I've been away for awhile, so am just now catching up on this. I think you did the right thing by not posting bail for her. I am glad that Jenna is safe with you. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.............
Deb
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I've been away for awhile, so am just now catching up on this. I think you did the right thing by not posting bail for her. I am glad that Jenna is safe with you. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.............
Deb
How is it going?
Hi Kim, I have just been catching up - take strength where you can and know that I am passing as much strength as is possible to you. I am very proud of the stand you took with your daughter and you need to keep that stand and not back down no matter what she says or does until she has proved herself again. I am sending you the most blessed Christmas Wishes and praying that you have a peaceful and happy healthy New Year and this is extended to your husband and your beautiful little angel Jenna. I hope Santa has enough room in his sack for her this year and that she gets her little hearts desire.
I know you feel your heart's desire has been crushed but believe me it has not you have something more precious - Jenna. I hope that DCS will let her stay with you and that you will proceed and get some legal advice on taking her on full time - I know this is not your ideal situation maybe but you are her home her love and her protector now. Stay strong and keep well my dear lady. With best wishes and lots of love and (((({{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}})))) for you and yours this season.
I know she's your daughter and everything but Amy Beth and that Chad creature need a damn good kick in the pants!! That poor little baby girl - what chance does she stand with those two as parents - thank God she has you and Grandpa!
I am sorry I haven't responded before now, but please know that I have been keeping you and Jenna in my prayers since I first read this thread.
I don't even know what to say in a situation like this, but I did want to tell you that I am continuing to pray for you and your family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by molucass
I feel much the same way. Prayers for you & the whole family.
Knowing how the courts seem to work, your daughter must be out of jail
by now. I really hope that some way can be worked out to keep this poor
child safe & protected.
First I just want to let everyone know that I AM reading your posts ... I just don't have the ability right now to address every one of them. All of you are dearly appreciated and I can't tell you enough how much all of your support and prayers mean to me during this terribly sad and stressful time.
Yes, Amy Beth is still in jail, as we have not bailed her out. She is calling several times per day, crying and pleading for us to get her out for Christmas. I am trying to remain strong, but I don't know how much longer I can hold out. It's very difficult leaving your first born baby in jail, especially during the holidays. :(
Honey- having her come to grips with this for one Christmas might help her make the next one.. The help you can provide is for the grandchild now, and let the courts get her the help. She obviously isnt listening to you..
Amy Beth is old enough to take care of herself. She had a wonderful mother like you to raise her, and it's her choice to take what she learned from you and apply it to her own life. Why should you waste your life babysitting her?
You, now, have to take care of itty bitty Jenna (not that you mind, I think? but it does tie you down sometimes) and give her the best Christmas possible right now.
Stay strong!
What would be the next step(s) if you were to bail your daughter out? What would happen next if you opted not to take that action?
I agree with brody's mum and jackmilliesmom -- that Jenna is blessed to have her grandmother and granddad who love her and have her best interests at heart; and a wish that you'll have a peaceful and joyful Christmas and all the best in the new year. [[[hugs]]] and prayers being said. If you find you need something, just say the word. hugs... elyse
I agree- if she spends the time in there verses any other day, it might make her realize she has to take charge of her life. ..
Your one strong woman and the best mom I know :) I'm here for you whenever you need me Kim.Please don't hesitate...just call.
Love and Hugs to you my Dear Friend
If you told us that your daughter had called and was crying because
she was going to miss out on her daughter's Christmas
then I would have a hard time over that. But instead I read that SHE wants to be out for Christmas.
TOUGH LOVE is exactly that TOUGH! And it is very hard on everyone.
If you bail her out, you will be right back at square ONE.
It sounds so horribly harsh - but what your daughter is doing to herself and to her own daughter - could not be harsher................
leaving that child alone..............it should never, ever happen again!
In the meantime, I offer up many prayers for you and your family.
I agree with gini...
Amy Beth does miss Jenna. She always wants to talk with her on the phone and cries her eyes out afterwards! My daughter loves her baby girl, she is just very young still and has problems that need to be addressed. There is NO excuse for all that she has done, and she needs to "pay" and suffer .... and the courts and DCS will expect a lot from her before they give Jenna back to her. The thing is, that she is getting no help by sitting in a jail cell. There is also the chance that once she gets to court, that she will have to serve some time. If this happens, there is no getting her 'out'. She has severe abandonment issues with her own "father". It makes it that much harder to make her feel that I have also abandoned her. I know that I would be giving others the same advice that most of you are giving me ... but it is a completely different thing when you are facing this with your own child. :(
If nothing else- she is detoxing- without able to do anymore.. You do know that detoxing from this can cause depression..
