Teenage pregnancies and the battle to end them...

Whether you disagree with some people's thoughts or not, I think it's rude to state you were laughing at people's replies. Everyone has different viewpoints on these issues and some really took the time (and risk of getting flamed) to put their beliefs down.

There is obviously a reason why teen pregnancy is so much more prevalent in the western world than in other places. You can't just claim those in another country are simply born with more morals than those in this country. I don't believe people are born with morals and ethics. They are learned, one way or another, through life's circumstances and the people we are around. Sometimes we develop our morals based on family members we do NOT want to be like, sometimes vice versa. No one ever said people who dress scantily will get raped or that they are asking for it. No one ever said if you wear tank tops and have guy friends you WILL 100% have sex. Heck a lot of my best friends were guys as a younger person. We were simply saying it ups the CHANCES, it ups the TEMPTATION for hormones and emotions to rule a person.

K9soul, Sorry, I must not have read these threads as thoroughly as I had thought. I didn't notice the laughing part. Maybe they selected the wrong word...... This is most certainly not a laughing matter.

P. S. Someone PM'd me with a pointer about the "laughing"..... I suspect that comment was made in a general way .... an expression, if you will, and not a direct belly laugh, as in making fun. But hey, I could be wrong. Some people have a very different sense of humor .....

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Originally Posted by K9soul

Whether you disagree with some people's thoughts or not, I think it's rude to state you were laughing at people's replies.

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I agree with you. I have been reading this board but have refrained from making a reply because this is one of those subjects that if you polled one hundred people, you'd have one hundred answers. However, laughing at someone else's beliefs is uncalled for. I'll admit to being surprised to some of the answers and a littled shocked but I wouldn't laugh at them because I don't want people laughing at me over my ideas about teenage pregnancy or any other matter that may be discussed.

I like the fact that this thread has stayed relatively calm, with the few occassional slip ups. I've read it all, and, there are a lot of good points, and most of them are right. The thoughts may not apply to everyone all of the time, but, anyway. This is a good thread. Thanks for posting it. I hope we can keep it educational, and, not let it resort to downright ugliness. :)

What if the poster had used the word smiled instead of laughed ?
I really don't think she meant to make fun of anyone's feelings. I did
have to smile myself at someone's idea that it's possible to spring from
the womb equipped with a fully formed set of morals & principals.

Most of us have to rightly give credit to some adult role models in their
lfes whether it's parents, teachers. or another adults.

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Originally Posted by lizbud

What if the poster had used the word smiled instead of laughed ?

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I probably wouldn't have thought as much of it. It wouldn't be the first time I've taken something too much to heart, however I just felt it was an unnecessary comment to make, and when I read it over, I still tend to get the feeling it was not really meant in a kindly manner. Again, I could be wrong, and I apologize if I am. I don't like singling anyone out and I sure try not to jump to conclusions but this time it hit a nerve in me.

Oy, what a debate. A month ago my answer might have been different than it is today - as you know, my 18 year old step daughter is pregnant... she turned 18 last month.

As a parent, I know we talked about sex. We talked about what happens with sex. We talked til blue in our faces about disease, poregnancy, and other issues that might pop up over teenage sex... but ya know what? She went and had sex anyway. And you know something else? Its not new! Waaayyy abck in the day of old, girls were married off at sexual maturity (ie: 13) and had many babies before they entered their 20s. My great-great-grandmother had MANY abortions in the early part of this century. Her first was when she was 14. How my grandmother came into the world is a mystery we can't figure out since she did NOT want kids and never tried ot hide that fact, even from her own baby girl :(

Fast forward to the 60's, 70's. Girls still got married young, but they waited til they graduated highschool. MANY girls DID get pregnant but they disappeared to vacation in some far off land (aka, a special hospital for pregnant girls, only you told your friends about a marvelous trip you took) and then they were forced to give the baby up for adoption. Many had abortions... they either had the baby and gave it up for adoption out of family pressure and life went on as if she never had the kid, or she aborted it (which was done in shame and secrecy).

The 80's came about and AIDS hit. OMG, I remember being in highschool when AIDS hit the world. People were afraid to kiss in cars for fear they'd get AIDS. But did it stop teens from having sex and getting pregnant? NOPE. MY best friend in highschool's cousin had a baby the summer before her senior year. Another friend had 2 abortions. My friend went to a different school to hide her pregnancy and school refused to let her very pregnant belly to walk the halls of school.

