Surviving a desperate time.....

I am recalling the times when we have had members post about very serious times in their lives, sharing depression and any number of terrific things that have hurt, caused pain and seemed to shatter lives for a period of time over the years...

What I am asking is that some of you could share specific actions that help get you through times that seem so painful and as if they will never end. It does not really matter if the emotional pain was from a death, a loss of a pet or friend, a tragic world event, a betrayal, etc.

I will list several things that have pulled me through a terrible time...and hopefully some of you will share ideas that someone else may need to hear and perhaps try. Maybe some of these ideas will stay in our minds in case we need to try them at a future time.

I will enjoy reading what may work for others and hope that these ideas will be interesting and helpful to all of us.

*put your hand on your heart and feel the heartbeat. Listen to breathing.

* stroke a pet...feel their heart beating. Be aware of the softness of their fur, the wetness of their nose, the fragileness or sturdiness of their bodyparts.

* cry in the shower. put your head against the tiles and feel the water rushing over you as you cry until you are very tired and think about becoming cleansed by the flow of tears and water.

* copy notes of encouragement from people who have made an effort to support you. read them over and over when you may feel alone and abandoned.

* feel textures. your pet, fabric, smooth stones...whatever may be near. concentrate on the feeling and texture.

* if possible, make and eat a simple, healthy meal. try to make yourself taste what is in your mouth and know it is nourishing your body. use foodcolor to make something simple look whimsical.

* visit a nursing home and hold hands with someone, stroke their hand and just sit

Remind yourself that there is a tomorrow that is better.

The best advice I ever got from a dear friend was to repeat to myself "This too shall pass"....It doesn't sound like much, but I remember better times and tell myself "this too shall pass" until I believe it.

All thoughout my life I have had a lot of medical problems & surgeries. There would me many of times that I came home crying from school, or upset because I was passed up for a job, etc.


My mother always told me to remember that there is always someone else out there that is worse off than I am. If you stop and think about it, it puts your problem(s) into a whole new light.

I have also heard the "And this too shall pass..." and that is correct.

What would life be without problems and conflicts?! I believe that we were put here with a purpose in life. We have to live our lives to the fullest, and to the best of our abilities. Never give up, there is always hope.


Also, petting your animal (any or all of my cats come in very handy for this) takes away the stress.

Pets are great, they have no idea what is happening around them, all they have to worry about is being fed, and attention from you. They know when you are sad or upset and comfort you to the best of their ablility.

Go hug your pet!!! The best stress reliever there is!!! :D

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Originally Posted by Catsnclay

Go hug your pet!!! The best stress reliever there is!!! :D

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I MUST "DITTO" that!! I have been having lots of pain lately; painkillers brought some relief every now and then; but what brought an instant smile to my face and a warm feeling in my heart, was finding several cats on my bed, giving me headbumpies and licking my hand :)

I tell myself that things could be worse. For example: now I need to use a walker, but at least I can walk. I am not confined to a wheelchair.

I also believe that all things happen for a reason even if I don't like it. Things will work out: like the bible verse in my siggy says.

For me, it was very important to stay busy - cleaning out the filing cabinet, cleaning the attic, fixing something broken, just doing something with my hands. It kept me from staring into space and just feeling like there was no point in even moving.

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Originally Posted by columbine

For me, it was very important to stay busy - cleaning out the filing cabinet, cleaning the attic, fixing something broken, just doing something with my hands. It kept me from staring into space and just feeling like there was no point in even moving.

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I agree. You can't worry when you keep busy at some task. For me,
it's been the love & support of my whole family that's seen me through
some very rough times in my life.

I do use a worry stone my daughter gave me to help quiting smoking. :)

Way back in 1986 when my brother and sister died I had to be strong for my parents. That got me thru that, but with terrible survivors guilt.

When Sami, my first very own dog died, I got a notebook and I wrote down all the good, funny things that happened in our 12 years together. Like when she tricked me into taking off my gardening gloves to pet her. She grabbed a glove and raced around the yard, wouldn't give it back. I didn't want to ever forget her.

when i went through my end of my first relationship, after 12 years together, i had massive sleeping problems and panic attacks. i wish i had known to see a doctor. getting sleep and having a way to live through the panic attacks would have helped so much.

