Help friend dating dangerous man

I need help/advice on how to handle a situation. A friend of mine met a guy and he seemed really cool and fun. However, once she introduced me to him, I realized who he was. It turns out this guy is the SAME guy that was just living with another good friend of mine and had stalked and beat her to unconsciousness. She'd been hospitalized due to this man on several occassions. One time being thrown down the stairs breaking her collarbone! :eek:
I've had been working on the past year on helping her gain confidence enough to leave this man and getting out. Which was quite difficult due to her prior history of alcoholism and suicide attempts. She wasn't the most "trusted" person in telling the truth at times I will admit. :rolleyes: However, I understood her reasons due to the abuse she had suffered and never confronted her on her "excuses" or "misinformation". I just let her talk to me and was her friend.
So the first night my friend Debbie met the guy, I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt. I never knew BOTH sides of the story of the abuse to confirm all of it was true. I suspected some of it was "mutual" abuse so I wasn't going to pass judgement until I got to watch him for a bit.
I did tell my friend Debbie later that evening that I did know the guy (Jerk), and that he had been with a friend of mine prior. I told her that I did suspect the guy for being abusive and to watch out for him just in case. Her response confirmed my suspicisions! :eek: She admitted the guy was "possessive" but indicated NO abuse.
At my birthday party last night, he showed up. She at first tried to dance with other guys and NOT talk to him. I was hoping she was working on ending it. I also let her know the history of him and is continued history of alcoholism that his family members have expressed. He has also been in jail recently for abuse charges I believe.
What shocked me the most was one of mine and Debbie's friends approached me last night and told me straight out that he wanted Debbie to stay away from this guy. He then told me that the guy had abused 2 other women and had taken their money! :eek: Because of this Jerk's possessiveness my friend was unable to talk to her. He came up in hopes I was able to inform her instead.
Later in the evening, the jerk finally came up to Debbie and got into her face. He got EXTREMELY angry and started yelling at her an inch from her face! :mad: He was screaming things such as "You can NOT touch or talk to another man!!! You are MY woman! Do NOT dance with anyone else!!!". They were right next to me at the time so I overheard everything. I could almost tell she was scared but not expressing it. (I've been there). So I got a male friend of mine (former security guard) to sit next to me immediately. I leaned over to him to tell him to watch the situation. Told him the shorthand story. I then went and got the regular security and told them of the situation. The guy had been tossed out prior. They didn't approach him but watched him to make sure he didn't do anything. One of them talked to the bartender for his history and just observed. They couldn't do anything :mad: !
I stood guard over her for the rest of the evening as much as I could. I got the guy's car description to the outdoor security guard. I had suspected the Jerk had tried to follow me home the other night once he had realized I knew who he was! I out manuevered him in a parking lot and a few other streets.
What made me mad was this guy after his "threats" to my friend continued to try to "kiss up" to me! He kept asking me to "go out to eat with them for my birthday" or try to grab my hand and dance with him and her. He was doing everything to make me his "friend"! Even trying to invite me to an "imaginary" house in florida he claimed to have. I knew better.
I've been in an abusive situation in the past so I understand my friend Debbie's feelings. She claims she can protect herself. However, this man "sneak attacks" and knocks women unconscious! I have gotten some of her friends involved in keeping an eye on her. One guy that isn't a "real" threat to the jerk, I told him everything and to keep an eye on her for me. He's helping step in a bit to keep the jerk away when he can and checking on her.
I am even afraid of this guy!!! I want to scream and yell at him each time he tries to touch me!!! I desparately want to confront him and tell him he touches ANY of my friends he will be singing soprano! What else can I do? :confused: Letting him know that I know his history is a threat to me in itself. I can already see in his eyes that he knows something is up. In my gut, I felt like he did try to follow me home in some way to later threaten me. What is even scarier is that he does know my former residence which is close to his ex-girlfriend's house. I moved close by. His next move is to try to isolate Debbie from me. Which he couldn't do this time around since she had thrown me my party.
Any advice? Do you think I need to protect myself first? Is there anything I can do for my friend before it's too late? Should I stand up to him? Others know his history as well. Matter of fact, the guys we won't talk to due to their own bad history, won't come near this guy! :rolleyes: That's saying ALOT! Thanks!!!!

I think I'd seek police assistance. This guy should be locked up!

My only recommendation would be therapy for all involved.Good luck.

Yeah, I can see where I need therapy because my friends have been subject to abuse! :mad: How dare I care! Maybe a psychiatrist can help me out on that!
Oh yeah, I am a horrible person because I hang out with friends at a public place and listen to them. Sorry it isn't "church" where I can tell everyone to "pray" for this person while blurting out all their private issues and hiding it behind "prayer". :rolleyes:
I am a christian, don't get me wrong. I am just NOT about hiding behind the bible but applying the lessons held within! Love thy neighbor means protecting, listening, and being there for them. NOT passing judgement and ignore their pleas for help.
So maybe I need "therapy" but not by any of your standards.

WOW! :rolleyes:

Here, try this...

http://www.queendom.com/tests/minite...ama_queen.html

Why do you ask for advice then get nasty? I beleive Lizbud meant your freind needs to see a theripist to understand the abusive tatactics and beghavior. So she can see for herself that this guy is loony. If you get so defensive why ask?

