I have a drink problem - Professional opinion

I understand exactly what you mean and appreciate the words. As always you've given me food for thought - thank you

My problem was really with binge drinking that was getting way out of control and becoming the "norm". I was drinking every day and in large amounts at weekends - this has changed as I have come to enjoy waking up feeling well and not sitting on the couch every evening thinking "must have a drink" then "must have another drink". For the first time in a very long time I am actually looking forward to Monday morning because I don't have that tired, washed out, death warmed up feeling.

Cool. Like I say, Denise, maybe you don't have alcoholism. I am just pointing out what often happens with alcoholics in certain situations. If it saves someone from 'riding the dump truck all the way to the dump', then it is worth it.

Alcoholism is a cunning and baffling illness; it cn sneak up. I was bored with drinking at the end of my drinking career, it did nothing for me anymore...then I would somehow find myself drinking again! I thought I could quit permanently out of sheer apathy! lol

But no, it had me hooked.

Keep posting - lots of caring folks are here for you.

hugs
Catty1

Denise you don't have to do this alone, may I ask why you have chosen not to seek counselling or at least an expert opinion? how can you know if you are an alcoholic or not if you don't, catty1 has pointed out some very good points,my ex only drank two bottles of beer a week, would you consider him an alcoholic, i think not, but he was, it depends on how it effects your life, your job, your family, just to mention a few things.

If you are an alcoholic you cannot just have one little drink, that is why you need IMO to seek expert help,please just understand i speak from experience and my pure concern for you only, not to be judgemental or anything, and i still think you are doing fantastic,but that scares me a little,because if you indeed have alcoholism, it is not something that can be beat in a week or so, i just want the best for you and hope you can achieve sobriety in your life. :)

Please rest assured I have every intention of going to an AA meeting in the very near future. I have got details of all the local groups.

I suppose the main reason I am doing this on my own at the moment is down to sheer stubborness! Once I have made up my mind to do something (stop smoking, lose weight, exercise more) I do it. The biggest issue with my drinking was to acknowledge that it was getting out of control and I had to do something about it...to me that was the hardest part, admitting to myself that I had a problem.

As for your ex, I would consider him an alcoholic if he had to have those two beers every week no matter what - he relied on them and I guess they would be a focal point for his week.

I do understand and appreciate your concerns

Hugs, Denise!

Would like to know what you think of the meetings...it's usually suggested that a person check out several different ones, as each can have its own 'personality'. This is for you, so find one where you feel comfortable.


Yes, we can be stubborn...someone once defined an alcoholic as "an egomaniac with an inferiority complex" lol.

And from the Big Book - "Defiance is the outstanding characteristic of many alcoholics."

Just being hoomins! :)

hugs again
Catty1

I am looking for clarity, not critcism , but, I cannot understand how someone that has two beers a week (as Carole mentioned above) is an alcoholic. If it is, in fact, the way the drink affects your job, your life, your relationships, how does two beers a week do anything at all? Unless you are drinking them first thing Monday morning, and they make you late for work???

I am not trying to be funny. And, I do drink, so, am I defensive? I don't know. But, sometimes, it can appear that anyone that is an alcoholic tends to think most everyone is an alcoholic. Please, I am not saying anyone is, or isn't, and if one is, I do think it is a disease. There is a long, personal account of this in my life- my ex was an recover(ing)(ed) alcoholic, probably sober 18-20 years? And, he decided to drink one day. As far as I know, he still drinks 'socially' without any of the problems he had in his youth. I say as far as I know as I don't maintain contact with him any longer, for reasons not related to drink!

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

I am looking for clarity, not critcism , but, I cannot understand how someone that has two beers a week (as Carole mentioned above) is an alcoholic. If it is, in fact, the way the drink affects your job, your life, your relationships, how does two beers a week do anything at all? Unless you are drinking them first thing Monday morning, and they make you late for work???

I am not trying to be funny. And, I do drink, so, am I defensive? I don't know. But, sometimes, it can appear that anyone that is an alcoholic tends to think most everyone is an alcoholic. Please, I am not saying anyone is, or isn't, and if one is, I do think it is a disease. There is a long, personal account of this in my life- my ex was an recover(ing)(ed) alcoholic, probably sober 18-20 years? And, he decided to drink one day. As far as I know, he still drinks 'socially' without any of the problems he had in his youth. I say as far as I know as I don't maintain contact with him any longer, for reasons not related to drink!

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It's not how much one drinks that is a determining factor, it's what happens when one drinks, regardless of how much or how little, how often or not. For an alcoholic like myself, one drink is too many, and 1,000 never enough.

