What are Friends For?

Seriously? I just finished reading the Cheating thread and I am truely wondering what some people think friends are for.

I thought good friends were supose to be our confidants, sounding boards, in some instances safety nets. Not just someone to shoot the breeze with or gossip with. Someone to run ideas off of, help in trying to find solutions, a shoulder to cry on in a storm. At least that is the type of friend I have always tried to be and there are a few friends I have that I know are that for me.

Prime example is Candace. She an I have known each other for a few years now. She has helped me through several of the hardest times in my life. She kindly listens without judgement, gives support where needed, helps me to laugh when it is what I need most and allows me to vent when I need that too. And she waits till I ask her for advise to give it. And she makes sure I know it is just that; advice. Whether I take it or leave it does not change her feelings towards me. We have disagreed on more then a few occasions but we have never even considered not being friends. If it was not for her advice and support during those hard times I am scared to think where I would be now.

I am not a believer in "what happens in the family stays in the family." Never will be. I was raised in a very abusive home and was in a very abusive marriage. I wish I had had a friend like Candace when I was a child. But I count my lucky stars that she came into my life when she did.

Seriously what kind of friend are you if your friends can not turn to you for advice or support. Any proffessional therapist with tell you that people need close friends and emotional support. People to be sounding boards. The proffessionals are not always there when they are needed the most but friends most often are. I am in no way saying not to go to a therapist for problems. They are there to help but I am saying so are friends.

Just my thoughts. Hope I make sense.

Many years ago, a psychologist told me: "If everyone had a friend to talk to, we would be out of a job."

Indeed, great thread! My best friend was a sounding board for me when I had some doubts before I was married, and having someone to talk to who had been married for awhile helped me sort things out.

I certainly don't have enough money to run to a therapist whenever there's a problem in my personal life, and I too grew up in a highly abusive home, so I don't feel that I can go to my family with most things.

My close friends are the people who can call me up at 3am with a problem, and I know I could do the same if the need arose.

Candace sounds like a lovely person who not only is a good friend but has one.
I would be so lonely without my dear friends............
They have helped me through some very tough times.

I completely agree here.

I was rather shocked to see the way the cheating thread turned. I have known Monica for over 3 years now, and she has always been the kindest sweetest person. She has offered me advice, and even sent me something through the post to make me smile when I was stressed out and feeling alone. She has always been there for me and is an amazing friend, and I seriously did not understand those in the other thread who were telling her she should of acted differently. In my opinion she acted in the most loving way and I am sure the couple greatly appeciate having somone there for them.

Without people like Candace and Monica the world would be a lonely place.

My professional psychologist is constantly encouraging me to make more friends. She wants me to have a better support system.

May I be your friend?

Ellie you are the sweetest thing. Thank you so much for the kind words.
I am so looking forward to seeing you next May.

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Originally Posted by Whisk_Luva

I completely agree here.

I was rather shocked to see the way the cheating thread turned. I have known Monica for over 3 years now, and she has always been the kindest sweetest person. She has offered me advice, and even sent me something through the post to make me smile when I was stressed out and feeling alone. She has always been there for me and is an amazing friend, and I seriously did not understand those in the other thread who were telling her she should of acted differently. In my opinion she acted in the most loving way and I am sure the couple greatly appeciate having somone there for them.

Without people like Candace and Monica the world would be a lonely place.

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Originally Posted by Marigold2

I am so looking forward to seeing you next May.

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Me too :)

How about posting some pictures you haven't in a bit, some of the boys and you would be grand.

This whole board reminds me of when I was in high school. There were what they call Klicks when I attended school. There were over 400 students in my graduating class. We all belonged to a Klick of some kind. Your best friends were a part of that Klick. There were also physical & mental threats dished out. There were bullies too. I hated the bullies & feared them back then. On this board there is a wide range of ages & experiences & I find it interesting. It is a great place to come & vent & share your experiences in life & just get CRAZY :D. It is great to have Marigold as a friend. :) Watch out Marigold there is a snowball coming your way.:D

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Originally Posted by Marigold2

How about posting some pictures you haven't in a bit, some of the boys and you would be grand.

