Terrified of neighbor..what to do??

My Border Collie was abused and undersocialized when he came to us. He's pretty young, only 3 years, and is a very gentle and wonderful dog. He'd never hurt a fly; however, he doesn't trust most people he doesn't know. We have a neighbor who's actually a very nice man and loves animals and our pets, but Sesh is terrified of him. He tries to run away when my neighbor wants to pet him and he barks at him. We've tried to go on a walk with Sesh and my neighbor but I don't think it helps. He refuses to take treats from my neighbor. What can we do to make him trust him?? Right now we don't have anyone to take care of Sesh if we go away on a trip. (my neighbor could if Sesh wasn't so scared of him..) :(

Thanks so much for any help!!!

Don't force it he may fell some thing you don't. I would let the neighbor walk and talk with you as you walk the dog. It may take a long time or maybe never. He may have something simalar to the abuser. I had a St.bernard that hated booze would try knocking them over we just keeped him away from people drinking.
Good luck buy let the dog guide you.

Molly has the same problem. Our guess is that she wasn't being well taken care by her breeder by the time she came to us; she was five months old than, so there's no telling what went on during that time. She's improved tremendously from where she was some two years ago. How long have you had Sesh? It'll take time...but I'm sure he'll improve if you try to socialize him a bit. Do you have a Dog Park in your area? Those are great places for socialization. :) What about Obedience Classes? I've heard those help a great deal to boost the dog's confidence. Is he just like this with your neighboor, or with people he doesn't know in general?

Something you might want to try is just have your neighbour in a room with the dog and you and if Sesh even looks at your neighbour praise him and give him a treat, make sure your the one giving the treat at first. Keep doing this for a little while and then up the ante make it if he goes up to the neighbour and shows a little bit of interest in your neighbour (make sure it's not negative interest though) and then give him a treat. If this works the way I've seen it work he'll eventually go up to your neighbour and might even take a treat from him and let him touch him.

Another thing to remember however is that your neighbour might want to lower himself to Sesh's level and avoid making eye contact with him at first, at least until the dog is more comfy with him.

You have gotten some good advise. It is going to take time to help her get over her shyness of people. Keep working on it. Here is an analogy that might be helpful.

If you are terrified of spiders and someone came right over to you that you didn't know well, while your trusted companion was holding you and put the spider on your head - how would you feel? Would it help you get over your fear? It is pretty much the same as having a person you don't trust loom over you (we are much taller) reach down and pet you.

Patience is needed. If you could enlist your neighbor in some exercises. Be in an area where Sesh feels comfortable and can be off leash. Make sure he is a distance away where there Sesh is feeling comfortable. Have the neighbor with very good treats (chicken, hot dogs, pieces of steak) in his hand. He should be sitting or crouching down and completely ignoring the dog. Have him toss treats (not throw - the overhand motion could be intimidating) in the general direction of Sesh, while looking the other way. Little by little let him increase the distance between them (small increments) until she gets more and more comfortable. Eventually she will approach him and allow him to pet her. When this happens (and it could take weeks) make sure he pets her under the chin or on the chest, not over her head.

The reason the walks are not working is she is probably too close and she is restrained - her anxiety level is too high.

Good Luck

Thanks for the advice! I've had Sesh for about a year now. We DO have a dog park nearby (just a few blocks from my house) and he usually warms up to people pretty quickly there. I don't think obedience classes would help much because he already knows all the basics and stuff. I was actually planning on doing agility with him (which I know also helps boost dogs' confidence). He's like this with most people he doesn't know at first, especially my neighbor. Not sure if treats will work because Sesh refused to take any or even sniff them when my neighbor was holding them, but I will try clara4457's advice.

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The reason the walks are not working is she is probably too close and she is restrained - her anxiety level is too high.

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(Sesh is a boy :p lol) I totally agree with you. I tried to tell that to my dad but my dad thinks he knows everything about dogs. :mad: So on the dog walk he has my neighbor walk Sesh (I didn't like the idea of that), and then during the walk my dad wanted to see if Sesh would walk with just my neighbor so my neighbor tried to walk him, and Sesh wouldn't budge. So my dad PUSHES him! :mad: It made me sooooooo angry!!!! I was like "What are you trying to do?!? Make him MORE scared?!" Argh my dad is no longer allowed to go on walks with me and my dogs. -.-'

I was planning on walking Sesh myself, but with my neighbor with us to the dog park and hang out there with some treats and stuff. Sesh tends to warm up quickly to the people there. I know there was one guy there with a deeeep voice and Seshy was so scared of him at first but now he loves him and runs up to him and does little tricks for him to get treats and stuff. :D

