Beloved Duke is at RB...

I'm burning your candle for the first time tonight. Angie, thanks so much for lighting your St Francis one for Duke and for helping me find the statue, also.

I actually went the past two days without crying for you but tonight I'm making up for it. It's been almost two months since you left me and it still hurts so much. The only thing I'm thankful for is that it's now not a constant pain. My heart hurts from your absence. I know I've said it so many times but I'll never be me without you. I miss you, sweet Duke. I miss saying your name, seeing and hearing how happy you were to go for rides. Stay safe at the RB and wait for me, ok? I hope the time doesn't seem as long to you as it does to me.

http://www.boomspeed.com/dukedogsmom/011007_1.jpg

As I was waking up, I felt your presence beside me. I saw the black fur of your back. It wasn't Dasher. He was at the foot of the bed. Some will say I was dreaming because my eyes were closed but I know it was real. It was just a few fleeting seconds. You left as soon as I reached out to touch you. You know how much it means to me and I thank you. I miss you. It's been harder to push my grief aside to make room in my heart for Dasher but I'm trying hard now. You did, and still do, take up a huge part of it.

It's been 10 months since my Sherry left me, 15 months since my Baby left me and today is the anniversary of my Champagne leaving me 5 years ago. My Brandy has been gone since '92. I still cry at least once a day. It doesn't get easier, just more depressing. Each one used to visit me until about 8 months after their passing, then I didn't get any signs anymore. I don't know why that happens. It's terrible because it's more final then. At least when I felt their presence, it wasn't so final. Now it is. Bowls, beds and outfits are still out. I can't get myself to put them away. I wish for your pain to go away, like all of ours that have lost. Even 5 years later, it hurts to think of my Champy. I know we should treasure the good times, but it's so lonely without them. There is a huge void in my life that nothing can fill. I wish you and me peace.

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Some will say I was dreaming

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Well Val, I won't say that because like I told you before, I saw Mandy one night in my room. I told you Duke would send you signs. :) It is still very hard, isn't it? It is for me and it's been quite a while since Mandy died. Thank God we have the memories...

Oh Val I am so happy Duke came to see you, what a sweet boy coming to check on mama and reassure you.

I just got through buying a Valentine bear to do Dasher's pictures. I was driving along and just started sobbing. It hit me hard that there won't be any more photoshoots with you. That and the fact that I'm running out of room on my camera card because I don't want to remove you from it. All these things that will take me further from you. It's sometimes just too hard to handle.

I haven't been around PT lately.
And I just saw this.
I'm so sorry. It's heartbreaking to read this. :(
I don't know what I'll do once my Duke passes on.
My thoughts are with you...
RIP Duke...

Thinking of you today. Happy Valentine's Day to you and all our RB dogs. I miss you, sweet boy.

You've been on my mind the last few days. Dasher has been laying just like you used to. You know, with your head rested on the window ledge? That's how he greeted me this morning. I like to think it's you letting me know you're ok. It just hurts because as the time passes, I feel you getting further and further from me :(

{{Hugs}} For you Val, you are often in my thoughts.

Ya know, Val, I can really empathize with you. I still can't get over the loss of Shiloh. All the others I loved dearly, but understood that they had to go, but Shiloh..........I just can't get over. I think of her all the time and feel that she still should have been with me. Our time together was way too short and I counted on her to be my strength. That two week bladder cancer/lymphoma was way too fast. I wouldn't have wanted her to suffer, but if only the med would have worked to at least give me a few more months with her.........
My heart goes out to you. Know that Duke is always with you in your heart. Sometimes he will let you know he is there...just the way he did now.
Big, big hugs.

I dreamed of you a few nights ago. I dreamed you were back with me. I was wondering what to do with Dasher but knew I would keep him, too. My heart wants what the world can no longer provide. I miss you :( It's been four months now and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you.

Hugs....I know how you feel. Duke is right with you now. He told you so in your dream. Dasher is there to help you. Duke sent him to you. Hold and hug and cry into Dasher's fur. Dasher will understand... My heart goes out to you.

My dearest dog. The birthday I gave you, April 5th, will come while I'm at work so I wanted to put this up now. I'm so mad at myself for forgetting it last year. I never dreamed it would be your last. I miss you so much, words can't explain. But my tears now, can. I hope all the RB dogs give you a wonderful party. Is there a dog beach there? I hope so. I've always loved this pic of you for your 12th birthday. If only I could hug you again. You're always in my heart and on my mind. I miss you terribly. Until we meet again, sweet Duke.
Love,
Mama
http://www.boomspeed.com/dukedogsmom/happy12th.jpg

Val, I'm sure the RB dogs will have a grand birthday party for Duke. My Mandy loved parties, maybe she is getting things ready right now. I'm sure too that there is a dog beach at the RB.
I know this week will be especially hard for you. :( PM me anytime. {hugs}

(((hugs)))

Val,
I am certain all the doggies are on the beach with Duke, having a blast.
He is looking down at you - and knows that you are thinking of him on this special day, and every day.