The 90's were pretty much the same, but many girls started to let hte pregnant girl attend regular school

Now today.... same old same old. No more girls are getting pregnant than before. If it seems higher, its because
1) there's more people in the world, therefor more girls ot end up pregnant... its still the same percentage
2) its more accepted and no more hiding in shame and secrecy
3) the girls are staying in school and not being forced to attend some secret place where only "bad" and pregnant girls go.

I had said I would not enter into this debate and I won't. I have long said, if I did not have to work for a living, I would help girls and young women see that there is more to life that can be achieved when you wait to have children until you are more settled in life. So I have very strong feelings on the subject.

But I have to question your statement Kim. I do not believe there are no more girls getting pregnant (as a percentage) than in the past. Fear is a very powerful motivator....as is peer pressure and social acceptance. I was in high school and college in the 70's. We knew who got pregnant...who went off to those places you refer to and who had abortions. (Abortions were legal in New York in the 70's.)

Anyway....fear of the shame, fear of our parents, fear of social ostracism were powerful motivators in the decision NOT to have sex and if you did NOT to become pregnant.

To say it has always been as it is today.... well, I'd like to see the statistics on that!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lizbud

I did
have to smile myself at someone's idea that it's possible to spring from
the womb equipped with a fully formed set of morals & principals.
.

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Your post gave me a "smile" to as I think you just put words in my mouth!

First, I agree with K9soul. There is no need to laugh at anyone else's opinions. We all see things in different ways, in the light of different beliefs. I grew up with a completely different moral upbringing than probably most of you, and thus, see male/female 'friendship'/'excessive socialization' in a completely different way. I have never had a 'boy' friend. I have never excessively socialized with members of the opposite sex after maturity. I have never talked to or socialized with men beyond necessity. I am always covered in modest, loose, long clothing when around men who are not related to me. I am 20 years old, married now, and love my husband tremendously. Honestly, I think the BEST thing that ever happened to me was keeping myself chaste before marriage, and then experiencing love and emotions when it is SERIOUS, and in a committed relationship. I haven't missed out on anything in life by limiting my social activities with members of the opposite sex, covering my body in front of them, etc. As all of you, I am a human being who feels love, emotions, attachment, desires, etc. We all have these feelings. WHY waste these wonderful feelings over men that are not meant for us? Over men that we won't be with for the rest of our lives? Over relationships that come and go? A sexual relationship is *supposed to be* a relationship that is sincere, committed, loving, and one that starts a new family unit. In starting a family, t doesn't HAVE TO mean having kids, but when you get married and have a sincere, committed relationship with the one special person in your life, it is starting a new family of your own, even if it is just the couple. This is such a beautiful, close relationship like no other, and something that should really, be a bond between two people with no fooling around, no cheating, and no 'part time relationships'. A sexual relationship is not supposed to be part-time. Its not supposed to be insincere. Its not supposed to be something that comes and goes with any random person. It is a relationship based on TRUST, LOVE, COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING, MERCY, SINCERITY, and COMMITMENT between a man and a woman. Its not a game. Its not something to throw away. Gosh, if one fools around with 10 people, and after that, finds the person they will marry, losing your virginity to all those people takes away all the fun and joy that a newly married couple is supposed to experience together. Nothing is more beautiful than a virgin woman and a virgin man coming together in marriage, and experiencing the new relationship together for the very first time. There is no comparing with previous partners. No 'she was more beautiful than you'. No 'he was more fun than you'. Starting together in a committed relationship for the first time is BEAUTIFUL. Throwing away such a wonderful part of human life to someone who doesn't even CARE for you, is well...just ridiculous in my opinion.

Now, I was talking about my feelings based on my beliefs, AND on my experience. I have strong feelings about this mostly because of my religious beliefs, and also from what I have seen in the world. Teenage pregnancies in the old days, in a 'marriage', is something I cannot compare to 'teenage pregnancies' that come from fooling around in insincere relationships. I am not 'for' teenage marriages in today's world...kids are not mature enough AT ALL for that nowadays, but I still think being in a COMMITTED relationship, versus a 'teenage hormonal desire temporary relationship' is much better, despite the age.

Why is it that America is the country where teenage pregnancies are MOST common?? Why isn't it as common in other countries? It is something to think about. Teens in other countries are human beings, just like teens here. They have emotions. They have feelings. They have hormones. They have lust. They have desire. The difference is what is encouraged in other societies, versus what is encouraged here.