When my brother died and I had to handle a huge mess and the loss of him I had to take life one day at a time. Each day was compartmentalized and an accomplishment.

In times of trouble I try to remind myself that God has a plan for everything, and that He would never put me through anything that He didn't think I could handle. Sure, I may be feeling that I can't pull through but compared to Him what do I know? ;) Giving the kitties a good pet never hurts either! Another thing that helps is that I tell someone I love them, letting someone else know that they are important to to me really lifts me up when I am down.

Y'all will never know how much I needed to read this.

Thank you!

When it involves anger (not grief or sadness) I have my surefire-for-me method. When I am stressed and angry, and cannot sleep because I am too worked up, I put my glasses back on, get a pencil or pen and a piece of paper, and make a list.

I make a list of things I hate. It always, always, always starts with "canned peas" even though I have not even encountered them for years. That's an all-abiding hate from childhood. It moves on from there, and includes anything that really annoys me, and eventually I even usually get down to what I am actually angry about, and by the end, I can relax and get to sleep.

I agree with so many of these. I try to "live in an attitude of gratitude". When I think every thing is bad I try to stop and say...okay..do I have shoes on my feet? That's good..Do have clothes on my back? That's good..Do I have a roof over me? That's good. Do I have my cats that love me no matter what? That's good.
I take it from there and it helps me put my problems in perspective.

I have a journal I write in. It's helped me alot along with the love of my friends, PT pals and family. Every year on my dad's anniversary, I write a letter to my Dad and seal it. I have 10 letters written to him that I've never opened.

- Talking to some of my friends about whats bothering me (I love my online friends).

- Hanging & talking to my buddy Joe. I don't know what it is with us, but we run to the other for comfort. It works great for us. When I was in that bad situation with Chad, he would invite me over until the wee hours of the night. We would hardly talk. We would just sit in the darkness of his room watching our cartoons. We don't have to talk to each other to get totally relaxed. Just being in the same room alone, or my car, its sooooo relaxing.

- Snuggling up to Digi my puppy makes all my worries go away. Just coming home to her puts me in the best of best moods. Going to sleep with her beside my bed allows me to sleep with no issues & I wake up to butt wiggles & loving. Its such an awesome feeling

What a wonderful idea for a thread!

Ones that you listed that help me include the crying in the shower. It really can wash away the sadness. Even just simple stress.

Petting a loved pet.

Other things ...

Going for a walk. Starting out with determination in your step as if you have a destination that you have to arrive at NOW. Let the anger or sadness flow through you and your steps, let it seep out.

Sitting with a loved tree usually is paired with the walk. Sitting there and talking to it. Listening to the wind and the birds. I mean after all... is a tree going to be judgmental? o.O

Working out in the garden. Doing anything rhythmic with the hands help. Rhythmic and physical. I can't explain it, it's another one of those primal things that just come naturally.

Writing and drawing used to always help me too. If you have something you're passionate about... let those thoughts get out of your head. Let the paper take them from you. You don't have to show them to anyone, you can destroy it later or save them to examine them when you're feeling a bit better. They can help you figure out yourself.

I also know someone who showed a LOT of emotional improvement when they started a physical hobby that had no strings attached (no peer pressure, etc.) In this case it was a martial art. (It was as if he had gone on medication or someone waved a magic wand.)

Also, this may sound silly... but a cup of hot cocoa. It's been my little miracle ever since a bad break up years ago. NOTHING was consoling me... and then my friend and i decided to have some hot cocoa and make a few silly phone calls... the hot cocoa did the trick. I've repeated it when other sad times came up... it works. Not for REALLY bad stuff... then it only helps a *tiny* bit.

Good thread with lots of good ideas.

I have been in a really bad way for the past year now. It is still hard but I am finally starting to see some light.

For a long time I shut out my friends and wouldn't talk to them. I seem to shut down in a big way when I am hurting. Now I have learned to open up and just talk about my feelings. I wouldn't be anywhere if it wasn't for these wonderful friends. I realize now how lucky I am to have these people in my life.

