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Man- I am at a loss for words. She should have a county public defender. I am sure they can work out the court dates and all. You can not be her lawyer- thats thier job. YOu can not do anymore tonight anyway.
As far as you- you need a night off. Turn off the tv, bag the phone, make some hot chocolate, ... I wish I had the answers honey, but I do not. But I do know you need to take care of yourself.
Kim, I am so sorry to hear how badly things have been going for you. :(
I have been so busy with work lately that I barely have time to even peek in on Pet Talk.
The most important thing is for you to be there for little Jenna.
She needs you and some stability in her life right now.
Can your husband or younger daughter help you out with Jenna at least for an hour or two to give you a break?
Are they able to care for her if you do go to the court dates or do their work and school schedules conflict with the court date times?
Are there other trusted friends or relatives that could help out with her?
If you really want to get away, you and Jenna can come up here to Vermont. ;)
Sending lots of hugs your way, it sounds like you really need them right now.
Samantha sends purrs and headbumps your way too. :)
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
Because Amy Beth is an adult, I doubt that I could "order" anything for her myself. However, the DCS case worker told us that Amy Beth would be ordered to go through a drug program as well as a parenting class when she is released. All of this will be monitored closely by DCS and she will not get Jenna back until they are satisfied with her efforts and progress.
Also, she was telling me how awful it was listening to other inmates being sick all night due to detoxing. I feel like if she was having to detox, I would have known it by now. She was drug-tested when she was brought in and PASSED the test.
She's been there long enough now that if she were going to get the message, it should have happened. Post her bond and bring her home. [[[hugs]]]
Kim, how I wish I had the words that would help you, but unfortunately I don't. I can't even imagine what this must be like for you and my heart breaks for you. Is it the right thing not to post bond for her? I don't know.
Is it the right thing to post bond for her? I don't know that either. All I know is what you had mentioned in one of your posts that has me very, very concerned for Jenna.
QUOTED BY KIMLOVESCATS
There was also no food in the cabinets and the small bit of milk was out of date. I just gave her over $200.00 of her own money this past Friday to buy groceries for the next two weeks, and she hadn't bought anything! I can only assume that she is buying drugs instead of food for her baby.
I don't doubt that Amy Beth loves Jenna, but for her to put the welfare of Jenna in harms way, I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to comprehend. She HAS to get her priorities straightened out and her first priority is Jenna and nothing but Jenna.
I just pray that this has finally made Amy Beth see that.
She desperately needs help and I pray that she will allow herself to get it.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} continue for you Kim and prayers for your family.
I know this is easier said than done, but please try and stay strong for your own sanity and for the sake of sweet Jenna. Lean on us for strength Kim.
This tough time WILL end. Just know in your heart that you don't need to go it alone. We will always be here for you.
this is always hard to tell. i'm the oldest kid in my family, my first brother is 3 years younger then me. in his late teens, he got into drugs, then breaking and entering to get money for drugs. he stole from my mom (her mothers rings went so he could get more drugs), he stole from my neighbors, he tried to shake me down for drug money. he was a stupid criminal. he went to county jail time and again, mom kept posting his bail, he kept doing the same thing over and over, and it got worse, finally. he has been in the state prison system for the last 15 years. every christmas, mom cries. he's never coming out of prison, he never learned to take responsibility.
not everyone is like my brother, i know. it hurts me so much to see my mom cry every christmas, yet, if he had not been 'rescued' time and again, maybe it would have been different for him and her. be strong kim, it's not easy, but jenna comes first. (hugs)
Ok Kim I have posted before and said that you need to be strong and take a stand well you have so far. You now need to take a stand for your own health and sanity and put your foot up your husbands nether regions and your younger daughter's nether regions also.
I understand that they may be disappointed by Amy Beth and that things have not been great but you are not their disappointment Amy Beth is and Jenna is an innocent in all of this. You need a break from her though so they must now put their selfishness aside and take her from you even for a half an hour so you can even have a cup of coffee in peace or just close your eyes for while or take a walk. They need to pull their socks up and get themselves moving and into gear to help you and Jenna now.