For example, around here, kids are ENCOURAGED to go to proms, dance, kiss, hug, and enjoy being with members of the opposite sex. Kids who DON'T go, or don't have a partner to go with are ridiculed, looked upon as losers, and if you're a virgin, of course you're the biggest loser in the world. Several decades ago, it would've been the youngster who was fooling around and lost his/her virginity too early that would be looked down upon, but today, it is the opposite. Why? Why is it encouraged? If you look at the whole picture, there is NOTHING good that comes out of it! For a night of fun, teens today are risking getting pregnant and having a child to care for when they are not ready, won't have the father to help with the upbringing of the child, and certainly, not even stable-minded enough to be a parent. In the end, the person they had 'fun' with isn't a part of their life anymore either. The innocent babies that result from this are so often neglected, or denied the childhood and proper upbringing they deserve. There are exceptions where the grandparents will open their hearts and homes to the child and raise him/her with love, but it is SO common for these children to be neglected. We all know what becomes of neglected children when they grow up.

On top of that, what is better? A night of fun, or a little patience, and then having an entire life of 'fun' with a loving, committed partner? Some of you, or perhaps most of you may think my views on this are a little extreme, but in my opinion, it is just the honest answer to the question of this thread. "Teenage pregnancies and the battle to end them..." What is the 'battle' to end them? The 'battle' that would actually HELP?

In a scenario where a guy and girl are together, doing everything they can together, what else can be expected? Being together causes emotions to rage. Get a guy and a girl together. Have them expose their bodies to each other. Let them kiss and hug each other, dance together, bond together, while other teens are doing the exact same thing around them. The guys find a girl they like and have fun with them, then, later see a girl they think is more 'beautiful' or more 'attractive'. They know they're not in a 'commitment'. They don't really CARE for the girl like she thinks. What happens? They dump her and go for the other girl. When teens are exposed to such situations day and night, WHAT ELSE is to be expected? They are HUMAN BEINGS, and God has made human beings, males and females, to have desires for each other. Sexual education helps with NOTHING. It may help them in 'protecting' themselves and trying to avoid pregnancy, but it does NOT completely PREVENT pregnancy, nor does it discourage kids from having sex. In fact, in my opinion, excessive talking about it ENCOURAGES kids to have sex, and thus, increases the possibility of them having their hearts broken, time after time, without ending in a committed relationship. Girls and guys are naturally attracted to each other. Kind of like a magnet. Opposite poles attract. Likewise, opposite genders attract. To prevent hearts from being crushed, emotions from going out of hand, corruption in society, broken families, parent-less kids, there has to be a limit set to prevent these problems. Other societies don't have much of this problem because they have limits. They have more of a moral upbringing. Sadly, moral values have gone down the drain in our society. Until this problem is cut from the roots, nothing is going to change. This is my honest opinion, and really, I don't care at all if anyone here disagrees with it, or hates it, or laughs at it. The fact is, sometimes the truth hurts, but when you look at our society and compare it to others, it becomes evident what is the problem, and what is the solution. And no, teenage pregnancies are NOT the same ratio today as what they were before. It is far more common. People had moral values in the past. Sadly, moral values are not encouraged anymore. It is situations that cause hormones to rage and desires to peak and problems to result that are encouraged. Very sad state, but sadly, it is true.

You know what? I have NEVER attended a sex ed class. NEVER. I have never (okay, almost never), had a talk with my parents about sex. I have hardly had ANYONE talk to me about it. Yet, I knew about this stuff VERY well I knew exactly what I needed to know. I knew my limits. I knew about protection. I knew who I can be close to and who I can't be close to. I knew how to prevent pregnancy, and also know no forms of BC are a 100% guarantee. I also knew the details of sex, and didn't need anyone to tell me. I have remained a virgin and saved myself for marriage, all of this, without any 'sex ed'. Just because I never talked about this topic, doesn't mean I didn't know. Most teens know even if their families think they don't. Its almost impossible NOT to 'know' these days. Sex education IS important...every kid should know about themselves and how their body works, however, too much of anything is good for nothing. I didn't need excessive 'teaching' in this issue to tell me how to behave. It is the moral values my parents taught me from the beginning that protected me, not explicit sexual education. Very honestly, this is one topic that is rather embarrassing to speak to your parents about. I can talk to them about anything, but this topic? I would've hated if they talked to me about it too openly. I knew what I needed to know. Teens know a lot more than their parents think they do. Even if you keep educating them, trust me, MOST teens already know. They have 'found out' from other sources way before their parents even thought of telling them...even if they don't admit it. ;)

