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Oh my gosh, I am so shocked. I remember you were having some problems, but I was hoping it wouldn't come to this. I am so sorry Jess, I can't even believe it, I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. Keep your chin up, keep hoping, and remember that you are a great person with so much to offer and you will get through this. One day this will all be behind you, with or without your husband. You can make it.
Hugs
Jordan
I am so sorry Jess. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I will PM you my number in case you don't have it.
{{{HUGS}}} I'm so very sorry to hear this. You are definitely one of the most sweet, intelligent, caring people I have ever "met." You don't deserve this, I really really hope that everything works out for you.
I am sorry that it has come to this. The fear of the future must be scary to you, and right now, unfathomable. While I have never been married, I can understand the pain of rejection, and, the loss of control, which for me was the worst part. My prayers to you.
Jessica, my heart hurts so badly for you. I cannot even begin to imagine your pain, and cannot quite understand why anyone would divorce on such basis, after sharing so many years of life together. I know you are hurting deeply, and wish I could somehow take the pain away. You are such a sincere and wonderful person. I know that one day, your husband will have all the memories of his sweet wife flash in his mind, and he will deeply regret his decision.
I can only hope and pray that God changes his heart before any action is taken, and that his love for you is restored, and he takes back his word and decision. I can't understand how he could just go on with this when there were no fights, no arguments, no problems. I can't understand how seeing the pain in your eyes wouldn't make his heart hurt. How could love just dissolve for no reason? I can't understand. Love takes work. Sure the beginning of love is full of uncontrollable sparks, but in the long run, when you live together, spend time together, get on with daily life and the stress of life together, those strong sparks fade...partially because when we have something for long, we take it forgranted...and partially because of work stress, financial stress, hormone changes, etc. Marriage takes work. Love takes work. A change of feelings just doesn't seem like a right reason to end a marriage to me. Of course none of us can know the whole story. I wish your husband was willing to work through this, as I know you have tried and wished for. You are in my prayers, Jess. May God fill your heart with inner peace, contentment, love, and as hard as it is to see right now, may He soon show you light at the end of this dark, scary tunnel.
I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. It must be so very hard. I read once that going through a divorce is like a death you even go through the grieving process. I imagine that is true. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. Know, you are in my thoughts and prayers. (((Hugs)))
hey jess, just for today, you can do this. know you are loved. ((hugs))
I am so sorry this is happening to you. As many have said, you must remember this is his decision (Mistake) and has nothing to do with who you are as a person. You are obviously a very caring and loving person as is shown with your pets. He is the one who has changed - the sad part is that every marriage goes through a time of disenchantment. There is a song that has a phrase in it that Love is not a decision, it's an act of your will. Which simply means that there will come a time that you don't feel as loving as you once did, but you hang in there and the original feelings will come back. Kind of like stages of a marriage. It's too bad that your husband does not have the maturity to see that. No doubt, he believes in the throw away life style we are a part of in today's world.
Don't feel bad about yourself ( and I know that is and will be hard to do). No matter what he says and tries to tell you it is about HIM. Not what you have done or not done. I don't know how long you have been married but I know he is giving up on something way too soon.
That's what I have tried to tell him. I've told him it's okay if he doesn't have those feelings for me he once did but that if he would just stick through it and if we kept trying, I believe the closeness would come back.. but he just seems to think that it would only prolong the pain for both of us, that his feelings are what they are and they are not going to change. We have been married for six years but have lived together since 1995, so most of my adult life and his to this point have revolved around each other.Quote:
Originally Posted by 4 Dog Mother
It's just still more than I can truly fathom. The emotional swings from anger to despair to numbness to disbelief are just constant right now. Everything I look at makes me think of how we did this or that together, there is absolutely no escape for my mind. Before if something very stressful was going on I would be able to find something to distract me at least for awhile.. and now I can't. I think yesterday it finally truly hit me that this is all real. That it's really happening. :(
Thank you so much for all your prayers, your compassion, words of comfort and caring. It helps give me more strength in coping.
I am so sorry to hear this, Jess. You will remain in my prayer and thoughts.
((((Hugs))))
Willie
K9soul, I'm not quite sure what to say, other than I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. :( I know the pain is real. I only hope that something will happen so you can get together again - perhaps after a few months apart, he'll realize his mistake.
I will send you a PM. :)
(((((Hugs)))))
Dear Jess,
I am so very sorry for you. I can almost feel the pain in your words. I will pray for you. I hope that you have very strong support from your family and friends during this most difficult of times.
dan
Just some random thoughts from a husband's point of view:
First off, I don't know any particular details or pretend to know what goes on in anyone's else life. You know the old saying only makes sense when you are older and more experienced with matters of the heart - "No one knows what goes on behind closed doors".
