Hurting feelings...

ok, this is not about my dogs (who I love very much!), but I just had an experience with a co-worker today. Ok, one of the girls cut her hair, almost all of it! I think it looks great, and so do alot of people, but a couple of people don't, which is fine, I don't have a problem with that. But there is one girl (well, woman, she's 41) who can't let it go, she just keeps on & on about it. Today she actually told me she HATED the other girls hair, now she looks like a dyke! I couldn't believe my ears! How dare she say something like that, how would she like it if someone told her that, but of course, it wouldn't bother her, she'd never cut her hair like that. I think it is so racist, we have a few gay people working with us and I've heard her say other things. It just really bothers me.
"If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all" didn't we learn that from Thumpers Mom in the movie Bambi (hey, I made it a little about animals). I don't know, maby I'm taking this too serious, but I have worked with her for almost 7 years and get so tired of the way she talks about people. I told her I would never say something like that (she said alot more than what I told you), I have more consideration for people than that. Then she gets upset and says "This is a free country, people have the right to say whatever they want", but at the price of hurting someones feelings? Sorry this is so long, but tell me if I'm over-reacting.

I'm sure there are all kinds of "comebacks" that you can or could have said but best to just consider the source and not justify her tacky, meanspirited remarks with a remark of your own. It's just liable to start a (excuse the expression) pissing contest and could only lead to more hurt. Never lose your dignity, that's my advise. Laurie

Believe me, I know where you are coming from! I worked for 20 years in a job I hated. I loved the job, but the people made it a nightmare. We had several like the lady you mentioned. Always causing trouble or mouthing off.
We also had the two-year olds. The ones who ran to the boss to get others in trouble. I finally got to the point where I would just ignore them when they would make a comment like the one you told about. If they kept it up, I'd just say, 'Well, you're intitled to YOUR opinion.' and leave it at that. They are just trying to get attention. It takes two to fight and if they can't upset anyone, they'll hush up or have to sit there and talk to themselves. I'll take the pain of being disabled by arthritis over the mental pain of that insurance company ANY DAY!:(

There is a spot right between the brain and the mouth. It is there for a purpose to "strain" things or "clean" things before they fall out of your mouth. Most people use this area quite successfully and as a result they are well liked and appreciated.

But there are others who, even though they know about that spot, chose to ignore it and let anything fall out of the mouth.

It is usually because they think that their opinion is so wonderful and valid - and will be the last word and sway everyone over to their side. For instance, the entire office should stand up and agree with her and shout at the woman YOU LOOK LIKE A DIKE!

Happily most of us have more common sense AND we are considerate enough of the other person's feelings that we either use that spot and "edit" or we say nothing.

This woman's opinion, even though irritating, is worth nothing.
Keeping that in mind, ignoring her would be the best approach.

If the girl who cut her hair likes it - that is all that matters.

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Originally posted by gini
This woman's opinion, even though irritating, is worth nothing.
Keeping that in mind, ignoring her would be the best approach.

If the girl who cut her hair likes it - that is all that matters.

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          I couldn't agree more!!!

Some folks just don't have any consideration for other's feelings. I work with a couple of people with that same attitude. I just keep my mouth shut when it comes to getting involved in mean-spirited conversations. Outside the work environment I do not hesitate to voice my opinions, but the work place is a diffcult place and position to be in and not get sued for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time! I would just tuck the event away, and, as one good friend of mine says "Set it free"......

There are lots of good people out there too! Most of them post here!

Have a good weekend.

The best thing about my work situation is that I have the absolute BEST co-workers around me all day!!! Nothing like the awful woman you described (what a meany) :( . My co-workers are the friendliest, most well behaved, loving wonderful, male and female, co-workers any where. Their names are: Honey, Lilly, Mimi, Butter, Olivia, Roger and Milly. And although the noise level gets a little high on occasion due to all the office activity, they are the perfect officemates. I couldn't ask for better!!! :D

What does it say about harassment and diversity?

