Today I have to put my best friend to sleep...
http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/smudgie.jpg
He was 4 months old here..
I know the picture is blurry, but it's my favorite one, and it's in a crystal frame..
His name is Evinrude Smudge, Smudgie for short... He is 10 and his bowel and bladder have given out...
So in ten minutes I'll be calling the vet to make an appointment for this afternoon... I've cut off a bit of his fur, and am going to do a Rainbow Bridge Memorial to him and have it mounted on particleboard.
I hardly slept last night, and my eyes are so sore from crying... who knew tear ducts don't dry out?
:(
Today is going to be a very rough day... Please let me hold your virtual hands...
Bye Smudge...Rest in Peace
You are doing the right thing. It is a difficult decision, to say the least, but a kind decision for sure.
I will think of you today.... I have done the same with three cats so far and each time it makes more sense to me, but it doesn't get any easier on me.
Bless you and your kitty.
He's gone... and he knew...
... Dad drove the long way and he was looking out the window at the fields and the geese.. He twisted around and put his head in the crook of my arm and just laid there... I told him over and over that I loved him and that I hope he forgives me...
Do you think he does?
Here's some shots I took this morning about 1/2 before we went for that long walk...
http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-1.jpg http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-2.jpg http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-3.jpg http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-4.jpg http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-5.jpg
Re: He's gone... and he knew...
Quote:
Originally posted by L-A.
... told him over and over that I loved him and that I hope he forgives me... Do you think he does?...
I believe he not only forgives you but thanks you for the release from pain. Forgive yourself now.
He looks so precious and loving. Do let us know when your tribute is up. I'd like to learn more about him.
Re: He's gone... and he knew...
Quote:
Originally posted by L-A.
... Dad drove the long way and he was looking out the window at the fields and the geese.. He twisted around and put his head in the crook of my arm and just laid there... I told him over and over that I loved him and that I hope he forgives me...
Do you think he does?
Yes, (I did exactly the same thing with my dog...) Smudgie for sure isn't mad for you doing this, don't think that! He knows that you loved him very much and he is grateful for the wonderful time you shared with him, the joy your brought for him, the good life your provided him. How can he hate you? He knows too that he was ill, and that it was his time. Animals also realise when it's their time to go. By what you told, he had a wonderful last day and last moments with you, he will always remember you with warmth, and he is watching you now from the Rainbow Bridge.
Take good care of yourself now and allow yourself to grief. If you feel like it, let us know how you are doing, ok? We know here at PT how you feel, and we are here for you, always.
Niina
PS. Gorgeous pics!
Tonight is going to be hard...
.. he won't be there for our nightly snuggle...
This gets easier, right? The pain goes away eventually?
Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so damn much??
Re: Tonight is going to be hard...
Quote:
Originally posted by L-A.
.. he won't be there for our nightly snuggle...
This gets easier, right? The pain goes away eventually?
Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so damn much??
The deep heartache of loss is the purest evidence of a deep and abiding love. While the pain of goodbye can only be comforted by time and grace, the opportunity to have experienced such a love is eternally precious. Those who know that kind of loss have also known that kind of love, and as such are ever blessed.
I'm sorry to have made everyone cry...
... Shuby and Sassy are still oblivious and playing...
... Ashes is now going into every room and meowing, then coming in and meowing at me... I just wish he'd stop staring at me, it makes me uncomfortable...
Last night my husband came home and we had another cry.. We brought Smudgie's picture into the bedroom, and we both hugged it... Then Kevin left for a smoke (i'm allergic to smoke, and so was Smudgie, so Kevin smokes outside..) and Sassy (my ginger tabby) came up on the bed, and I told her the story of how I found Smudgie.. I was able to do it without crying, so I think I can do it here...
I've lived in this hi-rise apartment since I was 6 months old, I am now 33.. I moved out of my parents apartment on the 4th floor up to the 7th floor with my boyfriend (now hubby)..
Running down the stairs to see my Mum before I left for work, I heard this little meow and I looked down just as I was about to step on this little guy.. He was SO TINY... he had a flea collar that was too big (and obviously NOT working as he was covered with fleas) and his belly was SO fat (I've had cats all my life, so I concluded worms..) He was SO sweet... So I picked him up and took him to my Mum's house, and asked her if she could find someone to house him until I came home from work.. She did, a gentleman on the 7th floor... So I came home from work and posted a sign about the found cat.. NO ONE answered it, so I made plans...
Then I had to figure out how to tell my husband, as he wasn't too fond of cats at this time... (boy, did THAT ever change..) so I made him his favourite pasta dinner and got a nice bottle of wine... I told him about the cat, and he relented... After dinner Kevin's sister called and I left to get the cat... I came back in, Kevin took one look, he dropped the phone (left Tracey hanging) and said, 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!'.. Right then, I knew we were keeping him...
He was purring VERY loudly.. because of this and his face, we decided to call him Sir Evinrude Smudge, with Smudgie for short. I took him to the vet, who said he was about 5 weeks old. I almost died..
After getting him dewormed (we went through SO much cat food, it was like the feeding of the 5000 for him..), he was SO loving... and so mischievious.. We came home once to find him stuck to the screen door, we had no idea how long he'd been there!
He accepted every other housecat we had with love, never fought.. He always had kisses, he knew when you were upset...
We bred guinea pigs for some time as well.. I'd put the cage part on the floor, and wash the base.. while it was drying, my Dad asked me to go out with him, and I completely forget about the piggies on the floor with the top part of the cage open.. I remembered as we drove in the driveway coming home.. I raced upstairs, opened the door, ran into the piggy room.. and there, in the cage, was Smudgie fast asleep, with the piggies snuggled up to him and sleeping as well... That is the memory I hold closest to me..
Rest in Peace, My #1 boy. Mummy loves you. ((single tear falls))
At least now I am not scared of death. I now have something to look forward to.
Cat photos all together......
The little picture on the left of the photo is Mandy girl. The picture was taken just moments before she was taken to be put down - in Feb. 01. It broke my heart. I cried for days before and days after. She had cancer of the tongue. Miley girl is a current cat and is the cat on the cat condo, playing below pictures of my current and past cats. It is my shrine to all my kitties. I have a picture of myself plastered in between all the cat photos.
I find this to be quite soothly to see them/us all together, since they are all still in my heart and will always be so.
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/...1/fdc3012f.jpg
I hope as each day passes, you will be able to understand your sad sad day to be one that we all must go through with our pets and our humans! It is part of the cycle, however sad - and it is, for sure.
Be strong! We will all be thinking of you and all those who must endure events like this.
Now either Ash or Shuby has bloody stool...
((sigh))...
I can't handle another death and I can't afford the vet...