Cats are merely kid replacements...

I am really annoyed by some people, who truly think our Nellie is only a kid replacement...
My husband and I are now married for nine years and we've decided quite early in our marriage that we don't want to have children...but I always loved the idea of living with pets especially cats!!!
So we don't see Nellie as a mere replacement...
I agree with the statement of one of Germany's much loved authors Elke Heidenreich:
"People always ask me wether my cats are merely replacements for real kids, I then answer: "Well if I'd have kids they'd be cat replacements!"

Are you also often confronted with this annoying question?!

Yes, I'm often told that by some ignorant people! :( Maybe it's my own fault because I'm often referring to my cats as my babies which is obviously a common thing in other parts of the world, but not in Germany.

I have also decided very early not to have kids, because I could never imagine to live with them; whenever I have thought about sharing my home with someone, it would have been a cat.

I love that Elke Heidenreich-quote, isn't she the one who has written "Nero Corleone"?

Well, I may add that it's a fact that I couldn't love a kid more than I love my girls! :)

Kirsten

An interesting question. I think the answer is round. I mean that there are many reasons for each person's need to nurture SOMETHING. I think it is natural to want to nurture a living object....plants...pets...other people..... and so we (some of us) have chosen our pets to nurture. I think it is important to feel wanted, needed, loved, to love, to cherish, to be cherished, to nurture! So, in a way, pets could be a substitute for children, but who is to say that you have to have children to nurture! Some people have pets and children....(and husbands).....boy do they have their hands full!

I say that if I didn't have cats, I would have SOMETHING to nurture. Some people use their work to feel wanted, needed etc. Not me! I enjoy my work but leave it at the office most days!

We are not crazy, we are focused on what we want to nurture.

:D

Hmm...I don't know if I have had this conversation, in seriousness, or not. I do consider my kitties (and puppy) 'my kids'. I possibly don't face this question as much as a married woman might, though.

But, bisi.cat and Kirsten, you can only be offended if you let yourself. Just smile and say, "what an interesting statment that is". I wouldn't be offended, but, would instead, act as if the other person is slightly off for saying such a thing.

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Originally posted by sasvermont
I think it is natural to want to nurture a living object....plants...pets...other people..... and so we (some of us) have chosen our pets to nurture. I think it is important to feel wanted, needed, loved, to love, to cherish, to be cherished, to nurture!
:D

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Gosh you said that so well! I also believe that we are all born with a huge capacity to love and on whom or what we shower our love can vary. I had dogs early on in my marriage but then I had always been raised with dogs and a household without a dog seemed empty (even though I had a hubby! LOL!) I am sure people thought my dogs were replacements for children since we waited several years to start a "skin" family. But the fact remains, that even after having my own children there is still for me the need to nurture animals. In fact it is probably getting stronger since I now have more animals (at one time) than I ever did before! :D :rolleyes: :p

Sometimes... but most people have no clue how nuts I am about my cats. Only my family and closest friends. But I agree, I'm in the category of deciding NOT to have human babies.

I am married to the most wonderful man who happens to come as a package deal.... that package includes three teenagers, whom I love dearly. Their mother may as well not exist (son says she's dead - LOL) and I am now their mom... I never think of them as stepkids.

Anyway, people are CONSTANTLY asking us when we're going to have children together and I reply, "We do, their names are Allen and Pouncer." Both were a surprise and we didn't know we were expecting them until the day we decided to bring them home;) You should see people's expression when they hear the name Pouncer... what parent would name a kid Pouncer?

I have an older woman friend who is basically a second mother to me. She never had kids, always had cats. When we got Pouncer, I brought him to see her when he was only 7 or 8 weeks old. she feel in love with him and considers him her grandson. I send her pictures and call to update her and all. One day we were talking about him in her store (she runs an art gallery) and people overheard. They really thought we were talking about a real kid. Ooops.:eek:

This is a very interesting subject Bisi.cat.
For many of my younger years I struggled to get pregnant. Due to endometriosis it never happened and at the age of 32 I had to have a complete hystorectomy (sp). I know that my family and friends really think that my obsession for animals is a replacement for the children I never had.
What do I think? I think Sasvermont hit the nail on the head! We are born to nurture! I do believe that my desire to have kids at the time was due to this nurturing drive. Today I would gladly take my kitties over kids. God knew what he was doing because I think I'm a great cat mom but I don't know if I could have done as well with human kids.
I questioned God many times but now I see what the future was for me. I have always had a strong love for animals as did my family. This was my destiny and I like it!! I just wish I could figure out a way to do more.
Because of all the kitties I am considered a little crazy by some. I'm sure they think deep down that in years to come I will be the geriatric old lady that eats cat food for dinner and eventually dies alone and her cats have her for dinner!
Whatever they want to think is fine with me because I like my cats a whole lot better than I like most people!!!