Honey- we are just here to support you and your care for your granddaughter during this trying time. I really do feel this is the only way for your daughter to realize- this is a real problem. She needs to show she is trying to do something to correct the situation. Also with this situation with her, it will be hard to get a restraining order as the court could see her as a just as neglegent. Or at least she has a problem with her credability..
Me too. Prayers going out your way, Kim, that the path gets easier.Quote:
Originally Posted by borzoimom
I am so sorry about all this. Prayers are on the way. I know it must be eating you alive to leave Mary Beth in jail, but it needed to be done. I hope that she will understand that one day if she doesn't now.
Are you in a position to order rehab treatment for her, or a psychologist? I'd call up someone - maybe that grandparents group at your hospital, a social worker, shelter, anything....even call a rehab centre.
They have seen and heard it ALL, and will be a great source of information and solutions.
Suggest that if she wants to be free, that she spend one of her phone calls on AA, and agree to a visit with them. They will send a pair of females (or maybe one). I know there was pot - but sounds like she has issues with alcohol as well.
SO many have lost families and kids - and got them back again. She can too, if she's willing to get honest and do the work.
Have her call AA, hon. And maybe call Al-Anon for your own sake, just to talk to someone.
HUGS
Catty 1 ...That's great info
Kim ~ Your whole family is in my thoughts and prayers. I urge you to stay strong. Tough love may be just what she needs. She needs to know that she is responsible for her actions. Yes, she may think she's learned that lesson, but if you bail her out, she may always think in the back of her mind that you'll always be there to clean up her messes. Please stay strong. This very, very, very hard lesson may keep her from making countless mistakes in the future.
Please don't bail her out to make yourself feel better about the whole thing. We all want to be there for our kids. But, you are being there for her. In a different way. In my humble opinion, the biggest, kindest gift you could ever give her, is this time in jail to reflect on where she is. Where she's been. And where she's going. Stay strong!
Because Amy Beth is an adult, I doubt that I could "order" anything for her myself. However, the DCS case worker told us that Amy Beth would be ordered to go through a drug program as well as a parenting class when she is released. All of this will be monitored closely by DCS and she will not get Jenna back until they are satisfied with her efforts and progress.
Also, she was telling me how awful it was listening to other inmates being sick all night due to detoxing. I feel like if she was having to detox, I would have known it by now. She was drug-tested when she was brought in and PASSED the test.Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
Oh Kim, you are being a good mom and grandmom. This is what she needs, even though she likely won't realize it for quite a while. Glad to hear she passed the drug test and isn't going through withdrawl; thats a positive sign that you got her before she went completely down the wrong path.
I just read the whole thread and I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you, especially around such a joyus time. You, Amy Beth, and little Jenna will definately be in my prayers. Go with your instincts and stick to them, they will lead you on the right path through this. ((Hugs))
I'm so sorry to hear about the latest turn of events. Thank god you were there to get Jenna...despite everything she is lucky to have wonderful grandparents. I'll keep everyone in my thoughts.
Kim - Is it possible that if you did bail out Amy Beth, it would be seen in a negative way by DCS? Might they think that you are enabling her, or at least that you are not taking it as seriously as they would like to see. Surely your refusal to bail out your daughter will be viewed by them as a good reason to allow you to continue to foster Jenna. This might help Amy Beth understand why it is in Jenna's best interests for you to refuse to bail her out. At all costs, Jenna must stay with the family that she knows and loves.
What does your husband and other daughter think?
If you bail her out...remember how mad you got at Chad's mom for doing the same thing.
She can bail HERSELF out by reaching out for help from AA or some form of recovery.
That's HER job. Put the ball in her court, where it belongs.
And PLEASE call Al-Anon!
