Letting Go and Saying Goodbye

Ok, the tears are now flowing. Yes, this is a time of deep grieving and mourning for me. Most of you know how hard it was for me to lose my Tucker man ... and adopting Ditto was a sick attempt to make that pain go away. But losing my Tucker was the beginning of the end for me ... no other kitty in the world could ever replace my baby boy. I loved him far too much, and I had always told myself that if anything ever happened to him, that it would end everything for me.

I have tried for months and months since his death to keep on keepin' on ... but I can't help but still feel a huge sense of loss. Even though it was the damned (sorry) FIP that took him, and there is nothing anyone can do about that, I have always felt responsible some how. You beat yourself up with, maybe another kitty I brought in gave it to him, and thoughts like that.

Losing Tucker was like the ultimate slap on the wrist, the punishment for having taken the normal home life away from my original cat family. The only bit of comfort I get in all of this, is knowing that my original cats ... Grace, Harper, Hallie, Smokey, Dexter and Roxie ... now have their full-time mommy back. I only wish that I could have stopped there, but Tabitha is so attached (at the earlobe) :rolleyes: that we couldn't part with her, and then my girls each have the ones they have bonded with, etc....
Also, the 3 (Boots, Marmy, and Bonnie) who were feral for so long, and have come soooooooo far, I am afraid they would have terrible set-backs if they were to leave us now.

For those of you who are going to miss Angel, my family was shocked as well. Angel is a gorgeous medium haired calico, just oozing with personality and charm .... she will most likely be the first to be adopted. Because of that, I could not justify holding her back. Angel deserves a home where she can be the pampered princess that she is ... and I know that she will find it quickly!

Thank you all for the loving words of support and encouragement, they truly are appreciated. The fact about my diabetes and health in general, is that I have been terribly irresponsible in that area. I eat all the things I'm not supposed to, and in more abundance than I ever did before. :eek: It's like I have been trying to deny that I have diabetes and show the disease that I am boss over my body. Yeah right!:rolleyes:
Stress most definitely does play a huge factor in your blood sugar levels, and no doubt in my eating habits .... so I am beginning here with de-stressing as much as possible.

Well, enough on this book ... thank you again!

*note to self* What is it with mascara? I go for weeks without wearing it, and never cry a drop. The first day I decide to actually wear the darn stuff, and within a few hours, I cry it off!:rolleyes: Must call the manufacturer about this defect!;)

Oh, Kim!! :( I just now read this thread and am so terribly sorry you are feeling such loss - of dear Tucker as well as your fosters. I know that you did not make the decision lightly to transfer some of your fosters to your friend's group. I agree with Twink, that it was absolutely providential that this group came along. You would not hand your babies over to just anyone, but perhaps somebody upstairs knew you needed the help and provided some for you. :) When a lifeline is thrown our way, it's always best to grab on!!!! Please take good care of yourself. It's not easy to do, I know but especially right now, you need to treat yourself with lots of TLC. ((((((Major HUGS))))))) and loving thoughts coming your way.

Bobbi

I am still crying with you Kim and I am sure a lot of others are too. Just know we are here...

The hardest thing about being a rescuer - isn't taking in neglected or abused pets - it's being strong enough to love them and let them go - be it to another family, the rainbow bridge, or another rescue.

You know your limits and have done your best, and are doing what is best for the cats -

That takes a great deal of courage and strength.

Bless you for being there when they needed you, and always doing your best for them.

laura

I know it's a decision you didn't take lightly Kim, and I'm glad
you know you made the right choice Kim.It's so very hard.You want visiting rights but it isn't allowed.LOL:( :) :D

Kim, I can imagine how hard this has to be for you. I don't really know you, but from all the things that mom has told me, you are a wonderful person. I will pray that your health will improve and you feel better...GOD LOVE U!!!!

Kim . . . first of all, {{{HUGS}}} to you.

You have been someone that I have come to really admire on this board. When I see that you've replied to my threads, I feel so special :)

When I first read this thread, I was so sad for you, and really had no idea what to say. I can only imagine how hard it was giving up the kitties that you did . . . but I think you're right in doing so. You have had a lot of responsibility to deal with for the past several months, and it's time that you start taking care of yourself. I really had no idea that your health was so poor. You're in my prayers, Kim!

Take care of yourself, sweetie! And please remember that there are so many people here that love you!!!

:)

Kim, HUGS to you.
I am sorry that you had to make a tough decision but I think that you made the right one.
You have done so much for so many kitties.
I really think that you need to put yourself and your health first now because you are a very special part of Pet Talk and we need you here with us.
You have many friends here who care about you.
Extra hugs going out to you from Samantha too!:)

Oh Kim, I'm so sorry you had to make this difficult decision, but I know that you know in your heart it is the right decision, for you and for the kitties.

I know you say this is the end of your rescue work and sorry, but I'll believe that when I see it. ;) I do believe you will take some time off, and it sounds like you need to in order to get your own health under control, and to be able to devote more time to that beautiful grand-daughter of yours. I'm so glad you are connected to an "official" rescue now because I know this will make things tremendously easier on you.....because I know once you're feeling better, you will not be able to turn down a kitty in need, your heart is too big to do that.

Take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up over this. You do the best you can and you've helped so many already and that is more than anyone can ask.

{{{hugs}}} to you, my friend. :)

Thank you everyone, so much! I love you all! I plan for now to work on the business side of my friend's rescue, as she hates computer and paper work, and I love it! Crazy huh? So I think it will be a good partnership. She loves giving medicine and the doctoring side of rescue, as she was a vet tech in the past. So, she can take in and heal, and I can keep up with the paperwork .. and of course go by and help socialize the kitties! I think this will give me enough satisfaction to know that I am still somewhat involved, but I can also still have my needed break!

Love,
Kim

Oh Kim, what a tough decision :(

I admire you so much for everything that you have done, nearly 100 cats is amazing!!

I think helping with your friend's rescue is a great idea, you will still feel satisfied, as you're still helping so much, but you'll be able to get a break whenever it's needed!

You're such a sweet, loving person and this proves it even more, as you found a great rescue to place some of these kitties in, where they will definatly get furr-ever homes very soon, all because of you :)

I hope that you get your health under control, and just know that no matter what, you have all of our support and love.

More (((Hugs))) to you!

Kim, I'm sorry that I'm a bit late but I'm just now seeing this thread. I know that this was a very difficult decision for you but like others have said, your health comes first. You need time to regroup and get healthy again. I also think that helping with your friends rescue business will be great for you and you won't feel so overwhelmed. You've done some amazing work with your fosters and are such a caring and giving person. I hope you feel better soon and please take care. {{{HUGS}}}

Hey Kim, that sounds like a GREAT compromise! You will still be involved with rescue.

And I'd like to re-state you did NOT cause Tucker's death! I know you feel you might have exposed him to some nasty disease, but I have to tell you, I had the FIP thing happen to me many years ago, and I did NOT do rescue at the time. I had a stable house of kitties and one just got sick (and she was 12 years old!!) So bad things happen....that is life.

I think the new relationship with your friend sounds great! It'll give both of you a break - her from paperwork (are you MAD woman? Liking paperwork? :D I have a lot of paperwork if you want to help me out too! ;) ) and you from the constant attention sick babies need. Now you'll have time to spend with your family and get your own health back.

Kim, you have done a wonderful thing throughout the years finding homes for babies who otherwise may not have even made it. You are a wonderful person and I'm glad you have made the decision to worry about yourself and your health.