Don't Shake Your Baby

The title should be an obvious bit of knowledge, but the fact is that it happens. My friend, Susan, just posted this blog on her myspace account. I wanted to share it here as a reminder. If this needs to be moved to the dog house, that's all right. I didn't think it was all that controversial, though it may be considered dog house material.

"I went to a funeral yesterday for a precious 6-week old baby named Tye. Beautiful baby, and perfectly healthy.

His father shook him to death.

No, he didn't intend to kill him. He probably just wanted him to stop crying, but he shook him and now this beautiful child is dead, and the family is left to pick up the pieces.

His mother (with whom I've been friends with since we were kids) and her family are facing unimaginable emotional turmoil, while her husband sits in a jail cell, facing capital murder charges. I guess he deserves it, but I'm grieving for him, as well.

Mya, the baby's twin sister, will never know her brother. This entire thing has been such a tragedy.

People, DON'T shake your babies! Don't jossle them, or toss them around. Be careful with their fragile little bodies. If they won't stop crying and you need a break, put them in their crib and WALK AWAY. If they're crying, you at least know they're breathing, right? Tye isn't breathing anymore...

www.dontshake.com - Check out this site for more information.

Please pray for my friend and her family, who are devastated at this time, and do your part to prevent Shaken Baby Syndrome (yes, this is a medical term.)

Tell ANYONE that you know who cares for a little one, to not shake them. Don't worry about offending them. If they know the dangers of shaking a baby, they will understand your concern, and if they don't understand the fragility of an infant's brain and spinal column, you can educate them.

I had to post this. I wish I could do more. I want to shout this warning through the maternity wards of every hospital in the world.

Thanks for reading."

That is a very important message. One thing that I just learned at my second set of childbirth classes was that it only takes *2* seconds. A single moment of uncontrolled anger can be deadly. 6 bumps of the brain inside the skull in as little as a 2 second period is all it takes to ruin a child's life as well as your own.
If you feel like you are losing control, GET HELP!! It is out there!

That's the saddest thing I've ever read. I wish the father would have just gone out for a walk to relax instead. A six mo. old baby does cry....been there, we all feel like it's going to break us at times, but it really doesn't help as the story you told proves.

It is always tragic, there was a famous case of Shaken Baby syndrome involving a nanny here that made national news. It is sad that some people don't know how dangerous that impulsive act can be.

Before I had my first child i took parenting classes and one of the points they pushed was it is better for the baby to cry in a crib for a few minutes to even half an hour for you to catch your breath then for you to lose your cool and shake the baby. It was a huge point and I have always made sure to listen. So with both my kids when they would have a crying marathon and I would feel like I was getting to my breaking point I would put them in their room, safely in their crib and walk away to catch my breath. Sometimes I would sit and read to calm my racing thoughts or have a quick shower, even some cooking or cleaning helped to calm frazzled nerves. And by teh end of 10-20 minutes I could go get teh baby(whom I could hear though a monitor so always knew they were safe) refreshed. And even if they were still crying I knew i was better able ot then deal with it. Knowing that I could do this was a relief for me since I always knew I had a safe recourse when things got bad.
Nicole

It's absolutely unbelievable that anyone would have to be told this. :mad:

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Originally Posted by lizbud

It's absolutely unbelievable that anyone would have to be told this. :mad:

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Exactly!!!!

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Originally Posted by lizbud

It's absolutely unbelievable that anyone would have to be told this. :mad:

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You have to learn at some point! :rolleyes: Sheesh! I didn't know! guess that makes me an ideot, right?

This is heartbreaking. I will keep your friend & her whole family in my prayers. Ugh, they probably feel like they are living in a nightmare. Very very important message, babies are so fragile. I'm truly sorry your friends are going through this. :(

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Originally Posted by GreyhoundGirl

You have to learn at some point! :rolleyes: Sheesh! I didn't know! guess that makes me an ideot, right?

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Nobody said that. I grew up in a big family & there was always a baby
in the family at some time or other. It just seems like good sense to me
to handle a baby with great care. I don't ever remember my mom saying
that, but it just seems natural to me.

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Originally Posted by lizbud

It's absolutely unbelievable that anyone would have to be told this. :mad:

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This was something I didn't know until recently. There was a billboard with a PSA about shaking babies. I had to ask Alexa why you couldn't shake a baby. I've never been around children and know nothing about them. Some people have never been around babies and don't know these things. Everyone needs to learn somewhere.

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It just seems like good sense to me
to handle a baby with great care.

