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Are they a popular thing where you are? Ever heard of one before?
I only ask because I have always known them to be a very common thing where I am from and had no idea that it wasn't a common thing everywhere. No one here knows what a stag and doe is.... they don't have them and have never heard of them.
Have you?
Um, yeah. A stag is a male deer and a doe is a female deer.
Do you mean having that as labels on the men's and ladies room doors? Justone "Canadian themed" restuarant does that near here.
LOL No....
it's like a pre wedding reception. Where I am from Brides and grooms to be throw a big party to raise money for their wedding or honeymoon or house or whatever. they sell tickets and rent a hall and a dj and serve booze and have door prizes and there are usually silly games like goldfish races to play. They usually have this party a couple months before the wedding.
I had no idea that this was not a normal thing everywhere lol.
It might be a Canadian thing, but I'm not sure?
I've been to a couple, and they've generally been a combo-deal of the guys stag party, and the girls wedding shower in one. Usually when its a short time between the engagement to the wedding, things like that. Mostly, we've ended up having parties, or taking over a pub -- things like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Frog
I think it must be a Canadian thing lol.
although I have never been to one that was a combo stag party and wedding shower.... usually there are no gifts or anything like that it is strictly to raise money lol.
I have never heard of it either.
I mean no offence, but I busted a gut when I read what RedHedd & Karen posted :D
I thought everyone know what that was! Wow learn something new everyday :o
I've never been to one though. Not sure if I ever will get to go to one. No one I know is in that kind of relationship.
You throw a party to raise money for yourself? Like a fundraiser or a benefit? Hmmm....that sounds odd to me, no matter what you call it.
Think of it more as a fun get together party, where people leave money, or play games that involve money & give it to the soon to be wedded, so things will be a little bit easier on them. Most people use it for their honeymoon. Its not a lot of money, maybe a couple hundred $ to a grand, all depending on how many people show up... My sister gave 50.00Quote:
Originally Posted by Cataholic
I call them Stag and Hen parties.
It is where all the boys from the wedding party go out together, and all the girls go out together, sort of a last night of "freedom" ritual.
Loads of fun, and I would never get married without planning one (or two!)
So is there still a bachelor and bachelorette party, or does this take the place of that? Does the bride still have a bridal shower? So, you would be expected to buy a gift for the shower, give money at the party, and give a gift/money at the wedding? :eek: I have three weddings coming up, I think I would go broke!
I think the stag & doe turn it into just one big party.. or one for guys & one for girls, but they still do the same kind of party, but there is money involvedQuote:
Originally Posted by JenBKR
LOL. I am so old. I thought Bachlorette/Bachelor parties were those last parties of singledom, where all the friends got together and drank too much.Quote:
Originally Posted by king2005
To think that somehow I would be funding someone's wedding, unless I was the parent, is kind of crazy to me. If these people need funding, shouldn't they hook up with a financial planner rather than a spouse?
BUT, to show that I CAN change with the times, I am willing to ask for all financial contributions to be sent to my home, immediately, as I might get married one day. Please pm me for my address. :D
I once was invited to a wedding. I was asked by another invitee if I would be giving "an envelope." She cleared up my confusion by explaining you should, in addition to a gift, give an envelope with cash to cover the cost of the dinner.
I have never been invited to a party and been asked to pass cash (small unmarked bills perhaps?? plain envelope??) to cover the cost of my entertainment.
I remain shocked....
ES- Do I owe you money for the festivities in the summer of '04? I did eat alot.......
Did you miss the collection plate by the back gate? ;) ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Cataholic
Oh, Heck! I thought that was to used as my gas money back home! :o
LOL
I guess its just something we do up here. You do not HAVE to give money at these functions. I know if I ever get married, I will not need any gifts, as I already own just about everything I need to live in a house (full kitchen, yay me!)... But giving $ would help out a lot... so chances are this tradition started, when people like me were getting married, so they have money parties instead of gift parties...
I hope that made sence lol
Well, heres how the last couple of weddings went --
The last one had a stag-n-doe as one party, and not separate ones. The party was run by some of the friends as a way to help them raise money for the wedding -- this was our way, as their friends, to help them to get married without having to go into debt to do it. I suspect it may also be a way for either/both the bride and groom to avoid going to the 'peelers instead ;) *lol* There was limited funds for both families, and it made it easier on the bride and groom to help out.
