Dealing with "one-uppers"

Hey gang, I am LOVING my new job. Its exactly where I need to be and everyone there is AWESOME.... with the possible execption of another new salesperson. I actually like her. She's sweet, eager, intelligent, etc. But she is a TERRIBLE one-upper. No matter the conversation, no matter if she's involved with it, she interjects and offers a piece of trivia, her personal opinion, or a story. Its totally frustrating! She dominates conversation, and as one of my coworkers put, she's afraid to have conversation when this other woman is nearby because she knows it will be taken over by the one-upper.

The best thing I can think to describe her is that she's the female version of Cliff from the TV show Cheers. Everyone know about him? If not, I can't think of another parallel :o

Anyhow, how does one deal with a person like this? I've never actually met one before.... always laughed at them on TV, but it never dawned on me that there are actually people like that in real life! :eek:

I doubt she'd pick up on sarcasm, but I'm not the type of person to use it anyhow. I DO like her, but if I don't find something to do/say to nip this in the bud, I think we'll all want to murder her by easter ;) :p

I don't know if this will work on her or not. Me and my friends somehow wound up around a one upper. When we realized that, we just started one upping her. If someone was telling a story she'd, butt in and of course have done more, blah blah blah, one of us would just do the same thing and one up on what she just said. Eventually I think she just got sick of it, and left us all alone after that. I know how you feel though. They are like one of the most annoying people in the world. Good luck with whatever plan of action you take.

I have a friend who can be like this at times. I don't let it get to me because I think it comes from low self-esteem. My friend IS very intelligent and accomplished, but she's always feeling the need to prove it to others because I don't think she believes it herself.

Maybe your co-worker is the same...maybe she is just acting this way until she feels people like her and she can be done "proving" herself. For your sake, I hope so! It does get to you after a while, but I'm guessing it isn't done to be arrogant, it probably just comes from feeling nervous or unworthy.

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Originally Posted by Pembroke_Corgi

I have a friend who can be like this at times. I don't let it get to me because I think it comes from low self-esteem. My friend IS very intelligent and accomplished, but she's always feeling the need to prove it to others because I don't think she believes it herself.

Maybe your co-worker is the same...maybe she is just acting this way until she feels people like her and she can be done "proving" herself. For your sake, I hope so! It does get to you after a while, but I'm guessing it isn't done to be arrogant, it probably just comes from feeling nervous or unworthy.

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I believe this too. These are very needy people. I would just smile & ignore
it and not bother trying to one-up a one-upper.(if that makes any sense :D )

Yep, I just ignore it because I figure they are ignoring some annoying thing that I'm doing. :p

I know what you mean, though. The mother of a friend is like that. It doesn't matter what medical thing is going on in your life. She's had it before. Hers was bigger, badder and worse than anything you've ever experienced. :rolleyes:

After you know this lady better, then maybe you can say something one-on-one to her. Don't confront her in a crowd. Just tell her you notice this habit of hers and ask her if she's aware of it. You're new, so I wouldn't be making any waves right now. This is just one of the annoying habits that makes life "interesting".

I'm really hoping that she's just trying to impress us with how great she is. Or nerves. We're all not perfect (I know I'm not!) so hopefully this is truly her insecurity talking. I do hope to become good friends with her, so maybe a long time from now I can ask her about it in privacy.

Maybe she's trying to fit in by showing she has someting in common with the rest of you? Just a thought.
I find that if you stay quiet, people like that usually go find someone else to tell their stories too. ;)

" One Uppers" ran amuck in the post office. What I noticed was- ( now take this for what its worth) Cybersibes is very close.. They are trying to show there is common ground, and know what you are saying to encourage more conversation... Or a way of assurance- like the one that stated about medical procedures- they think by having worse- you wont worry as much.. What they do NOT realize is that to us its like- they do not care about what you think- .. They do not see that. ..
What I did was acknowledge what they are saying with what "THEY MEAN" - not how it comes across to you.. Like.. well I had surgery so in so- they come back with a " one upper" and your response is... ( ready?) " wow- that must have worried you- how did you handle it.. " ( just be prepared and have time for the response" .. Or even just a " I see..." ...
ONe uppers are common in the dog world- even more so- " OH I see- yes he was a wonderful dog".. sticking to the point of the change in the conversation only.. ..