I totally agree with the suggestions to just stay cool and not respond to her comments, but it doesn't hurt to be aware of company responsibilities.

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Originally posted by Logan
... I have the absolute BEST co-workers around me all day!!! ... My co-workers are the friendliest, most well behaved, loving wonderful, male ... co-workers any where. ...names ... Butter...

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Pardon my disbelief, but this tribute to Butter is boggling my mind. May I print it out and refer to it frequently, liberally, and quote it back to you at an annoying level of frequency? [Sorry, it's been a NASTY week at work and I'm taking it out in teasing you. NAWTY AMBER!] Hope we all have a healing weekend that so surrounds us with love that tattered nerve endings knit bee-yew-tifully for us all.

When I run into these type of people I am often so taken aback, I don't know what to say. I think that the people here have given you an excellent take on the situation. Silence is not only golden it is sometimes the best response.

Yea sure rub it in Logan!!!:)
I love that I work 2nd shift b.c I don't have to put up with the day shift where I work. One of the girls has had it in for me since I started. Wasn't bad a first b/c she only worked occasionally, now she is full time. And she is my boss' best friend. She is constantly bad mouthing me and talking about me. From big things to small things.(like when I have fuzz or cat or dog hair on my dark colored scrubs even tho I use the lint lifters like crazy.) I have learned to ignore her and hopefully I can get my time in and then move onto something better. I have decided she 'ain't' gonna like me at all anyway so why bother to try. The next thing is I will be too fat, or my hair will be too short. I can't beat her and I sure as heck ain't joining her. :)

Anna, in Jan I cut my hair short, everyone that sees me loves it. One of our doctors that loves to give everyone a hard time told me I looked like a Lesbian Kickboxer!!!!!:mad::eek:
I just told him he was jealous!!!!

LOL!!! Amber, even as many bad things as I tell you folks about Butter, you know I love him with all my heart!! And he is better, truly. He's coming around, little by little and he has enchanted both Helen and me!! It is like having a kitten in a HUGE body!! :D

Sorry, Staci......I'm just lucky. It is a sad day when humans choose animals over other humans, but I am truly at that point. :o
Chin up, girl! We know you more on the inside than outside, but I know you're a beautiful person and the other girl obviously has some huge insecurities!!! :)

Thanks to everyone! You all made me feel better! Logan, you are soooo lucky!

Ok, sorry for my stupidity here (as usual), but what is a "dyke"?

In any case, that lady was really mean and I agree with what everyone else have said.

I got teased a lot in school for having long hair (wasn't modern), I guess some people enjoy hurting others, maybe it makes them feel better about themselves. Who knows...

Ann - a dyke is a lesbian.

This woman sound horrendous Anna_66 - I'd just igore her - she must be so ignorant and narrow minded. I worked with a woman just like that some years ago - I wouldn't argue with her when she started 'mouthing' off but simply walked away. She eventually got the message and stopped doing it when I was about.

Lynne

Good grief, I realized that I didn't even know how to spell DYKE:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

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Originally posted by shais_mom
Anna, in Jan I cut my hair short, everyone that sees me loves it. One of our doctors that loves to give everyone a hard time told me I looked like a Lesbian Kickboxer!!!!!:mad::eek:
I just told him he was jealous!!!!

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Wouldn't you just LOVE to know how come he knows so much about that subject?:D

I work for a small company, and most of us are female. You would not believe that constant backstabbing, and complaining and badmouthing. I am the youngest person there at 26 and somedays it is like being at a junior high!!!

MomoffuzzyFaces,
I was talking about that last night and someone said "Well what does a heterosexual kickboxer look like?" :) ;)

Amy, I totally know what you mean. The dept at work (actually when I worked at Sears too) and we have the exact same situation!!! It is unbelievable!

I stopped mixing with some of the people at work. I was so fed up with some of the comments they came out with that I either spent most of the time arguing or in a bad mood. Quite frankly I don't think it was worth it. I limit myself to say hello and goodbye and exchange some small talk if we happen to be in the same lift.

