Either way I will always question my decision-UPDATE
As a lot of you know I have been asking for prayers for our Duke. Duke is a 9-year-old checked boxer who is just as much of a goof today as he was the day I brought him home September of 2000. He is my heart dog.
Here is the longer version of what is going on...
A few(maybe 4-5) months back Duke developed a lump on his right side just behind his leg. At first my hubby thought I was just feeling his muscle as sometimes depending on how he was sitting, standing or lying you could not always feel it. About two months later we were sure it was a lump. Considering his age we felt it was probably a fatty lump that dogs get as they age. Then all of a sudden the second week of December the lump had grown, like over night. We decided right after the holidays we would get him into the vet. He was lying down Sunday, 12/20 and yelped when he got up. His lump had now changed in shape, it was as if it had ruptured and was now giving him a saggy spot near his armpit. He was taken to the vet the next day at 3:30 when they could get us in. They did an aspiration and all they got was blood, she wanted to send it to a specialist to see if they could see anything she could not (results came back a couple days later only showing blood cells, not good). She sent us home with some antibiotics that day just to cover him in the meantime. The next morning my mother stopped by to see how he was doing. He galloped over to the front door as always, she pet him and when she turned to pet everyone else out of the corner of her eye she saw him go down, just his back end kind of went to one side and then he slid down onto his elbows. I helped him to his feet, he was wobbly so I carried him over to the carpet, after that he was fine. I called the vet when they opened at 8 and told them what happened. She said she would let the vet know and call me back. I had been checking on Duke on and off since the collapse, about 30 minutes after I went to check on Duke, again, who was lying in the livingroom. I uncovered him to see that he had a giant bruise where the squishy part of the lump had gone. I knew it was not from collapsing because he never actually "hit" the floor, he kind of slid down. I called the vet back immediately and the tech said the vet stated that she was afraid he may have developed internal bleeding. He was rushed back over to the vet. They did x-rays to be sure he had no bleeding surrounding or in his organs...there was none thankfully. Apparently it was just subcutaneous bleeding. He became anemic right before their eyes with his RBCs being 37 (the lowest normal) dropping down to 28. They could see the bruise growing before their eyes. He was finally stabilized and sent home that afternoon with a different antibiotic and steroids. I was told to watch for growth of the bruise. The next morning, late morning, I thought the bruising looked to be heading down his leg...off to the vets we went again. We were assured this was normal, that gravity was just bringing the blood down. She actually felt the rest of his bruise was looking, dare she say "better?" We talked to her for a long time. She was telling us the results of all the tests, everything was good except his RBCs were still low (but better) and the fact that the aspiration showed nothing but blood was not good. She is leaning towards cancer, a cancer called hemangiosarcoma, cancer of the blood vessels. This cancer is extremely agressive, it will return always when removed. She gave a couple scenerios she has experienced, one dog having his tumor removed, undergoing chemo/radiation only to have the cancer return approximately 6 months later and his owner opting to put him to sleep. The owner said she would NEVER do chemotherapy again, it was the worst 6 months of her dogs life. Another dog had the tumor removed, it turned 6 months to a year later. They owners opted to remove it again. The dog had to be put to sleep on the table as they could not stop the bleeding from the tumor.
At first I was all for the biopsy/possible removal. Now I am taken over with the fear that he could potentially bleed to death on the table and I will have taken what time I have left with him and diminished it to no time at all. I am trying not to be selfish, I thank God for all the time that I have had with him and am forever greatful for the day I turned around in my car "just to look" at the puppies. I knew the moment I saw him he was meant to be mine. There were 7 puppies, he was the first one I picked up and the one I brought home.
I feel torn, if I do the surgery I may regret the outcome, what if they say he has one to three months, now several weeks of that is spent with him in recovery instead of enjoying playtime and walks or just cuddling on the floor. He will be restricted to being calm and quiet, calm and quiet is not in Duke's vocabulary. That will not be enjoyable to him...it won't be enjoyable for me to see him miserable. I will regret that I put him through that and should have allowed him to run full speed ahead and enjoy the time he has left. Or I chance ending everything immediately if he had to be put to sleeping while undergoing the surgery due to complications. If I don't do the surgery I will always feel, what if it wasn't that type of cancer? What if it was a more controlable cancer? Would we have had more time together if I had had it removed?
I am not asking for anyone to tell me what they would do...I need to feel confident in my own decision, not influenced by anyone else. What I am asking for is that you pray that God helps me in making the right decision...not for me but for Duke.
I greatly appreciate everyones prayers, thoughts of healing and good vibes. I believe that is why his bruise is practically gone now, only one or two tiny purple spots left, the power of prayer works.