I don't think that lizbud ment any harm in suggesting therapy. I also agree with Corinna on the fact that if your friend does see a theripist it will help her to cope better and see the signs. It can also help her learn to tell these kind of "jerks" to get lost. There is nothing wrong with seeking therapy. Been there, done that!! IT DOES HELP, more than you can know.

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Originally Posted by Vela

Here, try this...

http://www.queendom.com/tests/minite...ama_queen.html

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Went to that site and tried it. It was pretty cool. :)

Sorry so harsh. However, therapy isn't an option right now. It's a dangerous situation instead with the need for protection NOT talking about "feelings" and deep psycological issues. That's for later AFTER something happens.
Yes this guy needs to go to jail. However, until he does something flat out illegal and she reports it, I am helpless. I just need to somehow let my friend know she is "Safe" to report the issue to someone. She's not alone.
So stop with the "drama queen" about me. This isn't about me. It's about being a friend to someone who is need of help and support who got themselves into a situation unknowingly. You can help give advice to people on this website about "drinking" and "Depression" but ya get judgemental when requesting help with a domestic violence situation like it's a Jerry Springer issue. :confused: That is where my "attitude" is coming from. :(

Oh please, you post "Jerry Springer" stuff all the time. Nobody can offer advice in this situation because first off you never listen to the advice you get, and second off because it's for local authorities to deal with and nobody can help with a situation like this. If local authorities can't do anything, why do you think anyone here can? Tell her to get out of the situation, the end. If that doesn't work get the local authiorities involved, that's all that anyone can say or do.

Sometimes I forget when I read one drama, if the OP was the same author of some other drama....sure enough, Vela was right! Your life is WAY to Jerry Springer'esque for me. Never in my wildest dreams could I come close to addressing your (and those closest to you) issues.

Ditto Vela and Johanna.

I think you are insane and need to be less involved in other peoples lives.

Why does your life seem to revolve around drama?

So everyone here is saying that I am a "drama queen" for expressing my concerns about a friend? How dare I be past the superficial and really be there for a friend? Gee, what if this had been your mother or sister that they were dating this man? Would you not be on here asking what to do? Would you NOT be wanting help or advice because your mother is being potentially put into a hospital by a man?
What drama did I bring in asking this question I would like to know? I am the one being attacked here because I explained the situation in detail. Now I am the enemy because I am NOT willing to have my friends back?
I am proud that I am there for my friends and family. They know that I am NOT there for the "drama" but there for their hand to hold! I will heaven and earth when I know it has to be moved to help someone out.
Are you going to accuse me of being insane or a "Drama Queen" because I also volunteer and help out through Habitat for Humanity building houses for people with even more drama than an abusive man? I just recently helped build a house for someone who came over from Africa after winning the "lottery" for people to leave the country. Only a small amount of people are allowed to leave their country for a chance at the United States to live. The oppression, despair, and genocide that existed in his country is more "Drama" than any bar scene or church could ever hold.
So judge who you believe should be called "insane" and need "therapy" when one day that person may be there for you when you lose your house, a family member, a pet, or need help in any kind. Are you going to say that person is a "Drama queen" or "Drama Junkie" because they are willing to stand by your side and ask for help when they don't have all the answers? Remember Jesus? I do. He taught me that everyone is my brothers and sisters and you should love everyone. May God bless you and never need someone like me by your side. A Friend with "Drama" tolerance. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by jackie

I think you are insane and need to be less involved in other peoples lives.

Why does your life seem to revolve around drama?

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ScoobyDoo,

I am glad that you give of yourself in such admirable and charitable ways. Good for you!!! I applaud you in that regard.

But surely, even you must see the incredulous and unbelievable flair for drama in your entries. I sometimes wonder if you are "for real" or are you just making this stuff up. They certainly generate a lot of controversy (remember your "dating" entries) and gets you a lot of attention. You should consider writing "romance novels". Spend a little bit more time developing your characters and add additional twists to the plots (not just the same tired theme of dangerous, stalking men) - maybe add an albino monk or something, and try to get published. Good luck.

Well I am quiting Pet Talk because now that I am considered Drama Queen and full fledged liar because I reckon I am not afraid to live life, I have no need here.
For everyone's information, everything I posted was true and not making anything up. I believe in letting dogs/cats OUTSIDE 24/7 and NOT be considered "Yard Ornaments" as many of you so unjustly judge. I do have a life and don't pass judgement on anyone else's. I hope everyone of you get "therapy" whenever you just meet a person after one date and call anyone trying to be your friend a Drama Queen when they tell you the truth about someone.
I personally had enough of ya going on and on about "Alchololism and Depression" posts with all judgement and no real means of help. Oh you took a sip of a drink at a party with friends once now you need to seek help and know your a horrible person with issues. Give me a break!!! :rolleyes: If your depressed then get some help and stop with all the suicide talk. That's another post that ran it's course as well! :rolleyes: It's okay for ya to bring up all of this drama but not for someone to post "drama" about abusive relationships or single dating scene. That's just insane!
Sorry, I don't have that much drama where I am going to drink myself to death while you all debate on such wonderful subjects and NOT call that drama! Please! Take a mirror!
As for me, I am out of here. Even I don't want to be your friend! Good bye!!! :(

Bye.