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Me? That's because I haven't taken any recently.. I have been a bad mummy whos life is revolving around exams so photo taking time has been limited! I will try and get some a bit later on today though or later on this week :)

How about you? I am still waiting to see this lovely new haircut ;)

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Originally Posted by NicoleLJ

Seriously? I just finished reading the Cheating thread and I am truely wondering what some people think friends are for.

I thought good friends were supose to be our confidants, sounding boards, in some instances safety nets. Not just someone to shoot the breeze with or gossip with. Someone to run ideas off of, help in trying to find solutions, a shoulder to cry on in a storm. At least that is the type of friend I have always tried to be and there are a few friends I have that I know are that for me.

Prime example is Candace. She an I have known each other for a few years now. She has helped me through several of the hardest times in my life. She kindly listens without judgement, gives support where needed, helps me to laugh when it is what I need most and allows me to vent when I need that too. And she waits till I ask her for advise to give it. And she makes sure I know it is just that; advice. Whether I take it or leave it does not change her feelings towards me. We have disagreed on more then a few occasions but we have never even considered not being friends. If it was not for her advice and support during those hard times I am scared to think where I would be now.

I am not a believer in "what happens in the family stays in the family." Never will be. I was raised in a very abusive home and was in a very abusive marriage. I wish I had had a friend like Candace when I was a child. But I count my lucky stars that she came into my life when she did.

Seriously what kind of friend are you if your friends can not turn to you for advice or support. Any proffessional therapist with tell you that people need close friends and emotional support. People to be sounding boards. The proffessionals are not always there when they are needed the most but friends most often are. I am in no way saying not to go to a therapist for problems. They are there to help but I am saying so are friends.

Just my thoughts. Hope I make sense.

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You make perfect sense.:) Sweet post too.
p.s. I have to tell you, I love the saying in your sig. It makes me smile
every time I see it.:D

Glad to see that people can agree on what friends are for. I do have to admit that not all friends fall into the same catagory. Some friends are close friends. The type I described above. Then there are ones that are more like work buddies or hang out buddies. I have some of those as well and would never lean on them like I do with my close friends. Then their are ones that are more like aquantances. We say hi, have lunch once and a while and are friendly. It is knowing which is which that is important for these types of occassions.

Oh I do have to warn you, if you want to be my friend I have a wicked sense of humor I am the women laughing out loud at the card shop trying to show you the funny card she just found. I find humor in almost every situation, because otherwise there would be a lot more crying going on.
Today I went to the art show with my daughter and met up with some friends later. This one artist had drawings of animals but they were drawn as cartoons. They were so FUNNY, I was laughing so hard tears were rolling down my face, the one that really sticks in my mind is two frogs sitting next to each other and one says to the other
I hate my thighs.
Another one had a line of birds on a rope and at the end of the rope was a thong. It was called the The Thongbirds.
They were all so funny but a bit pricey.

I would expect a friend to keep my secrets and confidences secret. I would do so for a friend and always have.

I don't have any, so I just deal w/things on my own....if I'm upset, my sounding board is myself....

People who say 'I don't know what I'd do without my friends' should come talk to me- I'll let them know!

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Originally Posted by neko1

I don't have any, so I just deal w/things on my own....if I'm upset, my sounding board is myself....

People who say 'I don't know what I'd do without my friends' should come talk to me- I'll let them know!

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The voice of maturity for once. I thought it had gone out of style to work out your problems on your own and not become a drama queen.

Knowing that not one single person in this world is problem free I prefer not to burden my friends with my problems. Using the time we have together is precious and disclosing personal information that might make them uneasy is not my style.

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Originally Posted by Asiel

The voice of maturity for once. I thought it had gone out of style to work out your problems on your own and not become a drama queen.

