Courtesy, manners and tradition

Hey Ms. Pom,

Remember that not everyone qualifies to be called dear or honey. I, for example, save it for special people and circumstances and I trust if anyone is calling me dear or honey, they are responding to my being extremely nice to them, again special circumstances! I think of it as an exchange, not a given or everyday occurrence when dealing with the public!:) I earn my deary and honey terms and expect the recipients getting the terms from me, to do the same! I am not sure we are thinking of the exchange in the same light. That's OK.

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Originally Posted by sasvermont

Hey Ms. Pom,

Remember that not everyone qualifies to be called dear or honey. I, for example, save it for special people and circumstances and I trust if anyone is calling me dear or honey, they are responding to my being extremely nice to them, again special circumstances! I think of it as an exchange, not a given or everyday occurrence when dealing with the public!:) I earn my deary and honey terms and expect the recipients getting the terms from me, to do the same! I am not sure we are thinking of the exchange in the same light. That's OK.

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Ms Pom isn't necessary. You can call me Ellie! :D

Let me clarify - my gripe is with people who call EVERYBODY that! I used to work in an office with a girl that called everyone "hon". She was young enough to be my daughter, and tho I did like her, I was not happy with the way she addressed me. I would have preferred she call me Ellie and I asked her to do so - since that's my name. It's almost like she couldn't take the time to remember people's names - so everyone was "hon".

I have to laugh about the comments regarding "Ma'am".

I went to a Catholic school for years.

Ma'am, Sir and all the other prefixes are BURNED INTO MY HEAD.

For me it's almost an automatic response.

I can use it to be a sarcastic response. When I want to. I use it to acknowledge a request, order or to let that person know that I have heard what they have said and have no questions about it. So, TO ME, it's an affirmative and in no way is meant to demean or comment on your age or station in life.

I got into a hassle with one woman who was the worst piece of crap on the planet. This 'woman' was an effing troll -with a bad wig to boot- and a real work of art.

Her idea of communication was to be rude, insult you and make you feel stupid.
I made the mistake of calling her, Ma'am and she jumped all over me about it.
Instead, I was counseled, I was to call her by her last name. HitShed.:rolleyes:;)

Her little game was to give you her information at her speed. NO ONE WAS GOING TO GET IT ANY FASTER- so when I tried to show the proper amount of deference and be nice when I spoke to her, I got my arse handed to me.

Later on, I did it on purpose because I wanted her to know and feel that she was being an AH and I had no bearing on her job, she was too stupid or nasty to elevate, Her background-oh, she made it very clear that "some people" (men) were not going to tell her what or how to do things, and that she was not interested in learning how to run any type of tech to make her job easier.


SOOOOOOOOOOO, don't feel OLD when someone call you Ma'am, think of the deference they are showing you. When, I am reminded of that-I apologize and explain why I do it.

Sorry, I went to Catholic school and they taught me manners.


Catlady,

EFFING A STRAIGHT! Each succeeding Gen loses a little of the respect that they should have taken from their mentors.

The people who choose not to be assigned an 'honorific' should stop and then think about me speaking to THEIR PARENTS without that kind of respect.

"You were rude to my parents!" SO WHAT?:eek::rolleyes:

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Without my glasses on MS. POM, looks like MS. PORN!:eek:;)


I love to laugh and share jokes with people.

My line about being called HON is relatively easy.

I say to the woman, "You can call me by my first name, Atilla".

Everyone laughs, I don't take exception and the world keeps spinning.

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Originally Posted by RICHARD

I got into a hassle with one woman who was the worst piece of crap on the planet. This 'woman' was an effing troll -with a bad wig to boot- and a real work of art.

her last name. HitShed.:rolleyes:;)

she was too stupid or nasty to elevate


Sorry, I went to Catholic school and they taught me manners.

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So Richard...which part of the above is considered to be good manners? I understand resenting being condescended to but do you think that responding in kind improves the situation or makes it worse? I think you're better than that.

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Originally Posted by pomtzu

Let me clarify - my gripe is with people who call EVERYBODY that! I used to work in an office with a girl that called everyone "hon". She was young enough to be my daughter, and tho I did like her, I was not happy with the way she addressed me. I would have preferred she call me Ellie and I asked her to do so - since that's my name. It's almost like she couldn't take the time to remember people's names - so everyone was "hon".

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This reminds me of a teacher I work with- she calls everyone (except maybe the principal) "kiddo." Actual kids, me, other teachers, you name it. It's kind of funny. I don't mind but I do find it a little odd- she's probably about 15 years older than me, but she calls teachers who are older than her kiddo too. :)

Now keeping in mind i have not read all the posts here, but just wanted to make a comment, i was raised with manners being very important, and i tried to pass that on to my own children, i succeeded somewhat,as my grandfather used to say, they are not too heavy to carry around lol.

Some of the old ways were indeed good, but i am also glad some of them have disappeared today, and we live in my mind ,in a much easier going society.

Pleases,thank you's, opening doors, or respecting your elders, are ones that i still do and wanted my children to do.

I think the one thing that bothers me the most today, is the bad language, that is spoken in public everywhere, not one time do i go shopping in town, do i not hear the F word spoken by young woman and men, and sometimes older ones too, it is a shame that society accepts it as the normal and i am not one who never swears, but i just wish when out i did not have to hear it spoken over and over again, like it is everyday acceptable language.


One thing i find funny is my father thinks it is bad manners to wear a hat or cap inside,now my son and daughter both do this, and i have no problem with it what so ever, he thinks it is bad manners, which i find silly, but i guess that was how it was in his day.:)i tell him he has to move with the times.