RH- thanks for your response. I have heard the 'one drink too many...'. BUT, that still leaves me questioning the two beers a week. I can drink two beers, and it hasn't any effect on me at all. So, I still struggle with the two beers a week= havoc, or mini havoc in one's life.

Well, I heard the same thing about a guy who had six beers every Friday, and got help for that.

I think it is kind of like my being BORED with drinking at the end of my drinking career...I went for periods without drinking, and thought I could leave it alone out of sheer apathy. But I didn't - I drank without wanting to, with sad results.

What made sense to me was the suggestion "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if, when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic." That was me. That's from the Big Book...and note it says "probably". It also describes four kinds of drinkers, only one of which is the alcoholic drinker.

So - if someone decides to quit the only-two-beers-a-week and CAN'T, even when they want to...I guess they decide that it is a problem for them.

That's why only the person themselves can decide if they are alcoholic, or if alcohol is a problem for them. It's a self-diagnosis - yes, a professional can do that too, but only the person themselves can decide to agree and take action.

Clear like mud? :D Hope that helps.

Catty1

Catty1- that did clear things up for me. And, I like the insertion of the word 'probably', too. I guess with the way I am, with control and order, it is 'scary' to me to give up power, and admit I am powerless when it comes to anything- be it drink, food, whatever.

Johanna i really do need to clarify what i was saying, you have mis-understood my post a little so i shall explain myself clearer, i was not insinuating that someone who drinks two beers a week is an alcoholic, no way, but in my ex husbands case he was, he could only afford two beers a week on his wage, but come hell or high water he would have those two beers no matter what, i too had difficulty with it realising he was an alcoholic at first until it was explained to me, he was not actually getting enough booze for his addiction which made his moods swings terrible and him a very hard person to live with, it affected my relationship with him alot.

This Johanna is what makes it different from you or anyone else drinking two beers a week and not affecting them in anyway, i also could do that and it would not do anything bad to me either.,also the fact he could NOT do without them no matter what, he would rather we did without some necessity than not get his two beers,that is what makes it different.

He also suffered from the DDTS when he was drying out, that does not happen to someone who does not have an addiction., I saw him go through that and it was not a nice experience for him believe me.

When we shifted and bought a shop, we had more money and he had to go to the wholesaler to buy food for the shop, he also picked up bottles of whisky or whatever and then his drinking increased, he hid it all over the shop, funny thing was he could serve in that shop and appear co-herrent, the minute he finished he was blind drunk, that still amazes me until today.

Do you know what the turning point for him was, the day I asked him to carry our then newborn son up the stairs, unbeknown to me he had been drinking, believe me he hid it well at times and was very good at it too, he was drunk and was scared he might slip and fall with our son, that was the day he asked me to get him help.

Also for those who don't know if you were drinking say two bottles of wine a day when you became sober, if you start again you will go back to square one, it is not usually a gradual build up of one drink here and there but straight back to where you left off.

Sorry i dont want to hi-jack this thread in anyway, and it is not about me and my past life, but just felt the need to explain things clearer so as there are no mis-understandings .

Denise i was worried you might take my post the wrong way, but i am glad you did not, my concerns for you are real and i know that your stubborn nature as you put it might indeed get you through this, I just want you to always know you are never alone and don't be afraid to reach out for help, take care and i wish you well.

Sorry to be a pain:

DTs - short for "Delirium Tremens", happens when a drinker starts withdrawl

DDT - a pesticide, now banned. Killed all the fleas our cats brought in in the 70's though!

Catty1

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Originally Posted by carole

Sorry i dont want to hi-jack this thread in anyway, and it is not about me and my past life, but just felt the need to explain things clearer so as there are no mis-understandings .

Denise i was worried you might take my post the wrong way, but i am glad you did not, my concerns for you are real and i know that your stubborn nature as you put it might indeed get you through this, I just want you to always know you are never alone and don't be afraid to reach out for help, take care and i wish you well.

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Quite the opposite - I am so glad I started this thread - being able to read about other people's experiences and be given so much support and advice has been phenomenal. Saturday night was a real turning point for me - normally when the outlaws come round and the vodka is flowing I just join in but this time I realised that I didn't actually want to drink, so I didn't


http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a3...0/aa61abe7.jpg

In fact I felt so well the next morning that I sat in the garden at the crematorium and told my Dad everything (sounds a little mad but I know he'd understand me :rolleyes: ) I then had a quick sing-a-long to John Denver and went on my way..... :D

Brody's Mum, I just want to tell you how much I admire you for your bravery in admitting that you have a problem. I have been reading this thread occasionally and just wanted to say how much I respect the people here for being there for other members no matter what the situation. The caring and compassion on this board never ceases to amaze me.

