Women changing their last name to that of their husband after marriage...

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
I am willing to share all that I own with him but I am NOT willing to become invisible...merely an extension of him.

---

I'm just curious, and this is not meant angrily or asked in a sour manner, but is that how you see those of us who take our husband's name or just how you would feel personally?

I've never thought about all this very much but have more since it was brought up. I think it would be harder now for me to 'change identities.' I wasn't very happy as a child and my last name was twisted around and used to torment me in school. I've never had that association with my name now and I feel more attached to it, and I think it would be much tougher to change again now.

It is just how I feel personally. And, I was in my 40's before I married....

However, you should make sure, if you do change your name, you retain credit. I've seen too many widows who encounter significant problems because everything was in the husband's name and consequently, they must reestablish credit in their own name.

Interesting question and interesting points of view from those who opted not to take the last name.
My sister retained her last name when she married, because she has worked so hard to get a phd, that she wanted to keep her maiden name with it.
I, on the other hand, have always belived that when you marry, you make your own family unit, so having the same last name makes it so....for me. My parents didn't have different last names, and I probably would have felt wierd if they did. Whose last name would I have taken? I would have been torn...why did I get the certain last name and not the other? Are my parents really married? These are all things I probably would have wondered about growing up.
I was a little torn about giving up my last name, because you don't hear it very often...and my family is small and there are only a couple of boys (my 2 cousins) to carry on the family name. But, I did want my own family unit, so I took my husband's last name. However, I did hyphen my last name into my middle name, so if you look on my social security card, I have my full first name, middle name-maiden last name, married last name.
Does that makes sense?
**hugs**
Karen

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
However, you should make sure, if you do change your name, you retain credit. I've seen too many widows who encounter significant problems because everything was in the husband's name and consequently, they must reestablish credit in their own name.

---

That is a good point, probably not something a lot of people really think about until it comes about. And if something happened to David (God forbid), I definitely think I'd be less willing to change my name from what it is now. Also if I had carried my maiden name until 30 or 40, I might have felt differently about changing it.

Here's a question.

Why is identity so closely tied to what your name is?


A rose by any other name still smells just as sweet?

Or does the smell change when the name does?:confused:

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RICHARD
Here's a question.

Why is identity so closely tied to what your name is?


A rose by any other name still smells just as sweet?

Or does the smell change when the name does?:confused:

---

Yes....but "things" are implied with names. As an example, if a rose was actually called "Stinkweed" people might not think it smells so sweet. They would have a preconceived notion of what to expect when they encountered the smell, already putting negative conotations on it before determining for themselves whether they think the smell is sweet or stinky.

I think names tend to just become a part of who we are and how we think of ourselves. Think of your first name for instance, though some I'm sure would happily change their first name, it still becomes a part of that person. When we meet a new person or even a new pet, the first things we take in are their appearance and their name. I think it is a natural identification process going on there. Later as we get to know them better, we start associating their personality with their name. I think that is why sometimes people will develop a dislike to a certain name too, if you grew up or spent a lot of time around someone who's personality was cruel and mean, and you didn't know anyone else by that name, I'd be willing to bet you'd carry some association with the name. How many parents would want their child's name to be Hitler? You see where I'm coming from a bit here? It's hard to put into words.

I know with my dogs, when I hear or say their names, they aren't just a name, I have emotions and feelings that are elicited by seeing and hearing their names, associations.

Perhaps if we got up from day to day and said "I'm going to be Amy today" or "I'll be Shirley this week," names wouldn't have such a sense of identity, but it is the very first way we identify ourselves to the world whether it be greeting someone informally or putting it on legal documents. I think after awhile, it just becomes a part of who we are.

I do think in some cultures and in the past, names had more actual meaning, even surnames. Someone who's family livelihood was tailoring might be the Weaver family and so on. A house name from medieval Europe was a complete definition of that person's place in society. I do think last names definitely have less definition to them now than they did at one time.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Tubby & Peanut's Mom
Yes....but "things" are implied with names. As an example, if a rose was actually called "Stinkweed" people might not think it smells so sweet. They would have a preconceived notion of what to expect when they encountered the smell, already putting negative conotations on it before determining for themselves whether they think the smell is sweet or stinky.

---

Deoderant???

Don't go all philosophical on me.....I don't multi-task very well.;)

Garlic is called the "stinking rose", but some people LOVE the smell, other do not...

What happened before things had a name???