The one before that was more of the standard turn of events - 2 bridal showers (one run by friends, and one run by family), a stagette party where everyone went out drinking, and a stag party where who only knows (or really wants to know :rolleyes: ) what the guys got up to. Both families covered most of the wedding expenses.
For me, presents are for showers. For the wedding itself, I always bring a card with money in it, generally between 100-150 each for me and my date. Help to cover the expenses and such, but not a present to the wedding. If someone told me that i needed/had to bring both a present and money to the wedding, i'd prolly tell them where to go ;)
edit: the smiley was supposed to be a rolling-eyes face aimed at what boys do at bachelor parties.
My husband's sister and future husband had a "Jack and Jill", sort of like a stag and doe. You had to pay for your ticket ($25.00) each person and the proceeds went to the couple to use as they saw fit.
When I got married I had a "Shower" and my husband had a "Stag".
BF- WOW. You are a generous person, truly.
I can't really say that I am familiar with these sort of 'parties'. IMO, at a minimum, they should be encaptioned 'fundraisers'. Truly, though, these people should be rethinking their priorities. Why enter into a 'new' life when they can't afford it? There are lots of things I want, and don't want to go into debt for. New house, new car, pay off my student loans, upgrade my wardrobe, etc. But, I can't afford it. So, I wait. Or, do without. Or, modify.
To me, this is just one of the areas of trouble with today's 'youth'. (I know, I know, I am once again knocking the younger set). The entitlement theory is a tough one to survive on....
I think there needs to be a clear distinction between Fund Raisers, Charity Balls and Celebratory Parties. I am not sure where a Gift Party fits in there.
I read in some advice column about a bride who suggested a minimum dollar value for cash contribution. And one who advised what color the guests should wear. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
You are right Cataholic....we must be old.... :D
Let's sit back in our rocking chairs and reminisce about the "good old days" when having a party meant entertaining your guests rather than counting the house. :D :D :D
A fun article about this subject ...Marriage
Well, the way i always figured it is -- I have a few close friends, and I'd like to see them be happy in their lives. If I can afford to help them out, then i will to the best of my ability, because I care about them and their future. You hopefully only get married once, and its for both of you, but also for your family and friends to help you to celebrate your lives together -- even if they can't necessairly afford everything. Its a way to give the new couple, as well as the attendees some good memories of what is supposed to be a special and memorable event.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cataholic
I'm not sure if I fall into the 'Today's Youth' set you're talking about -- quite possibly I do, but I have never felt 'entitled' to anything. I work for what I have, and I give what I can to my friends and family. But looking from the reverse thing, I have 2 parents, both very recently retired and not living together, into their pensions ... and I fully expect that I will into the future be having to help support them in some fashion. I may not be explaining what I'm trying to say very well here -- may have to think on it some more.
Blue Frog, remember that thread you posted before about people not turning up at weddings? I think I now know why. They can't afford to go to a wedding, so they try to kid on they have fled the country. ;) :D
Good point there, KK. For me, I would have to look closely at the pocketbook, and weigh the wedding 'requirements' with the mortgage 'requirements'. Thankfully for the young one, five pets, and this old person- the mortgage wins! BUT, a tastefully respectful gift would be sent. Operative word- gift. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Killearn Kitties
LOL i think you just solved the Mystery! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Killearn Kitties
It was more of the 'showing up to the reception and not the ceremony' thing, but this whole scenario may require some more thought... good thing I dont have any plans to be married any time soon :D
Besides, if i did, it would prolly turn into one of those 'ladder to the window and away' kind of weddings anyway!
Todays youth?
Ummm thats far from the truth!
My folks married 26-27yrs ago & did the same thing, but they also were given a couple planned gifts(I have the fondu set).. I think my mom was 25ish & dad was 31ish. My uncle got married in his 30's & did the same thing.
Its not something new by far! Its either gifts or money, not both (except for a few greedy turds, but ignoring them...)
Like I said, if I ever get married, there is nothing to get us & people like to give "something" at a wedding, so instead of gifts, its money.