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Originally Posted by cyber-sibes

Maybe she's trying to fit in by showing she has someting in common with the rest of you? Just a thought.
I find that if you stay quiet, people like that usually go find someone else to tell their stories too. ;)

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I agree with this. It could possibly be that she's nervous, being around new people. Hopefully, she'll calm down and not be so competitive soon.

After you get to know her better, if she's still doing it, you can joke with her and come back with a humorous/sarcastic response that makes her aware of what she's doing. Good luck, Kim. I know this drives you crazy. I have one of these people at my job too.

I wouldnt worry about this women. Your main concern should be learning the new job. My advise, dont social chit chat with her for any length of time.

Thing is, its not chit-chat. We're being told info by the trainer (last week) or manager (this week) and she's constantly interrupting and taking things on long tangents. The rest of us are not learning anything because she's spreading her "knowledge". That test I got 100% on? She got less than 75%. She doesn't know anything, which is fine if she wants to learn - we don't all start out knowing everything - but most of us manage to keep quiet and actually learn instead of interrupting and interjecting our own opinion on everything!

The next two weeks are intense weeks of learning the entire product line, its specifications, and anything else I can't think of at the moment. We're not going to learn as much as we could with her stealing the show every ten minutes. I swear she's the female version of Cliff from Cheers! :p

Once again, I truly hope its just nerves and insecurity. Perhaps she knows she doesn't know anything and she's trying to "hide" that by sounding like she does know something. But in the end, its making her ignorance all the more apparent.

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Originally Posted by catnapper

Thing is, its not chit-chat. We're being told info by the trainer (last week) or manager (this week) and she's constantly interrupting and taking things on long tangents. The rest of us are not learning anything because she's spreading her "knowledge". That test I got 100% on? She got less than 75%. She doesn't know anything, which is fine if she wants to learn - we don't all start out knowing everything - but most of us manage to keep quiet and actually learn instead of interrupting and interjecting our own opinion on everything!

The next two weeks are intense weeks of learning the entire product line, its specifications, and anything else I can't think of at the moment. We're not going to learn as much as we could with her stealing the show every ten minutes. I swear she's the female version of Cliff from Cheers! :p

Once again, I truly hope its just nerves and insecurity. Perhaps she knows she doesn't know anything and she's trying to "hide" that by sounding like she does know something. But in the end, its making her ignorance all the more apparent.

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Hmm- its worse than I thought. .. Maybe the manager can nip these conversations 'in the bud' with like a " well that will be a subject later" or " shall we continue.."..
At least you are doing well- if you were struggling, I would suggest talking to one of the manager/instructors in private- However- since she isnt- well she maybe setting herself up for uh failure.. If the 'rants" have nothing to do with the subject- then the manager/instructor needs to correct it in whatever way. Sometimes- a silence filled room- with people looking at each other tells the others " opps I lost the group"... LOL.. I DONT KNOW.. lol. But I am trying to help.... idk..Maybe she just feels inadequate- and trying to point out other qualities she has.. idk- but it should not take over the "course of action"..

Management needs to address this issue ASAP if anyone is going to get trained. I'd start complaining to someone.

I hate those kind of people and usually avoid them. Where I use to work, we use to have manager meetings where people would constantly interrupt and make the meetings drag into one long ordeal where if they would shut up we could get out of there real quick. I get very annoyed with people who do that and soon, I am so annoyed that I would find those meetings just a waste of my time. Send me a memo!

In a class where you are suppose to be learning, I think I would have a hard time bitting my tongue and would end up saying something.

I almost fell over this afternoon.... we were role-playing, getting used to how they want us to approach customers. A customer came in using a cane, when Female Cliff from Cheers (from now on referrred to as Cliffina ;)) started to ask the guy about the cane, lower back pain, etc. Somehow she diagnosed his problem as being a slipped disc, told him all about how much she suffered with one, how grueling the surgery was, and how the recovery was. I almost fell over since everyone mentioned how one-uppers are good at listing their health problems! LOLOLOLOLOL

As for the manager telling her "well that will be a subject later" or "shall we continue.." well, he spent half the day uttering those phrases :rolleyes: But I do think she was marginally better today.... but it might have to do with the fact that half the day was spent watching VERY badly produced videos of their selling philosophy! :p

As long as the manager keeps saying it- it may sink in... lol..

I can be a bit like this sometimes, and I can tell you that I was very grateful (albeit embarrassed) when someone pulled me aside and politely pointed it out to me. I still catch myself doing it occasionally, but at least I know and can stop myself (hopefully) before I get too annoying.