What did the cavemen do?:confused:


K9,
But, does a name change really tweak your essence? Who YOU believe you are???

If you want to be Shirley or Amy for the week, you still go back to being who you were when you started!

You were --------- before you became Shirley or Amy.

It doesn't change the starting point. Your name may change later on, but does a name change who you are physically of mentally?

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RICHARD
K9,
But, does a name change really tweak your essence? Who YOU believe you are???

If you want to be Shirley or Amy for the week, you still go back to being who you were when you started!

You were --------- before you became Shirley or Amy.

It doesn't change the starting point. Your name may change later on, but does a name change who you are physically of mentally?

---

In theory of course it shouldn't, but would I feel different if suddenly tomorrow I became Gertrude? I think it would have an emotional impact, a sense of losing something that was mine, a part of who I was. Now I didn't really feel that way when I changed my surname to my husband's, but also the reason I was open to the change was because I wanted the identity of being family and having the same last name. Logically it doesn't make a lot of sense that you'd feel or be any different no matter if you changed your name every day, but I guess it is one of those things that is hard to explain the why of. Definitely for me, a first name has more identity tied into it than a last name, a first name is the word for who you are, a last name is who your family is, sometimes also identifying your culture as well, i.e. if it is a Spanish or Chinese last name.

I think it was Val who started a thread in General once asking if people felt their name affected who they became and how happy they were in life. It was an interesting conversation and some people seemed to feel that if they had been named differently they might have turned out differently. I suppose in the end it all comes down to how much of an identity it is to each individual person.

Many animals identify each other by their scent or sound. I suppose with people we have lost a lot of our senses over the eons and use written and spoken language to identify each other. It is interesting to think about and consider, but my brain is going on vacation about this time so I can't get any deeper into the psyche of it than this :D

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RICHARD
What did the cavemen do?:confused:

---

Grunt and pull the girl around by the hair? :confused:

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Tubby & Peanut's Mom
Grunt and pull the girl around by the hair? :confused:

---

That was before Hallmark cards and Valentine's day..:eek:

I'm keeping my last name and my kids are getting my last name. I happen to be very family oriented toward my family and would like to keep my identity. My older sister and younger sister have our mom's last name, I have my dad's and my two youngest sisters have my stepdad's. My mom just used whatever sounded the best with the first names she liked.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
However, you should make sure, if you do change your name, you retain credit. I've seen too many widows who encounter significant problems because everything was in the husband's name and consequently, they must reestablish credit in their own name.

---

Not a problem for me cuz I'm the one with the credit and Dust is the one without any. So basicly everything is in my name (even his truck) so if we ever have a fight he'll be in the doghouse (literally) and walking. ;) :p

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
However, you should make sure, if you do change your name, you retain credit. I've seen too many widows who encounter significant problems because everything was in the husband's name and consequently, they must reestablish credit in their own name.

---

Not a problem for me cuz I'm the one with the credit and Dust is the one without any. So basicly everything is in my name (even his truck) so if we ever have a fight he'll be in the doghouse (literally) and walking. ;) :p

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
However, you should make sure, if you do change your name, you retain credit. I've seen too many widows who encounter significant problems because everything was in the husband's name and consequently, they must reestablish credit in their own name.

---

Not a problem for me cuz I'm the one with the credit and Dust is the one without any. So basicly everything is in my name (even his truck) so if we ever have a fight he'll be in the doghouse (literally) and walking. ;) :p

My mom never did it and I'm not gonna either. That's just weird. Come on, you had your own name, a name which you are very proud to have, then you just change it?

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Karen
I changed my last name to Paul's when we married. I had a very common last name - there were three of us with the same first and last name in my own hometown. So I figured, why not change it to something less common?I will always be my parents' daughter, no name change could change that, any more than it could change the dent in my chin, the shape of my hands, or the color of my eyes. I was under no pressure from either family regarding my name, by the way.

I

---

This is the same reason I'm changing mine as well. I'm a Smith and if you want to see just why look in the phone book. You won't see any of my relatives. Plus with the first name Renae it is way too common.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Suki Wingy
My mom never did it and I'm not gonna either. That's just weird. Come on, you had your own name, a name which you are very proud to have, then you just change it?

---

I happen to be a newly married woman who changed my name to my husband's. I don't think it's weird, nor do I think less or differently of anyone else who chooses NOT to. How would you like it if I said I thought *not* changing your name was stupid?