I want people to know my cats are very special to me! I don't like it if people that don't care for cats, acts like I should put them in a barn! At least , if they know thay are like my children to me. Then maybe they will not say crappy things about my cats to me. If they do they can leave! Anyone says one thing out of tone to me about my cat. I never speak to them again!

I guess my cats are like my children.:)

Mmm.. interesting subject. I think that people have pets for a number of different reasons. There is an animal behaviourist, Dr David Sands, who believes that people have pets purely as a replacement for something. I am not sure about this one. For example, when us kids were growing up, my parents always bought us pets. We were never without pets. I can't see how that is a replacement for anything. To me, it is the completion of a family.

I think an example of a replacement is this very sad story. I am currently reading a book called Goodby Dear Friend. It is about grieving for a pet . One lady that features in this book wanted children but was told she could not have them. Some while after she bought a kitten who she named Feather. Feather was killed in an accident as a kitten. She was buried under the apple tree in the garden and this woman laid out in the garden nearly every day just to be close to Feather. Her grief was so immense that she disregarded everything and everyone in her life and her marriage was almost destroyed. She thought of nothing else and grieved for Feather for 9 long years until she was finally hospitalised. Even that didn't help. Eventually, she found the Church and this helped her a little. However, many years later she still grieves for Feather and every day she still places a fresh flower in a vase next to Feather's photograph in her memory. She claims that she will never get over losing Feather even though she does have two cats and a dog now. She just lives with her grief.

Gosh, I'm crying now.

Oh bisi.cat you and I sound very much alike. I've been married for over 13 years and we decided from the start that we did not want children. No one said much when I only had Ripley and Disney but when we got Jazz in Aug. of 2002 and then added Scout this past July the comments started. My in-laws have said things like "her clock is really ticking". It bothered me at first but now I just laugh with them. They truly will never understand and I've decided not to waste my time trying to explain since they have an entirely different view of what pets are. Maybe there is a little truth in it but it is strictly my "cat clock" ticking.

I really am not replacing a child with a cat. I don't do well with children and honestly they drive me crazy and have ever since I was a child myself. I'll take a cat any day!!

Well, let's see how I can put this. I do have children, 2 daughters who I love very deeply (14 and 19). I had them at a very young age, my first I was only barely 20 when she was born. Yes, I was married, but only just 11 months when I conceived. Through the years I have always loved my girls, but I must say it has been a very taxing journey, especially when you add all of the grief I've been subjected to by their father (my ex-husband).

Today my youngest is a wonderfully well-adjusted young person, and I feel very comfortable about her future. My oldest, however, is a complete different story. She is the one who has all sorts of problems, and is now going through an extremely rebellious stage. She has moved out and is sponging off anyone she can find to support her. She just turned 19 yesterday as a matter of fact. Anyway, it is this child that was at a very impressionable age when her father and I divorced, and I guess I will always bear the guilt of her problems. :(

So, my point is this (I think :rolleyes: ) I feel much like a failure when it comes to a human mom ..... in fact I really don't care to be around anyone's kids but my own, and have always felt this way. There are many days that I feel I should never have subjected my two girls to life with me as a mother. :( But, as God would have it, they were born to me, and I have been blessed by them.... I can only hope and pray that they will take something from me of value.

Cats..... I have always loved animals, and always dreamed of being a veterinarian or owning an animal shelter someday. However, I do feel that in recent years, since feeling much like a human mom failure, that it has become much more "comfortable" being a CAT MOM! They love you unconditionally and you can't mess them up too badly! :confused:

I can't stand kids, as a general rule. Sure there's always a few good ones, but I just don't have the patience for most. Me & my fiance (sp) have been together for 4 years, and having just gotten engaged this christmas season, I have already been bombared with requests for nieces, nephews, grandchildren...... All I say is, I have my cats why would I need children? If they want them so bad , they can have them for me. (sorry to sound negetive, I'm sure there are lots of mothers/fathers that would disagree, but it's my life and I don't see kids in it)

:) Our 22 cats/kittens, 2 boys at the bridge and 2 dogs are not 2 footed replacements for children they are our family, we have 11 domestic cats and 11 feral cats/kittens and 2 dogs all are special in their place in our family some have special needs - deaf dog, 3 legged cat, 1 eared cat, blind cat, no tail, severe heart defects and some nobody else wanted but with us they have a forever home and are loved and wanted, in fact in some cases they chose us.