I have been married (only once) for almost 21 years. I knew when I got married that it would be "unto death do us part". I knew that because I took the marriage vows literally (even though my wife had them altered and customized for our wedding. I did not even hear or can remember what was said in the ceremony. I was hearing and answering to what is in the Bible) and view the institution as sacred and forever binding.
Things change. Boy... do they change. And there are lots of stages and phases - and probably many more to come yet! And romantic love? It fades. If you think you are going to feel the tingles and palpitations that come with "new love" forever - then you are really, really, really fooling yourself. God bless the people who say they feel the very same towards each other after 20,30, 40 years. I envy them.
There are alot of hard times and bumps along the way. Whew...boy, it would be "easy" to just get out... or worse yet - and YES I think worse yet, to just fade away. By that I mean, stay where you are and go adrift. Let someone else catch your eye and begin to "cross" that very dangerous line of flirting. Because when that happens... and the tingles and thrill of "new love" start to grab ahold of you again, there is almost no going back...
Many of you see me and read my gibberish on line. I'm just a total goof. I say and do some juvenile things, but when it comes right down to it - I'm all hot air. That's just because I can't even begin to allow myself to strike up any kind of conversation or relationship with a co-worker, acquantance or even neighbor that is in the least bit inappropriate, because therin lies that "slippery, sliding slope" AND every man knows where that line is for "him".
What changes??? Well, a lot of things. SEX sometimes changes - it becomes more important or less important for one of the partners. This is tough, but it has to be possibly anticipated and capable of being dealt with. Interests change - but you have to work really hard to try and bring yourselves back to common ground and shared interests. Jobs/Careers change. Social environments. For some, children come along and a competition for attention develops between parents and children (believe it or not). Finances. Friends. Associates. Again, you have to continually work at bringing yourselves to the center and don't stray too far to the fringe edges of your relationship.
This isn't so much for the people who "have been there - done that" and I am sorry, probably not much help for poor Jess, but rather for you young, never married people who may be reading this. MARRIAGE is not to be taken lightly or entered into on a whim. AND NO, you will not still likely feel all giddy about each other after a decade of seeing each other at 6:00 AM each morning, sharing the bathroom (sometimes smelly bathroom) and seeing each other "at your worse". I recommend you read and take to heart the "traditional" marriage vows and hope that the "best" be in your futures, but consider that the "worst" may be just around the corner - and are you capable and willing to work through it???
Hang in there Jess. I hope you can find some peace and calm with your thoughts and come out "perhaps scarred and scathed" but not forever bitter! God Bless,
Dan
Jess I'm very sorry to hear all of this, I honestly can't imagine how your feeling right now but I know it can't be good...not good at all.
I have no words of wisdom to give but please know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers while you go through this tough time.
If you ever need anything at all, I'm here. {{{HUGS}}}
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Bob's Dad,
I've been married 20 years and I'd say you've hit the nail on the head. Things are never like they were when you first met each other or when you were first married...and yes, things definitely do change. You just have to REALLY love the one your with and be able to work through it...together.
Oh wow...what a thread.
First off, Jess, I don't really know you. I haven't been on as much as I used to be, life has just been too busy lately. But I feel your pain in your posts and words. I really can't imagine how empty and lonely you must feel right now. However, knowing you have your beloved dogs and your friends offline and the many, many good friends you have here gives you a rope to hang onto in the dark moments.
Bob's dad...what a post. It brought tears to my eyes. Tomorrow is my 5 year wedding anniversary and my husband and I are going through a bumpy patch. Not in our feelings for each other but financially. He lost his job back in March and we have been struggling since. Well he would say he didn't lose it, he just doesn't go there anymore. I have struggled with my anger at the company he worked for, and my sadness for him for the blow to his pride and self-worth. But through all of this I love him even more now than I did the day we were married. I am also noticing how he is touching me more and reaching out to me more than he did before he was fired. You are so right. Marriage is work and committement. No, I don't feel all the flutterings of first love. What I believe we both have is a mature, deep love. He is my comfort, my safe haven, my shoulder to rest my head upon at the end of the day. That is what long term love is about.
Again Jess, I am so very sorry you are going through this. My step-father did the same thing to my mother after over 16 years of marriage. He told her he just didn't love her anymore. It has taken many years for her to feel self-confidant again. I truly believe in time you too will find something that is deep and true and safe for you. Until then keep in mind how many here seem to care for you. You are obviously a very good person that deserved so much better.
Denyce