I haven't read every post but the ones by Catty1 have been helpful to me to see into the mind of an alcoholic. Your honesty and help in get those of us not suffering with this disease to understand it is certainly appreciated. Do you all realize that there are probably many lurkers out there who have never joined PT but are coming here to get help through this thread.

My husband's sister was married to an alcoholic. Beer was his beverage of choice. He knew he had a problem and even was hospitalized due to alcoholism but returned to it after he was released. He finally was able to give it up when my niece was pregnant with his first grandchild. He didn't want his granddaughter to grow up knowing her grandfather was an alcoholic. How my SIL ever stayed with him I'll never know. I could tell you stories..... :(

Unfortunately he died in January of 1999. My SIL found him dead in the living room recliner. He often couldn't sleep after giving up booze and would go downstairs to watch TV until he felt tired. She came down one Saturday morning to find him asleep in the recliner. This was not unusual and she went to prepare coffee as she normally did. When she came to put it on the end table by the recliner he didn't reach for it. It was only then that she realized he was dead.

The cause of death was heart disease brought on by alcholism. His hospitalization several years before had been for heart damage due to drinking. In the end, even after giving up drinking, it took his life.

I encourage you and anyone reading this to know that alcoholism kills. Please, please nothing in a bottle is worth dying over. I know I don't understand the compulsion so I am not one to give advice. Thankfully others on this board are better able to do that. I just wanted to share a very painful experience with you to let you know the horrible path alcohol can take you down.

Thank you Pam {{{hugs}}}

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Originally Posted by Catty1

Sorry to be a pain:

DTs - short for "Delirium Tremens", happens when a drinker starts withdrawl

DDT - a pesticide, now banned. Killed all the fleas our cats brought in in the 70's though!

Catty1

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DOT - that cute girl in my anatomy class that drove me to drink! ;) :eek:

Cattyl thanks for correcting me i knew that i had got it wrong lol, i was close though, after all it has been twenty odd years, so i don't remember everything,and thanks for explaining what it actually means too. CHEERS. :D

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Originally Posted by RICHARD

DOT - that cute girl in my anatomy class that drove me to drink! ;) :eek:

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LOL! :D Silly boy!

:) I am so proud of you & for turning the bottle down.. I have been off & on reading all of the Thread & I think you are so brave & have noted how all of the Pet Talk Family is behind you 100%..

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Originally Posted by lvpets2002

:) I am so proud of you & for turning the bottle down.. I have been off & on reading all of the Thread & I think you are so brave & have noted how all of the Pet Talk Family is behind you 100%..

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Thank you :D

Having decided we weren't going to drink during the week hubby asked ever so nicely if I'd mind if he had one this evening. Not only did I say I didn't mind I actually poured it for him and wasn't tempted one little bit.

My colleague from work who was going to cut out the alcohol at lunchtime bit with me has already wimped out by having shandy then going back to a glass of wine today :rolleyes: Men eh?

What I lack in height (5ft 2) I make up for in willpower!!! :D :D

Keep up the great work. :D

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Originally Posted by Brody's Mum

What I lack in height (5ft 2) I make up for in willpower!!! :D :D

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Shut up..

My mom is 4' 11" and I fear her more than anyone on the planet!

God only knows how much he can pack into a small frame. ;) :D

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Originally Posted by RICHARD

Shut up..

My mom is 4' 11" and I fear her more than anyone on the planet!

God only knows how much he can pack into a small frame. ;) :D

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:D :D

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Originally Posted by Brody's Mum

My colleague from work who was going to cut out the alcohol at lunchtime bit with me has already wimped out by having shandy then going back to a glass of wine today :rolleyes: Men eh?

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Hmmmm....do you mean drinking during the lunch hour during the work week? I can't say that it typical where I live. Most people refrain from drinking during the workday, though it would help the attitudes, possibly. :p

And, what is a shandy?

I went through somewhat of the same thing My mother was an alcholic when i was a teenager she had somewhat of reasoning to why she was like that,My dad left her with 5 kids to raise on her own,she struggled and did the best she could then when i was 18 i lost my 25 year old brother he got himself into drugs and all the rest that follows and he was found in an alley was stabbed to death,I thought for sure my mother was done for,her and my deceased brother had not talked for 2 months then she gets the call he is gone.Could you imagine? i don't know what i would do if i lost any of my children,Anyways she continued drinking until i was around 24 and she quit completly no meetings nothing she seen she had to get through her life and she wanted more than having a Title as an Alcholic
I wish you all the best while you are working through this!

