Prevent the torture of my son ;)

Can we all play a game and scheme to make me laugh instead of seriously dream of ways to torture my son? He'll be 21 in a month and he acts more like he's 10.

He's had three jobs already this summer and been fired for laziness and not showing up. THREE JOBS! He likes the one at the video store paying $6 an hour that gives him 3 free rentals every time he works, which is only 15 hours a week. He thinks thats a fine summer job. Uh, what about his $4,000 tuition bill? Oh, thats right, his parents will pay that for him if he doesn't because he kows his dad won't let him miss out on education.

I won't go into details of the fights, because frankly they aren't all that interesting to the outside world... just typical fights between parents who impose rules on their son who's lived with freedom all school year in his own apartment. Now he's suffering because we expect him to clean up after himself, be considerate of others in the house, and work a full time summer job (aren't we EVIL?!)

Sooo..... lets have some fun dreaming of ways to torture him in the virtual world instead of going Tazmanian Devil on him in real life ;) Let me tell you, based on the stunt he pulled this morning, I'm ready to go up to his room and toss every single thing out his bedroom window. I can see all his clothes drifting out the window. The satisfying THUD of his precious DVD player hitting the concrete. The smell of cleaner in the air. The non-smell of a clean litterbox. Ahhh, it would be so satisfying. But I know I can't do it (not yet anyway ;))

It seems nothing motivates some of these kids anymore. I have a grandson that his parents are just as fustrated with. He will work, but only enough to pay the rent and buy food and other than that, he sees no reason to try to do more to make more money. He says all he needs is to pay rent and eat so why work anymore than that? He does live out on his own... well, he rooms with other guys so he is out of Mom & Dad's house. Thing is, he is not lazy.. just sees no reason to make a lot of money because he don't need money after the rent is paid and he works at fast food places so he gets a lot of his meals from there. He has no desire to own a car and if he has one and it breaks down, he sees no reason to fix it although he can work on any car and get it running... This is one kid that no one can call "materialistic".

As for what to do...? How about cleaning the room for him by putting everything in garbage bags and set them outside saying they are on their way to the garbage can?

The best and easiest way to make him grow up is to kick his butt out the door. If he has to sleep in his car, oh well. Not your problem. He is over 18 and should and can take care of himself. Don't let him manipulate you, torture you and make you an accomplise to his lazeness.

Hope he meets the girl of his dreams, join forces with her and watch him metamorphosise (sp) overnight!

Stop paying for his things, like food, clothing, anything... even start to charge him rent, or raise it higher if he doesn't obey... Give him a set date, then give him a gentle boot out the door. He'll wake up quick, but wont be too hard off, as you'll still be watching over him

I would kick him out too, but I know that is easier said then done. :)

Take all the stuff YOU paid for out of his room.

Draw a line at his door and don't bother with the contents.

When he starts to complain say, "You are right, have no responsibilities is the way to go...."

TOUGH LOVE, BABY!

Wait! Three jobs this summer? It's not even summer yet!

Ok guys.... the boy (I mean BOY) doesn't drive. Hubby at least is smart enough to draw the line at paying for everything. Hubby will NOT toss any of his kids out no matter what. I sure wish he would, even if for one night!

Hubby is FURIOUS with the boy for the stunt he pulled this morning. Absolutely furious. but he isn't home from work yet and I'm betting that even when he does come home, his "talk" will amount to "don't do it again". Everyone thinks hubby is a big blow-hard, know-it-all, push-'em-around kind of guy. He's the biggest push-over there is! He knows it too and complains that he just can't say no to the kids.... which leave ME being the bad guy who ends up saying no and making me evil in the kids' eyes.

Its gonna be a loooooong summer. :rolleyes: Anyone have extra room for me and 5 cats? ;) :p

Seems like this is only a problem for you & not your hubby. If you can't
get hubby to back you up here, then you'll probably have little chance of
changing anything. It's too bad but, the boy has to grow up sometime.

All i can say to him is that he is D*M*ED lucky he has parents willing to give a roof over his head.

My parents told me i could stay under their roof after high school IF i got a job. I got a job, a decent paying job. I always was an excellent kid, respectful, etc. My S.O. was even buying some of their groceries for them...

and what did they do. "Good, you finally got a job. You have 90 days to get out." :mad: I had been raised to keep promises if you make them. So hypocritical.

Yeah... those last years were difficult. Both my parents really changed and it hurt.

Your son is dam* lucky he has parents to care about him. It makes me angry that he would take that for granted. It's always made me angry when my peers didn't respect their parents. (The ones with decent parents that is. There were a few that *I* would have liked to slap up a bit.)

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Originally Posted by catnapper

Ok guys.... the boy (I mean BOY) doesn't drive. Hubby at least is smart enough to draw the line at paying for everything. Hubby will NOT toss any of his kids out no matter what. I sure wish he would, even if for one night!

Hubby is FURIOUS with the boy for the stunt he pulled this morning. Absolutely furious. but he isn't home from work yet and I'm betting that even when he does come home, his "talk" will amount to "don't do it again". Everyone thinks hubby is a big blow-hard, know-it-all, push-'em-around kind of guy. He's the biggest push-over there is! He knows it too and complains that he just can't say no to the kids.... which leave ME being the bad guy who ends up saying no and making me evil in the kids' eyes.

