Weddings ... a question of protocol?

I recently went to a wedding, and i've noticed that at several weddings in the last few years (but for some reason it kind of hit me at this last one) there seems to be a large difference in the attendance at the ceremony vs. the reception. There were about 30 people at the actual ceremony, but more than 120 at the reception afterwards. It was a saturday afternoon wedding on a bright sunny warmish day, and the difference in numbers surprised me a little.

I mentioned this to my mom, who was at my cousins wedding 2 weeks back, and it was the same thing - about 25% of the reception was actually at the ceremony as well. Has anyone else noticed this, or am I just attending strange weddings? (Also, i'm not talking about the people that maybe had to work or such and couldn't make it out for good reason)

Maybe its time to institute a wristband or handstamp policy? ;)

hmm that is strange...I know that it happens some, and there were a few people at my own reception who were unable to make it to the ceremony (but they had reasons for it and told me ahead of time). But that much of a difference in attendence sounds extreme....

Many many times the actual ceremony is for close friends and family, and the reception for those who are not as close to the family as those who attend the ceremony, or for those who are acquantances but not "friends" etc. For my sister's wedding, the ceremony was held 4 hours before the reception and invites were included in the entire wedding announcement for those who were invited to the ceremony itself. Often too, if it a smaller venue, there may not be room to invite everyone, and receptions are often held at large places to accomodate the extra people. The ceremony itself is quite private and family oreinted where the reception is more party oreinted. It's not uncommon at all. There were over 300 people at her reception, but not everyone was so close that they were invited to the ceremony, many just casual coworkers etc.

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Originally Posted by Vela

Many many times the actual ceremony is for close friends and family, and the reception for those who are not as close to the family as those who attend the ceremony. For my sister's wedding, the ceremony was held 4 hours before the reception and invites were included in the entire wedding announcement for those who were invited to the ceremony itself. Often too, if it a smaller venue, there may not be room to invite everyone, and receptions are often held at large places to accomdate the extra people. The ceremony itself is quite private and family oreinted where the reception is more party oreinted. It's not uncommon at all.

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That makes a lot of sense -- I could see where having a small area or building for the ceremony limiting the number of people.

Another thing i thought of after posting this was that the last 3 weddings have been outdoor (and all were nice and sunny and had backup indoor plans if needed), and most were very lightly attended (lots of empty chairs). Maybe some people have an aversion to outdoor weddings?

Of course, Vela presents one very "valid" reason for the lack of attendance at a wedding. In my experience, it seems more likely that the person can't be bothered to attend the wedding (it is at a church, too staid, too dress-uppy), but, bring out the free alcohol, and the person is there.

I think it is rude, and more of a thing with the younger set. I couldn't imagine attending a celebration honouring the newlyweds, when I couldn't be bothered witnessing the ceremony.

Just my .02.

No, I don't think it's rude. In fact, I've received invitations to just the reception because the church wedding was just for family. Didn't bother me a bit because practically NOBODY wants to see you married except for your family.

Seriously, think about it. Haven't you ever sat thru a wedding that you know took a year to plan and the ceremony only lasts 10 minutes? What's all the fuss about? But afterwards, it's time to party! :p

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

Of course, Vela presents one very "valid" reason for the lack of attendance at a wedding. In my experience, it seems more likely that the person can't be bothered to attend the wedding (it is at a church, too staid, too dress-uppy), but, bring out the free alcohol, and the person is there.

I think it is rude, and more of a thing with the younger set. I couldn't imagine attending a celebration honouring the newlyweds, when I couldn't be bothered witnessing the ceremony.

Just my .02.

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Yay Johanna, I agree with you completely. But, I couldn't think of a way to phrase it that satisfied me. I think you did a good job of saying what I was thinking.

I think it is more of a "younger generation" thing. The whole point of attending a wedding is to take part in a very sacred and happy occasion, you then celebrate with those that participated. If you just want to have a drink and a dance, get together with the newlyweds next Friday night.

Well I also have to say if someone WAS invited to the ceremony, and didn't attend, but showed up at the reception, that's rather rude barring anything they really truly couldnt get out of, such as work etc. Not everyone can get out of work but if you really tried and couldn't I could understand that. But if you WERE invited to the ceremony and just didn't go, that is rather rude. It just really depends on how the wedding is set up. Some invite to the whole event, many invite only family/very close friends to the ceremony and everyone else to the reception.

Was this a wedding of a family member? As a bride I couldn't tell you who was at my ceremony & who wasn't. :D I was in a complete zombie state. :D


I think I might pay closer attention if I was just a family member at another's
ceremony.

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Originally Posted by lizbud

Was this a wedding of a family member? As a bride I couldn't tell you who was at my ceremony & who wasn't. :D I was in a complete zombie state. :D

I think I might pay closer attention if I was just a family member at another's
ceremony.

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LOL no, the wedding was actually the reason i went to San Fran last week (+vacation) - it was a friend i knew from a long while back. It was funny, because i could see all the empty seats there, but when it came to the reception there were tons of different family members that i -know- wheren't at the ceremony. I've been to prolly 3-5 weddings a summer for the last 6 years, and they have all been friends.

