Just venting (sorry this is long)...

Hi all,

At this point, I'm probably not looking for advice -- you've all been so kind and helpful already -- but I'm just at wit's end and needed to vent to a bunch of people who I know would understand how I feel.

As some of you will recall, I've been having trouble between two of my three -- Zorro and Meg -- since April/May. When we first got Meg (after her human Dad died and his widow didn't want her) back at the end of November, she and Zorro managed to tolerate one another without any big problems -- they'd even both lie on top of me on the couch in cold weather.

Well, don't know how, don't know why, but that sure changed as the time passed, and Zorro started being "passive aggressive" toward Meg -- blocking access to the room with food & litter, etc. (I didn't realize that was taking place at the time -- but in hindsight, I see that's what he was doing.)

I'd never had cats not get along, so I mistakenly thought they'd work it out. Wrong. Two vet visits later for abscessed bites for Meg (Zorro is twice her size), and I still didn't know what to do. I asked him if I could try putting the cats on Clomicalm, and he agreed to let us give it a try. However, neither animal would take the pill, no matter what I tried; they'd wait for me to finally let go of them after I thought they would have to have swallowed it, and then spit the darn pill out.

So I figured I'd just keep them apart, rotating them in and out of our office (a prime territory with two windows and lots of cool places to hang out) so that one of them was in the room while the other got the run of the house. (I usually tried to make sure they each had two "shifts" in and two out during the day so they wouldn't get bored -- and there's almost always someone in our family doing something in the office so that they don't get lonesome, either.) It certainly wasn't an ideal solution, and hubby was certainly not crazy about having cat food, water & litter in his nice office -- but it was working...or so I thought.

Very early Saturday morning, just as I was leaving to catch a plane to a meeting, I was in the office printing off my boarding pass -- and left the room very carefully as always to make sure that Zorro (the current "room prisoner") didn't get out. However, he shot right past me, made a beeline for Meg and tackled her. She ran under our bed -- he followed her -- and there we were trying to break up a cat fight with a queen-sized bed in the way. It was so, so awful.

We did manage to break them up, and cleaned up the various bites with peroxide (but will probably end up taking Meg to the vet all the same, as Zorro took a dime-sized bite out of her side and I don't want to take any chances). I've managed to successfully keep them apart since then by making sure that if Meg is in the office, Zorro is behind another closed door before I go into the office, and vice versa.

As I said, I am really at my wits' end. Though my vet's office supposedly has a behaviorist on staff, she has ignored my repeated requests to discuss this problem -- and my vet himself has very little in the way of ideas, except for finding a new home for one of them. The idea of that just makes me sick; I can't possibly move Zorro, even though I'm really frustrated with his behavior, just out of fairness; he was here first. He has been my guy since I adopted him as a 1-year-old back in 2002, and I know that with his personality, he would have a VERY hard time transitioning into a new home, even if there were someone out there who wanted a neurotic 7-year-old cat.

But Meg reminds me so much of my first and dearest cat Murphy (who died at 19 in 2002) in terms of her behavior and personality that it would be like losing him all over again to have to let her go. It took her months to finally get used to me (though she adored my husband and daughter), and in this past month or so when she finally began playing and cuddling with me as well, it has just made me so happy. Yet again, I'm not sure there are many places out there for an 8-year-old cat -- and she's already lost one home through no fault of her own.

I get so upset thinking about this -- presently bawling my head off -- but I really do not know what I'm going to do. My husband has given me until I go back to school (I'm a teacher) to get the situation resolved -- and that gives me 2 weeks.

I know you all are really good about sending prayers & positive energy -- well, we could use some around here!

Hugs,
Diana

How awful for you, Diana!

