I can't add anything that others haven't already said, but I am glad you feel comfortable enough to vent here. Everyone needs an outlet, and sometimes less biased ear to listen. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
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I can't add anything that others haven't already said, but I am glad you feel comfortable enough to vent here. Everyone needs an outlet, and sometimes less biased ear to listen. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
I'm sorry all this is happening to you. My sister's father was pretty bad to her, I guess...so my mom and her moved away from him. She never talked to him since (she was really small at the time) she met my dad some time later. My dad has always treated her like a daughter, and if you ask my sister what he fathers name is, she will say my dad's name. She says he is more of a father than her real one...I guess what I'm trying to say is it doesn't really matter about "blood" he is your father. I guess that doesn't help at all...but I hope it gets better for you, I really do.
Sara,
I dont have any advice to offer but I think everyone here has put it all very well - you are loved and can come to us for support any time! :) Don't hesitate to PM me for anything :)
Naomi *hugs*
Sara,
What I first feel compelled to tell you is that you did the right thing coming to us - those who care for you - with your current problems.
I too grew up with a dad who when in the company of his new wife, would spend weekend visits telling all about how horrible of a mother I had. (like you, I lived with mom - dad only had visitations rights) Now that I'm older, I've realized all it did was make them look like complete idiots. No matter what age, that is wrong. I understand the love you feel for your father, but honey, please look at his actions...not his words. You need and deserve support...
I know that you find solace and comfort in God...and honey, right now, you need it. He loves you, and while you're going through a horrible time right now, He is there to talk to. I know that when we get in over our heads in fear/frustration/anger, we tend to blame Him. But, even if you are mad at Him, He can still provide peace. I'll keep you in my prayers, OK?
I'm sorry you've found out there is a possibility that your father may not be your bio father. But like the others have said, genes don't mean all that much. My step-dad has only been in my life for about 6 years and I adore him. He's done more for me that my biological father ever did...or would do.
I hope I didn't say anything too harsh about your father. I'm reading this without the emotion you feel right now AND I care about you alot, honey. It hurts me to know you're in pain and that a family member is causing it. You're dealing with SOOO much right now, I'd love to take it away for you. :(
If you want to talk, will you let me know?? I can call you whenever you'd like. I'm going to PM you my contact information, OK?? I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this, its not fair. :(
Hugs and Love,
Kelly
Sara,Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara luvs her Tinky
I'm glad you realize this. What he did was hateful. There wasn't going to be ANYTHING good from this comment to you...nothing.
I wish I could come over and give you a huge hug right now, sweetie!!!
Sara, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now. :( You'll be in my thoughts and prayers and things will get better. Please take care and feel free to pm me. (((((HUGS)))))
I talked to my mom yesterday and she told me that my dad is actually not my "biological dad". She wanted to give me an explination of what happened but I really don't need to know.
I feel better now that I know. Yesterday was just torture sitting around thinking about it and not really knowing.
I feel like this is all a dream though. I got A LOT of thoughts going through my head now. Bad ones and good ones. BUT i'm not crying today and that feels good. I would give ANYTHING to rewind time and my dad not tell me that though. I know for sure I would have been just fine living the rest of my life not knowing.
Thanks everyone for your support and *hugs*hugs*hugs*!!! :D
You guys helped more than you probably know.
Sara, I'm glad you are feeling better today and very glad that your mom has chosen to tell you the truth. I would hear her out. I know this must have been a terrible secret for her to keep all of these years and I think it will provide tremendous healing for both of you to understand it as well as is possible. Of course the pain of the lie will last long after all of this is over, but it is not something that you won't be able to rise above. As someone else mentioned, knowing the medical history of your real father will be more important now that you have a little one on the way.
A good friend of mine was told, at the age of 21, that she was adopted. I know it is not quite the same thing but I watched her dissolve into tears because of the loss of trust in her parents. Concentrate on that new little one growing inside you. The love that will come at his/her birth will be overwhelming and all-consuming and totally blot out all of this pain. I promise. I am still praying for you!
I'm glad you talked to your mom and I'm doubly glad that she is so willing to be honest and open about what happened. At least you know that she is willing to share. For now it might be enough to just know, but as time goes on, you may want to know more details and it's good to know that she is willing to not hide anything anymore.
I can only imagine what a shock this must all be to you. However, no one is going anywhere so you have plenty of time to process it all and take your time in absorbing what this is all ultimately going to mean in your life.
I hope and pray that your baby is so healthy that knowing your bioligical history is never necessary.