This has been one of the best discussions ever on the forum. Very interesting to read other people's views on how they like to be addressed. I think calling me dear or honey reminds me of how hospitals use that term for elderly sick patients to make them feel cared for. And I find that an appropriate place to use it. When I get there I might not mind anymore, for now if they smile and say "have a nice day" it's perfect.

Richard - I remember getting sent to my room for calling my brother a stupid dummy when I was about 11 yrs old...don't even remember why I even called him that, I just remember my mother's tone of voice and her eyes as I marched upstairs to my room. As I recall I never used those words again...

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Originally Posted by Medusa

So Richard...which part of the above is considered to be good manners? I understand resenting being condescended to but do you think that responding in kind improves the situation or makes it worse? I think you're better than that.

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Ah,

She came down on my chacha in the rudest manner- talking me to 'task' in front of a desk of nurses. She was a clerk and it was her thing to embarass people in front of others.

I never 'dissed' her in front of anyone. I always held my tongue and treated her the way I wanted to be treated. But, god help me, I never could or would ever consider this miserable woman as anything equal to me.

I kept my evil thoughts in my head and never said a cross word to her face.
I waited until I went back to my offoce and did the slow burn on the way.

MY dad always told me to smile when face to face with a person and you can say chinga tu madre to them in your head.

Woah that sounds rather a nice way of saying something so bad, he he, i looked it up and i know what it means Richard lol.:love:

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Originally Posted by carole

I think the one thing that bothers me the most today, is the bad language, that is spoken in public everywhere, not one time do i go shopping in town, do i not hear the F word spoken by young woman and men, and sometimes older ones too, it is a shame that society accepts it as the normal and i am not one who never swears, but i just wish when out i did not have to hear it spoken over and over again, like it is everyday acceptable language.

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I totally agree with this! Not that I never swear, not that I never use the F word ... not proud of it, but hey, I do sometimes. However, when you stand in line at a grocery store for five minutes and hear the F-bomb at least 100 times, that's absurd. I know people who literally cannot complete one sentence without using some variation of that word multiple times.

My son swears like a sailor around his friends, I'm sure. But he never swears around me, or his grandma. As it should be.

I have no problem saying to people in public, "Excuse me. That is very inappropriate language to use in a store. It offends me. Please don't swear like that in public." I have done it too many times to count. And the response is always the same ... they blink, look shocked, look terribly embarrassed, and say, "I'm so sorry, Ma'am." And instantly stop swearing. Try it.

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Originally Posted by carole

Now keeping in mind i have not read all the posts here, but just wanted to make a comment, i was raised with manners being very important, and i tried to pass that on to my own children, i succeeded somewhat,as my grandfather used to say, they are not too heavy to carry around lol.

Some of the old ways were indeed good, but i am also glad some of them have disappeared today, and we live in my mind ,in a much easier going society.

Pleases,thank you's, opening doors, or respecting your elders, are ones that i still do and wanted my children to do.

I think the one thing that bothers me the most today, is the bad language, that is spoken in public everywhere, not one time do i go shopping in town, do i not hear the F word spoken by young woman and men, and sometimes older ones too, it is a shame that society accepts it as the normal and i am not one who never swears, but i just wish when out i did not have to hear it spoken over and over again, like it is everyday acceptable language.


One thing i find funny is my father thinks it is bad manners to wear a hat or cap inside,now my son and daughter both do this, and i have no problem with it what so ever, he thinks it is bad manners, which i find silly, but i guess that was how it was in his day.:)i tell him he has to move with the times.

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I was raised w/that instilled in me as well; no hats on men indoors. Now baseball caps are a fashion statement, a tacky one at best, IMO, but I'm not offended by any means if I see someone wearing one.

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Originally Posted by RICHARD

MY dad always told me to smile when face to face with a person and you can say chinga tu madre to them in your head.

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I'm no saint and don't pretend to be but I think I'll stick to doing something that I was taught: shoot them in the back w/love. I can get riled but experience has taught me "least said, easiest mended" whether in my head or in actuality. And I think it's best to leave one's mother out of it.

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Originally Posted by carole

One thing i find funny is my father thinks it is bad manners to wear a hat or cap inside,now my son and daughter both do this, and i have no problem with it what so ever, he thinks it is bad manners, which i find silly, but i guess that was how it was in his day.:)i tell him he has to move with the times.

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Every time there's a lax of previous manners/courtesy, no matter how ridiculous such a little thing may be, it's just opens the door for more of the same on down the line.

Yes you're telling him to 'move with the times' but at the same time the next generation is telling you the same thing about opening doors, please and thank you, swearing, etc. It never ends, and never will so long as rebellion is considered normal and acceptable in our society.

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Originally Posted by Catlady711

Every time there's a lax of previous manners/courtesy, no matter how ridiculous such a little thing may be, it's just opens the door for more of the same on down the line.

Yes you're telling him to 'move with the times' but at the same time the next generation is telling you the same thing about opening doors, please and thank you, swearing, etc. It never ends, and never will so long as rebellion is considered normal and acceptable in our society.

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At one time, a lady showing her ankles in public was not only considered rude, it was illegal. At one time, people of different races would not have dreamed of speaking to each other on the street. At one time, people bathed only once a week, or once a month, or once a year. Obviously, someone started a rebellion against these things. Thank goodness, IMO.

What is actually normal and acceptable in our society, any society, is change. Manners, customs, norms, laws all change over time. A society that refuses to change ... vanishes.

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Originally Posted by Twisterdog

At one time, a lady showing her ankles in public was not only considered rude, it was illegal. At one time, people of different races would not have dreamed of speaking to each other on the street. At one time, people bathed only once a week, or once a month, or once a year. Obviously, someone started a rebellion against these things. Thank goodness, IMO.

What is actually normal and acceptable in our society, any society, is change. Manners, customs, norms, laws all change over time. A society that refuses to change ... vanishes.

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One word.....

Amish