(off topic) but I just need a hug.

My Dad's best friend passed away today. :( Now realize that my dad is 78 and his friend was similar age, and sickly at that, but I can't stop crying. He was an important part of my dad's life and my dad (like me, when MY best friend died) really has no one else. :( And to top off the fact that he will miss this firend enormously, my dad is very quiet about his emotions...........so he will grieve alone. I'll KNOW that he is hurting, but he will neither admit it nor talk about it (just like when my mom died).

I know that you don't know him, but I just felt a need to express my grief.

Thanks for listening

When one of Siegmar's best friends (there are two) passed away some years ago it was very bad also because you get the message that someone your age is going.....

{{{{{Hugs}}}}} to you and all best wishes for your dad.

For Jen - http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/1.gif

Big hugs to you, and to your Dad.

Oh Jen, that is sad, your dad must feel so alone. :( I know it's also hard on you, but at least you have Charlie, some friends .... and your kitties. :) I hope your dad is not too far away, and even though he doesn't want you to see he is grieving, keep in touch and be there to listen if he wants to talk. That often helps a little.

((((hugs))))

((((hugs)))))

I think that although you dad won't talk about his feelings, as long as you are there for him if he ever needs to talk, then that's the most important thing.
It is times like this you think about those close to you, and imagine what your life will be like without them, it's what everybody thinks, I guess it's the way humans ponder their own mortality.
So please don't think you are alone, I think everybody has felt that way, it's part of life.
You just have to make sure your father doesn't feel alone, and at least offer him some help, inviting him around for dinner etc, helping him out, letting him know you are there for him.
People deal with things in different ways, I'm sure if he ever felt the need to open up he would, and that person would probably be you.
I hope you start to feel a bit better soon, which I'm sure you will.
Hugs from Jack & Sunny to make you feel a bit better :)

Jen, I am so soory! I hope your dad will be able to express himself. I know that you will be there whenever he needs you.

It's so hard to watch in that situation. It is so difficult for people to lose their contemporaries, and have their world shrink in on them. All you can do is be there for your dad, there is not really anything you can say that will help much.

Big hugs to you.

A Huge Hug For You Jen, From Myself, The Found Cats, Porch Cats And The Pet Angel Army.
Its Tough To Lose A Friend.
You Have So Many Friends Here, If You Need Anything.
Just Ask.

((hugs))

Awww..I'm so sorry for the current situation. My mother and step-father are reaching their 70's and I dread if one of them passes. It can be such an isolating experience. Even though it is a cycle of life, it sure isn't an easy one. :(

But I am glad that you do have people to support you Jen during times like this. ((( hugs )))

((((hugs))))

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and to answer. I am uncertain why this is hitting me so hard. I actually can not stop the tears. :( Why would this person's death be so tramatic for me? Is it because I am grieving in a way I know my dad can't? could it be the memory of the loss of my own friend? I just feel so bad. :(

Why would this person's death be so tramatic for me? Is it because I am grieving in a way I know my dad can't?

Might it be because you are thinking ahead, to a time when it might be your dad instead of one of his friends?

We are sending great big hugs to you and Dad. The best gift you could give to him now is to be there for him. You don't have to talk....sometimes just being together, quietly, speaks volumes. I pray that you both will find peace in this sorrowful time......

A great big (((((HUG))))) Jen.

Yes, a great big (((hug))) to you and your dad.

It's hard to see our loved ones sad and we have no way to comfort them. Just be there for your dad; you don't have to say a lot, just let him know that you are there whenever he needs you.

My folks are at 'that age', too, and have seen almost ALL of their friends pass away. I, too, am at a loss as to what to do. I just try to keep in touch a lot and let them know that I love them.

{{{JEN}}}}

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. Prayers on the way for you and your dad. Over time you will feel better... Sending over some hugs.. :(

((((hugs))) coming your way from Indiana.

I know this is a hard time for you and your Dad. All you may be able to do is be there for your Dad. Sometimes silence, a hug,a nd a hand hold are what are needed, especially when someone is as private with their emotions as it sound your Dad is.

God Bless you, your Father, and his friend.

Big {{{hugs}}} to you Jen. :( Email me if you want to talk, OK??