So now I survive by:

Relying on my wonderful PT friends who are my REAL friends. They have stuck by me no matter what I have done. Almost every morning I have an email waiting for me at work from a very special friend that helps to start my day off right. There are lots of times when I write back whining and complaining and she hangs in there and helps me make it through the day.

Relying on my parents. I have put my parents through hell and we have fought and cried together and they are always there for me.

I do some online journaling which I have to admit is usually very negative and full of bad thoughts. I have a few friends on that list that are always there to just let me know they are around and send out some hugs for me. One special friend is always there with a quick call to make sure I'm ok and still around when I get really bad.

My dogs. "My girls". Dear Lord, I don't know where I would be without them. They are here for me every day. I am ashamed to admit that when Alden first left me and I sank into this severe depression that my girls drove me nuts. Sometimes I couldn't even stand them. They were a part of him. "He" got the dogs for me. I don't really know why I felt that way but I did. Now I don't know what I would do without them. I hate that I can't take them every where with me. They make me feel loved and loved unconditionally. They make me feel safe. I don't think anyone is going to bother me with my two girls around...lol...especially my Katie Girl. I love my girls, Katie and Tori! They are wonderful!

This one is kind of embarrassing but I also survive by trying to look in the mirror and tell myself that "I am a strong and beautiful woman". Along with that I try to name a few good things about myself both physical beauty and inner beauty. That one is super hard to do when your self esteem has been completely shattered. I'm supposed to name several things on both sides but I can't seem to name any. The only thing I can seem to say easily on the physical part is that I have pretty eyes and I only say that because I have heard that my whole life so I guess it is true...lol. Can you look at yourself and say 5-7 good things about your physical beauty and 5-7 good things about your inner beauty? I find it so difficult.

I survive by reading this scripture every day. I have it on my desk here and on my desk at work:

For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
JEREMIAH 29:11

Writing all of this is also a way of surviving for me. Thanks for letting me share and sorry that I get so windy when I am writing or typing something out. I'm actually a quiet person and don't talk much in person...lol.

{{{HUGS TO YOU ALL}}}

Robilee, Big hugs...I know you have been trough hell, that took a lot of courage to talk about. How you felt about the girls it just shows how complicated we are in our emotional states I am glad they are a comfort to you now. Just remember you have worth and there is someone out there to love who will find more than 7 things to love inside and out.

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Originally Posted by caseysmom

Robilee, Big hugs...I know you have been trough hell, that took a lot of courage to talk about. How you felt about the girls it just shows how complicated we are in our emotional states I am glad they are a comfort to you now. Just remember you have worth and there is someone out there to love who will find more than 7 things to love inside and out.

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Thank you. See another sweet PT friend! Thanks for your support and encouragement.

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Originally Posted by RobiLee

Good thread with lots of good ideas.

I have been in a really bad way for the past year now. It is still hard but I am finally starting to see some light.

For a long time I shut out my friends and wouldn't talk to them. I seem to shut down in a big way when I am hurting. Now I have learned to open up and just talk about my feelings. I wouldn't be anywhere if it wasn't for these wonderful friends. I realize now how lucky I am to have these people in my life.

So now I survive by:

Relying on my wonderful PT friends who are my REAL friends. They have stuck by me no matter what I have done. Almost every morning I have an email waiting for me at work from a very special friend that helps to start my day off right. There are lots of times when I write back whining and complaining and she hangs in there and helps me make it through the day.

Relying on my parents. I have put my parents through hell and we have fought and cried together and they are always there for me.

I do some online journaling which I have to admit is usually very negative and full of bad thoughts. I have a few friends on that list that are always there to just let me know they are around and send out some hugs for me. One special friend is always there with a quick call to make sure I'm ok and still around when I get really bad.

My dogs. "My girls". Dear Lord, I don't know where I would be without them. They are here for me every day. I am ashamed to admit that when Alden first left me and I sank into this severe depression that my girls drove me nuts. Sometimes I couldn't even stand them. They were a part of him. "He" got the dogs for me. I don't really know why I felt that way but I did. Now I don't know what I would do without them. I hate that I can't take them every where with me. They make me feel loved and loved unconditionally. They make me feel safe. I don't think anyone is going to bother me with my two girls around...lol...especially my Katie Girl. I love my girls, Katie and Tori! They are wonderful!