START HERE, if you want: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
I am glad she passed the test. But also witnessing what these drugs do to you by observing other people might actually help her bring the message home to herself to do something to change her life- this time for real and to stay..Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
Good point! His mom thinks she is doing the right thing every time she bails him out. But, it's hurt him in the long run. He hasn't learned his lesson. And he keeps making bigger mistakes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Catty1
While I agree that Amy Beth needs some "tough" love, I also don't think I could let my daughter sit in jail over Christmas. I might let her sit and stew for a few more days but I KNOW I would have her out for Christmas. What kind of a Christmas is Kim going to have with her child in jail - it's easy to say you wouldn't give in but in reality Christmas is about love and family and God who gave us Jesus so we could learn more about love and forgiveness. My son is dead and I would do anything to have him back for one more Christmas.
And from what I read Chad's parents haven't even let him spend a night in jail - that's hardly the same thing. We can all sit and say what would be best but in the end no one really knows how this will turn out and what the consequence of each action will be (let her stay in jail vs. bail her out). We can only pray that everything will turn out all right.
I've been following this thread every inch of the way. I'm not too good with words though so I haven't said anything. I do want to let you know, Kim, that you, Jenna, Amy Beth, and your whole family are in my prayers.
While most everyone has suggested letting Amy Beth sit in jail for Christmas is for the best I'm going to disagree. I think the best Christmas present for Jenna would be to spend the day with her mother. This must be such a hard time for Jenna and I'm sure she misses her mom. (Kim, you will still have custody of Jenna if Amy Beth is bailed out, right?) I want to add that I can't even begin to know how difficult this decision is to make, and I know whatever you decide, Kim, will be for the best.
Thank you 4dogmother and Kblaix for the honesty and varying opinions. This is NOT an easy decision to make and even though I am her mother and "should" know her better than anyone, I am not sure that I DO! :( She has done so many things behind my back and totally ignored my advice so many times that I just don't know. However, I can say this for her ... if I ask her about things, she generally tells me the truth ... if she truly thinks I know, and even some times when I didn't, she always feels the need to come clean with me. Yet at the same time, I know how my deceased brother used to lie and manipulate to all of us ... and he WAS an addict and it ultimately caused his death. :(
To answer Kay's question: no I do not actually have CUSTODY of Jenna right now. If at any time Chad requested it, he could come and pick her up from me and I could do nothing about it! It could be today, tomorrow, any time. I am just temporary SHELTER for Jenna right now. :(
what about the restraining order? is that null if she's in Jail? is Jenna not included on it? :(Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
That's right, I think that he could not get her for at least now. His court date is also in January. There are so many different dates and issues to keep up with, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I'm basically just waiting for SOMEONE to tell me what to do when. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by shais_mom
That will work- then just do it.. lol. Go into " autopilot".. You are in my prayers, and I just wish I could help..
:( Oh Kim such heartaches now & I am so saddened for you.. Just Love & Hang on to that Jenna.. We & I are all here for you.. PM me anytime for anything.. You Are Always in My Prayers.. (((( HUGGSS ))))Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
I don't envy you, what a hard decision to make. I went to a carry-in on sunday and spent the last half hour talking to a young woman (20-something) about how she has spent the past 3 Christmases in jail because of arrests related to her drugs and alcohol use. THREE Christmases! :eek: This will be her first sober Christmas. I don't know if this suggestion would help, but she said that the last time, she went from jail directly into a half-way house for women addicts, she realized that she simply couldn't keep clean on her own. She is now coming up on 1 year of sobriety/clean time.
You know that you will have support here on PT whatever decision you make. Thank God you are there for Jenna.
The Domestic Violence office called today to remind Amy Beth that she has a court date for this Thursday. I don't even know if she knows about it. So, I called the jail and they showed only one court date for her, and it is for TOMORROW for her preliminary hearing for HER two charges. There have been so many court dates thrown around between Chad, both of them, and now just for HER that I don't know what is going on when ... or what I should or shouldn't go to. PLUS, I have NO ONE who can watch Jenna for me to go and I can't take her with me! The judges get very angry when small children show up in court, and I totally understand the reasons why! I am torn between bailing her out to be sure she makes all of her court appearances and so I can go to, or saying I don't care anymore and just staying out of all of it. I am so stressed right now, I am seriously about to have a break down. All I want to do is lie in my bed and bawl my eyes out and I can't even do that because Jenna is with me 24/7. God, I wish I could just go away somewhere and get away from all of this. :( :( :( :(
I'm betting the courts are aware she is in jail. She will be taken to the court appearance or her lawyer will appear and let them know where she is at the moment. So for this aspect you dont have to stress yourself out.