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

Hmmmm....do you mean drinking during the lunch hour during the work week? I can't say that it typical where I live. Most people refrain from drinking during the workday, though it would help the attitudes, possibly. :p

And, what is a shandy?

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I'm afraid I do. Shandy is a mix of beer or lager with lemonade

EW, gross. Beer and anything seems gross to me. But, lemonade? :eek:

Well, good on you for quitting during the lunchhour, and all other times! :D

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

EW, gross. Beer and anything seems gross to me. But, lemonade? :eek:

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Its not the lemonade made from real lemons but still pretty revolting

Actually, when I was in England many, many moons ago I had a shandy for the first time and loved it. It was actually a Lager and Lime. Is that a shandy?

Speaking about drinking at lunchtime, when I was in my early twenties, a group of us used to hit the local pub and have 4 beer and a burger each then head back to work. After work, we'd head over there again and close the place down then go for something to eat and get to bed around 3am. Had no problems getting up at 6am to go to work the next day. :rolleyes: Could never, ever dream of doing that now. A glass of wine at lunch and I'm asleep by 2pm.

Brody, I've been following this thread and I have the utmost respect and admiration for you. To come on a public board like this and reveal a drinking problem is something I could never do. I have not had much contact with alcoholics but have learned a great deal through reading this thread. Thank you (and the others who have posted) for sharing your stories and thoughts. You go girl!!! I'm on the sidelines cheering you on. {{{hugs}}}

Lager and lime is a different drink but the same sort of theory - let's just say its an acquired taste.

Glad this post has helped others as well as little old me! :D

They have a pill now that you can take and if you drink it makes you massivly sick has anybody ever been introduced to it?

It's called Antabuse. I never have had to take it, and I am glad.

I'd take the fellowship, growth and support of AA any day! :D

Catty1

When I was a paramedic, we used to pick up balkies (aka drunks) off the street who would drink, despite taking antibuse, which made them deathly sick. It's a great drug by itself, but God forbid you should drink!! The side effects are NASTY!!!! :eek:

Antabuse has been around for over twenty years now, my ex was taking it and yes he did drink on it and yes he was very ill, had to be hospitalised, mind you it gave me some peace of mind.

A shandy is the only alcoholic drink that i would drink now, i actually hate the taste of alcohol, it is beer with a little bit of what you guys call 7 up or sprite, and it is yummy.,Trouble is it is very easy to drink a lot of them not realising it can still make you quite drunk. :)

kEEP up the good work Denise, you are doing SO GREAT.!!!

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Originally Posted by Brody's Mum

What I lack in height (5ft 2) I make up for in willpower!!! :D :D

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Please be careful with that willpower. From the voice of experience of another short (5'1") sober drunk (me), there will come a time when willpower won't work. I can tell you're just like a lot of us - very stubborn and thinking you're different. I'm not trying to be mean, but I am concerned for your wellbeing. You're doing well now, but PLEASE go to an AA meeting and pick up the "Big Book" and a copy of Living Sober.

I have the very same concerns that Redhedd does for you Denise,i wonder if what Dr Phil says about loosing weight applies in this instance too, he swears it is not about willpower.

I really hope you can continue your sobriety,but please don't be afraid or too stubborn to reach out for help if you need it, always here for ya, take care. :)

Carol and RedHedd are right. Although Willpower will get you part of the way, there will come a time when you'll find yourself wrestling with whether or not you can "handle it". Please get to meetings and find a sponsor. It'll get better before it gets worse. Been there, done that!!

Everytime I see this thread it reminds me of a old movie called
"Days Of Wine & Roses" (It was released in 1962) Starred Jack Lemmon
and Lee Remmick. It was my introduction to this disease & how powerful
and the addiction can be. It was very unusual to discuss real human
problems in a film. Here's the story line,

Storyline

Genres: Romance, Drama
Tagline: This, in its own terrifying way, is a love story.
Plot Outline An alcoholic falls in love with and gets married to a young woman, whom he systematically addicts to booze so they can share his "passion" together.
Plot Synopsis: Boy (with drinking problem) meets girl (with addiction to chocolate). They fall in love, get married and have a beautiful baby girl. But the picture perfect family is anything but perfect. Joe has introduced his wife Kristen to the "pleasures" of drinking and soon both are confirmed alcoholics. An absorbing, frightening study of the insidiousness of addiction.

I recommend it to those who cannot seem to understand how addiction
can sneak up on people. and how hard it is to admit the problem and seek
help.

Lizbud,

"Days of Wine and Roses" GREAT movie!!! Jack Lemmon and Lee Remick (?) did a great job! The movie hit very close to home and is worth watching over again.

Another good movie is "The Lost Weekend" with Ray Miland.