This one is kind of embarrassing but I also survive by trying to look in the mirror and tell myself that "I am a strong and beautiful woman". Along with that I try to name a few good things about myself both physical beauty and inner beauty. That one is super hard to do when your self esteem has been completely shattered. I'm supposed to name several things on both sides but I can't seem to name any. The only thing I can seem to say easily on the physical part is that I have pretty eyes and I only say that because I have heard that my whole life so I guess it is true...lol. Can you look at yourself and say 5-7 good things about your physical beauty and 5-7 good things about your inner beauty? I find it so difficult.

I survive by reading this scripture every day. I have it on my desk here and on my desk at work:

For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
JEREMIAH 29:11

Writing all of this is also a way of surviving for me. Thanks for letting me share and sorry that I get so windy when I am writing or typing something out. I'm actually a quiet person and don't talk much in person...lol.

{{{HUGS TO YOU ALL}}}

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Glad to hear you're doing better, Robin. ((((hugs)))) I am so glad that your pups have helped you heal so much!

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Originally Posted by RobiLee

For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
JEREMIAH 29:11

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Robin - this is my absolute favorite Bible verse. I have this and several others written on index cards to read quickly when I haven't had the heart to actually open my Bible and read. Thank you for sharing this one :)

The way I memorized it is from my NASB version:
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope'.

Honestly turning to PT has helped me get through some worrying times, i am always grateful for the advice,emotional support and cheering up that everyone has contributed to over my years here on PT,I find it much easier to express myself on online than in person, I can share so much here in a way that i just cannot do in real life,so to everyone who has helped me here in the past a huge thank you.

My cats are so important to me in my life, and have bought me so much joy and happiness, i never knew just how much they would enrich my life, i have always loved animals, but have a new understanding and approach to them in my older years that has made me a much better, giving person.,they are always there for me in times of despair, fustration or low times.,even if they don't understand,their unconditional love for me helps me through the tough times.

Knowing there is always someone worse off than me in the world, only works for me sometimes, if i am having a bad day with severe pain,and everything has gone to custard, that saying only infuriates me,but there are days when i think exactly of that saying and how true it is and I am thankful to be as lucky as I am,and almost feel ashamed at myself for feeling as I do.,so yes that saying has it's positives and it's negatives.

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Originally Posted by RobiLee

I have been in a really bad way....For a long time I shut out my friends and wouldn't talk to them. I seem to shut down in a big way when I am hurting.

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RobiLee: I'm there right now but for different reasons. http://67.15.70.205/i/our_smilies/frown.gif I can relate.

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Originally Posted by RobiLee

I try to name a few good things about myself both physical beauty and inner beauty. That one is super hard to do when your self esteem has been completely shattered. I'm supposed to name several things on both sides but I can't seem to name any. Can you look at yourself and say 5-7 good things about your physical beauty and 5-7 good things about your inner beauty? I find it so difficult.

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There is absolutely no way I could do this...whether or not I'm in a good frame of mind. Congratulations girl for taking on this very difficult task.

RobiLee: I have been going through some of my own "stuff"...among other things, potentially more cancer treatment. I think of you often....how you posted that you only had two more treatments left...then one more...then you were done. To me you are among the strongest people I know and believe it or not, you are an inspiration to me. Thank you.

I'm keeping an watchful eye on this thread so I can pick up some pointers. Thanks to everyone who have shared their experiences.

I feel so proud to know all of you. Many of you have fought through tough situations and a lot of demons and you SURVIVED!!!!! You SURVIVED!!!! :D :D :D Kudos to all of you. What an inspiration you are to the rest of us.

Why we, as women, are so self critical, I'll never understand.:confused: But, I am the exact same way. I have never met most of you face to face, but I can name 5-100 things about you that I love and cherish, just from "meeting" you through your words.

We have to hang tough, never losing sight of our own self, as we "give" to others, whether it be our spouse, children, friends, extended family and our pets. I'm learning, slowly, but surely, that if I'm not ok with me, I'm not going to be ok with a lot of things.

Logan