I've been lurking for a while. Truth be told, I MISS you guys!
I really distanced myself with the whole Butch thing a year ago. I've made many mistakes, and if you'll all lend me an ear, I'd like to explain a few things. :)
(this is just a cross-post from a journal.)
"i met him two years ago. he is a friend of my dad's. butch, the soldier, owned a small snow cone stand that was in the parking lot of our biggest grocery store here. butch needed another worker, so i volunteered.
we bonded INSTANTLY. he has that amazing personality; he loves to talk about anything, gives great advice and has the best laugh. he has funny jokes (and really corny ones) but he's just a great person.
i think the reason i love him is because when i met butch, my parents were going through a divorce and my dad had just met his girlfriend. i went from being seventeen and being a major daddy's girl to having to share every aspect of my dad with this woman i hardly knew. butch became the person to go to when i got so frustrated with not having all of my dad.
let me back track a bit--- my parents split in january of 2004. my mom moved out. even when my parents were married (they were married for 18 years) my dad was the only person around. my mom was (and still is) clinically depressed. she was always distant, never did things with us, never did anything around the house and never supported me in particular. my dad was my whole world. in march of 2007, the divorce was final.
dad, brother and i moved into an apartment. he was always with us, he played games with us, took us places, made dinner, he did it all. then four months or so after they split in 04, he met angie, his girlfriend.
she's got two kids from a previous marriage. all of a sudden, my dad went from being mine to being hers. i had to share, and as selfish as it sounds, i was so heartbroken and jealous.
then butch came along and he cared about me. he has told me on more than one occasion that he thinks of me as a daughter. he cares about me, he would do anything for me, and i the same for him. i spent endless days working with him at the stand, traveling with him to various fairs and working there.
i don't want to say he replaced my dad, because i love my dad. butch just gave me that love and support that i had to struggle to get from my dad.
i don't love him in a romantic way. yes, i love him. he kept me going when i was down, he pulled me through my toughest time. he was there for me when i felt like my dad was too busy with the new soon-to-be step-family.
now butch is thousands of miles away in iraq, fighting to stay alive. i feel lost, like im in the middle of a desert, stranded and i have nothing. it's so hard to be strong when he, quite literally, kept me alive for two years."
Soo... Butch has been deployed since... July 13th or so. I'm alive. I get emails from him and it always makes my day better.
My stepmom and I don't get along much. I just avoid her, avoid conflict and things are okay.
I'm actually looking at moving out with my cousin, but being a full-time college student and working only a part time job (I'm a dog groomer!) is putting a bit of a strain on me financially and I can't really afford it yet.
Edward is doing fine, still a little stuffy. My grandpa has pneumonia (again!), school is lots of fun, I'm doing well in my classes and I'm trying to turn things around.
I MISS YOU GUYS! I'm sorry I distanced myself. I've grown up, I promise. Take me back? ;) :p