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Originally posted by BCBlondie
) I totally agree with you. I tried to tell that to my dad but my dad thinks he knows everything about dogs. :mad: So on the dog walk he has my neighbor walk Sesh (I didn't like the idea of that), and then during the walk my dad wanted to see if Sesh would walk with just my neighbor so my neighbor tried to walk him, and Sesh wouldn't budge. So my dad PUSHES him! :mad: It made me sooooooo angry!!!! I was like "What are you trying to do?!? Make him MORE scared?!" Argh my dad is no longer allowed to go on walks with me and my dogs. -.-'

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Good idea.:) Without being rude you can tell Dad that you
have things well in hand. I think you have a better feel for the
training & the personality of your dog than he does.:D

p.s. clara4457 gives excellent advice in that the" approach" to
the dog is very important.:)

Yeah.. I used to watch Animal Planet a lot haha and those dog training shows and "Breed All About It" and whatnot so I do know about dog behavior. I used to have a deaf dog and trained her myself using hand signs I made up. She knew sit, down, shake, "bang", stand, jump, and spin by the age of 6 months. :eek: She was also completely housebroken by the 3rd day we had her when she was 10 weeks old and she had never been in a house before (owners dogs had an "accident" and they were outside only dogs -.-'). So I do know a lot more about dogs than my dad. I'm thinking about just dealing with it myself and telling my dad that I know what I'm doing and can handle it on my own.

I'm going to try to find a place where Sesh feels comfortable and get super yummy treats for him and have my neighbor just sit somewhere ignoring Sesh with the treats. I know it's important not to look the dog in the eye if he's scared of you because it will make him feel intimidated. I will also tell my neighbor not to pat Sesh on the head lol. :rolleyes:

Thanks again for all of your advice!!!:D

The dog park idea is an excellent one. If he feels comfortable at the park, it would be a great place to start the process. I think your Dad had good intentions by having your neighbor walk the dog, but it was probably a little too much too fast. Agility classes are also a great idea - it will help build his confidence and make him more comfortable. As far as treat go - make sure they are really good ones (I use little pieces of hot dogs - my dogs just love them) - and have him toss the from a distance away at first and eventually Sesh will start associating your neighbor with yummy treats. Little by litte Sesh will come closer to your neighbor and eventually approach him for the treats.

If that spider you were deathly afraid of wanted you to take a piece of chocolate out of its hand before you got to know him and understand he won't hurt you - would you take it?

Good Luck - it sounds like you are definitely going in the right direction.

ps - sorry about calling Sesh "her" :o

Lol it's okay! Don't worry about it. :) Thanks sooo much for your help!!! :D I will keep you updated.

IF YOU KEEP YOUR DOG AWAY FROM YOUR NEIGHBOR AND KEEP THEM OUT OF SITE IT WILL BE FINE:cool: :)

I'm sorry but that last comment is unrealistic. as she wants to have the dog a balance social dog.

Griz is just like that around one of my dad's friends. Whenever he comes over, Griz runs into the other room. I know that Griz wants to go over to him, because he inches over very closely. But whenever my dad's friends inches his arm out, Griz runs away to the other room again. In the backyard it's the same way. He'll play with Kody, but when he sees my dad's friend, he freezes and backs off. Griz was abused as a pup, but he wasn't there for long, and my dad's friend doesn't resemble the abuser at all.

I have not, as usaul, read any other replies so plesae excuse me if I repeat or offend - it is not meant!

This is the only reason, in my opinion, to buy a flexi- lead.

If your neighbour is willing then this is what I suggest. Get a retractable lead and leave your dog with your neighbour as often as possible. Make this very short periods at first - 10 minutes. Allow the dog to be several feet away from the neighbour, on the lead. During this time you either get in the car and disappear or go for a walk but make it clear - without taking notice of the dog- that you are no longer in the area.
The neighbour , also, takes no notice what-so-ever of the dog, no matter what the dog does. This means no looking at, speaking to or touching the dog. Get your neighbour to read a book, knit, sew or pretend to take a nap.
When you return it is vital that you ignore the dog - it will, no doubt, be jumping all over you!!
Speak to your neighbour until the dog realises that it is going to get nothing for behaving like it is. As soon as the dog is calm - go home - still not taking any notice of the dog.
When you get home you must continue to be strong - only notice the dog when it is doing what you want it to do.......lying down calmly. Then, calmly, praise the dog and maybe have a game or take it for a walk.

As time goes on get the neighbour to shorten the length on the lead - still without taking notice of the dog, and you spend longer away.

The first time the dog asks for attention from your neighbour he MUST ignre it!

He can then call the dog to him and make a fuss of the dog when it responds - the dog will then have learned to trust you to come back and the neighbour not to hurt him.

i think having Sesh on a leash will make him feel ike he can't run away or escape if he needs to and make him fel meven more scared

This is why I say a Flexi lead is a good idea in this case - if the dog REALLY panics he has the option to move away from the situation but does not the have option of ignoring it.