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While that does seem like good sense. Some people don't understand how severe it is. I figured from seeing the billboard that it wasn't good to shake a baby, but I had no clue it was something that could cause death.

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Originally Posted by Uabassoon

While that does seem like good sense. Some people don't understand how severe it is. I figured from seeing the billboard that it wasn't good to shake a baby, but I had no clue it was something that could cause death.

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I do understand how someone might not understand the severe physical
harm you could do to a baby by shaking it, but why would people think it
ok to discipline an infant in any way, shape or form? I guess that idea is
unbelievable to me.

I can understand how people who have not had a lot of contact with babies might not understand that shaking can be fatal....
What gets me is HOW COULD ANYONE DO IT to their own child?? There is a certain amount of knowledge that I swear is implanted in your brain when you have a baby. When a baby is put into your arms you KNOW that your goal in life is to protect that baby in every way possible. When I had Tyler it took me several days before I was comfortable enough to GENTLY bounce him in my arms with his head fully supported... An infant is completely relient on you in EVERY way, how could ANYONE betray that trust???


Obviously I feel very strongly about this topic...

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Originally Posted by Sirrahsim

I can understand how people who have not had a lot of contact with babies might not understand that shaking can be fatal....
What gets me is HOW COULD ANYONE DO IT to their own child?? There is a certain amount of knowledge that I swear is implanted in your brain when you have a baby.

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Sadly, that doesn't happen with everyone. So people - other people - need to just educate, educate, educate!

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Originally Posted by Karen

Sadly, that doesn't happen with everyone. So people - other people - need to just educate, educate, educate!

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Well said. "Motherhood" does not come naturally to everyone. You would be amazed how many young women are completely overwhelmed having a baby around 24-7. The sleep depravation that comes with a newborn, changing hormones, post-partum depression, pre-existing conditions, stress, and lack of experience can put a person into a very different stage of mind, when something that is utterly irrational can seem like the thing to do in the moment. As for dads, well, they don't all have the patience of Job. Very few have any experience with babies, and, at least in my generation, many of them were handled pretty roughly by their own dads. It would be wonderful is parenting classes were be a requirement for anyone raising children.

*edit - times have changed, and a lot of young moms don't have their moms or family living nearby who can help with young babies. The family support system isn't there anymore for many young families.

Great Post cyber-sibes. Add to all that the problem of a baby with colic and you have the makings of a disaster for some families. I was blessed to not have a child that had colic. But I have been around some that did. I don't know how they handle the non stop, all night and all day crying.
Nicole

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Originally Posted by NicoleLJ

I was blessed to not have a child that had colic. But I have been around some that did. I don't know how they handle the non stop, all night and all day crying.

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My firstborn had colic. I felt like I was losing my mind. Thank God for a patient husband to take over once in a while. I'm a reasonably sane person, but there were moments I really understood how people can hurt babies.

Oh gosh, I knew I didn't really want to open this thread. We had to watch a video on shaken baby syndrome before we left the hospital, and it was the most god-awful video I ever had to watch. I just held my precious baby Lydia and cried through the entire thing. And now I am holding her again with tears rolling down my face for that innocent baby and his poor mother. Rest in peace, sweet baby...you are in heaven now saved from further abuse in your life.

I'm glad this got some discussion going. If it educated one person to the dangers of doing this, I'm glad I posted it.

As a teen I was asked to babysit the neighbors 6 month old while the mom ran some errands. Was very honored that she trusted me, but scared as I had never watched anyone so young.

Overall it all went well, but then Amanda started to cry. She had been fed, changed and had had a nap. I didn't know what to do. I started to cry and called my mom in tears.

She suggested I run a shower and hold the baby near it. Didn't help. I called her back in near hysterics.

Mom came over and the minute I handed Amanda over, she stopped crying.

:rolleyes: :p :D

The memory makes me nervous about ever becoming a mom. That and how easily I lose my cool with the dogs. I love kids, but I'm the one that needs a time out. :o

As for the family...that is very very sad and tragic. :(

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Originally Posted by Karen

It is always tragic, there was a famous case of Shaken Baby syndrome involving a nanny here that made national news. It is sad that some people don't know how dangerous that impulsive act can be.

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You mean Louise Woodward?

I often wondered how people could be driven to do such things until I became a Mum..................the best advice is to place baby safely in his/her cot and leave the room

Did my reply get eaten?? My computer is acting up!!

Ramanth, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with getting frustrated!! The fact that you recognized that you needed help and called your mom means that even as a teen you must have been very responsible and level headed!!
Every mom gets frustrated, especially with an infant, but the important thing is to know when they need to set the baby down in a safe place and take a time out!!!

