, but I can offer an ear and the comfort of knowing you are not alone in your pain.

Yes. Sometimes it's the pressure of being obligated that makes keeping commitments so hard. So do you bail out? Or do you go and put on the obligatory happy face/happy life? It usually does not take courage exactly to ask for help (yeah some) it most often takes desperation and you don't want to wait. If you see a pattern of self-destructive behavior (I will be honest here, for the last 3 years, my hard, self-destruction has landed in july and aug) then tell your doctor you want a referral to a counselor, you don't have to say why - it's an insurance thing (check your insurance- mine requires md referral). Then, you see her, and say, "I need help with my moods" or whatever you think is wrong. She in turn will ask you a series of questions about your life and moods and go from there. It's not scary at all and actually is very reasurring in that no one gets excited about your request, the earth doesn't stop spinning etc, and you feel BETTER for talking to someone who sees people in your position a kazillion times! We are all there for you (and Anathiona). PS- i have counseling tomorrow and am already thinking about how I am going to get out of it- but I do want to see my psychiatrist soon and ask about topamax for me!)

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Originally posted by CatMama78
This social phobia as the term is called now, prevents me from doing things like going to company christmas parties and family functions. It's not the not wanting to go that bothers me, cause I don't see anything wrong with being a 'loner', it's the fact that I know I'm obligated to go, sort of and I can't just shrug it off and say it's just a night - instead it's like a major trauma and panic the whole day. It just seems to get worse with time.

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Do see a doctor, please. The "social phobia" is something dear friends of mine struggle with. One, a professional cellist, is a very shy person naturally - maybe why she chose cello, as she can pretty much hide behind it! - and was experiencing horrific 'social anxiety' before solo performances. She knew the pieces, could play them almost in her sleep, so it wasn't just "nerves." She finally told her doctor about it, and instead of telling her it was nothing, he prescribed some med, I don't know what it was off the top of my head, and she just takes it the day of the performance and is able to go about her job without being sick with anxiety for the entire time.

Another friend, a very outgoing person and a vocalist, had the same problem, which you'd never guess. She tried the med on her doctor's advice, and was also happy with the "normalizing" result.

no reason to be shy (either one of you). Just remember, it's not your fault, it has to do with the chemisty in your brain, it's no big deal to ask for help at all, and in fact, care providers want you to ask for help, in the long run, it's cheaper for insurance companies! And remember, you can say no, report side effects asap, and the psychiatrist will listen to you -- none of them wants a lawsuit on their hands so they are quite attentive- and its very comforting if you get the right psychiatrist. Mine is very comforting- she explains exactly how the medications work in the body and draws pictures to help me (of neurons and what they are reacting to and how the medications make them react). AND, she talks to me about meds that are not yet approved here but are in Europe! So I have the opportunity to join in on US studies and learn a lot! (i did one study already and she is going to do a different one when it's approved- hence my interest in Topamax). Hang in there, be patient, call your pcp.

It's a common thing in this crazy world to be depressed. I often am depressed and I tend to hide it. Hmmmmm. I sleep, drink, go out trapping cats (that one helps me overcome it). I'll have to work on this one for my own piece of mind. Terrible childhood (was I a child)?? really makes things so hard as a hopefully productive adult. In fact I take that back...I KNOW I'm productive..I've found my calling and it's saving those who couldn't save me! AMEN! I'll strive to save those who can't save themselves, and earn my sense of peace somehow in this tortured existance. I have to work on this thread some more....booze is talking..but then that says more than one wants to admit! ;) P.S I COULD be a whole lot drunker..but am not *sigh*! It's called responsibility. I have a lot to take care of in my life, and do. My bottle baby "Marshall" is a BIG one! If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be here. This helps me emotionally, and physically. *grin* (photobucket is not allowing me to share his picture groan). :rolleyes: :eek: :confused:

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Originally posted by Karen
Do see a doctor, please. The "social phobia" is something dear friends of mine struggle with. he prescribed some med, I don't know what it was off the top of my head, and she just takes it the day of the performance and is able to go about her job without being sick with anxiety for the entire time.