You have every right to be upset Anna !! I agree with everyone here : that woman is not worth listening to !!! If possible , it is always the best to act as if you did not hear it or as if it did not hurt you at all , even if it did !!! These people are only looking after one thing : hurting , upsetting , making themselves important , etc.... !!!!
It's disgusting how some people get a kick out of hurting someone else !! As a child , I was always the laughing stock of the school ; the only reason was that my hair was cut like a boy ! My mom wanted it to be like this ! But believe me , that being laughed at really hurt !!! The first thing I did as soon as I was married was let my hair grow !!! Sounds like "LOL" , but it made me feel better !!!
Keep up your smile Anna , and let that woman walk to hell !!!:cool:

I remember years ago, a psychologist telling another woman who was having troubles at her job, that some women like to just sit in the corner and spin their web.

I found that harsh, but as the years have gone by, I have met enough women that fit that description to a "T".

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Originally posted by SpencerTheLion
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To be blunt, some people never grow up from the school playground when they hate someone "because" (no reason).

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It's sad but true. I always thought that once I got into college and graduated and moved on to a professional job...that I would be around other 'professionals' as well. I'm still amazed at how many 'adults' act like (or worse than) spoiled rotten children! :eek:
Why is it in human nature to be cruel? It truly disgusts me. :mad: Everyday I see people with road rage on the streets, or just simply people being rude to others, and I am saddened. How are we supposed to try to gain peace with other people from around the world, when we can't get along with our fellow countrymen?? It was amazing after 9-11 how everyone was a little kinder to those around them...but things seem to be going back to 'normal'. It's sad that it took a tragedy to get people to come together, but even that didn't phase some...and everyone else is going back to their self-centered ways.
Logan, I can totally see why you would be choosing animals over humans. I'm really at that point too! :o
I know I've said this before, but it's so nice to come to this place, where everyone seems to have the same/similar thoughts and views...and what is it we all have in common?? The love of animals! 'We' are a special 'breed' of human, if you will. Because we are above and beyond all the petty things that make up part of human nature.
I know this topic surely hits home for me because I was 'that kid' in school. It was made worse for the fact that I went to a private for 8 years(1st through 8th grades) and there were only about 20 people in my class. So, basically for 8 years, I was shunned and picked on and made fun of. I was a pretty unhappy kid, and I would cry alot after school. Luckily I did have one friend who was also the 'outcast', so we weren't alone. We had each other, and we are still friends after all these years (18+ years now!)!

I was so terrified to go to high school, because I always heard how scary and awful the kids were at public schools. I couldn't imagine it any worse then what I was already dealing with! :eek: Luckily, I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't bad at all, and actually made friends with both boys and girls! What a shocker that was! But, going from a class of 20 spoiled snot nosed kids to a class of over 400...there's definitely more types of people to choose from. I really don't know why I was the target of all that meanness. Maybe because I didn't dress like the other kids (I usually got hand me downs from my 2 older sisters), and I wasn't pretty like the other girls. I've come to see that kids can be really cruel...and it probably doesn't improve much with age.
Although those were bad years and bad memories, I can't help but think that going through that shaped the person I am today. I could care less where someone is from, what color they are, what language they speak, or what religion they are. Who cares? I have made such terrific friends from all over the world, not only here on Pet Talk, but at my job and in college!! It's funny to think that one of my best friends came from India, but probably has the closest morals and beliefs to mine.
A really good friend of mine told me that I'm actually probably too nice, which has resulted in some sad times and people taking advantage of me (but I won't go into THAT!). But friends are such an important thing for me that I would bend over backwards to help them out or just be there for them when they need me, for the lifetime.
As for people making such mean comments in the workplace...the advice given on this thread is great. The best thing is to ignore it. These people are attention seekers. I do have to wonder where all this hate/meanness comes from. What a sad life people like that must lead (they need a pet!! Well, maybe not...but you get the gist of what I mean :D ). Plus, it's amazing how unprofessional people can be in the workplace!! :eek: My goodness!! Sure, there are a couple of people that I really don't get along with at work, but in the professional world...you have to put feelings and emotions aside because you're doing a job...and that stuff doesn't pertain to the duties of a job. Ugh!
Take comfort in the fact that you're above and beyond these childish behaviors and just ignore the rude people.