They have enriched our lives so much and we have 7 nephews and 3 god children so have children all ages if we are that way inclined to borrow, slao I am 7 years older than my husband and was sterilised in my first marriage and he married me not my ability to produce and heir!!!

We love our furball family and also foster feral kittens and love our some what large eclectic family and it takes all sorts to make our world and in mine its furkids of all colours, creed and disability and I am proud to be owned by them all!!!

Beautifully said, Lizz ... and WELCOME to Pet Talk!:)

Welcome Lizz, Nice to meet someone who spells their name the same way I do.:)

I guess the reason I have...we have...all our cats is somewhat of a kid replacement...for now. We've only been married for two years and we're nowhere near ready to even think about the two-legged variety.

As far as other people are concerned, I don't care what they think. I assume you have to have that opinion if you have eight cats though. ;)

It is really no one's business whether anyone has kids or not. Its a personal decision. I'm a bit bitter regarding this issue because if we do have children, we want to adopt. I can't tell you how many people are negative towards that...so they can all go away and mind their own business for all I care. Becides, is there some rule that says you have to have kids once married???

hee hee....OK, rant over!! ;)

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Originally posted by Lizz
:) Our 22 cats/kittens, 2 boys at the bridge and 2 dogs are not 2 footed replacements for children they are our family,

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Welcome to Pet Talk :D

Are you the same Liz who is looking her furkids, Salem and Bandit ?

I ask as there can not be many people, who are able to open their hearts and homes to 22 kitties and you live in Scotland too ;)

I don't really know how to answer that except to say I have 3 kids, and 4 grandchildren. I have my cats, dogs, bird, monkey, and horse.

My Grover is one of my children! No replacement, the fact is Grover is my baby and I am her mom. Simple as that! She is with me all the time, she gives me love. What more could I ask for? I don't have to worry about her getting married and moving out, now do I? She is here to stay, if she goes..I go. So if hubby says she gotta go, I say bye bye hubby, see you never! Love me, Love my Grover! Hate Grover, hate me.

So are cats a mere kid replacement for me? What do you think?

Willie

This is so interesting to me! I know I have already posted once but why is it that people tend to look down on you if you choose not have children and pity you if can't???
With my second marriage I got 3 grown kids and now I get the pleasure of being a grandma when I want to be. I'm very happy with the way my life turned out!
I love my cats! Not only do I get the pleasure of their love in return but I also have the satisfaction of knowing that I have saved the lives of 9 kitties that had they been left alone and lived, would have gone on to create hundreds more kitties. It is a small dent in comparison to the huge overall problem, but it does make a difference. Just because I don't have kids does not mean that I haven't done something very important in my life! I'm not done yet either!
PEOPLE...DON'T PITY ME BECAUSE MY KIDS HAVE FUR INSTEAD OF SKIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LIKE IT THIS WAY!!!!!!!!

Sorry but I had to unload that.

I heard that so offen but, let them think what they want about me, I know the truth.

The first year I was with my now husband, his mother tried to tell him that because I had so many pets it meant I wanted children. It took me months to get it through his thick head that was not the case at all. Deep down I thinks he belive it, a little. Of course sense he been in my life he has added 20 more pets to the mix, maybe he's the one who wants children. LOL ;) ;)

I have my babies because I love them and have always had a pet, even in college I had cats, so for me not having a fur-baby is just not normal. There was a time for about 2 years I had no pets and I hated it, it just didn't seem right to me. My home was not a home then, just a empty house where I lived.

Yes they filll a empty spot in my life but not as a child but as what makes my life whole and normal. A house is not a HOME without a pet in it, at Least for me. I don't want to live in just a house again.....I want to live in a HOME!:D

Since I've never married and haven't ever had children, I think of my cats as my furry children. I even tell this to people.:) My family has finally accepted the fact that the only children in my life will be cats.
Some people at work have said that I'm still young enough to have a child. I tell them no thank you. If I had wanted to have a child, I would have had one when I was in my twenties. I also don't believe in having children out of wedlock.

I'm very proud to be a cat mother and to know that I've rescued 5 cats so far. I can't even picture my life without at least one cat in it.:)

Fox-Gal, you said it! They are not mere replacements. I, like you have always had pets from the time I can remember. They complete my life and fill a place in my heart that would otherwise be empty. Like you said they make a house a home. What is in a home? Love...What make a home? Love...They warm our heats, and they warm our souls. What a beautiful life they have given us. People who don't have pets, I feel sorry for them. They are missing out on so much.

