The Hardest Decision

Dear Lord
Please help Peka as she passes to the RB and please reach down and give comfort to Aly whom we love and cherish. Help stop the hurt and give Aly and Peka the peace they deserve.
Amen.

{{{Aly & Peka}}}

Aly, I've been waiting around here at work for an update but I guess you are too heartbroken to post. I don't blame you. I pray that God will dry your tears and I'll look for a post on Monday.

Take care.

luv

I am just now calming down enough to post. This has been one of the hardest days of my life. I tried to stay with Peka, but I started crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Then I had to stop 3 times on the 10 minute drive home to throw up. When I got home, I started just saying Peka's name and crying so hard. Her stuff is still all around the house. I should have cleaned that up before I left, but I couldn't. And I still can't.

The puppies aren't helping me like I thought they would. My friend said she'd babysit them, but then she went out of town. I want to see my dogs. I'm still too upset though and I'll totally freak them out.

I took Peka for a walk in the park. I cut off several locks of her hair and spread them around the ground there since she loves to walk around there. I mean she loved to :( :( :( :( :( ........... I also saved a lock of hair so I can frame it with a picture. Then we went to McDonalds and she had french fries, a cheeseburger, and strawberry milkshake. She really loved the milkshake. I also got her some chicken nuggets which she ate in the room at the vet.

I went alone. I didn't have either of my friends come since the vet who she saw is a very sweet, comforting woman. Peka wouldn't have recognized either of my friends anyway. A receptionist and 2 vet techs assured me they would stay in the room also. It was REALLY nice of them because usually its just the vet and one tech. I talked to the vet for awhile first to be sure I was doing the right thing. She really helped me so much. She agreed that this was the humane thing to do. She said there were several things we could try to keep her alive, but she would most likely still be suffering.

When I got in the car with Peka, there was a song on. I'd never heard it before. The lyrics sort of stuck in my head. I came home and searched for the song. Its called How do you Talk to an Angel? by the Heights. I sort of took the song as a sign that I was doing the right thing. Here are the lyrics:

I see her voice
Inside my mind
I know her face by heart
Heaven and earth are moving in my soul
And I dont know where to start
Tell me tell me the words to define
The way I feel about someone so fine.
How do you talk to an angel?
How do you hold her close to where you are?
How do you talk to an angel?
It's like tryin' to catch a falling star
At night I dream and she is there
And I can feel her in the air
Tell me tell me the words to define
The way I feel about someone so fine.
How do you talk to an angel?
How do you hold her close to where you are?
How do you talk to an angel?
It's like tryin' to catch a falling star.

That song will forever break my heart and remind me of my girl. Another sign I got was at McDonalds. The toy in the Happy Meal was a princess and I always call Peka Princess. She was dressed in pink which was Peka's color. I don't know why I think that was a good sign. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better and grasping for straws.

I can't believe I went through with it. I didn't want to. I wanted my car to get stolen. I wanted to lose my keys. I wanted Peka to be a young dog again starting her life over. I don't know how I did it. I only did it because I don't want her to be unhappy or suffer.

At the park, I told her I loved her and that I considered her mine now, and not a foster.

She was happy in the last hours. I know she loved me. I could always tell. She would ............. nevermind, I can't talk about it right now :(

When I got home, I went to the park and found some of her hair. I put my hand on it and said a prayer and told her I loved her. I hope that my Dessi is up there showing her the ropes right now. I told Dessi to be nice to her.

Aly, you have no idea how much I admire you for going through with this. It takes alot of strength and I have nothing but admiration for you. You did the right thing. We're all here for you..

Dear Aly ~

You did just fine.

Safe Trip, Peka.
Rest In Eternal Peace.

She's at Peace now, Aly.
No pain, no suffering...

Just a lot of wonderful Memories of Momma Aly.

Now it Your turn to remember the Fun Times with Peka.

{{{Hugs}}} Aly.

/s/ Phred

I am soo sorry to hear that !!






why isnt peka in your sig??? does anyone have a pic of peka?? I would love to see her.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by tikeyas_mom
I am soo sorry to hear that !!






why isnt peka in your sig??? does anyone have a pic of peka?? I would love to see her.

---

She's not in my sig because I was pretty much considering her a foster. The shelter technically signed her over to me after I had her for a few months though. I still considered her a foster as a protection for me basically. She's always been sick and dying. I was afraid to call her my own and get even more attached to her. I know that sounds so stupid and ignorant of me. I can't explain it. I was afraid to put her in my sig because I never knew when she'd die. It was really scary for me. It really weighed heavy on my soul for the past year. I feel just awful.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/...3/fc839ad1.jpg

TM, if you'd read the entire thread, there's a picture of Peka on page 3.






Aly,
Bless you for all you've done. Peka knows you loved her, you said so yourself. You had two wonderful signs to show you it was time, so don't ever doubt yourself.
I'm sure Peka's free of pain and running happily at the rainbow bridge.

{{hugs}}

You did the right thing Aly. Now your sweet girl is happy at the bridge:)

What a wonderful last day you gave her. I'm sure she knew how much she was loved.

More {{{HUGS}}} for you.

Aly,

My heart goes out to you. I read through what you have gone through and I couldn't do it without crying. As hard as it was, you did the right thing. You gave Peka a wonderful year and tried to ease her pain, but now she is in a happy place without suffering and surrounded by love.

I know it wasn't the easy thing, but the right thing isn't always. Peka is peacful now, romping and playing at the bridge. I'm sure if she could she would have said thank you for a wonderful last year and showing her what love is.

{{{HUGS}}}

I am SO sorry for the lost of your friend. :(

I cried at work reading this thread! I felt, and feel your pain. Just wanted to let you know I was still thinking about you...

