is it just kidding around? or not?

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10-22-2003, 11:40 PM
G.P.girl

is it just kidding around? or not?

we had an discussion today at school, it was about sexual harassment.
they said that any kind of sexual comment or touchy-feely act is sexaul harassment.
one of the guys on my football team always says
stuff like " hey sexy a**!" and at practice i'll hear
him telling the other guys how i have a good ***
and he'll come up to me and say " my ***** is
bigger than taylor's". the other guys tell him to
shut up and leave me alone but he does it in a
way so that most of them dont notice. all the
other guys are really nice and protective of me
they never say anything like that. i dont know
if i should just deal with it because if i complain
then maybe the guys will laugh at me or something.
do you guys think it is even harassment?
i mean i dont think a 13/14 yearold boy should be sayong stuff like that to a girl.
i dont think any boy should say that to a girl.

thanks for listening, i just wanted to get an opinion before i said anything to anybody
10-22-2003, 11:52 PM
curiosityrats

If it bothers you, report it (to the principal or a school counselor or to a teacher you trust).

My mom is a high shool teacher and she reports sexual harassment when one student picks on another one that way. If it's unwelcome or if it makes you uncomfortable, it IS sexual harassment. (Even a dirty joke is sexual harassment if it offends you or makes you uncomfortable.)

Last year, she reported a boy who pulled down another one's pants (a "shank").

Yes, the boy was "just joking around" but the victim doesn't feel so good about it, and they need to realize this sort of thing is NOT to be tolerated. (That boy got suspended. Now he and those around him realize what sexual harassment is, and that it is BAD.)
10-23-2003, 12:09 AM
Kfamr

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

I can't even believe you take that from a boy!

You are a young girl (as I am myself) and if any guy had the [nerve] to speak to me like that i'd smack them upside the head SO HARD that he'd be choking on his *thing that's 'bigger' than Taylor's*.

If I was you, I wouldn't even put up with that. I'd tell the school's conselour or principal, and if they did nothing about it --
I'd do something about it myself.

That's digusting and disrepectful and I don't know how you could put up with it!

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
10-23-2003, 12:09 AM
Kater

I would report it as I do think it is harassment. This guy needs to learn that unwelcome sexual comments are not okay! I won't promise you that no one will be upset if you report it--- but you would be doing the right thing for him and for you.

Looking back on my middle school years I realize that I was sexually harassed on many an occasion in the seventh grade. I wish I had done something about it then. :(

I'm glad you felt comfortable asking us. I hope you are able to make a decision now. :)
10-23-2003, 12:52 AM
curiosityrats

Oh, and flicking bra straps. Mom blew the whistle on boys who did that too!

(I wish I'd known about this stuff in middle school, because that happened to me too... It really needs put to a stop! )
10-23-2003, 07:05 AM
joycenalex

yes it's harrassment and harrassers try to intimidate and bully their targets. he has the problem, not you, but he's trying to pass it over to you. tell the coach, the principal, a counsler or a teacher. tell an aunt, a minister and your parents. try to write down all the times he says stuff like that so you have a record, note dates, times, witnesses. you don't deserve to be treated badly by anyone, anywhere. regards
10-23-2003, 07:08 AM
iceyshiver21

Did you ask him to stop?????
If you do and he doesn't then report it.
10-23-2003, 07:20 AM
stacwase

There's a fine line between harassment and flirting - but my own definition (which works for me) is that if I like it it's flirting and if I don't, and I ask him to stop and he doesn't, it's harassment.
10-23-2003, 07:35 AM
Karen

This is rude, wrong and harrassment. Yes, he's young, but if he's allowed to get away with this kind of behavior now, he won't learn that it is just wrong. Do report it to someone - teacher, counselor, someone. As has been suggested, tell him to stop. (He probably thinks he's being cool, and may even think it is flattery and he's flirting. It's not.) Be strong, but I do not advocate violence. Be prepared to be made fun of, but I bet others will be secretly glad someone is stopping him. Ask him to stop, tell an adult, then from that point forward, write down what happened and when, and who was with you. If the incidents continue, show your "log" to the adult you talked to. And, by the way, if the first adult you talk to doesn't take you seriously, don't give up. Try another.
10-23-2003, 08:57 AM
2kitties

If it bothers you, then it is harrassment. Like Karen said, if he doesn't learn now, he never will.
10-23-2003, 08:58 AM
G.P.girl

thanks guys,
i know he is not trying to bully me. but maybe he is just being flirty. i guess i'll just tell him, to stop. then if he doesn't i could tell the coach, he is my favorite teacher and i could tell him. but i'm afriad that if the other guys know they will beat him up and pick on him.
maybe i am being too nice, maybe i shouldn't care if he gets bullied or picked on....but i can't help it.
well football season only lasts for another week.
by the way we won our game yesterday. i almost made a touchdown . the team made six touchdowns i think, of course the other team didn't score any:p
10-23-2003, 10:24 AM
Cataholic

Harrasment or not, it is completely inappropriate for anyone to make the sort of comments you are saying he is making.
10-23-2003, 06:03 PM
popcornbird

I don't like the fact that someone is saying these things to you and getting away with it. :( I would *never* take that. I think I'd tell the teachers or someone else immediately. Its not good to have someone saying such things to you, whether its a joke or real. :(:(
10-23-2003, 06:12 PM
Tonya

Yes, that is totally unappropriate. Yet, what offends one person might not offend another.