Knowing that not one single person in this world is problem free I prefer not to burden my friends with my problems. Using the time we have together is precious and disclosing personal information that might make them uneasy is not my style.

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I don't think it is 'the voice of maturity'. Just because some people can work through their problems on their own certainly does not mean others can.

I used to not tell my school friends anything but now some of them do know a lot more. And this happened the opposite way round as well. Telling them things, and them telling me things just shows the trust within the friendship and has bought us closer IMO. I do like being able to help them out when and if they need it. Friends are there for support as well as having a good time with.

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Friends are there for support as well as having a good time with.

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So true :)

Have you watched Sex in the City? Friends are what makes life sweet. We cannot choose our parents, in-laws or children and their friends but we sure as hell can pick our friends.
Mine have been there for me through the death of my mother, my first marriaga breaking up, painful times with my children.
I have been there for them in life, death, jail, abortion, suicide,
cheating husband, beating husbands. They have sobbed in my arms and I in their's.
I have also been there for the marriage, the birth, the first homes, the first grandchild, more laughs than anyone can count and more love, support, understanding and more fun then I ever thought I would have. We have laughed so hard that milk came out of the nose, we have peeded our pants, had extreme coughing fits and fallen over laughing. THAT'S FREINDSHIP.

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Originally Posted by Asiel

The voice of maturity for once. I thought it had gone out of style to work out your problems on your own and not become a drama queen.

Knowing that not one single person in this world is problem free I prefer not to burden my friends with my problems. Using the time we have together is precious and disclosing personal information that might make them uneasy is not my style.

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Originally Posted by Marigold2

Have you watched Sex in the City? Friends are what makes life sweet. We cannot choose our parents, in-laws or children and their friends but we sure as hell can pick our friends.
Mine have been there for me through the death of my mother, my first marriaga breaking up, painful times with my children.
I have been there for them in life, death, jail, abortion, suicide,
cheating husband, beating husbands. They have sobbed in my arms and I in their's.
I have also been there for the marriage, the birth, the first homes, the first grandchild, more laughs than anyone can count and more love, support, understanding and more fun then I ever thought I would have. We have laughed so hard that milk came out of the nose, we have peeded our pants, had extreme coughing fits and fallen over laughing. THAT'S FREINDSHIP.

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I picked my son. I can't have biological children - and so my son and I mutually selected one another about 6 years ago. He is 22 now.

I've also chosen my "papa" - my mom's first husband (who is the father of 2 of my brothers but not my father).

Maybe I'm just an odd one? :)

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Originally Posted by Marigold2

Have you watched Sex in the City? Friends are what makes life sweet. We cannot choose our parents, in-laws or children and their friends but we sure as hell can pick our friends.
Mine have been there for me through the death of my mother, my first marriaga breaking up, painful times with my children.
I have been there for them in life, death, jail, abortion, suicide,
cheating husband, beating husbands. They have sobbed in my arms and I in their's.
I have also been there for the marriage, the birth, the first homes, the first grandchild, more laughs than anyone can count and more love, support, understanding and more fun then I ever thought I would have. We have laughed so hard that milk came out of the nose, we have peeded our pants, had extreme coughing fits and fallen over laughing. THAT'S FREINDSHIP.

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No one would ever choose me as a friend, so I just deal with everything myself. No one was there for me during my divorce, I handled it on my own...

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Originally Posted by neko1

No one would ever choose me as a friend, so I just deal with everything myself. No one was there for me during my divorce, I handled it on my own...

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This is one of the saddest posts I've ever read. Please - don't sell yourself short. I'm certain there are plenty of people that would like to be your friend - if you would only give them a chance. It's all well and good to deal with things on your own - I do much the same - but only because I choose not to burden others with my problems, since everyone has problems of their own. However, there are times that I do turn to others when the going gets rough. No one should be totally alone.

Please accept a friendly {{{HUG}}} from me.........:love::)