That being said, you are all free to agree to disagree, but as all of you, I too have my right to state my opinion on this matter. Its an open thread, and we all come from different beliefs, so we do have different ways of seeing things. We all have the right to have different beliefs too. ;)

well to be honest I have 2 young friends with kids, 1 I have known since she was a little girl, her mom is EXTREMLY over pretective and over parents her kids, this friend was only 15 when she had the kid, her mom stuck by her and so did her boyfriend, but I think she is very lucky in that department. the other is the mom of my nephew, she also has parents that over parent, she is 18 years old, and the baby is 2 months, her parents also stuck with her, and so did my brother, not as boyfriend/girlfriend, but as the mom and dad who both want a part in the kids life. , I have a 16 year old friend who has been sexually active since she was 15, her parents also over-parent. see a pattern forming here?

A woman who worked with my sis in-law came in one day and told her that her daughter was pregnant! Her daughter was only 14 at the time! I couldnt believe it, well the woman said she would have to put the baby up for adoption because there was no way they could keep it. Well my sis in-law was having troubles concieving so she offered to adopt the baby! well she did and was very happy with the baby. She is now my niece meghan. well 2 yrs later the girl now 16 was pregnant again! I told my sis in-law that they would come back to her to adopt this one as well! The girl contacted my sis in-law and once again she adopted the baby, another girl who is now my niece morgan. I am glad that my sis in-law is happy, and I just adore the girls to death, but what is this teaching the girl??? That she can just give away her probs?? I am all for adoption but,what is this teaching the girl??? I am waiting for the next call that she is pregnant again(her two yr mark is just about here)!!! sorry just had to vent!!!

WOW. If nothing else, I am so glad I am an ADULT, with the ability to live my life the way I see fit, not according to someone else's standards. While I do agree with the teenage pregnancies and the battle to end them theme, the rest of this nonsense, is just that, nonsense. Morals? Who decides MY morals? I do. No one else. I try to live a 'good' life, doing no one else harm, pay my taxes, cut my grass, help my neighbor or friend, and any stray animal I might find. I put in a decent day's worth for a decent day's pay, give to charity, nourish my mind/body appropriately, and, give my all to my son. THAT to me is 'moral'.

I cringe to think I should give up my male friends. Not co-mingle with the opposite gender. My goodness, they make up roughly 50% of the human race! I laugh with them, cry with them, lean on them, and provide support. Fortunately, the relationships are nothing about sex. Nothing. Not even kind of. Just yesterday, I chatted with my MALE neighbor. Oh, it did lead somewhere..yes it did! Right to him asking to borrow my lawnmower, for the 2nd year in a row :D

Teenaged pregnancies are more about what is missing in a girl's life than what is in it. Self worth, education, courage, love, and hope. All that is missing, and the young women turn to others to find this, without thought, without care, without knowledge. I had sexual contact young. I never got pregnant, as I never wanted to become pregnant. I had high school, soccer, college, and law school ahead of me. I had alot of living to do, I had a head on my shoulders, and I knew I wasn't ready for children.

With Jonah? While not planned, it wasn't unplanned. Who ever knew the blessings he would bring to me? I had/have NO misgivings about raising him single, and I consider myself plenty 'moral'. I have no need to get married, and never thought that would be an impediment to motherhood. Why should it be?

While my rant is less on topic than it could be..I just like to chime in!

Johanna

Very well put posts. I agree with some here and disagree with others but am glad we can keep it civil because conversations like this tend to run high on emotion. I agree with K9Soul and I agree with Pops about a lot of what she says, especially about why it's good to wait and why it is such a waste to throw it away on a guy who doesn't really care about you.

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Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary

But I have to question your statement Kim. I do not believe there are no more girls getting pregnant (as a percentage) than in the past. Fear is a very powerful motivator....as is peer pressure and social acceptance. I was in high school and college in the 70's. We knew who got pregnant...who went off to those places you refer to and who had abortions. (Abortions were legal in New York in the 70's.)

To say it has always been as it is today.... well, I'd like to see the statistics on that!

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Surprisingly enough, according to statistics at the Center for Disease Control site, the rate for pregancies among teenagers ages 15 to 17 is declining--and was lower in 2000 than in 1976: Link

"Since 1990, pregnancy rates have declined substantially for teenagers aged 15--17 years. From 1990 to 2000, the pregnancy rate decreased 33%, from 80.3 per 1,000 females to 53.5, a record low. The birth rate declined 42%, from its peak at 38.6 in 1991 to 22.4 in 2003. The induced abortion rate peaked in 1983 at 30.7 and decreased by more than half to 14.5 by 2000."