The Hardest Decision

Aly, I am going to try to put this into another perspective for you, so that you are not so hard on yourself.

My father passed away in 1988. He was very ill for several months and was in a convalescent home. I went to see him every day. Most days he knew me, but some days he didn't know anyone. I used to stand by his bed and ask God to take him - right then - so I could know he was at peace and also be there for him.

It was not to be. My father passed away at 5:00 AM on Thanksgiving morning.

Does my father blame me because no one was there? Does he love me any less because I wasn't there at the moment of his passing? I don't believe either is true.

He passed away knowing how much I loved him, knowing all of the loving things I did for him over the years, taking with him all of the memories of my childhood and ridiculous things I did.

A spiritual bond isn't about "one moment" - it takes a long time to develop - and Peka took that spiritual bond with her.

She does not blame you, but loves you for being the incredible unique person that would even dream of taking her home and providing her a loving and caring home.

I know, it isn't the same - a human passing naturally and your making the decision for Peka - but there is such a bigger picture here than just whether you were there at the end.

I reach out and give you the biggest hug for being such a dear and caring person. Look in the mirror and you will see a very special person who did all that she could in a short year to make Peka's life better, happier and filled with love.

:( I'm so sorry, Aly. I don't see how anyone could think you are a horrible person after you brought Peka into your family and gave her a year of love. My heart is breaking for you :(

After nearly a year of battling with cancer my senior miniature schnauzer, Muffy, eventually got to the point where she was in so much pain she wouldn't/couldn't move, didn't like to be petted... it breaks my heart thinking about her. We made the decision to have her put down. Although it was a very difficult decision to make at the time, now I don't regret it at all, she wasn't herself anymore & she was suffering terribly. I know she's happy and pain free at the RB now and I'm sure she'll show Peka around when she gets there.

You will be in my thoughts, Aly

Thank you guys so much. I really appreciate all of your heartfelt replies and have been reading them all, clinging to every word. I don't know what I'd do without you all.

I have 2 wonderful friends who each said they would stay with Peka as she crosses over. I am so very grateful for this and I am going to take at least one of my friends up on the offer.

Peka did get to know happiness while she was with me. Even though she's not affectionate and doesn't like to play, she's still had happy moments. I remember when she used to jump around excited to see me come home :( It was quite a feat for her to jump around considering the condition I got her in. But, she's ... not the same anymore ... and, I know its time :( :(

Sweet Peka

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/...3/fc839ad1.jpg

Aly.. my heart is with you, just like yours will be there with Peka. Sometimes, it's not physical presence that counts, and Peka knows.

Love to you and Peka,
Naomi

Oh Aly, I am so sorry.
I am praying for stregnth for you.
I can totally understand why you couldn't be in the room with her. You knew her best and it seems as tho it is the best for the both of you.
I was with Shaianne when she died, and am so glad that I was b/c I would have never ever ever forgiven myself had I come home and she passed in her crate. But those are COMPLETELY different situations. :(
I KNOW that she will wait for you at Rainbow Bridge along with your beloved Desi.
Godspeed to the Bridge Peka, Shaianne sweetie, keep an eye on her until her mom can get there, a long time down the road.
:(
{{hugs to Aly}}

Aly, I'm thinking of you and Peka {{{hugs}}}. Your love is with Peka whether you are in the room or not, and she'll know that.

Aly, you are the sweetest, most caring person! Peka knows the love you have given her for the longest time. What a beautiful dog she was, and that's how she would want you to remember her.

{{Peka & Aly}} We'll certainly be keeping you in our thoughts during this difficult time!!

Of Aly, she is absolutly Breath taking ::wipes tears::


::hugs:: to you Aly


Ash

oh aly i am so sorry*hugs*

it is comforting to know that one of your friends will be with peka at the time, and by no means are you a horrible person, the love and care you have given lil peka in the last year is wonderfull.

sweet dreams Peka *hugs*

God Bless you!! You did a wonderful job! She now knows what it's like to be loved..... something she never knew before, and had it not been for you, she would have died never knowing, even though she never acted like she cared, or knew what it ment to be loved, that's irrelevant.... the fact it that you loved her is all that matters!
As for not being with her..... don't feel bad, you'll always be with her!!

:( Aly, prayers and good thoughts be with you. Your Peka knows how very much you love her. BIG HUG We'll all be thinking of you. God Bless.
:(

I add my voice to all the other ones who told you not to think for a minute that you are a horrible person. If we are always saying that any decisions we make should be for the welfare of our pets, you are the one who knows now it's time to let her go on her way to the Rainbow Bridge because you love her.
You made the last year of her life a happy one, and while she plays, without any more pain, at the Bridge she'll remember that.
I had to make the same decision for my first Golden because her cancer had taken over her body and I could not stay with her either. I was alone and was afraid the vet would have to pick me up from the floor if I'd stayed.
I'll be thinking of you and sending many loving thoughts your way.
Have a safe trip, darling Peka...

Dear Aly ~

Our Thoughts and Prayers are with You and Peka today.

God will Bless you :) for sending Angel Peka to Him.

/s/ Phred

Dear Aly,
Words can't say enough how awful I feel for you and Peka. She knows, like we know, her health and well being is first in your mind. Go easy, sweet Peka, and wait for mommy at RB!
Hugs,
Johanna

Her appointment is 5pm Friday.

Don't know what else to dsay. I don't think I'm strong enough to g o through this. I don't know if 'I'm doing the right thing anymore.