Thats not why people don't show up to weddings. Theres no fee, as the stag n doe, is before the wedding & you don't have to go to the stag n doe.. its an extra event... people are cheap & just want free food & free booze
LOL good lord some of these "accusations" are ridiculous. It is not a "give me money because I can't afford to be married" sort of thing. it is a big party thrown mostly for people that will not be able to attend the wedding.... most of the time no one has bridal showers anymore.... at least people I know of. No one HAS to give money... you don't HAVE to go... you aren't EXPECTED to do anything. They sell tickets to a party.... WOW so unheard of :rolleyes: LOL. You go to the party .... the bride and groom RENT a hall, RENT a DJ, and buy booze to be served at the hall. They have games you can play.... you put down .25 cents for a goldfish race.... I hope that doesn't break the bank. You buy raffle tickets for door prizes or a 50/50 draw. For example, I am donating a bottle of Vodka for a door prize at my sisters stag and doe.... all the brides maids and groomsmen are donating door prizes as well as the bride and groom.
I really don't see where this says you can't afford to get married or you need a financial advisor... that seems a little silly to assume that throwing a party where you make back the money you spent on the party and maybe a little extra means THAT. I guess it's just a difference in culture.... this is VERY normal where I come from and is a GREAT time. I'm willing to donate $10 for a great party in celebration of such an event.... especially if I am not going to the wedding.
The wedding is already paid for.... I don't think it is unheard of for a newly wed couple to raise money to help start their new life. No one is expected to do anything or pay anything.... they just DO because they love the bride and groom and like to have a good party.
But again this must just be a big difference in culture.... even though it's just across the border lol. This is a VERY common practice and a lot of time it is expected that you will throw this party.
I think most of the time they still have their individual nights out for a bachelor or bachelorette party.... this is just a party they can throw together with ALL of their friends and family.
Today's youth? LOL... that cracks me up. You see... this is not a "today's youth" type thing.... where I am from this is a tradition and has been for many many many years.... long before I was even born. I guess it's just a different tradition than you are used to and you have a hard time understanding that it is not greed that governs these parties. You certainly would not be obligated to attend.
When the boys got married they didn't have a Stag n Stag party. A lot of people were mad.. Its going on 7 months & we stil hear about not having oneQuote:
Originally Posted by sparks19
Quote:
Originally Posted by king2005
LOL I know.... I got married kind of on the fly lol There was no wedding... no reception... no stag and doe.... and all everyone kept saying is "aren't you going to have a party?" LOL
And what is considered "Today's youth"
How young do you have to be to fit into that category.... IMO, my sister does NOT fit into the "Todays youth" category lol nor did my brother when he got married and they had their stag and doe. But I am sure my father will be thrilled to know that at 60 years old he is considered "today's youth" Although I suspect he already thinks he is.... Young at heart doesn't begin to describe it lol
Wait, I'm confused - is a stag and doe anything like a couples' shower? The last wedding I was invited to, they had a couples' shower because both the bride and the groom had been living on their own and they both had all the things that would have been "typical" shower gifts - like a blender, kitchen items, towels, that sort of thing. It was fun! A bunch of us going to the shower knew one another, so we all went in together to buy them a Weber kettle. But the secret got out, and when the groom found out, he insisted on using it at the couples' shower. So it was sort of a shower, barbecue, garden party sort of thing. Then the following weekend they had a big garage sale to get rid of their "double" objects and gave the money to cancer research.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cassiesmom
Sorta.... You don't really buy gifts or just donate money.... you buy things like tickets for admission.... pay to play goofy games and win prizes and buy raffle tickets for door prizes and 50/50 draws... and then they sell drinks for cheap. But yes since they already have a house and all their things they don't really need appliances or anything so there is really no sense in "gifts" because they already have everything lol. It's just a big party and people can choose to spend as much or as little as they want if any.
Wow...so couples who get married in Canada already have houses and all the appliances they need! And they don't need gifts. So they have a party for which they charge admission and sell drinks.
Don't you have to have a liquor license to sell drinks?
And you don't give wedding gifts as they already have everything they need need.
Interesting two countries so close have such different customs.
Sparks -- I'm sorry if what i said seemed directed towards your party, because I really didn't mean it that way at all, and my explanations probabally confused things even more for some of the folks on here.