I must sound horrible but things have to be done and you are just one person. As for Amy Beth's Court Date get the County Defender or whatever to explain to the Court the situation and tell them that at the moment you are not prepared to bail Amy Beth out until she asks for help. I know she tested clean but she still had the drugs in her apartment and left a curious 2 year old on her own - you found Jenna happy and healthy but it could have been a different scenario and you could have found a limp lifeless body then AMy Beth would have to deal with being charged for manslaughter or worse - just think about it and then decide if you want to bail her out or not - I will support you no matter what you decision is but just sit and think about it first before you do anything rash....
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
Time to call your pastor, if you have one. I am sure he might know someone who could take Jenna for a few hours on Thursday- some churches even have "Grandparents parenting support groups" or even "Mommy's Day Out" opportunities. You need to take some time for just you, as precious and important as Jenna is, you need time to retain your own sanity and energy.
Sadly, my only relations in Tennessee are over 3 hours away (I Googled it), so I have no body on the ground there to offer you, but reach out, sweetie, okay?
I'm so sorry to hear about this, I really am. I wish that I could offer some good advice and help in some way. However, please know that you are in my thoughts and you have everyone here praying and hoping for you.
Karen offered some great advise. If you have one a church family is a wonderful place to look for help and support. Does your other daughter (please forgive me, I can't remember her name) have a friend that may be able to babysit for a few hours?
How far are you from Chattanooga? My sister-in-law goes to a private college there (Tennessee Temple). She's here in Florida right now for the holidays, but she may be able to help you some after she returns to Tennessee.
Kim, how are you all doing today?
I wanted you to know I am thinking of you, Kim. I know this is a horrible time for you. Be strong for Jenna and please, please, please take care of yourself, too.
We love you and hate to see you in the midst of such turmoil as a mother and a grandmother. It is going to get better. It has to!
Logan
Kim - how are your other daughter and husband reacting to this? What are they doing?
Is is possible that your being so upset, which you have a right to be - are you pushing them out without meaning to because you are so caught up on "how" to fix this?
If you are someone who always has trouble reaching out to others, this is the time to stop. Maybe your husband and daughter learned long ago that whatever they did, it wasn't good enough - so they don't try any more.
I am not bashing you, hon - but I saw this happen in my family, and others. And it really hurts more at times like this.
{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
I have read this thread many times and thought about how I could offer words of wisdom or encouragement. I find that I have nothing to offer that others haven't already offered.
But I do want you to know that I'm thinking of you and your family and sending prayers.
I saw my daughter in court this morning. It was extremely hard seeing her in handcuffs off in a seat in front of the entire courtroom. Chad had an attorney who asked the judge to drop the protective order from him in regards to Jenna. The lawyer had Amy Beth sign to agree to this. Before I even got home, Chad and 2 police officers were at my door and took Jenna from my husband. There is nothing I can do about it at this point. He is a "free" man and she is his daughter ... since Amy Beth agreed / signed to drop the protective order regarding Jenna, then he has every right to her. Right now I am just so exhausted that I am numb.
I bawled my eyes out nearly the whole time I was in the courtroom ... it was very hard sitting there all alone. Several other women in the courtroom came over and hugged me and gave me tissues. After court, I ran in to Chad and his mother in the elevator. She hugged me and I didn't even speak, I just broke down in her arms. The elevator door opened and I got out. I looked into getting an attorney to file for custody of Jenna, but the only who could / would talk to me today wanted $6500.00 up front! We don't even have 1/3 of that! Right now I am just not going to pursue custody. I know that Chad's mother will be the one actually caring for Jenna while she is in "his" custody. Chad even told my husband that he doesn't want full custody of Jenna. He also claimed that he had been staying at Amy Beth's apartment with her some during all of this. I don't know who to believe anymore and I am fed up with the whole thing. I know that between myself and his mom, Jenna will always be cared for and protected as much as possible. The court date is set for January 2nd to determine the outcome of her charges.
For those speaking of my husband ... you have the wrong impression! Jerry could not be a more supportive or loving husband to me. If anything he is too tender-hearted almost to a fault. He loves me and my girls and would do absolutely anything I asked him to do. My younger daughter (Amanda) is tired of having her time with me messed up and pre-occupied with Amy Beth, Jenna and their problems. I know exactly how she feels ... I lived the same scenario with my older brother and sister.
I was afraid this would happen. Without her staying with a protective order, with him the father, he is entitled. I have no idea what to do.. None..
I feel for you so much. I wish there was something I could do.
I am glad you have Jerry's support....I hadn't heard much about him, and am glad to hear this.
As I said in my post, I was not trying to bash you - I just didn't know what he was or wasn't doing!