So drat to all the people who don't understand!!!!!

Willie

well I opted for the full package deal, the kids, the husband and the furkids, and I would not have it any other way, all are very special and unique in their own way, and all feature my life very much, my cats never answer back, are always there for me, so they have a very special place in my life, when I am feeling down or low, they are always there for me, they don't suffer the same stresses as we humans, so my furbabies have that magic quality, that helps make me feel better.,that really no human can do.

I would not be without any one of my family, I love them all unconditonally, and they mean the world to me, furbabies and all.:)

Just my opinion but whether cats are a substitute for children, it does not matter, whatever gives you pleasure and happiness in life is all that really matters.;)

All my friends from Highschool all have a kid or 2, when They ask if Im having a baby soon I say I already have 3, with kittys they clean themselfs, and you can go 2 the store without having either a babysitter or packing them with you. My kitties are my babies, when people ask my mom is she is a grandma she says, yes to 3 fur balls lol :D

Well, no one accuses me of that since I have a child...but I am referred to as the crazy cat lady. lol. My family always lectures me that I'm out of hand with the "whole animal thing".

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Originally posted by trayi52
So drat to all the people who don't understand!!!!!

Willie

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:D :D :D so right :D :D :D

I don't undrstand it my self, about my love for my cat or dog! But a woman said I should not own a cat here at PetTalk and I hate her with a passion! The same as I felt when my ex- mother -in law that attacked me about my skin child! I love my Sunny as I love my daughter that has no fur. I'm really quite easily upset when somone says any thing bad about my cat and me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never knew this about my self.

No one has suggested that my cat is a substitute for a child except my boyfriend. He is not my boyfriend anymore. :p

However, most of the people in my VERY LARGE family who have cats also have children. Me, I'm doing a lot better as an aunt than I would as a mother.

Liz :cool:

WOW!!! I really loved reading each and every post...how very interesting and emotional...

No doubt, our cats are important members of our homes and hearts and we love them for what they are: CATS!!! (And we don't want it any other way!!!)

No matter how someone else is looking at us and judging us they can never change that special bond we have with our furkids!!! And it's true, they make our lives complete...

At first, I just wanted animals because that's what a house WAS to me. My parents have always had animals. I couldn't imagine getting into bed without a kitty at my feet. (or side, or face, or hogging my pillow... :D )

But I keep getting more pets. I want a baby... WE want a baby. So we have other babies to baby until we are blessed with a human... I won't stop loving my other babies, but I think the constant little additions will stop. (except for a dog... as SOON as we have a house we're getting one!)

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Originally posted by Tonya
Well, no one accuses me of that since I have a child...but I am referred to as the crazy cat lady. lol. My family always lectures me that I'm out of hand with the "whole animal thing".

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OH, LOL! Me, too, Tonya, me too! They say, "are you EVER going to stop"?

If anyone thinks my cats are substitutes for children, they have never expressed their opinion to me. I have occasionally wondered this myself though LOL.

Seriously though, having looked after these wonderful little furbabies who wandered into the garden one day, I can't ever see myself being without cats, and that wouldn't change no matter who else was in the house.

To Pay it forward, yes its me from Scotland and still looking for Salem and Bandit have had no sightings so are still looking now have the village children on the case - our cats are a talking point and most of them know Bandit and we live in hope that we get the boys back, kinda leaves a space on the bed at night that no-one fills.

The rest of the crew are fine and all send headbutts and purrs to your mob:)

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Originally posted by cutie_chica
All my friends from Highschool all have a kid or 2, when They ask if Im having a baby soon I say I already have 3, with kittys they clean themselfs, and you can go 2 the store without having either a babysitter or packing them with you. My kitties are my babies, when people ask my mom is she is a grandma she says, yes to 3 fur balls lol :D

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Thank you, you said it for me.

I used to be totally opposed to having children (humans) but as I have gotten older, been married for almost 11 years, and settled into a career that lets me be home every night...now is the time, if God should bless us with a baby. If God should so choose that we are not to be blessed, than that is OK as well. I am truely happy with the life I have and with my 5 furballs as my "kids". My mom is "grammy" to the furkids and in turn I'm "auntie" (not sister) to all 8 of hers. --- Meg

I'm sure people comment behind our backs about the growing size of our herd, but not many people say anything to us directly.

I think they've learnt that I give a good blank stare when I hear something completely stupid like, "You won't have room in your house for human kids the way you're going."

;)