I heard this on the radio today. I don't know why, but I got a real giggle from it.
Who else has any good (or bad) one-liners to share?
Here's mine:
What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
"Dam":rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Printable View
I heard this on the radio today. I don't know why, but I got a real giggle from it.
Who else has any good (or bad) one-liners to share?
Here's mine:
What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
"Dam":rolleyes: :rolleyes:
**groan**
I've posted this before and no one ever gets it, but I love it.
A termite walks into the bar and says "where's the bar tender."
*snort*
Now THAT'S a good one Slick!
(We are obviously on a different wavelength):rolleyes:
Slik - I get it. Funny!
3 men walk into a bar. you would think the other 2 would have learned.
:p
Good one, Cali!!!!:D
Ok, I feel stupid because I don't get it.Quote:
Originally posted by slick
**groan**
I've posted this before and no one ever gets it, but I love it.
A termite walks into the bar and says "where's the bar tender."
Termites eat wood.Quote:
Ok, I feel stupid because I don't get it.
The termite wants to know which part of the wooden bar is tender, so it can eat it.
Where is the bar tender?
:p
OK Twisterdog beat me to it.
Please don't feel stupid. It's not your fault, it's just my weird sense of humour. I'll shut up now.
haha . iget it. i think these are really funny and i know a bunch of good ones but i can never think of them when i need tto:( . oh well i'm sure i'll think of one soon:DQuote:
Originally posted by cali
3 men walk into a bar. you would think the other 2 would have learned.
:p
This isn't exactly a one-liner, but slick's comment above made me think of this joke. I, too, love this joke and no one ever gets it. Actually, I use this joke as the litmus test for men ... if he gets it, he might be potential date material. If he stares at me like a deer in the headlights, it's hasta la vista, baby. ;)Quote:
I've posted this before and no one ever gets it, but I love it.
Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
:D :D :D
I have a joke thing!!!!!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn`t come back?
A stick!!! LOL!! I feel stoooopid!!
What do you call a hotdog that you`ve eaten all the meat out of?
A Hallow-weenie!! LOL
**snort** **snort** :D :D :DQuote:
Originally posted by Twisterdog
Actually, I use this joke as the litmus test for men ... if he gets it, he might be potential date material. If he stares at me like a deer in the headlights, it's hasta la vista, baby. ;)
Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
:D :D :D
I'll have to remember that next time I have a date....whenever that might be.
My co-worker just told me this one today (I hope it's not offensive!!!)
Q:How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb???
A:You wanna go for a bike ride??
:p
A joke my brother used to say when he was little........:rolleyes:
What kind of diet are those big fat wrestlers on......*his words* :o
A *See-Food* diet! :eek: :rolleyes:
He used to say this when he was like 7 or 8..........and my parents told me about it. I was much too young to remember.
What do policeman say if an expensive mirror goes missing?
We'll look into it.:D
he he these are my daughters jokes from school.
What did the man do when his hand fell off?
He went to the secondhand shop.
Guy takes his lizard into a bar. bartender ask the lizard's name.
"Tiny", he replies.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Cause he's my newt!"
This one took me a while to get:
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
:D
ummm...i don't get it....i hate not getting jokes cuz then i feel stoopid.Quote:
Originally posted by Cincy'sMom
Guy takes his lizard into a bar. bartender ask the lizard's name.
"Tiny", he replies.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Cause he's my newt!"
Nobody ever gets this one lol :p
A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.
lmao!
I had to readit a few time when I first read it in a book...read my newt as one word...maybe that will help :)Quote:
Originally posted by G.P.girl
ummm...i don't get it....i hate not getting jokes cuz then i feel stoopid.
i feel really stoopid now because i still don't get it...Quote:
Originally posted by Cincy'sMom
I had to readit a few time when I first read it in a book...read my newt as one word...maybe that will help :)
Me either...? :confused:Quote:
Originally posted by G.P.girl
i feel really stoopid now because i still don't get it...
It's a play on words. Minute (prnounced my-newt) means tiny :)Quote:
Originally posted by G.P.girl
i feel really stoopid now because i still don't get it...
Quote:
Originally posted by Twisterdog
This isn't exactly a one-liner, but slick's comment above made me think of this joke. I, too, love this joke and no one ever gets it. Actually, I use this joke as the litmus test for men ... if he gets it, he might be potential date material. If he stares at me like a deer in the headlights, it's hasta la vista, baby. ;)
Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
:D :D :D
hah! It took a minute or 2, but I get it! :D:D I like that one lol
ROTF ..... that's hilarious ... and soooo true! ;)Quote:
Originally posted by Cookiebaker
My co-worker just told me this one today (I hope it's not offensive!!!)
Q:How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb???
A:You wanna go for a bike ride??
:p
well i sorta got that... but i'd never really heard somebody use minute to describe tiny...oh well...:) it sure took me long enoughQuote:
Originally posted by Shelteez2
It's a play on words. Minute (prnounced my-newt) means tiny :)
ok heres one...
Q: What do you get if a piano falls down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor
My dad used to say this when we would pass a cemetery:
"You know people are just dying to get in there!"
:D :D :D My Dad used to say the exact same thing.......RIPQuote:
Originally posted by Pam
My dad used to say this when we would pass a cemetery:
"You know people are just dying to get in there!"
He always used to say "I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong". Of course he was joking.
A. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
B. A carrot.
:confused:
:D hahhah I dunno why, I found that funny!!!! :DQuote:
Originally posted by trayi52
A. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
B. A carrot.
:confused:
Quote:
My co-worker just told me this one today (I hope it's not offensive!!!)
Quote:
Q:How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb???
My son has ADD, yet that so isn't offensive! I think it is hilarious because it is so true!Quote:
A:You wanna go for a bike ride??
My radio station that I listen to has "Worse Joke Wednesdays". The worse joke wins a prize. I can't remember any off the top of my head right now.
Q: How do you keep a person from drowning?
A: Take your foot off their head!
not really a one liner, but pet talkers would get it.
I was reading an article about how some places have confusing signs on their women's and men's restrooms.
One place had a picture of an Irish Setter on one door, English Pointer on the other.
Which one would you go in?
Irish setter for me!!!