You are free to think what you want, but you may want to be a bit more tactful in posting your thoughts unless you don't have a problem stepping on people's toes...

Quote:

---

Originally posted by mina'smomma
Plus with the first name Renae it is way too common.

---

You think Renae is common? Try Kim Smith! :p :D And my sisters are Linn and Jenn. LOL!

I think Debbie is right in that names do give away a preconceived notion....take, for example, Brandee - with two e's. Be honest, what comes to mind? Certainly not some high-class lawyer yet, she could very well be.

I've never been married, nor do I ever intend to but I think I would also keep my own name, not because of identity (I already know who I am) or the other reasons you've all listed, but because of convenience. Everybody knows me as a Heys and so I shall remain. Just my 2 cents worth.

On the news this morning I heard that Tah Raise Ah Heinz Kerry will be now known as......



Teresa Heinz.


:confused:

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I know when I married I took my husbands last name, not because I didn't like my madien name but because I felt like I was honoring the man I loved, and we were starting are own family. I stayed married for 26 years and when we divorced I kept his name because it has been a part of me for years and my son will have that name for life and He will always be part of me. When Christine married she took her husband last name. I don't know that she thought of not taking his. But she will always be a (last name) and now part of other family. That I love dearly. I guess it is a matter of choice and what the women feels comfortable with. I do know working as a nurse that hypen names do cause confusion. Your never sure do you use the whole name or part of the name.

Here's another example of the mixups that happen when adults play the NAME GAME.

Here I am looking for a patient in the database by the name of ASHLEE S -

I try every friggin spelling in the book for the first and last names.

I spend 5 minutes looking and find out that the child is an "Also Known As"....because someone made a notation on the schedule-but didn't bother to change the name in the DB....

The last name begins with a "C"...


The patient is 6 MONTHS old is chronically ill and has a TRACHEOSTOMY...

Of course, should the child come into the emergency room and in the confusion the parents do not let the ER docs and nurses know about the kid's OTHER name, there is the chance that no one will be able to find the kid's chart.

One important thing about a PATIENT RECORD is that there is a
TONS OF INFO ON A PATIENT. Blood types, Allergies, and special precautions.

Just think about it-

The nurse pulls out your ID with your hypenated/maiden/married name but you have not made everyone aware of your name change.

YOU are allergic to penicillin or some other drug - in your unconcious state you can't tell your doctor that you ARE ALLERGIC, the records room can't find your chart and the nurse is loading up the syringe...

----------------------------------------------

Is t he million dollars you get in a lawsuit worth the loss of your six month old child because you can't figure out who's name is going on the birth certificate or patient record?
:rolleyes:

I am VERY proud of my name and can trace my family all the way back to the countyin Ireland where they lived. It will stay that way for my whole life. I have a very Irish last name.

Choice....that is the key word. As far as I am aware, anywhere except the province of Quebec, People can keep their maiden name or take their spouses last name.

In Quebec, we don't have the choice. We are obligated by law to keep our birth name when we marry. I am so mad about this.

I got married almost a year ago and wanted to take my husbands name. We are planning on having kids soon and since this is my immediate family now, I wanted to share the same family name. I love my husband and would be proud to have his name. When we have children they will have his name and as soon as we move out of this province mine will be changed too.

In Quebec the only way you can change your name is if you change your birth cert. How ridiculous is that? When we get pregnant, I am planning to convienently be in Nova Scotia (where I am from) to give birth and will put my last name as my husbands last name so on the childrens birth records it is all the same.

My mother-in-law was married 10 years and when they moved to Quebec she had to change her married name and all her ID back to her birth name. When they moved back to NS, she changed it all back. What a pain in the butt.

The point of my post is, I don't feel that the choice should be made for you by a government law. I think it should be the choice of each induvidual person what is best for them and what they believe in.

If u want to change ur name to ur husbands, its best to do it this way

old-new

My reasoning is for ID. I get so many people goming into work & they changed their lastname to their husbands & didn't keep thiers, its hard but I have to refuse them if I have her old name only.

But if her ID had both names on it, then ID is never a problem.

I plan to do his when I get married. I want his name & I want mine. Its just easier, u never know when ur gonna need either or.

Maybe I should move to Quebec

thats why nobody likes quebec hehehe

Quote:

---

Originally posted by ramanth
You think Renae is common? Try Kim Smith! :p :D And my sisters are Linn and Jenn. LOL!

---

No thanks Kim. I have a younger cousin with the same name up in the tip.