It almost sounds like you and Chad's mom might have some sort of alliance...your kids are both in trouble. She has been in pain too.
Maybe you can arrange visits meanwhile?
I know you can't see which way is up right now, Kim - but I hope you have some quiet time right now.
I guess Amy Beth signed over custody because there was legally no one else she could sign over to at that moment...and she certainly wouldn't get Jenna back right now.
PRAYERS and HUGS.
more [[[hugs]]]
Dear God, please bless Kim and her family this afternoon ... please help them to feel your presence at this holy time of the year. Please give them physical health and strength. Please be with Jenna and her parents and all those who love her. God, I know that what is impossible with people is possible with you, so I would just ask that your peace would be with Kim and her family right now. Thank you, God, Amen.
My heart goes out to poor little Jenna. She is more than likely one confussed little girl. It's not a wonder she hasnt freaked out when officers in uniform show up. It's twice now that they have showed up and she has been taken somewhere else to stay. Even though it's been from one grandparents to the other set of grandparents the way it's occurred would upset any child let alone someone as young as Jenna.
It's sad when small children are caught in the middle. God is watching over Jenna for sure & that is a comfort.
Kim my heart goes out to you, and i am extremely saddened by the latest situation, i can only imagine how you must be feeling, if it's any consolation remember this is the drugs not really Amy Beth, no it does not excuse her behaviour, but it is why she is doing what she is doing, sadly they become the most important thing in their life, when they don't care enough about themselves they are hardly in a position to care about anything or anyone else.
I am certain she loves her daughter and you too,but right now she is ill and needs help desperately, before she can be a caring mother and daughter.
I so hope things improve and that you can attain custody of your precious Jenna, right now she has to be number one priority, as i know you already know that, please take care and i hope with all my heart that life gets better for you all and soon, HUGS.
Today has been another exhausting day, but I at least have some peace for the moment. I have been praying for guidance from God this entire time, and praying that He would put on my heart what was the right thing to do. Today when I left the courtroom, and returned back home, Amy Beth called me. At that moment I knew that I needed to bond her out, if only to see her baby for the holidays. I did it. I know many of you will be disappointed and not understand, but I ask you to please try to put yourself in my shoes. I felt like that if Chad had a right to now have Jenna during Christmas and not be in jail, why should my daughter not have the same? There is a good chance that either or both of them will have to serve time after their court dates ... Jenna deserves to have both her Mommy and Daddy in her life for as long as she can. I know now that his mother (Denise) is struggling as well ... she put her arms around me in the elevator today and said, "our kids really mess up, don't they?" I didn't say a word but just broke down and bawled in her arms. When the elevator door opened, I stepped out and we went our separate ways.
I just took Amy Beth back to her apartment, and her MIL (Denise) is going to bring Jenna over to visit with her. I pray that they enjoy their reunion and are blessed during their time together.
Thank you all for your continued prayers ... Cassiesmom, I appreciate your beautiful prayer here on the thread!!! You ALL mean so much to me!!! This all is far from over ... court and sentencing still lie ahead ... but for the next couple of weeks, I hope to be able to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and the Love that God has freely given to us all!
Kim
We are behind you at a 150 percent.. no kidding.. You are there- we are not.. I am so sorry it came to this- I just wish I knew what to say here..
kim-((hugs)) you are walking a hard road, i wish it goes well for you.
HUGS. You know the situation and your heart best.
Will Amy Beth be staying at her apartment? I wish you a family Christmas with all the love possible!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catty1
Yes, she will be staying in her apartment. The same bondswoman bonded both Chad and Amy Beth. She told her that if either one of them tries to contact each other in the slightest way, she will have them both thrown right back in jail! They both have court appearances on January 2nd.
Chad has custody of Jenna right now and Amy Beth has supervised visitation with her. However, Chad told my husband that he didn't want full custody of Jenna when he picked her up today!
Amy Beth has to find a job ASAP ... she was told to get a title loan on her car right away and pay whatever she could get to her bonding agent. Once she gets a job, she has to make $100.00 per week payments on her bond as well. If she misses a payment, she goes back to jail as well. The bondswoman told her that if she could come up with $2,000.00 in the next week then they would consider her paid in full. (Her debt is actually $2,500.00) Well, if she (we) had that kind of money sitting around she wouldn't have needed to make payments! :rolleyes: They also only gave her 90 days to pay off the full debt! :confused: Even if she goes back to jail before it is paid off, she will still owe the balance.