Its gonna be a loooooong summer. :rolleyes: Anyone have extra room for me and 5 cats? ;) :p

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So when are you arriving? :p

That makes me think of this lady i work with.

one son is 31 .. . never had his own place.. still lives at home.,, got his girlfriend pregnant 4 years ago.. moved pregnant girlfriend into his mom and dads house and two years later decide they are ready for another baby !!!!!!!!!! :eek: so now the family of FOUR still live under mommy and daddy's roof. Mommy of two is a "stay at home mom" and it has been a miracle that daddy has kept his job for this long...

2nd or should i say first son of the lady i work with is 33! still lives at home .... won't keep a job. Her and her husband let one of their cars go back to the bank because *they* pay for his car note and can't afford three cars. and she don't understand why I won't *DATE* him cause he is sooo good with kids !!!!!! :eek: :eek: :rolleyes:


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I say you need to do something about you guys' son NOW.. if you don't you could be paying for him for the rest of your lives... and he will be living and mooching off you forever cause he won't know how to take care of himself.. (especially if he doesn't *have* to)

My friend has a son like that and she also refuses to throw him out. She says she wouldn't throw a dog out how can she throw her own flesh and blood out.
This worthless kid has caused her so much grief. He has no sense of pride. My friend is divorced so it's her decision alone. Alex gets a job and then keeps it for a week or so. Everyone tells her to kick him out and hopefully she will come to her senses. Maybe talking to a therapist is the answer for you. Otherwise fights with this kid could ruin your marriage. Hubby needs to grow a backbone.
He is not doing this kid any favors, because this is not how the real world works. The sooner a person learns that the better. Perhaps your son is depressed, I would go the therapy route, and if hubby refuses to go, just go yourself for your own piece of mind. Best of luck.

he knows how to get jobs, he needs to learn how to keep them. he's 21, not a legally dependant child, and some adversity early in life will strengthen his spine. good luck with your hubby, you can show him this, it might help to see that his softness is no kindness in the longer run of your sons life

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Originally Posted by joycenalex

he knows how to get jobs, he needs to learn how to keep them. he's 21, not a legally dependant child, and some adversity early in life will strengthen his spine. good luck with your hubby, you can show him this, it might help to see that his softness is no kindness in the longer run of your sons life

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Don't I know it...
I wasn't nearly as bad as your son, but I had a lot of things handed to me, esp. when I was with my ex. He paid all my bills & took care of everything.

Then one day I was dumped in a strange city alone. No folks to run to, not a single friend to lend me a hand. It was a horrible exp. to go through. I went through all kinds of emotions, ups & downs, rich, then poorer then dirt. I survived it all cause my dad taught me to always work hard, even when you don't need the money. So when I was dumped I had a full time job that was secure.

I had the chance to be a stay at home wife, as my ex made so much money, but I kept working. I don't even want to think where I'd be without the job I have today.

My dad taught me well, never be lazy, be smart, & work hard. I'm only 24, just a few yrs older then your son.

What would your son do if he was suddenly alone in the world? he wouldn't have much of a fun start thats for sure. Your hubby needs to prepare him for the real world, which isn't always friendly

Maybe you should not be paying for his tuition, but let him rack up some student loans. Some people are more "receptive" to education when they are paying for the entire shot...

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Originally Posted by catnapper

his "talk" will amount to "don't do it again". Everyone thinks hubby is a big blow-hard, know-it-all, push-'em-around kind of guy. He's the biggest push-over there is! He knows it too and complains that he just can't say no to the kids.... which leave ME being the bad guy who ends up saying no and making me evil in the kids' eyes.

Its gonna be a loooooong summer. :rolleyes: Anyone have extra room for me and 5 cats? ;) :p

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My husband is EXACTLY the same way, and I, too, am the "mean one", all the time!

I know EXACTLY how that is, and I have no more answers than you do.

:eek: My parents practically begged me NOT to move out because they wanted me to save my money. I'm so so grateful that my brother and I had great relationships with our parents. We both contributed to rent/bills but they wanted us to take care of ourselves, work hard and have good careers. If they needed money, they'd ask, but this never ever made us spoiled brats or lose respect. We had an open, honest relationship. We knew how hard our parents worked to give us so much..not always material stuff.

I'm a grown woman with a lot on my plate, and I miss my folks so much for emotional support and wisdom. I can handle almost everything but I still feel empty and alone without the "nudge"

I guess everyone's situation is different. No offense to anyone, but witnessing my friends and family, I think males have a tendency to be less driven at a certain age. But that's my opinion. My only problem now is that my brother has OCD which only affects what he does in my house. Anyway, it's a tough age and he may suddenly "wake up".

I know you have so much on your plate that it's overflowing, I'll keep you in my prayers for a little relief. Hugs

Catnapper....

Put a For Sale sign in front of your house, and don't tell him.

When he notices, just say, "Oh, deal closes in a month. Didn't I tell you, dear? Your dad and I need a smaller place." :D

You originally asked for a game....lol.

Or MOVE and DON'T TELL HIM!