{{{hugs}}}

Val.. for sure Duke is partying with Cody and friends! Of course there's a beach (and snow so I'm told) so Duke is romping like a kid, having a blast! Happy Birthday, Duke! With tons of love from Aunt K9 and your honey girl, Klo.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4.../HUGSTWIST.gif

Thanks so much ya'll. I'm feeling a little better and let me tell you why. Not too long into the work night, there was an officer on a traffic stop. When we put them on the vehicle stop, it automatically runs the tag. That tells us what kind of car the tag should be on, who it's registered to and where they live. When I'm not really busy, I often check the call history of the address that's on the registration. In the history under the name, was a person with the last name of Duke. I can't say the first name here but the way it read, first name last, was one of the nicknames I had been calling Duke almost his whole life. It was only missing one letter in the middle. Now if that's not a sign, I don't know what is. I thought it was really special. I wish I had printed it out. Tonight, I will.

I told you Duke would send you signs. ;)

What a wonderful sign! I'm sure Duke is having a fine birthday celebration with his RB pals. I know my Rose is right there - she knows her way around those birthday desserts, for sure.

My sweet dog. Today, Mother's day, makes it six months without you. They've been the hardest six months of my life. How I wish I was still your mama. My heart is forever broken from having to say goodbye to you. I thank you for sending me little signs. Like a few weeks ago when I was showing my supervisor a picture of Dasher on her computer. There was a popup with Duke in big letters. How I miss you. You're always not far from my thoughts and forever in my heart.

{{Hugs}} For you Val.

Oh Val I am so sorry it still hurts so much. You are still Duke's mama and always will be, {{hugs}}.

Oh Duke. I was doing some cleaning last night. Going through old cards and photos. Between the card from dad and the one from you with your paw traced on it, it was too much. All those photos of you frozen in time. How I wish there could be more.

I thank you for leading me to Dasher. He's got some impossible paws to fill but like my mom says, he's really trying. He's becoming more special to me every day. Last night, for the first time, I put down your favorite blanket and he slept on it, as he is now. I love how his face lights up when I get home. He's really become a happy dog and I'm so thankful. He and I really needed each other.

It still hurts so much to be without you. Not a day goes by that you're not on my mind. Part of me will always be empty because you're not with me. I miss you :(

:( I miss you. I feel as if I'm going to die of a broken heart :(

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Originally Posted by dukedogsmom

:( I miss you. I feel as if I'm going to die of a broken heart :(

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Awwww! *Eyes watering* :(

Remember he isnt gone! He is with you every day.

Anyway he wouldnt want you to feel sad... he would want you to think of the good times together and for you to be happy.

Oh Val i wish i was able to come on over there and give you a huge hug :(.

I think of you often special Duke, and your Mama too.

Val, I know how you feel. I have been there and still get those feelings (actually just yesterday).
Hang in there. Duke is patiently watching over you and he did send you Dasher to keep you busy. Big hugs to you and Dasher.

((((((((hugs)))))))))

(((hugs)))

Val,
I know how hard it is. I still tear up sometimes thinking of Rose. But the other girls, Checotah and Miss Brown are there for me, and my sweet new pup Ranger, just as Dasher is there for you. Remember the good times with Duke, and give Dasher a big hug and try to let the sadness fade away. Dasher is there for you now and will be a heart healer. Dogs know.

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Originally Posted by dukedogsmom

:( I miss you. I feel as if I'm going to die of a broken heart :(

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:( LES (((((hugs))))) me too.

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Originally Posted by cyber-sibes

:( LES (((((hugs))))) me too.

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Bless you as I do know your pain. It brought back a little of mine, too, because Duke had lung cancer, as well. I wish I could tell you it gets easier. If it does, I'm not to that point yet. I'm sure Duke and all our other RB dogs are giving Sherman a great welcome party right now. Wish I could do more for you.

:( I know I should be no tears on my birthay. I was on another forum telling someone that you'd make sure their dog would find her way to the RB and the tears came from nowhere, almost as hard as they did when I first lost you. Have a party there too, ok? I miss you.

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

This morning I told Dasher he was the best dog in the world after he had posed cute for a picture. After I said it I felt sad and a little guilty. I rephrased it and said in this world. This afternoon I was telling a friend about it and burst into tears. I miss you so much. The other morning when I got home from work, Dasher was laying just like you used to do, with his paw on the ledge and his head resting on it, looking out the window. Did you tell him that? He's also started "popping wheelies" at the front door when I'm getting ready to take him to potty. I'd like to think they're signs from you. As I lie here in bed with Dasher's head resting on my hip, tears fall for you. Thank you for sending him to me. He's such a sweet dog. He's a cuddlebug and makes it known he's glad I'm his mama now. Till we meet again, dear dog.....

