To those of us who have children in our lives......

I just found this on another forum, I thought it was funny.
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To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces,
nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that even

God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!"
God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having
an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God
asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did to!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's
punishment was that Adam and Eve should
have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children
wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
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THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and
shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing
your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat
their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they
usually repeat word for word what you
shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children more
awful than your own.

6. We child proofed our homes, but they are still
getting in.
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ADVICE FOR THE DAY!
Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your nursing home.
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AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
TAKE THE ADVICE ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"

Oh i love it so PRECIOUS, and so true, really brought a smile to my face upon reading your thread this morning, i also realized today i have a kid free day, yahoo,time for me and hubby, now that does not happen often.

:D :D :D

:D :D :D

How true!! :D :D

That is about the funniest thing I have ever read! I especially loved the asprin bottle part, so funny! :D

:) :) :D :D

To funny, ha ha ha:p :p

Thanks for posting this - I really enjoyed it. As my son is now Fourteen-and--half this is EXTREMELY relevant

I'll be sending it to all my friends with teenage children!

:D :D :eek: :D :D

Oh many happy memories come flooding back (he he he!) Reminded me of the golden oldie - Do you like children? Yes, but I can't manage a whole one!!

Lynne

Found this in my e-mail. Thought it was fitting to add to the topic.

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.

11. PlayDough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy sh!t! A talking pig!'"! The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 MINUTES.

Grandchildren are the reward you get for not killing your children.

[QUOTE]..... First grade...true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy sh!t! A talking pig!'"! The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 MINUTES.

EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD SAY!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D ROFL

Love your post and I really love the pig story. :D

These are all too funny.

Don't have kids yet, but think I might have to save these to remind me when I do :p

:)

LOL! I don`t have any childresn and I`m a little young bnut that`s really funny, and this is true:

"Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat
their young."

and:

"You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and
shut up."

I never shut up and sit down! :D

LOL, Those are hilarious!