I called my Mom (Sirrahbed) in hysterics a couple of days after Tyler was born and asked her to fly alllllll the way to Japan to help me :) She did and she helped me to see that it is OK to freak out a little bit as long as you can recognize when you need to take a step back!

Thanks. :o :)

What cool moms we have. I just hope when I have kids, I can raise 'em as well as mom raised me. :D

I think parents should be made to take parenting classes, I know when I start having a family I defiantly will, I dont understand how someone can justify shaking a baby they are so frail, I was brought up with a mum who always got us involved in looking after our brothers and sister and she taught us that from a very young age.

I am bumping this thread up as a painful, but necessary reminder. Another baby is gone because of this. A three month old little girl named London Marie passed away, and I remembered this thread. Please, if you know anyone with a baby, discreetly or not so discreetly remind them to take lots of deep breaths when they feel like they're going to act rashly.

It's so sad... :(

Was your friends husband ever charged with murder?

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Originally Posted by pitc9

It's so sad... :(

Was your friends husband ever charged with murder?

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It was a friend's friend who lost her child in the hands of her husband, so I honestly don't know. :( I know he was in jail at the time of the baby's funeral, but I don't know he was ever charged. I never thought to ask Susan, until now.

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Originally Posted by finn's mom

I'm glad this got some discussion going. If it educated one person to the dangers of doing this, I'm glad I posted it.

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I'm glad you bumped this up again & agree completely with what you said
before. If even one person learns this lesson, it is worth repeating.

I'm actually surprised at this point that people don't know, especially given the publicity given the issue during the woodward case. It's sad, really. Hopefully this can educate someone BEFORE it happens.

This thread breaks my heart. I am at a loss for words, just really sad and grieving for the poor little babies that are killed by this needless act.

It's good that this is brought up to educate people who don't know, but it sure hurts my heart. I really don't know how anyone could shake a baby in the first place, regardless of how angry or short tempered you may get.

That's so horrible. :(

Even still I hope the father is ok too, people make mistakes.

Unfortunatly this cost a life.

How sad... :(

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Originally Posted by Sirrahsim

I can understand how people who have not had a lot of contact with babies might not understand that shaking can be fatal....
What gets me is HOW COULD ANYONE DO IT to their own child?? There is a certain amount of knowledge that I swear is implanted in your brain when you have a baby. When a baby is put into your arms you KNOW that your goal in life is to protect that baby in every way possible. When I had Tyler it took me several days before I was comfortable enough to GENTLY bounce him in my arms with his head fully supported... An infant is completely relient on you in EVERY way, how could ANYONE betray that trust???


Obviously I feel very strongly about this topic...

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I know just what you mean....

there have been times where I have been frustrated because Hannah wouldn't go to sleep... and just knowing that I was frustrated with her for something that isn't really her fault brought me to tears... how could ANYONE think that shaking a baby is ok. Would you shake a puppy to get it to stop whining? Probably not. It breaks my heart that this isn't somethign people would just know is not appropriate. It breaks my heart to even know I get frustrated at times with Hannah... I HATE that.... it's not her fault and I know it. Babies cry for a reason... not just to cry.

This is really such a very important topic. My ex-SIL shook my nephew, Nathan, when he was 3 months old. Luckily he's fine (and away from her) but the thought that he could have been brain damaged or died chills me to the bone. It is very frustrating when you have a baby screaming (Nathan, at 17 months, still has his share of screaming) but I agree with everyone else, put the baby in their bed and walk away. Take deep breaths and calm down. You and your baby will both survive this (that is, if you don't resort to shaking your child) Everyone should be aware of the dangers of this, and frankly I was quite surprised that there were people out there that didn't!

I always knew not to shake a baby and I too thought it was common knowledge. I myself was NEVER around babies, yet I knew about not shaking them.... so its not necessarily that you have to be around babies to know.

When Cam was really young, I remember posting here about him constantly crying because of colic. YES I was at wit's end, but shaking him would have been the last thing I would ever do! The options for me were : rocking him, taking him for a walk, putting a pacifier in his mouth, checking for a fever, checking his diaper, was he hungry?.... the list goes on and on. Shaking him is nowhere in the list.

The past year and half has taught me a lot, and I now can listen to a baby cry and cry without losing my cool. In fact, if he has a temper tantrum now, I simply let him cry it out, much to hubby's annoyance because he believes a baby shouldn't cry for 2 seconds (such a pushover.)