I was cleaning out my emails and found this poem. I've kept it since I found it in November 2004, two years before I had to say goodbye to my dear dog. I was going to wait on posting it but thought I might forget about it. I saved it because it expresses how I, and probably others, feel about our heart dogs. My locket is the bracelet I made from one of his old collars. I wear it always, along with an old tag and a silver heart.

OLD DOG IN A LOCKET

Old dog in a locket
That lies next to my heart
I will always love you
As I did right from the start.
You were right beside me
Through the darkest of my days
It was your kind and gentle nature
That made me want to stay.
Now I hold you in my arms
Your breath still warm against my hand
Our hearts still beat together
And I wonder if you understand.
Through the hours that I held you
Before the light did leave your soul
I knew a way to keep you
Forever in my hold.
I snipped the hair from around your eyes
So I would always see
The beauty that surrounds me
Even in times of need.
I snipped the hair from around your ears
So I would always hear
Music in the distance
To quiet any fears.
I snipped the hair from across your back
To bring me strength in times of need
And the power of your essence
Would always be with me.
I snipped the hair from around your heart
That beats in time with mine
So I would know that love would find me
At some distant time.
And so, your life slipped out of mine
On a quiet, spring-like day
But I knew that part of you
Was always hear to stay.
Old dog in a locket
That lays next to my heart
I will always love you
Even though we had to part.
Anonymous

I was looking through Pet Poems, and found this Last Will and Testament of Eugene O'Neill's dog, Blemie! Parts of it - I thought of you and Duke...and it is not without a slight humour. I hope you like it.

http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/lastwill.htm

THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF AN EXTREMELY DISTINGUISHED DOG

by Eugene O'Neill

I, SILVERDENE EMBLEM O'NEILL (familiarly known to my family, friends, and acquaintances as Blemie), because the burden of my years and infirmities is heavy upon me, and I realize the end of my life is near, do hereby bury my last will and testament in the mind of my Master. He will not know it is there until after I am dead. Then, remembering me in his loneliness, he will suddenly know of this testament, and I ask him then to inscribe it as a memorial to me.

I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have, and to obtain the objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and my faith. These I leave to all those who have loved me, to my Master and Mistress, who I know will mourn me most, to Freeman who has been so good to me, to Cyn and Roy and Willie and Naomi and -- But if I should list all those who have loved me, it would force my Master to write a book. Perhaps it is vain of me to boast when I am so near death, which returns all beasts and vanities to dust, but I have always been an extremely lovable dog.

I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind and deaf and lame, and even my sense of smell fails me so that a rabbit could be right under my nose and I might not know, my pride has sunk to a sick, bewildered humiliation. I feel life is taunting me with having over-lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-bye, before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me. It will be sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die. Dogs do not fear death as men do. We accept it as part of life, not as something alien and terrible which destroys life. What may come after death, who knows? I would like to believe with those my fellow Dalmatians who are devote Mohammedans, that there is a Paradise where one is always young and full-bladdered; where all the day one dillies and dallies with an amorous multitude of houris [lovely nymphs], beautifully spotted; where jack rabbits that run fast but not too fast (like the houris) are as the sands of the desert; where each blissful hour is mealtime; where in long evenings there are a million fireplaces with logs forever burning, and one curls oneself up and blinks into the flames and nods and dreams, remembering the old brave days on earth, and the love of one's Master and Mistress.

I am afraid this is too much for even such a dog as I am to expect. But peace, at least, is certain. Peace and long rest for weary old heart and head and limbs, and eternal sleep in the earth I have loved so well. Perhaps, after all, this is best.

One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, "When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog! I have never had a narrow jealous spirit. I have always held that most dogs are good (and one cat, the black one I have permitted to share the living room rug during the evenings, whose affection I have tolerated in a kindly spirit, and in rare sentimental moods, even reciprocated a trifle). Some dogs, of course, are better than others. Dalmatians, naturally, as everyone knows, are best. So I suggest a Dalmatian as my successor. He can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by comparison to keep my memory green. To him I bequeath my collar and leash and my overcoat and raincoat, made to order in 1929 at Hermes in Paris. He can never wear them with the distinction I did, walking around the Place Vendome, or later along Park Avenue, all eyes fixed on me in admiration; but again I am sure he will do his utmost not to appear a mere gauche provincial dog. Here on the ranch, he may prove himself quite worthy of comparison, in some respects. He will, I presume, come closer to jack rabbits than I have been able to in recent years.

And for all his faults, I hereby wish him the happiness I know will be his in my old home.

One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: "Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved". No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail.

That was really beautiful. Made me cry like a baby, though. I think it's going to take years for it not to hurt so badly. It's like a piece of me has been lost, never to be found again.