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Odd you should mention this - I was talking with a friend who is a pianist and she told me she takes Propanolol (Inderal) and that most performers she knows also take it before a public performance!! Weird things is - *I* also take it! For migraine prevention! It is a betablocker - slows down the heart rate, prevents the flushface, sweating, etc - so worth asking the doctor about!

AGAIN - no medical advice here - just discussion to assure people this is COMMON, it is OK, ways of coping are available - some medical, some practical - but the problems so very common and global - OK?:) See that lovely self assured actress on the big screen? See your physician or lawyer with all the degrees? See the friendly lady that takes your money at the bank or grocery store? See the statesman with the big words and confident sppech? The man who keeps the school clean? The lady who keeps people in stitches with funny cat stories? They likely get depressed, probably get counseling and may even take medication. NO BIG DEAL!

I just wanted to add I suffer from Social Phobia, have done all my life, when I was young I did not even want to go to partys, but drinking sure relaxed me and made it possible. I actually hide it very well, even to this day, I choose no longer to drink, so that I can socialise, I just DON'T want to do that anymore.

As a young child, we used to go for a sunday drive and then My parents would say now go in the shop and get an ice cream, my sister and I would argue about who was going to get it, she probably just could not be bothered, but for me it was painful to even do that, I hated just going in front of everyone and asking for it, I would have rather done without the ice cream.

It has been the most difficult thing in my life, as there is very little understanding, I believe it is something you are born with, my mother is exactly the same if not worse.

I have tried all my life to socialise, to please other people, and it has been traumatic for me, now I just won't put myself through this ordeal anymore. I loathe parties and get togethers, and yes part of it does come down to a low self esteem.

karen I have to respectfully disagree with you, i donot believe there is any medication that magically will make this disappear, and I for one would not take it, I just don't feel I should have to take something so that I can enjoy a party, it is something you learn to live with ,even though it is hard and there is very little understanding or empathy from anyone,(they think you are strange or stand-offish the only time it really pains me, is for my partner, who has taken years to deal with it, and finally has, but he wants to take me to xmas parties etc, and now has become a bit of a recluse like me, that does not make me happy.

I don't think anyone was trying to say there is a magical medication regarding social phobias. I am on an anti-depressent and it doesn't make me more inclined to join in those kind of activities (I avoid them). But it makes me less likely to go into a severe depression as sirrahbed talked about before. That's all.
As I grew up, social events were there but i don't remember really enjoying them. I felt shy, stupid, ugly- you name it. Even though I wasn't stupid or ugly. And to this day (I'm in my 40's) I am extrememly uncomfortable in social gatherings. There were/are no family gatherings for me- so that's probably why I'm not acclimated- there was never a "family" per say. It's been a problem with my relationships all my life. I don't want to go to the holiday dinners, weddings etc (total ick and panic).
I don't want to be alone all my life- but that is where things are headed. You are sad that your husband has "become a recluse". Is he sad about that? If not, well I don't know what to say! I was going to say be glad but that is not the right solution as one can't just switch emotions like a switch and it is so much more complicated than what you are saying here...

I also do not believe anyone should feel odd or like they have to go on medication because of a social anxiety. That is, unless it is something extreme and debilitating. That is the fine line I talked about before. Being shy and withdrawn (now known as *social anxiety* and I hate all those labels!) CAN be part of who we are and that should not be something with a label. BUT there are times when it IS a disorder. Gets complicated doesn't it?? Another reason I am glad to see more people talking about this stuff!!

Sometimes I enjoy getting out with people, but I tend to be withdrawn most of the time. I think it is normal for my personality. I have never been a social butterfly. When I was in my major episodes, however, I carried it to a terrible extreme. I would not even leave my room. The few times I did go to a store, I left my cart and ran to the car. I tried church and ran out to hide. So, I have to keep watch for these warning signs. Now, even when I am FINE, I am slightly withdrawn. It is ME and it is OK. No pill will make me different:) That said - other people have a phobia so debilitating and extreme that they cannot function normally without some medical help and it is wonderful that a bit of chemical change enamble them to live their lives again! Sometimes, it mat only take a few months or years to get back to normal, others may need to medicate always. NO BIG DEAL.