Refresh my memory - when you first brought Meg home, how were they introduced? :)

Hi sweetie,

I did my best to be "by the book" when introducing them -- kept them apart entirely for about a week, taking items with one another's scent back and forth so they could get accustomed to one another, then allowed them to see one another briefly (a few minutes at a time) for another couple of weeks -- then progressed to letting them have special treats and toys together in the same room for short times, and finally allowing them to just basically interact together. All in all, the process took about 5 weeks -- and at least for the first few months, it seemed to work.

When we agreed to take Meg in, I had NO idea that Zorro could be so aggressive; when we first brought him home with Einstein (who was just a baby), Zorro let Einstein literally jump onto his back and ride him around like a pony without so much as a growl -- and they've never done anything more extreme than a little playful roughhousing in the years we've had them.

How frustrating and heartbreaking. :( Have you tried giving them the clomicalm in pill pockets? That's how I got Sherpa to take his.

Just a note: A saline flush is a better idea than peroxide. In vet tech school I was taught that peroxide can drive bacteria deeper into wounds, especially punctures.

If they got along ok for a few months - I wonder if Zorro is unwell, perhaps feeling pain from some unknown problem, and taking it out on Meg?

He might have a urinary infection or something else. Have you had Zorro checked out lately?

With a sudden change in behaviour, my first thought is health problem.

All the furkids are spayed and neutered, right?

A thorough checkup at the vet for Zorro, including urine, would be my suggestion.

Sigh...

Yep, my Zozie-Pie went to the vet as soon as I realized what he'd been doing to his fur-sister -- checked urine for possible UTI and blood for possible hyperthyroidism (evidently also causes irritability). Other than being overweight and needing his teeth cleaned, he was the picture of health. (They've all been spayed & neutered since they were just little.)

Zorro's overall behavior hasn't changed; he is his typical weird but charming self as long as Meg isn't around -- plays, cuddles, purrs like a motorboat, everything as usual. This situation with Meg has been more of a gradual escalation than a sudden change, as he's gone from "passive aggressive" to just flat-out aggressive with her.

And Cathy, thanks for the advice about the saline; I was just going by what the vet told me to do the last time he sent Meg home after an abscessed owie, but I can see where it could very well make things worse instead of better -- after all, when the vet told me peroxide, he already had her on antibiotics. I'd imagine the vet will give her another of those handy-dandy antibiotic shots, which is a good thing considering my track record with giving them pills. I seem to have the only cats in the world who won't eat pill pockets -- not even if there's nothing in them!

Man -- pill pockets, Feliway, Clomicalm... all the magic bullets have been shooting blanks here! And I always thought I was such a good cat mom...

Diana - there are some meds that can be compounded so that the stuff can be rubbed into the cat's ear.

I don't know how pricey it would be, or whether it can be done with any of the drugs you mentioned, but it might be worth checking into.

ONE thing you might try with the Feliway spray is something I did with Oscar - and my vet loved it! Instead of trying to spray everywhere Oscar might be, or wondering about diffusers - I got Oscar a really stretchy nylon collar - and a dose of Feliway gets squirted into that. Even though he is used to it, I get up behind him when he's eating, stroke him to let him know I am there, then put a finger under the collar, shake the Feliway, and squeeze more slowly so a squirt of it goes into the collar. (You don't want the big hissy spray sound here, nor should it be sprayed on his fur/skin).

Maybe this would be the simplest thing to try.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mamaducky

Man -- pill pockets, Feliway, Clomicalm... all the magic bullets have been shooting blanks here! And I always thought I was such a good cat mom...

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You're a good mom. Cats are finicky, as you well know, and they have distinct personalities. We'll send up prayers that all will be well.

Like people, some cats will just take an instant dislike to each other. If keeping them together makes everyone unhappy then maybe finding a home for one of them is the only answer. Just remember that Meg is not Murphy

Maybe have your female checked out . Wonder if she could be hormone imbalanced and might have scents emanating from her that her male partner is not keen on...maybe some male hormone thus making it seem as though she were nother male?..Just a thought.