I am the only female at my job, so I deal with sexual harrassment quite a bit. Personally, I prefer to confront the person first. Some guys think they are just being funny. They do not realize it is offensive. If you are comfortable enough, talk to the guy first and let him know how you feel. If he continues after that, tell someone else.
10-23-2003, 06:49 PM
primabella

Quote:

Originally posted by Kfamr

You are a young girl (as I am myself) and if any guy had the [nerve] to speak to me like that i'd smack them upside the head SO HARD that he'd be choking on his *thing that's 'bigger' than Taylor's*.

LMAO :D

Well nobody has actually made comments like that to me (hmmm should I feel good or bad right now :p) but if they did I would definitly tell them to stop. One of my guy friends poked me in the stomach as a joke once and it got me upset. It's like...don't touch me! :p

I think this guy is just being flirty but it is actually harassment. I don't even think he knows. There are guys in my class who will just push themselves up against a girl and act as if it was an accident. It's so pathetic and I would be so upset if I were them.

So yeah I would tell him to stop first and if he doesn't listen, turn to the coach.
10-23-2003, 06:57 PM
popcornbird

Quote:

Originally posted by primabella
LMAO :D

Well nobody has actually made comments like that to me (hmmm should I feel good or bad right now :p) but if they did I would definitly tell them to stop. One of my guy friends poked me in the stomach as a joke once and it got me upset. It's like...don't touch me! :p

I think this guy is just being flirty but it is actually harassment. I don't even think he knows. There are guys in my class who will just push themselves up against a girl and act as if it was an accident. It's so pathetic and I would be so upset if I were them.

So yeah I would tell him to stop first and if he doesn't listen, turn to the coach.

No one has said that to me either..........but I believe that's because I'm a Muslim girl and wear long loose clothes and cover my hair when I go out, so they have nothing to see. :p Tee hee hee. I didn't realize this happens to other girls, but now I realize the benefits of covering myself when I go out. Hehehe. I feel so safe like that. :p No one can harrass me, and if they dare to, they would get a nice smack in the face. I don't take that stuff, and though I try to be a nice person to everyone, I'm not nice if someone offends me like that. Of course its never happened before, and I pray it never will.
10-23-2003, 07:52 PM
G.P.girl

Quote:

Originally posted by Kfamr
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

I can't even believe you take that from a boy!

You are a young girl (as I am myself) and if any guy had the [nerve] to speak to me like that i'd smack them upside the head SO HARD that he'd be choking on his *thing that's 'bigger' than Taylor's*.

i don't take it from him. i have smacked him several times. and today i told him that it is sexaul harassment but he just laughed at me. i'm sure he know what he is doing is wrong, but i think he thinks i won't get him for. hehehe*laughes dark deep evil laugh*
the thing is the coach wont be at school tomarrow so i cant talk to him til monday. oh well. thanks for the advice guys you really helped.
10-23-2003, 08:44 PM
lizbud

I don't understand why you can't tell another teacher about
this. Why tell only the coach? Are you on this football team, like
a co-ed team or something? Tell the kid what you think of his
behaviour. If it does not stop, tell all the adults you know that
this bothers you.
10-23-2003, 08:51 PM
G.P.girl

well it is a co-ed team, but i am the first and only girl ever to play. i could tellthe other teaches but i wouldnt reall feel comortale teling them. the coach is my favorite teacher and he can tell the kid to stop without making a huge deal about it so everybody knows.
10-24-2003, 08:45 AM
G.P.girl

also i dont want him to tell the principal of r anything i just want him to mention it to him or something. do you thinkj he will do that or will he make a big deal out of it? if he's going to tell everybody and get him in trouble then i dont want to tell him.
10-24-2003, 09:16 AM
Kater

Your coach will probably tell the people he thinks are important to tell. I don't know the man so I can't really tell you what I think he will do. Teachers are often trained as to what to do in these situations and you are going to have to trust that he knows more about this than you.

Anyway, if you wanted to you could always ask him to please talk to this individual before telling anyone else about this issue.
10-24-2003, 09:26 AM
stacwase

Well it sounds like you're going to do the right thing. If you told him you didn't appreciate it and asked him to stop and he didn't, then it is blatant harassment and the coach could probably do something about it.

There was a boy on the football team in my school who used to walk down the hallways swinging his arms and "accidentally" touching girls' crotches. I went to the coach about it and he was benched for a game and never did it again.
10-24-2003, 12:18 PM
gini

I read this thread last night, but I was too tired to respond.