The stag-n-doe party that I helped out with was to raise money to get some family out to the wedding who otherwise couldn't afford it so it was a little bit of a different situation, and I probablly shouldn't have used that as the explanation. The 'helping to pay' for the wedding was to get the family there, because it was important to the bride and groom, and we as their friends didn't want to see them in debt.
I've been to a couple of them as well -- like at Dave and Busters and such. Its always been a way to enjoy time with your friends, especially if your friends aren't of the same sex so wouldn't generally be invited to the stag/stagette party otherwise (yes, i know there are exceptions of course :))
So again, sorry if i made a confusing mess of what a stag and doe is supposed to be about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparks19
I gotta say, I have never heard of these kinds of parties. I don't get the
pay to play idea for a party. Why not give them a money gift and furnish
the games, drinks, and food for free. :) It's a PARTY. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary
do you actually read what is written or do you just skim and come to your own conclusions?
You will clearly see I said "my sister and her fiance" already have their house and all their appliances and have had their house for quite some time so technically they do NOT need a gift registry as they already have all their appliances... again this is MY SISTER and her FIANCE.... not to be confused with all of Canada ;) this is not true for everyone and if you read.... I never said it was.
and yes you have to have a liquor license to sell liquor.... which is why you go to the LCBO (liquor control board of Ontario) and apply for a temporary license which allows you to serve alcohol from that venue for that night. It's really quite simple and they are very easy to obtain.
why is it so confusing that we perhaps have a different tradition than you do? YES in Canada (at least in Ontario) it is expected that you will likely have a stag and doe.... MOSTLY for those that cannot or won't be attending the wedding.... however many people that ARE attending the wedding CHOOSE to go to this party. But it gives a chance for ALL of your friends, family and or co workers to join in on a celebration and they buy tickets (usually in advanced).
for the most part the money raised pays for the rented hall for the stag and doe.... the booze (bought by the bride and groom).... the DJ.... etc etc..... anything extra raised they get to keep. It's not like people are duped into giving money LOL it is very clear and understood and you are not required to attend. it is just a night to party put on by the bride and groom.
Blue Frog.... no I thought you did a great job of explaining different reasons for Stag and Doe's.... They are a ton of fun though :D
Lizbud, I don't know why.... it's just how we do it in Canada (Ontario). The Bride and Groom throw a stag and doe.... the groomsmen and Bridesmaids also help in the planning for the party and usually the bridal party is introduced as the bridal party at the Stag and Doe. it's just how we do things..... they are VERY common up there. it is more common to have one than to not have one. Last one I went to.... I won one of those cool folding chairs in a bag in the prize drawing.
LOL who knew talk about a party would spark such a debate .... Like Lizbud said... it's a PARTY. And it's usually a heck of a party at that lol.... although I will not be able to partake in the alcohol but perhaps I can haul my pregnant self out to the dance floor for a song or two haha.... otherwise I will probably spend mostof my time playing the goldfish races :D
Sorry...I missed the "my sister and her fiance" in this post.Quote:
Originally Posted by sparks19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary
is that the only post you read?
I clearly mention "my sisters stag and doe this weekend" more than once.
but that is neither here nor there.... seems you just have your panties in a twist about something you don't understand and if you dont' understand it you don't like it. You have come to your own conclusions about our traditions and there is nothing anyone says that will change your mind.... you don't like it and that is that. But you are missing out on one h*ll of a party ;)
this thread was not meant to start a heated debate.... it is a simple thread about a difference of tradition. is it too much to ask that a thread be taken the way it is? a light hearted question out of curiousity. Apparently it is. My mistake
I had no idea it would turn into a "youth of today" and "people are so greedy" and "if they are raising money they shouldn't be getting married they must be in tremendous debt" thread LOL it seems very silly to me that anyone would have even TAKEN the thread this way. it is a PARTY that people pay admission to.... apparently that is unheard of around these parts.... but admission to parties where the hall, dj, food and alcohol are supplied is very common where I come from... I see nothing wrong with paying an admission to a party such as this.... if you do ... well that is a whole different issue now isn't it. Where I am from a ten dollar ticket doesn't break the bank and if it does you don't attend.... no harm no foul.
Edited to add: I guess we are just a party nation :D hence this party tradition that is unheard of elsewhere
Oh and as far as I know we mostly forgo the bridal shower.... I can't ever recall going to a bridal shower or anyone even having a bridal shower.