Sorry I rambled so long! This is just a topic that hits close to home for me...and yikes!! Come to think of it, I haven't ever told many people about my 'geek' days! Well, now I guess I have! :eek:

Karen, I don't think anyone could have put it better than you just did!! Whatever happened in your past has made you into the really warm, thoughtful and very funny person that you are today! I just love this place with all of its people and you are one of my favorites (and so is Marius! LOL! and of course Scooter too [the boy with *the look!*!] LOL! Anyway, it's sad but true. Some people never do grow up and I think they must be most miserable. I really do think that the most critical mean people must have had very little love and affection growing up, and yes, maybe were not even allowed to have pets (like you just mentioned)! When you live with an animal who gives you unconditional love, that certainly sets an example for us humans. OK, I'm off the soap box now!

:o
{{{{{Pam}}}}}

:D

Karen, Ican totally related. I also went to private school for K-8. I fit in okay with the guys in my class, and with the girls when we were playing basketball or they wanted help with school work, but never as one of the girls. By 8th grade eveyone was ready to move on to their respective high school and I was the only one going to a "county school" in instead of one of the "city schools"...I already had friends and a boyfriend there from my neighborhood, so people at my current school wanted little to do with me. When we went on a 8th grade class trip the people I thought were my friends intenitionally left me to sit in my hotel room while they all went to dinner together, making sure I knew I was not invited. It was an awful trip!!! Thankfully things were much better in public high school, but even then it took me awhile to fit in...I went to a grade school where the girls were the athletes and the guys were wimps, so when I was rough up the football team in gym class everyone looked at me a little strange. By the time I graduated four years later I think most people got over it and although I never had a lot of close friends, my two best friends in high school are still my two best friends almost 10 years later.

Here is something I wanted to share:

The ABC's of Achievement


Avoid negative sources, people, things and avoid negative
habits.

Believe in yourself.

Consider things from every angle.

Don't give up and don't give in.

Enjoy life today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.

Family and Friends are hidden treasures. Seek them and enjoy their riches.

Give more than you planned to give.

Hang on to your dreams.

Ignore those who try to discourage you.

Just do it!

Keep on trying, no matter how hard it seems. It will get better.

Love yourself first and foremost.

Make it happen.

Never lie, cheat or steal. Always strike a fair deal.

Open your eyes and see things as they really are.

Practice makes perfect.

Quitters never win and winners never quit.

Read, study and learn about everything important in life.

Stop Procrastination.

Take control of your own destiny.

Understand yourself in order to understand others.

Visualize it.

Want it more than anything.

Xccelerate your efforts.

You are unique, nothing can replace you.

Zero in on your target, and go for it!!

My favorites are:
Avoid negative sources, people, things and avoid negative
habits.
and
You are unique, nothing can replace you.
I just kinda thought this might go well with this thread. Hope you liked it. Anna

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Originally posted by anna_66
...Hope you liked it. ...

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Liked it? I love it!!!

Glad to hear you liked it! Seems weird, I keep getting these poems...whatever you call them, like my friends know I need a little cheering up, so.........I'll share the one I just got. (it' kinda long tho)
Hope this makes everyone's day...

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
I've learned....That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned.... That you should never say "no" to a gift from a child.
I've learned....That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you
to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end,the faster it goes.
I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make
life so spectacular.
I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who
wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What
makes me think I can?
I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is
to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will
take the ones you miss.
I've learned....That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will
dock elsewhere.
I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love
him one more time before he passed away.
I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your
looks.
I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose
what I do about it.
I've learned.... That when your newly born child holds your little
finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain
but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned ... That it is best to give advice in only two
circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.