G.P. girl, let's put the gross guy aside for a moment. What comes to my mind is that it is important early in life to set boundaries. YOUR boundaries are being exceeded and this isn't acceptable.

When you set up personal boundaries, it doesn't make you unpopular, people still like you. What you will receive is respect.

Some guys just think it is so funny to harass the girls. He ought to be decked - grounded and taught some lessons and SOON.

He may not have a clue that what he is doing is completely unacceptable to you.

Your telling him is a start - he doesn't get it? - then you need to take the next step and tell your coach or another teacher. Have you told your parents?

Keep posting about your progress....we are all behind you on this one!!
10-24-2003, 01:00 PM
2kitties

Everything Gini said!
10-24-2003, 01:39 PM
Karen

The coach probably will not make a big public deal about it, as he is someone you trust, and he will appreciate the gravity of the situation.

There's a diffenerence between being kind and considerate, and being a doormat. Be strong, you are in the right here! And, of course, all of Pet Talk is supporting you in this awkward situation.

P.S. All the women he will encounter in the future will thank you for getting this lesson through to him now!
10-24-2003, 02:16 PM
RICHARD

wear your clunkiest shoes.

when he touches you, walk over to him and while you are face to face, give him a good kick in the shin and say, in a loud voice, "DON'T ever touch me again..."

When he tries to explain WHY he was kicked in the shin he'll have to tell WHAT started it.

no one will mess with you again.
10-24-2003, 02:19 PM
2kitties

Richard, you sound like a man who's been kicked in the shin!;)
10-24-2003, 02:35 PM
RICHARD

Quote:

Originally posted by 2kitties
Richard, you sound like a man who's been kicked in the shin!;)

NOPE!

I'm the guy laughing at him......

the girl then takes my arm and we walk off,
into the sunset:cool:

I have seen it done, without the violence-
You just humilate him in front of a group....
10-24-2003, 02:40 PM
2kitties

So if I wanna walk into the sunset with you all I have to do is hurt some other guy? that's doable!:D
10-24-2003, 02:57 PM
RICHARD

Quote:

Originally posted by 2kitties
So if I wanna walk into the sunset with you all I have to do is hurt some other guy? that's doable!:D

LOL, i usually do not advocate violence but.....

You are just defending your space.

Bullies and people who take advantage WILL NOT
back off until something happens that makes them back down..

People will not let him forget he got kicked in the shin for inappropriately touching a lady...
10-24-2003, 03:17 PM
catland

Quote:

Originally posted by Karen

P.S. All the women he will encounter in the future will thank you for getting this lesson through to him now!

I recall experiencing verbal harrassment some years back at a former job. I think that he genuinely thought he was being funny and clever, but he crossed the line. I reported this to my superior, and then the offender apologised to me and never behaved badly in front of me again. I accepted his apology and there were no future incidents.

I hope that I helped steer him in the right direction.

If that doesn't work, you can still kick him in the shins.:eek:
10-24-2003, 03:22 PM
gini

Quote:

Originally posted by catland

If that doesn't work, you can still kick him in the shins.:eek:

That's probably the appropriate place, but it sure isn't where my Dad told me to aim when I was a teenager!!!
10-24-2003, 07:39 PM
G.P.girl

Quote:

Originally posted by RICHARD
wear your clunkiest shoes.

when he touches you, walk over to him and while you are face to face, give him a good kick in the shin and say, in a loud voice, "DON'T ever touch me again..."

When he tries to explain WHY he was kicked in the shin he'll have to tell WHAT started it.

no one will mess with you again.

hmmmm.... a good idea. but i already treatened to kick him in a different place that would hurt even more:rolleyes: :p . i was wearing my cleats too:D . i think the assembly we had in school where they blabbed on and on and on forever might have gotten though to him a little bit. we've only had one practice since then so i'll just have to wait and see.

p.s. i have told him to stop. that was his last warning.....then comes the good ol foot connecting with him.:rolleyes:
10-24-2003, 08:21 PM
green_chameleon_girl

Im glad its over. Im only 13 and when any guy gets like that uhoh there in trouble! You have to learn to control yourself in a way so they wont get gushy mushy on you. You should never let a guy talk to you in that way. Dont even let them say your ugly!!! Did you really kick him "THERE" with cleats!? OUCH!! :) LOL I bet he is going to have a bruise!;) ;) ;)
10-24-2003, 10:46 PM
G.P.girl

well i didn't actually kick him **yet** i just made a quick movement like i was going to while i told him to know it off. i hope it is over because it's getting really old and i dont want to have to tell coach.
10-29-2003, 05:19 PM
sweet_stormy

hey G.P. Girl, If I was you I wouldnt kick him in the shins. I would kick him where the sun dont usually shine :D ;) and then say that if he ever tried to touch me again I would make it so that he wouldnt be able to have kids :D .
10-29-2003, 08:12 PM
gini

G.P. girl, how is it going? Have you decked him yet?

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