I AM GLAD THAT WITH THE FOUND CATS, THAT THERES NEVER REALLY BEEN A REALLY HATE THING.:mad: MY PRINCESS KEEPS TO HERSELF AND HISSES AND SPITS , AND SHES LEFT ALONE.:cool:
PANTHERS A LONER TOO, BUT HE JUST LEAVES WHEN ONE OF THE OTHERS GET TOO CLOSE AND LOVES THE SOLITUDE OF THE CELLAR.
WE ARE SENDING PRAYERS THAT SOMEHWO YOU CAN GET YOUR CATS TO GET ALONG,
ITS A SHAME YOU CANT TELL THAT WHATS AT STAKE.:(:(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by catmandu

ITS A SHAME YOU CANT TELL THAT WHATS AT STAKE.:(:(

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Wow, Gary -- you are SO right! I keep wanting to say to them, "Do you not GET it? This is the best gig you're going to get, so don't be acting like this!"

Unfortunately, these particular cats don't seem to speak English. :p

One constructive thing I've done this morning was to switch vets; when I called today to make an appointment to check Meg's bite wound, I was told that the vet who has been seeing my cats is now "no longer with them". This is at least the 5th vet I've had with this practice in the past 8 years -- which says something to me about the practice. (The care has always been good up to now -- but I've also not had any major problems, either, so it only bothered me a little that the staff seemed to be in a revolving door.) Adding that to the "trainer on staff" who never returned my calls asking for help, it seemed as though it's time to make the break.

The vet to whom I'll be taking Meg this afternoon is affiliated with the Cat Network here in St. Louis, which is a no-kill shelter/cat rescue organization -- this makes me think that they may well have done more work with cats, and they'll at least have a little bit better idea about what solutions we might have for our problems. (They also come highly recommended by my Wheaten Terrier "dog-sister" -- my Mom & Dad really love these vets.)

Maybe they won't have any better ideas for me, but at least I feel as though I'm trying to do something to make the situation better.

By the way, everybody, thanks so much for all your kindness as we go through this stressful situation. Your support means more than you realize! :love::love::love::love:

Big hugs,
Diana

I'm sorry all the regular stuff isn't working, you're not a bad cat mama! I hope this new vet has some answers for you.

This is a hard place for you to be and I have similar issues with Oliver and Charlie (two of my furry ones). I had reached the point where I was ready to return Oliver to the shelter I got him from. He was always good with the other guys and me, but the minute he would see Charlie he would try and fight him. Before that I did a couple of things, first I had Nancy (an animal communicator) do a reading on both of them. It helped me understand a little better some of this issues going on. That wasn't quite enough, so I ended up putting Oliver (he was the aggressive one) on Prozac and it is like night and day. I normally wouldn't have gone this route, but I had tried everything and this was the last resort and boy did it make a difference. He now "reminds" me when I need to give him the medicine :D

What a bad situation. I'm so sorry. I have a much milder case of it here with Rocky and Scout (heck everybody picks on Scout). Anyway, last year I tried Clomicalm and it was a compounded cream that I rubbed in Rocky's ear. I can't say that it helped, it just seemed to make Rocky a little spacey acting and when he'd come off of it it he acted worse in my opinion. That doesn't mean it wouldn't work for you. Maybe you could ask about a cream instead of a pill?

Good luck with the new vet. Fingers and paws crossed that they offer some help. (((HUGS))) for you!

I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening.:( I hope that your new vet will be able to help you. Like others have said, I'd try to either get the medicine compounded into a liquid form or a cream. I hope that you'll be able to find a solution for this problem and that you won't have to rehome any of your cats. Please continue to keep us updated. Good luck.:)

I did have to rehome my semi-feral cat Cirrus because he and Storm would fight daily and it just got worse. He was a cat that I wouldn't be able to medicate unless it was in his food but he was too smart. Now he has a wonderful new loving forever home. If you do have to rehome your female then I hope that everything will work out for her. Good luck.:)