I like to use famous peole as examples. THE have the same fears phobias and disorders as everyone else - to all degrees. Some over come with medication and help. Try entering 'famous people mental illness' into google and you may be surprised!

Hello again to Leslie and Cubby and also to others who have responded so kindly to my thread. I am back, I have been out of town for a mini-vacation at my sister-in-law's house in Clarksville, TN. She just got her new swimming pool in and I went swimming for the first time in about two years! My husband and I played like children and we really had a blast. Of course we had a kind friend to come in and feed water and chat with the critters each day. It was so good to get away and enjoy ourselves with out the worries and usual woes. We played cards until about one in the morning. We watched several movies that are fairly new and even had a strawberry daiquiri one night while we were away. My son, Blake, age 14 had fun with our 16 year old nephew, John. They had lots of fun too. Leslie, you were right about the Zoloft not being right to treat bipolar disorder, I know that anti-depressants tend to cause the manic part of this illness more profound. I just have had experiences with psychiatrists when they put me on bad drugs and I became very suicidal, I am terriified of the meds that may help me attain a balance, so I try to make the best of the Zoloft and my family doctor. Cubby, thank you for sharing your story, I surely felt your fustrations, the overwhelmed feeling that I know you felt with so much responsibility at such a young and tender age, and the lonliness that you felt though you were surrounded by people whom you loved and who were dependent on you for their very life. I am glad you talked about it and got it off your chest-I had my own struggles at that age also, but I never had all of those heavy responsibilities you did when you were so young. I had to cry when I read your story. You are a very strong woman, and you should be proeud of all you were to your family. I am in deep hopes that you have found some comfort and happiness, and that you are now being taken care of to some extent. May God Bless you, and also the rest of you, my friends at PT. :) :)

Hello, thanks for the encouragement and letting me know it is okay to feel the way I have been feeling. I will go and look up the famous people you spoke of, that is very interesting. I guess I have a pretty shy nature, but I am also in- tuned to when I am isolating. When friends call and I screen their calls. I will keep my phone on only because my children may need me and I want them to bee able to reach me, or my parents or other relatives may need me in case of a serious illness or something. But, then I tend to ignore calls from dear friends, that coould very well get sick too. When I answer calls from relatives that I worry may have an emergency and find they have just called to check on me or just want to chat, I make up excuses. I lock the doors, avoid phone calls that I know deep inside I should take. I close my blinds and curtins and don't go anywhere for days or even a week and only go out when I absolutely have to. I feel I am being very selfish, which that part is not me. I have always placed friends and family before myself. But anyway, I am okay at the moment and thought of you guys at PT while I was away the last few days and thought, "Wouldn't they be proud of me now?" I was out and being my normal old self, laughing and smiling and talking so much that I am sure they were wondering when I was going to hush. lol It was all really therapuetic for me. Thanks a bunch to you all! :)

Hi carole. Though I have bipolar disorder and that may be quite different, the social part, about wanting to avoid it at all costs, even if it meant doing without something you would really like to have, sounds very familiar to me as, I have had bouts with this too. Thanks so much for sharing with us so sincerely. I appreciate the input of you all. It looks as if I have became very rich in friends, right here at PT. God bless you. I pray that you are having an easier time as time goes on and you have had to deal with this painful problem for so long. I wish you the best of everything. :)

I am grateful for Paxil. As I said before, it saved my life.

My Dad, who I believe I inherited my depression from, never got help for his depression. Instead, he chose to drink, 24/7. He became a recluse toward the end of his life, always telling me how much he loved my Mom and my stepmother, and was just waiting to "cruise on outta here". His choice of treatment caused him to lose out on his only grandchild's life. But, that was HIS choice.

