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I'm at a total loss for words right now. I don't know if I should be mad or let it be. I found out tonight that my mom has had 3 miscarries since me and my twin sister were born. It was by total accident that we (me and my sister) found out. I'm not sure if I should be mad or not.. would you be?? I think she could have told us when it happend or sooner than now.. :confused:
IMO, you have no reason to be mad.
That is your mother's private business and she has no obligation to let you know about it.
Miscarriages are a very personal and upsetting thing. Your mother was probably very upset each time and just wanted to spare you and your sister the pain. Don't be mad at her!
Lol ok, I was pretty sure she was probably really upset about it at the time. I dont think I could be mad at her, I guess I'm just kinda frustrated because when she told me about it tonight, she didn't make it sound like a big deal, and I know it had to have been each time.
Weird..every Christmas I find out something new, last year it was that my brothers son died from SIDS. :o Hopefully no more bad news will come!
Speaking from personal experiance, a Miscarriage is a very personal thing. Your mother had every right to keep that to herself. I am sure even now it was very difficult for her to talk about it. Nothing to get mad about.
There is no justification for you to be mad - I cannot see any reasons for being mad either.
But it is very saddening. I can only imagine how upsetting it was for your Mother. :(
IMO, no, you have no reason whatsoever to be angry. That is your mother's personal and private business.
Ditto.Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
Nope, I don't think you should be mad. Your mom may have found it too painful to discuss. Instead of thinking of yourself, have you tried to be there for her?
I don't think you should be mad. You could ask your mom why she didn't tell you, seeing as she's telling you now, maybe then you will understand. :)
I agree, and also hard to deal with. In her greif, the last thing she needs is your anger. Miscarriages are not her fault. And telling you may have been too painful to discuss. If anything, now that you know, I think you should offer support to her..like " oh mom I am so sorry...".Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
Why be mad? Thats private thing between your mother and father. Even if she had it when you were 2 or last week, its a private matter. Do you tell your mom everything?
My mom had an ectoptic pregnancy when I was 3. She ended up having emergency surgery to remove the fetus (it was a girl) and it was only when I was in college that mom told me I almost had a baby sister. Was I mad? Nope, just disappointed that I could have had a sister.
Since it is at Christmas when she tells you these things, I'd say she is missing them and thinking of what might have been had she carried them to term and had them. I had one myself before I had my daughter Rie and her brother and I don't know if I have ever told her about it. It is not a secrete by no means but just one of the many sad things that happened in my life.
Why should you be mad about it? Maybe she was just trying to save you the burden of missing them or wondering what might have been too....
Double ditto.Quote:
IMO, no, you have no reason whatsoever to be angry. That is your mother's personal and private business.
I suppose it is one of those things where we were thinking back to what might have been. My sister, even to this day, still asks for a little brother or sister. Last night my mom said, we tried, but had 3 miscarriages, so you could have had a little brother or sister. I do feel bad, and I am not in ANY way mad at my mom at all, I feel really bad for her. I hope one day, if she wants to talk about it, she will come to me or my sister, but she can get really upset so I don't want to ask her about it right now, at Christmas time and have her get upset. Thanks for the help everyone. :) Merry Christmas!
I can see why it would be a little frustrating for you, especially if you and your mom are close. But I think right now the thing she needs most is your support. :)
If anyone should be upset, it should be your mom!!!
Loosing a child can be a very Painful experience, you should support your mom.. I know thats what my mom would want.. She had lost twins before, and she was soo depressed about it