I'm so glad you're feeling better. :) {{{hugs}}}
Sara, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry that you are going through this. I'm not good at knowing what to say but I just wanted to let you know that I care and I hope that you will be ok. You have lots of support hear and I hope that you will remember that. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong, Sara.
Every one has pretty much said it all. Except for one thing that kind of sticks out to me. You say Step mom made him come back and tell you, sounds like she was the "bad " one in this. Not to step mom bash but go back and reread your first post . You need to talk to him alone and just hash it all out.
Goodness sakes, thank God you chose to come to all of us with this.
It doesn't sound as though anyone has considered your feelings here. And how awful that this has just been dumped on you. Sorry to bash any of your family - but good God - nice to read that they could get rid of all of their guilt and bash your Mom to boot -
No one, absolutely no one, has led a perfect stain free life! But how we handle other people's feelings if they are involved is the true test.
When these things happen, and we receive unexpected news - it blind sides us. And then we go through various stages - the first being intense hurt and that sits with us for a while. But after a while that gives way to real anger - how could they do this to you? This is the dangerous period because it is hard to contain that anger and words could be exchanged that will only make matters worse.
But finally, we enter a period of acceptance. It becomes clear that you cannot go back in time - make things go away - that what IS has to be accepted. With this period also comes some kind of inner peace - it just sneaks in and levels everything out.
This is the period you haven't entered yet - but it will come.
When you talk to any of the members of your family about this - it is important you use what are called "I" messages. That means you tell them how "YOU" feel............not how they should have acted, or how they should have handled this. Tell them how it has impacted "YOU". Please know, that they might not understand because they are too into themselves.
But they need to be told how all of this news has impacted YOU.
So help me, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes for you.
How I wish - all of us wish - that we could take it away from you.
But as so many Mothers have pointed out - there is something wonderful going on that will make your life completely worthwhile........and that is your unborn child. Just think of what a great Mom you can be - you are learning so many lessons right now that will insure that you are.
You will always be honest with this child - you won't keep any secrets from this child - you will guarantee that the child is well loved and it will feel secure.
What an example you are to the rest of your family - and they just cannot see beyond themselves to realize it. Keep up the good work - how I do admire you -
The best is yet to come - you can count on it.
And finally, I send you the biggest hug of support that I can. Don't delete this message - all of us are learning something from you too!
xxoo Gini
Wonderfully, perfectly said gini, I couldn't agree with you more. And our dear, sweet Sara, always the one to take it all on the chin and suffer silently:( I can only imagine how devastating it was for you to hear this news, to hear it now and in the manner that you did. As gini suggests, it is so important that you let your Mom, your Dad and your step mom know how all of this has impacted you, without placing blame or inditing; not in anger, but from your heart. Yes, use the "I" word! They all need to realize the overwhelming consequences of their actions or inactions. None of us lives or acts in a vacuum and what we do and say in life has far reaching effects. You are a brave and loving soul and I have no doubt that in time, you will reach a point of accepatance and hopefully, take from an otherwise sad and tragic circumstance, something positive. Again, as gini pointed out, the feelings you are experiencing are not dissimilar to those people who have experienced the death of a love one feel....shock, denial, anger, grief, acceptance. With the help of those who love you, and that certainly includes us, you will get through this Sara. Hold onto us, your friends, those who care for you and the thought that soon your life will be blessed with the greatest of gifts:) You cannot change what has happened, but you can look forward to the future with hope and optimism.
Love~
Sara I've read this thread and wasn't going to post because it brought a lot of memories for me back. But I thought some of this might help since I understand some of what your going through. When my parents seperated my dad also told me I wasn't his, at the same time my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer so I chose not to confront her with it. He then went and told my 8 year old sister that my mom was going to die when Dr.'s said w/treatment she had a good chance. All this was in the space of a month. Part of me has always regretted not confronting my mom about what he said, but to be honest I'm not sure I want to know. You should give yourself a lot of credit for doing that and agree with the others that you should sit down and talk to her or you'll probably always wonder. What gini said is right you have something wonderful to focus on right now and that's your child. Right now everything seems to be falling apart, but in the end you'll come out of all this a better/stronger person. Time can heal a lot of wounds and bring understanding. My father and I didn't speak for 10 years after all this and I lost all contact with that side of my family. In the past few years we've begun to take tentative steps towards a relationship. I guess the point i'm trying to make is that right now you probably feel that everything is going wrong, try to focus on the things that are good and going right and eventually you'll be able to look back on this time and realize it was hard and painful but gave you a stength and understanding that you'll pass on to your own child. I wish you all the best and if you just want to talk feel free to contact me.
I can only echo what Johanna and Debbie said.