My choice was therapy and medication. I never regret nor do I justify my choice to ignorant people who try to reason with me that the drugs I take are bad, and that I should try going "cold turkey". Believe me, I've tried. It almost cost me my life.

Until those people (no one on PT) have walked a mile in my shoes, they should keep their thoughts to themselves.

Debbie,

Quote:

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I feel my face redden when they tell me to stand back because some of my meds are class 3-controled and come from the vault - "uh could you shout that a little louder please - some people on the other side of the room didn't hear"

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I was ROFLMAO!!! Not at you. It reminded me of the time I went to the drugstore to buy "personal care" items and the clerk at the counter announced it over the PA system!!! :eek:

Anathiona, thanks for our kind words of understanding and support that mean't alot to me.

Yes Medication sure can help in certain situations, but if it is just Social Phobia you are suffering from, I personally don't believe so, hey I only need a couple of drinks and I then become very social lol, but I will no longer do that to myself.

I often wish to be like others, when they get an invite, they are thrilled and really looking forward to the event, me I dread it, loose sleep over it, trying to find ways to get out of it, and feel sick to the stomach, even my own Niece"s wedding was like this big ordeal to me, but the best thing that happened was it turned out to be the best social event I have ever been to, I really enjoyed myself and did not feel bad at all, for the first time ever in my life., but yes I stay away from things like it was the dreaded plague, because that is how it feels to me.

I suppose if there was indeed a magic pill with no side effects, I would be tempted to take it, but that is highly unlikely.

One always feels enormous amount of guilt, letting friends and family down, especially my partner, who now does not go rather than go alone without me, this is what i was trying to say Leslie, and you are right it is very complicated, and in the past it caused many problems in my relationship, because he just did not get it, he thought I just picked and chose what I wanted to go to, it has taken years, but he now is very understanding, he has gotten used to it I suppose and accepted the way I am, and that I really cannot help it.

Despite this , yes I do have friends, and good ones at that, I have always chosen to have only a few, not a lot, but they generally tend to be good loyal ones, I have explained to them how I am, and they seem to be ok with it, and just like me anyhow, but like I said they are GOOD FRIENDS.

Anyway enough about me, I DON'T want to turn this into being about ME, just wanted people to have a better understanding of what Social Phobia is like and the impact it has on our lives and our loved ones,. that is what is really important to me, and this thread has given me the opportunity, to express this to each and everyone of you, I am grateful for being able to do this in such a public way, its like everything else educating people, is the only way to better understanding.

So thanks for bearing with me on this subject so close to my heart., it was not my intention to hi-jack this thread or change the subject in anyway, but I saw this as the perfect thread to help people to understand me and others like me,hopefully it will give people something to think about, who knows you may know someone who sounds just like this and often thought they were snobbish or whatever and now you will have some empathy for them, heres hoping.

PS one thing I must add PLEASE NEVER put all people with Social Phobia in the same category, we are all different, what bothers one , may not another, and every situation is different. THANKS.:):)

You reminded me of a sad fact in my life. I was in a relationship for 10 years. Every year I was invited to my partner's family events: Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, etc. I never once went. In hindsight, I guess I regret it. But never having had a family myself really (just me and mom), I have always felt wierd about these things. I (unrealistically) feel like one might feel eating alone in a resteraunt or going to a movie alone, ie, everyone is probably whispering, "why would she be out alone, she must not have any friends". At other's family gatherings, I imagined that they "KNEW" I was uncomfortable, awkward, gangly, wallflower, a girl with no friends or family (even though I have plenty of friends)- i image others looking at me like someone who might not- it's a very strange and unrealistic perspective but it operated my direction all my life.

I sure understand what you are saying there Leslie, its amazing what we conjure up in our minds.

I forced myself to attend social gatherings with my husbands family, it was very difficult, because they were real party type people and if I were very honest, we were like miles apart, very different in many ways, things have changed, its a very long story, but my husband ended up dis-owning all his family(nothing to do with me) and even though I feel sadness for him, there was a huge relief for me, no more social events, that I felt extremely uncomfortable with., its funny how things have a way of working themselves out.