I can't thank all of you enough for caring to keep up with this thread and continuing to pray for us! It is far from over, I'm not nieve about that, but I can at least take a breather and enjoy Christmas with my complete family.
LOVE YOU ALL!
Kim
I am sorry for what I said about your husband and Amanda I did not realise the situation but I am glad that Jerry is there for you.
I am keeping you in my thoughts and hope that Jenna has a good Christmas and hopefully her New Year looks brighter. I am also going to say that I hope Amy Beth abides by her bail conditions and that Chad does also - take care and I pray you have a peaceful Christmas and New Year
Bondsman/women dont fool around they are upfronting the monies and want to be paid back. 90 days is very reasonable pay back plan. $100 a week is steep but then again that's the price one pays for not sitting in jail.
Good Luck
For whatever it's worth, I think you did the right thing by bailing Amy Beth out now. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to let her stay in jail for the time that she was there, but I'm sure she learned something during that time. You didn't bail her out the minute she got in. You let her think about what she's done and hopefully, she'll see what mistakes she's made and come up with ways to remedy her situation.
I'm confident that you will have a merry Christmas with your family. Please enjoy this happy, peaceful, magical time. :)
Kim, I've been keeping up to date on this and I just want you to know I've been thinking about you and your family. You know you have my full support and I pray that things are turning around.
Thinking about you. *HUGS*
You didn't upset me at all! I understand that it is hard for everyone to possibly know all that it going on in this. I try to just post the main points and I have neglected to really mention how other family members have been acting / feeling!Quote:
Originally Posted by jackmilliesmom
I could not ask for a more loving husband and / or daughter as I have in Jerry and Amanda! They are truly gifts from God!
We understand kimlovescats- I do not post my husbands point of view with things either- that doesnt mean he is not there, and loving and caring man etc.. We are continueing to offer support. Its hard for us to totally understand all the things going on, but we feel for you and you will continue- as your whole family- to be in our prayers.. !Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
Continued prayers for your whole family. Hopefully, this was the wake-up call that Amy Beth needed to begin to change her life.
Kim, please be gentle and kind with yourself. You are an amazing lady. A gift to us all (not to mention all the kitties). :p
still thinking of you all! I'm so happy that jenna's paternal grandma is so understanding. If she wasn't I imagine it would be hell for any of you to see her. Will be thinking of you all over the holidays have a merry Christmas.
No-one here will be judging you Kim, we are all your pals and are here for you 100 per cent, as a mother myself i understand exactly where you are coming from, i hope and pray that all will improve, and wish you all the best, Hugs.
You and your family continue to be in my prayers. I hope things work out for the best for everyone. ;)
I just read about the court date and tears kept rolling down my face.That must of been so horrible for you between seeing her in handcuffs and having to hand over your granddaughter.What a total nightmare.I know that your granddaughter Jenna will be taking care of well by Chad's mom so try not to worry too much. AmyBeth saw how hard this has been on you in court watching you.I know someday she'll look back on this and say"I have the greatest loving family in the world"after she gets away FULLY from Chad.I really think Chad is such a bad influince on Amy Beth but it will eventually weaken as she sees the light.Don't worry..it will happen...Amy Beth is a nice girl undeneath all this and as soon as she sees Chad as the BAD guy she'll be an awesome parent.And will grow to love her Daughter Jenna,and Mom, Dad & Sister and Brother over ANY man.
I hope you can get here for a visit after all this is done.
Your Friend,Carla
Dear dear Kimmie, I cannot say it any better: You are the best mom !!!!!!!
Merry Christmas to you and everyone in your family :)
Kim I just want you to know that I am reading and following along, and even though I am far away and not aware of all that is going on behind the scenes you have 100% of my support. Life is very hard at times. We all have burdens to carry and, honestly, I don't know how we'd get through this thing called life without giving these things to God. (((Hugs))) to you and please know that many of us care and are remembering you in prayer. I am so glad that you and Chad's mom seem to have a good relationship. After all, each of you wants the same thing - a resolution to your children's problems and the very best for Jenna. I wish your family peace and blessings at Christmas and always.
dear kim and family, i'm hoping you all had a great day. ((hugs))
Quote:
Originally Posted by joycenalex
me too... elyse (and my mom) ((hugs))