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We all know there is no "poor me" whine in this situation. It is the hardest and bravest thing you ever do for your beloved friend and you wouldn't be human if your heart wasn't tearing apart.
My heart breaks for you at this time. Your beloved Scruff loves you and trusts you to take care of him, no matter what. My thoughts and prayers are with you both at this difficult time.
Thank you everybody. Your words are very kind and mean so very much.
Lizbud - Thank you for the link to that poem. I wonder if that is really what Scruff is thinking.
This morning Scruff was doing well, eating, wagging his tail, he got up from the floor pretty well, not perfect, but not struggling either, and his eyes were so bright. I thought, maybe he is not ready. Dave and I talked about it a bit again today. We feel that physically he is ready, but mentally he is not. Like he can't go. Dave said to me today "I just don't want him to be disappointed in us." Now, that is all I have thought about today. What if he is? What if he thinks we gave up on him? Am I rushing it? Or am I being selfish to have him stay?
But then this evening, he barely ate, had trouble once again getting up, and the sparkle in his eyes was just not there.
I am so torn. Dave and I have decided to see how he is this coming week....if he remains the way he is now (or of course gets worse), we will be going in to the vet on Friday....
Tracy my heart breaks for you. It is such a hard decision and when Scruff is showing some of his old self it seems somehow wrong to let him go. We waited weeks (in fact too many weeks) until the vet herself helped us make the final decision. My husband still questions whether it was time but it was and as sad as I am, I have no regrets. Scruff may be trying to please you because he knows you are both sad. Keep him as comfortable as you can and showered with love and when the time comes, have no regrets you have done the very best you can for him.
Thinking of you...
I'm so sorry you are going through this....I went through it with my Cassie a couple of years ago....you will know when and if it is time.....you just will......
Thank you everybody - you guys are very sweet.
Everybody keeps telling me that I will know when it is time. I thought I did - but then Scruff gets that old look back in his eyes and I get torn....
Dave and I have decided to wait, just a bit. We were going to take him this Friday, but we really don't feel right about it.
Scruff fell again today. I helped him on the bed and he seemed okay. He ate great today and got up to greet the boys after school and Dave after work. I know it is close, but I also know he is not ready - I just don't feel it. It feels wrong. I hope I am not being selfish. It's weird, with rescued animals, it is hard, but I don't feel this torn. It should not be different, but it is. I feel bad admitting that.
We are having our pastor come by on Thursday. He does Reiki. Reiki is a Japanese holistic energy healing system that is gentle and noninvasive and yet yields powerful results for the body, mind and spirit. We know that it will not heal him - we need a miracle for that, but we are hoping it eases his discomfort a bit till he decides it is time to go to the Rainbow Bridge.
I will keep everybody posted. Thank you again for the kind words.
Tracy, you will know and when he gives that 'ok' to let him go, it will ease your feeling of guilt. No one should feel quilty for letting a pet go, pain, yes, but not quilt. My hardest furkid to have put down was Lacey, because she wasn't really sick, just couldn't walk. My vet told me that was in a sense, sick. She had little quality of life left when she couldn't even walk the yard a bit and then couldn't get up and falling all the time.:( I swear, at the vets, she was hoping that's why she was there. She seemed so tired of all of it that day.:(
I am keeping you, your family and Scruff in my thoughts and prayers. {{{hugs}}}
chocolatepuppy - First, I am so sorry about Lacey. It seems like she told you it was time. Second - thank you. What you said helped. I would feel guilty about putting him down right now. But I also do not want to be selfish. He is still going outside, chewing bones, wagging his tail, barking, greeting us at the door, and eating very, very well. I am sure the appetite has a lot to do with the Preds, but he is eating and keeping it down. His stool is even solid again.
I just don't feel he is ready. I don't want anybody on here thinking I am being selfish either - I don't want people to think bad of me.
I love Scruff - and watching him everyday kills me - but how can I end his life if he is not ready.
Thank you for listening to my struggle with myself!! LOL :)
I just wanted to update everybody.
Our Rev. just left a bit ago. Before preforming Reiki, Rev. told me what he would do and then he told me some experiences with Reiki and miracles he has encountered. He told me a story of a woman he knows had brain tumors (the size of two thumbs put together). Drs wanted to do surgery and get more aggressive....she told the Dr she wanted to pray on it a bit. The Dr told her she was a grown woman to basically face reality....she walked out of the office after telling him where to go - so to speak. She decided to talk to Rev. and others regarding receiving Reiki. She had Reiki sessions and had another CT scan recently and the tumors are gone.... And there were other stories as well.
Rev. preformed the Reiki on Scruff - it was amazing to watch how relaxed Scruff became and how Rev. connected with him. Rev even let the boys put their hands on Scruff to assist...I think that made them feel good. It lasted about 35 minutes. I have never heard my house so quiet. All the pups were so relaxed a quiet. Even our cats! Munchkin our kit felt the need to lay on the arm of the couch and watch...she is hardly ever out when people are over - if she is, not for long. She was very interested.
weirdest but neatest thing happened. Dave came home from work and Scruff tried getting up to greet him, we kept Scruff still on the couch as not to interrupt the session. Dave knelt down by Scruff and Scruff gave Dave three kisses on his nose....Scruff has not kissed ANYBODY since he became ill....
I am not sure what to think about that. But we will be having Rev. Biel preform Reiki on Scruff on Monday and Wed...with lots of prayers being said. I was so moved by Scruff's personality during the session - so calm and the smooch just melted my heart.....brought tears to my eyes. I was amazed by his reaction.
I know it is a long shot - but stranger things have happened.....The energy in our bodies is powerful - but I never knew it could heal. I also am keeping a firm head about this - knowing nothing may come of it - but I have to have faith - as that is really all I have right now.
I will keep everybody updated...thanks for listening....hope you all don't think I am crazy!!
Tracy-
Awww, Scruff giving kisses brought tears to my eyes also. I, for one, do not think you are crazy. I say try every possible thing you can to help your baby. Absolutely! I will be thinking good thoughts that there could be a miracle here for Scruff. :)
I just wanted to update everybody real quick on Scruff.
He is doing okay...still fighting to be with us. He fell a couple of times today. It broke my heart. He still has spunk and a great appetite. On days he is not so hungry, he pleases me by taking enough food for his meds and to fill his swollen belly.
Scruff gets Reiki once a week and it really does seem to help. We know our time is limited with him...so right now we are just loving him.
Thank you all so much for caring about our boy. I will update again in a few days.
Thanks for keeping us updated. Good to hear the Reiki is helping. Enjoy every precious moment he is with you. {hugs}
Praying for you and poor Scruff
Thank you everybody.
Today has been a rough day for our boy. He is not doing well. This is just tearing my heart out.
I know the time is approaching, I feel he is giving us signs....
Dave and I will be talking about this tomorrow and making a decision, as I don't know if he will bounce back from this bad spell. He usually does, but he has never been this down before. It is really hard for him to get up....he has no muscle left. Piglet continues to check on him - going up to him and nuzzling him, licking him, and nibbling him.
Everybody says we will know when it is time.....but I just don't know, as he still goes outside, eats, chews bones, and barks....though his bark does sound much weaker. He is so attentive though....
I just don't know.
How is Scruff today?