Down but not out yet...

So the bank won't approve my initial mortgage request as I'm still tied to my Ex's finances. I am highly qualified but my ties to him are holding me back and there is nothing I can do to change his position. So if I could find someone to cosign for me I'd be home free. Figured this would be a no brainer for my mom/dad. No risk to them, I have a huge downpayment and a very well paying job. But they said NO. I asked why and was told that they didn't want to be on the hook should I have an accident and be unable to make my monthly payments. I offered that that was why I had "insurance". Mom then struck back with they were "looking out for themselves now and I needed to go find a sugar daddy". Seriously, that is what she said to me. We are no longer speaking and may not speak again ever. I've increased the amount I would put out for a downpayment and provided 3 house options to the bank where I would need substantially less of a mortgage. I sure hope they go for it. Failing that I will visit my own bank (I've been dealing with his) and a few mortgage brokers. Someone has to cut me some slack here and let me move on with my life.

It's a bit surprising in 2012 that your own mother told you you need to find yourself a "sugar daddy" - gracious, does she think it's 1932? Keep persisting, and know we are pulling for you!

That's unusual for your parents from the sounds of it. Unless your dad's illness is creating odd vibes (and I hope he is doing well!) I don't know why you mom would say that!

Best of luck talking to your own bank - I think they will do their darndest to help you. After all, YOU are their client, not HIM.

Hugs!:love:

I've learned the hard way that mixing money with family always turns out badly.
I think it was smart of your Mom to decline to cosign. But, I'm sorry for the hurtful way she declined.

She does need to look after herself. If, God forbid, something happen to you and you could not make the payments, both of you could turn out to be homeless. Looking out for herself, may sound selfish, but if you couldn't make the payments and she lost her home due to the payments, how would you feel?

You don't need a sugar daddy. What a ridiculous statement. You can do it on your own. Maybe not right now, but it shouldn't take you too long to clean up your credit. Maybe you can find a "rent to own" situation? Someone willing to let you rent the home for a while until you can apply for a mortgate on your own?

I agree with Kuhio; your folks should not cosign, but your mother handled this poorly indeed.

Keep working at it, there must be a way to move on, lots of folks must face this issue.

Gayle, I am so sorry you weren't approved and I am so sorry your mother said that to you. :( I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to her, seriously, the most hurtful things always seem to come from family, doesn't it? Anyway, I hope the bank can approve you OR will! You need a break and a nice house so you can get a DOG again ;)

As always Mikey and I are rooting for you! If you want a picture, I'd be happy to provide some later ;)

I disagree with the majority here, I completely think she should have signed for you. The market can only go up and this is the time to buy.

I can't believe she said that to you after all the worrying and listening you did for her and your dad.

I have to believe that things will work out for you.

I fully expected them to say no, they've never supported me or any of my siblings so why would they start now. I just wanted them to give me a valid reason, make them really think about it. It would have been nice had they signed up for me. They never would have been stuck with the payments, I have loads of insurance and the mortgage itself is also insured. I could have easily walked into the next phase of my life had they helped out. I am tired of living apart from the majority of my stuff - its in storage as my rented condo is really too small to hold much of anything. I so want to give Cali and Diego room to run and play before they're too old to care. Yet again they are making my life harder than it needs to be and she did it in typical fashion for her, take a big dig at me. I will persevere and I will do it on my own, without their help. My mom and I have never had a good relationship, I was not her favorite, that she made known very early on, but I became the only with the deaths of 2 kids and the departure to northern regions of the youngest. I thought we had moved on to a new phase of relations with the support I've provided her the past while with the dad issues. Guess I was incredibly wrong.

Thank you all for your support, I appreciate the kindness.

Hey, you know we all have your back here! Do ask at your own bank, explain the situation to a loan officer, and maybe they will find a way to accommodate you. Have all your insurance and everything with you, so you can prove what a low-risk person you are. And ask, if they turn you down, how long you have to wait until you are clear of your ex's influence on your credit, and if there is anything you could do to speed that along.

You could also ask the realtor for any of the houses you are looking at whether the current owner would consider giving you the mortgage him-or-herself. You do sometimes see "owner financing available" in real estate situations.

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Originally Posted by Karen

Hey, you know we all have your back here! Do ask at your own bank, explain the situation to a loan officer, and maybe they will find a way to accommodate you. Have all your insurance and everything with you, so you can prove what a low-risk person you are. And ask, if they turn you down, how long you have to wait until you are clear of your ex's influence on your credit, and if there is anything you could do to speed that along.

You could also ask the realtor for any of the houses you are looking at whether the current owner would consider giving you the mortgage him-or-herself. You do sometimes see "owner financing available" in real estate situations.

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Thanks Karen. I will be going one step further with my documentation. I have the arbitrators award that puts the entire onus on him for his finances, all he gets to do is use my name. All the bank needs to do is actually READ the document.

Thank you to you and my entire PT family. Loves you all!!

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Originally Posted by Alysser

Gayle, I am so sorry you weren't approved and I am so sorry your mother said that to you. :( I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to her, seriously, the most hurtful things always seem to come from family, doesn't it? Anyway, I hope the bank can approve you OR will! You need a break and a nice house so you can get a DOG again ;)

As always Mikey and I are rooting for you! If you want a picture, I'd be happy to provide some later ;)

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She's said alot of hurtful things along the road, I had just hoped we were past that with dad's stuff that we went thru together. So I will take a break from her for a while.

I'd love pics of Mikey! He's such a good, silly dog. Please give him a big HUG from me!!

And thank you both for your support. I am truly grateful.

Hoping for a hopeful update!:love:

Sorry, no good update at all. Met with my lawyer today and she advised I do not pursue getting a home at this time. So that dream is on hold now for a while longer, sorry Cali and Diego. I'm pretty concerned, upset with the turn of events in this never ending settlement nightmare. :(

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Originally Posted by Queen of Poop

Sorry, no good update at all. Met with my lawyer today and she advised I do not pursue getting a home at this time. So that dream is on hold now for a while longer, sorry Cali and Diego. I'm pretty concerned, upset with the turn of events in this never ending settlement nightmare. :(

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Did she give you any idea of how long you will have to wait until your ex's stuff is off your credit report? And is there anything you can do to build even better credit now?

I am a firm believer that owning a house is not always the answer for everyone or all situations. Hang in there a while longer. The housing market is going to be stale for quite some time.

Your dogs will be fine, too. They only need you and a happy you.

Chin up.

I would look for another financing company/bank/community credit union/owner mortgage.

I hope your ex rots in hell. Sorry. But I do.

Your Mom has all the right to say no. If I were your Mom, I would have said yes. All Moms are not created equal!

Chin up, chin up, chin up. You can pick your friends but you cannot pick your relatives. ;)