I've always gone to both the ceremony and receptions (except one where the ceremony was actually 6 months earlier so they didn't have to live in 'sin', finally told the families they were married, and then there was a reception. Mind you, that was my cousin, and that side of the family is wierd) :D

I know my sisters wedding has half of the people invited to the ceremony that there are invited to the reception. And.... if you have very young children it is almost torture for them to have to sit through the ceremony lol so some people might politely decline the ceremony but come to the reception so they do not risk disturbing the ceremony. But I know a LOT of people that had weddings where they only invited some people to the reception. and some people might feel uncomfortable being at a special event like that if they do not know the couple THAT well..... they might feel awkward surrounded by their family and very close friends. BUT.... if you RSVP'd YES that you would attend and then don't show without an explanation.... THAT is rude.

Besides...... the reception is when everyone brings the presents and the money for the bride and groom lol if they want to show up to only the reception to bring me presents.... I'm OK with that :p lol.

No one was invited to our wedding LOL. it was just the two of us and the JP.

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Originally Posted by lizbud

Was this a wedding of a family member? As a bride I couldn't tell you who was at my ceremony & who wasn't. :D I was in a complete zombie state. :D

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LOL ... I agree. I had NO idea who was at my wedding or not. I noticed at the reception to some degree, but afterward I looked at the guest register and said several times, "SHE was there?" :rolleyes:

As a Lutheran attending a Catholic wedding almost brings me to tears. Stand, sit, kneel, pray, stand, sit, kneel, pray, kneel, sit, stand, kneel. I wish they would make up their minds. I have attended several and I will pay good money to not be bored to tears for an hour listening to a Latin service and sweating. Boring. I would rather sit in a denists chair getting a tooth pulled in that hour, at least I can lay back in the chair and close my eyes. I think only close family and friends attend the wedding now a days and the rest of the people go to the reception. I have a wedding to go to on May 26 my son's best friend from high school and I will come late to the wedding. Last five minutes, sit in the back. It's what works best for me. I do that for all the weddings. The only good part is the last 30 seconds anyway.

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Originally Posted by sparks19

No one was invited to our wedding LOL. it was just the two of us and the JP.

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Did you catch much flack for that? Our wedding was the same way pretty much. My folks, his Dad, us and the JP. Originally, even the parents weren't invited, but Stuart's an only child and very close to his Dad. My sister was mad at me for months! Until I took her three year for a week long vacation!

Where I grew up, it's customary to put an announcement in the paper with the details of the reception/dance and "Friends and family please accept this as your invitation". Formal invitations are sent only for the ceremony.

The place that held our ceremony was one of those drive thru type places in Reno you see on TV lol (odd thing is my parents and some of my best friends were married at the same place years ago, my parents are almost celebrating thier 30th anniversery and my friends are in the 40 year range). I know that if you wanted more than a cirtian number of people at the actual ceremony it cost extra. I know a lot of places (including casinos) that charge extra for attendence when it comes to the ceremony.

I think the reception is where the celebration starts anyhow ;)

I am shocked and appalled by people who are invited to the wedding and the reception and only attend the reception. The ceremony is the REASON for the party...

I'm with Cataholic on this one. If you don't care about the couple enough to witness their marriage....how can you drink their booze?

And Marigold...the Catholic mass hasn't been in Latin since Vatican II...when I was a kid. I traveled to Indiana (from California) this weekend for a wedding. The wedding was Catholic...all in English and we did stand at the invitation of the priest...and sit ...but there wasn't any kneeling (to the great relief of many....)

An empty church on your wedding day...how sad!

I think we are in an era of very bad manners. Weddings and receptions are very expensive events - and if you are invited to both, you should attend both, unless you have a bonafide reason.

These days you are lucky if you even receive a rsvp.

I have always thought that weddings were for the family and close friends and the reception was for everyone else, too. That's how mine was. We only had parents and a few friends at the wedding. The reception wasn't a sit-down affair, so everyone we knew came to toast us. Which they did to excess!

I haven't been to many wedding lately, but the last few I attended were heavily attended at both the ceremony and reception. We did happen to miss my cousin's wedding but made it to the reception, but only because she had a friday night wedding and we couldn't get out of work in time. I'm probably going to miss my other cousin's wedding in September for the time AND the distance to get to the ceremony. A ton of people missed my brother's wedding because of the same reason. I wish my family would stop having friday night weddings! LOL

Weddings can still be in Latin if the couple requests it and if there is someone will to do the cereamony. My husband is an agnostic, he considers a Catholic mass in the same catagory as Indians beating on a drum to their sun gods. As a Lutheran I don't feel that way but I also don't embrace the Catholic mass or beliefs. For me standing up in the church like that is a lie.QUOTE=Edwina's Secretary]I am shocked and appalled by people who are invited to the wedding and the reception and only attend the reception. The ceremony is the REASON for the party...

I'm with Cataholic on this one. If you don't care about the couple enough to witness their marriage....how can you drink their booze?

And Marigold...the Catholic mass hasn't been in Latin since Vatican II...when I was a kid. I traveled to Indiana (from California) this weekend for a wedding. The wedding was Catholic...all in English and we did stand at the invitation of the priest...and sit ...but there wasn't any kneeling (to the great relief of many....)

An empty church on your wedding day...how sad![/QUOTE]

I know for some people they send out separate invitations for the reception and wedding. Sometimes they can't afford a huge ceremony so only close family and friends are invited to the ceremony, but EVERYONE is invited to the reception.

Or as in my case, the chapel was much too far or dangerous of a drive (incliment weather) so it wasn't safe for them to travel to make the ceremony but the reception hall was just right down the street.