:)

Aly, I am thinking of you tonight with nothing but love and admiration for your complete devotion to Peka. May we all be so loved and thought of when our time is near.
Hugs,
Johanna

{{{aly}}} i knew that when duke closed his eyes here, he'd open them at the bridge in just seconds and he'd be free and young and healthy and he could run and play. peka is now having all that too, hugs to you brave lady. joyce

Oh, Aly, Aly, Aly..........I know how you feel. I have been there and it hurts so much. I remember the snot was running from my nose and I just didn't care.......I was crying so hard.

But a pet that I had loved so dearly was gone. This precious boy, Magic was now gone. But he had been in pain and he was suffering so much and his quality of life was completely gone. I was able to see him now peaceful and safe and across the Bridge.

I didn't stop crying for a long time.....but I was upset about MY loss, not his peacefulness. He had given me everything he possibly could in gratitude for taking him into my home - a stray that just showed up.

I don't have the right words.........but you did the right thing for Peka and she will always be a part of you and she will never forget you.

God love you!

"You say that all you have left are memories but this is not so. You see, when I took leave of my earthly body I left a little something behind for you. You can't touch it, hold it or examine it, for what I left behind is far too uninhibited for confinement. I left in your tender care a piece of my soul. ... I love you too much to have left you with nothing but memories that tend to fade and grow cloudy as the years go by. I love you too much to have vanished without a trace. How selfish it would be of me to remove love and light from your life.

Aly, please read this site: A Place For Us -by Terri Onorato

It's the one I go back to when I miss a RB baby.

{{hugs}}

One that I think of often when I miss Shaianne is



Loved Dogs never Die.

Aly, I don't know what to say except my heart is breaking with you. It's an awful part of life when doing the right thing hurts so much. Peka will be thanking you from the Rainbow Bridge for giving her life and knowing when she had enough.

Oh dear. :(:(:( I missed this thread Aly, and now my heart is broken in a million pieces. I just don't know what to say. :(:( Peka was so precious and you gave her the best last year in life that anyone could offer. I know this must be so very hard on you, but you did the right thing. :(:(

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

Rest in Peace sweet Peka. Enjoy your new life on the Bridge .

(PS. If you could keep sending signs to tell your meowmie you are fine, we would all be grateful)

Oh, Aly, You have done the hardest, most painful thing, with real love and bravery and set your sweet girl free, and I know it hurts so bad. I know that hurt because I have felt it too, many times, too many. Hold on tight, brave lady. You loved Peka and she loved you, and love is the only treasure that will never pass away, or grow old, or fade. She will always be there in that piece of your heart reserved especially for her.

Rest in peace dear Peka.

{{{Hugs}}}

Chris

Aly my friend, I hope that we at PetTalk have provided a little light in your darkness... now go get Reece & Lolly and hug those blackie pups & Skyler and let life begin anew. An oldie but a goodie, "this is the first day in the rest of your life". I pray it's a good start for you. I also hope that doesn't sound cold or harsh :( you know how much I care I hope.

ohh aly *hugs* my heart is breaking with you :( you gave peka the best 12 months of her life and bless you for that.

God speed dear Peka, sweet dreams

{{{Aly}}}

Rest In Peace, Dear sweet Peka, for you are pain free now. You have known the best year of your life with sweet Aly, keep an eye on her, and wait for her to come see you someday.


Aly, I know it is hard, but you did do the right thing. Peka knows that, and we all know that. You did the best thing for her--giving her a wonderful year of her life, with love she may never have known, and set her free when it was time.

O Aly :::hugs::


I can't stop crying. your post remind me of when I lost my one and only baby boy. The pain you go through is horific and although they say it does ge easier, it is hard for a long time. I'm still waiting for the "it gets earier" part to happen. ::hugs:: Aly, you are a wonderful mom. Peka knows how much you love her, she couldn't have asked for anyone better.

And Aly. You are a GREAT mom. Don't you ever think diffrent.


Ash

Dear Aly:

This poem says better than I could ever express in my own words how much Peka thanks you for all the love you gave her in her last year, and how much she thanks you for letting her go to the Bridge.
She'll always be with you...
Hugs...

FROM FRIEND TO FRIEND

You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.
Please, understand just what this gift,
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
...a young dog once again.

In Memory of Asta, Feb. 1997
(c) Karen Clouston

<wiping tears away> Aly, you are an angel. Peka knows that and is very happy not being in pain any longer. Bless you and Peka... I know this wasn't easy.

:(

RIP, sweet Peka.

So very sorry for your great loss of Peka. She will live on in your heart forever. Hugs.

Aly I am so sorry. I have been where you are now several times and it hurts so much. Just cling to Reece, Lolly and Shiloh and those adorable little babies who still need you so much. Peka understands and she is at peace and without pain. (((hugs)))

*HUGS* to you Aly.

Aly, I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better and take away the hurt. Please know that we are all crying with you and share your sorrow.

RIP Peka and say hi to Toshie. Hugs to you Aly for going through with this. You are stronger than you know.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.

Oh, Aly, I am so sorry that you had to make that final decision for Peka. Only those of us who have had to do that can understand how terribly hard it is both before and after. As others have said, you gave Peka so much in this last year...more love, more care, more consideration than I believe many humans receive in their waning years. You are an Angel of Mercy. Peka knew you loved her deeply. As for not staying with her during the actual transition, I also am one who could not do that with either of my two RB girls. Like you I felt just awful about my failure to *be there*, but I just couldn't imagine seeing the life drain from the ones I loved so deeply. I too would not have been able to breath. Although I certainly wished I would have had the strenghth to stay, I recognize my own personal limitations. If presented with the opportunity to go back and do it differently, I still wouldn't be able to stay. I doubt my two judge me for the last minute of their life, but for our lifetime together.