I am sorry to read this. I feel bad for your father, and for you. I read your post twice, and it took me a couple of days to frame a response to you. Here it is:

When I read your post, I was struck by your statement that when your friend died, you have/had "no one else". I seem to recall seeing similar posts from you about this. Kind of like you and Charlie are pretty much loners, without friends. And, you are somewhat resolved to this situation. We can't ever change the cycle of life. We usually can't stop people from dying on us, either. BUT, at least for me, what helps tremendously with both the living and the dying part is having a great family and circle of friends. People that can share my grief, and my joy. That aspect is something you can work on. I don't mean to suggest that if you have a million friends that life doesn't really suck sometimes. Or, that you should run out tomorrow and find a best friend. Maybe, though, with time, you could cultivate some friendships that could help with sad times.

And, maybe, this is the perfect time to try talking to your father about his grief...it could be really soothing to the both of you. :(

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

When I read your post, I was struck by your statement that when your friend died, you have/had "no one else". I seem to recall seeing similar posts from you about this. Kind of like you and Charlie are pretty much loners, without friends. And, you are somewhat resolved to this situation. We can't ever change the cycle of life. We usually can't stop people from dying on us, either. BUT, at least for me, what helps tremendously with both the living and the dying part is having a great family and circle of friends. People that can share my grief, and my joy. That aspect is something you can work on. I don't mean to suggest that if you have a million friends that life doesn't really suck sometimes. Or, that you should run out tomorrow and find a best friend. Maybe, though, with time, you could cultivate some friendships that could help with sad times.

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:( :( (a very sensitive subject with me)

I know that you mean well, and I also know that you are correct, but don't you think I've tried?? People just don't like me, at least not for very long. I have lost every "friend" I ever had because they tire of me just for being myself. It makes me afraid to say and do anything around new people, because it will be wrong. I have NEVER in my 43 years had a best friend like most of you take for granted. You know, the kind of friend you can truly count on to be there through thick and thin, a friend you share everything with, a friend so close like they are a part of yourself. Kim, who passed away a few years ago, was the closest I ever came to that kind of relationship. And even now, around my new best friend (*Hi Kim*) I fear that the day will come that I will alienate her just by being me.

And my family?!? HA! If I left today for the farthest ends of the earth they wouldn't even wonder where I went. :(

So I live, and will probably die, alone. So being reminded to "go out and make new friends" hits me pretty hard.

But, I thank you for your honest, and since you are 100% correct, there will be no hard feelings.

Thanks for all who responded. I know you all consider me a friend, and for that I thank you.

Big hugs to you and your Dad at this sad time

Jen, please don't feel so bad, feeling like that and putting yourself down when you are struggling with grief is not good for you.
I also have never had a best friend in my life, though I now have my boyfriend who is my best friend and we do everything together.
But other than that I've never had a best friend not even when I was a kid properly..
Please don't feel so bad, you are not alone...
If you ever want to chat you can PM me or find me on MSN messenger, my email address is [email protected] if you ever wanna chat...

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Maybe, though, with time, you could cultivate some friendships that could help with sad times.

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I hear what you are saying Johanna but for some of us it's hard enough to make friends, let alone share sad times with them. I have no best friends up here at all, but I do have acquaintances and believe me, they are the last people I would want to share sad times with. They know nothing of my life save where I work and that I have a cat. Oh yes, when it comes to sharing their bad times or just whining, I'm the first one they dump on but believe me, I will not reciprocate.

Now, and thanks to Pet Talk, I do have a few people I feel comfortable enough to send an email to and just put it all out on the table and get feedback. I feel very fortunate and blessed. Jen, I know how hard it is to reach out, especially to someone you have not met, but I will always be here for you if you ever want to just "spew", fire away. I'll be here to listen and understand.

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but I will always be here for you if you ever want to just "spew", fire away. I'll be here to listen and understand.

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All the qualities needed in a best friend.

I've always loved the phrase "strangers are just friends you haven't met yet"

Thank you, Jen, for not taking what I said the wrong way. I **did** mean well. And, I certainly did not mean to imply that I have a ba-jillion friends, and I discard them like used tissues. I work hard to maintain friendships, with people on the east and west coast, and here in the middle, through significant family changes, cross country moves, etc. Not everyone likes me (like I need to tell you people that?)but, usually, I can convince them, over time, I am more good than evil.

Sorry that I dredged up a sad topic. :(