cheating

Add me too. I may be 3 hours away but at some point I should hit Calgary and would love to meet up.

And sorry but I totally diagree, Pom. If it was not for Candaces suport and marrital advice then I would not have had the strength when I needed it or any clue as to what to do because as my therapist said I was in survival thinking. That is why they tell you to get a healthy support system of friends and family. Sorry I will listen to the proffessional on this one when it comes to leaning on your friends no matter what the issue.

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Originally Posted by NicoleLJ

Add me too. I may be 3 hours away but at some point I should hit Calgary and would love to meet up.

And sorry but I totally diagree, Pom. If it was not for Candaces suport and marrital advice then I would not have had the strength when I needed it or any clue as to what to do because as my therapist said I was in survival thinking. That is why they tell you to get a healthy support system of friends and family. Sorry I will listen to the proffessional on this one when it comes to leaning on your friends no matter what the issue.

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Glad it worked for you. Everyone should be so fortunate..........

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Originally Posted by pomtzu

Selective reading always changes the way people see things.

I was talking "professional" help forMARRIAGE issues - not for every little problem that pops up in your life. I believe that was the problem that was originally addressed, wasn't it???? When did it change???

Anyway - have valuable and trusted friends to talk things over with, to ask opinions and advice, and all the other things mentioned here - just not marriage. Marriage advice was the only thing that I was referencinng!!!!!!!!!

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Just finished reading the whole thread and I think I'll have to stick with you on this one. I've seen too many so called "friends" drool at the mouth by listening to another person's woes on marital problems and of course they are always so full of advice. My friends know they can count on me for any kind of problem they might be facing but marital problems is not one of them. I've seen tis kind of stuff lead to disastrous results, Marriage is a private issue between a couple and if problems arise they should seek counselling together. The last thing a couple in trouble needs is a third party relishing the details . As for coming on a dog forum and discussing private issues because you think someone might be a great friend I would bare my soul to the devil first.
Marigold, you go on and on about all the love you have for this young couple...does this poor couple even know you are using their story on a dog forum? If you spread the story here why would we think you won't be talking to others as well? This lady confided in you in private and I'm sure she didn't expect her story to be read by hundreds or more on a dog forum and who knows where else? How would you know if someone who also knows this couple isn't on the forum and will recognize them, your own neighbour could be on the forum and you would never know it.
Not long ago you were ready to put your own child (veggie salad you called it) away and not have anything to do with it but now your heart bleeds for strangers? Seems the priorities are mixed up a bit. I would prefer to give my compassion to my children (veggie salads or not) .

Maybe Marigold needed some support and advice herself, or just some comforting words, so that is why she shared it with us all, i don't see any harm done, she has not mentioned names here, and the chances they are going to see it are not that high are they? and maybe they would not even mind, only Marigold and they can answer that question i guess?

I don't see that marriage problems necessarily need professional advice more than any other problem, gosh if every time my husband and I did not see eye to eye we went for professional help, they sure would be making some good money out of us,money we don't have,not everyone can afford such a luxury for one thing.

I actually did seek professional help once in our marriage and it was a disaster, so you really do have to get the right person,so IMO professional help is not always the best thing.

We have weathered the storms and we are still together after 19 yrs coming up in August, not that affairs or abuse have been something we have had to deal with thank goodness.

I am not saying you should not seek professional advice, but sometimes it is not the only thing that can help and sometimes it can do the opposite ,create more problems than were initially there in the first place.

I have never seen the thread regarding Marigold going to send her children away, so i can not comment, i can only say, each circumstance is different .,i am sure she has just as much compassion for her own as her friends, some people can do both,anyhow just my 2 cents worth.

P.S. Gayle i too would be more than honoured to be considered your friend as well, even though i live across the other side of the world.

Thank you Carole, you're in the same part of the world as a high school friend of mine. So glad to have another friend.

Let's remember, she offered her advice, included in that advice was a recommendation to seek professional help.

She came here to seek our support when she was emotionally drained by trying to help some young people who seriously needed someone's help.

Do you wonder why I am afraid to come here and ask for help? Do you all know that I struggle on Sundays because I have no one to talk to, I've gotten all my chores done on Saturday and I just sit here and think about things.

But this isn't about me. It's about Marigold and what she did to support a couple of youngsters. She did what all of us have done right here on this board at one time or another, shown support to someone in need. :love:

Nobody's marriage is perfect and at one time or another problems arise. Most mature couples can sit down and discuss the options. Even the best marriages take hard work to keep them going. Going to a stranger causes more problems than the original problem.

If someone can't take the heat then they should stay out of the kitchen and not jump on a dog forum.

Asiel i am a little confused,, you say going to a stranger causes more problems than the original problems, so are you saying that seeking professional help causes more problems, because they are usually strangers, or am i reading your comment wrong.

I will say it again, professional help can be a good option for some, but it is not for everyone, and it does not always work.,sometimes sharing it with someone close to you a special friend can indeed be all that is needed, i have done that myself and it has helped me a great deal,all marriages take hard work and committment for sure.

As for not being able to take the heat in here, i think Marigold handles herself rather well considering.

Gayle, i agree with your post 100 per cent, and hey don't be feeling alone on sundays, we are all here for ya.

I don't consider a trained marriage counsellor the same as someone on a dog forum with hundreds of people reading about personal problems. One big difference is that the professionals follow a strict code of conduct and privacy between a patient and themselves is one of them. If you can't see the difference then go ahead and open up to anyone who will listen and share the story with other gossipers.

Love to you, Gayle, from my five kitties and me. You are not alone!

No one on this forum knows this couple nor do they go on this website.
Many of us have posted private things about ourselves and our family and friends here.
We post our health issues both good and bad.
Our private thoughts on sensitive issues.
We post about our marriage, death, birth, miscarriages, children being in trouble, depression.
We post it all. Why, because we should feel safe here amoung friends and regardless of our feelings on certain issues there should always be respect and support. There is such a varied group here different ages, different parts of the world, gay, straight, single, married, child, senior we have it all.
But in a crazy way we are a family.
I did not butt my nose into these peoples lives, they came to me and asked me for help and advice first the girl and then the husband.
I gave them love and support that is what a friend does in my book.
I don't feel I have to explain myself to anyone about this issue I just posted because I was mentally drained from the pain of it all and I needed a PT hug.

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Originally Posted by Asiel

I don't consider a trained marriage counsellor the same as someone on a dog forum with hundreds of people reading about personal problems. One big difference is that the professionals follow a strict code of conduct and privacy between a patient and themselves is one of them. If you can't see the difference then go ahead and open up to anyone who will listen and share the story with other gossipers.

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(((hugs)))

Thank you for explaining Asiel, i mis-understood what you were saying, however you did not have to be so narky about it, i was simply asking you to do that, end of.


Marigold, i agree with you, i have seen many things of a very personal nature on here , that i would not even think about posting, and as long as the poster is comfortable with it, well who am i to judge them for their posts.

Again you have stated they are highly unlikely to come here and read these threads,no names have been mentioned, i see no harm done, and i understand where you were coming from on this issue,it is good to share with others when things are worrying you, or getting you down, or just simply to get it off one's chest, i see that is all you were doing, there have been many posts similar to your's over the year's and no-one seems to have taken such offense as they have to this one,strange that, that said, again i wish you and your friends well.

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I needed a PT hug

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((hug))

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} and ~~~~~PURRS~~~~~, Marigold,
from Pat and cats

{{{{hugs}}}}