So what kind of dog is this?
One for the ladies.......
My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. You know, the ones that change color to reflect mood changes.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead.
:D :D :D ;)
Kind of touchy jokes here, but I thought they were funny...
A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: Have their parents tell them a story with a moral.
The next day the kids came to class, and one by one, told their stories....
Little Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket of eggs to market on the front seat of the pick-up truck and we hit a big bump in the road.
The eggs went flying and broke all over everything." And what is the moral to that story?"
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket." "Very good" said the teacher.
Then little Tammy raised her hand and said, "We live on a farm, too.
But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs once but when they hatched, we got only ten live chicks.
And the moral to that story is don't count your chickens before they are hatched." "That was a fine example, Tammy."
Johnny, I believe you had your hand up next."
"Yes Ma'am. My daddy told me that my Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete before the blade broke off. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens!" said the horrified teacher. "What did your daddy tell you was the moral to that terrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.
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#2
There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there's a very
simple answer.
Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were
getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma.
All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC.
This just makes me think of all the pics of our animals basking in the sun!
Sorry, tried to copied this and forgot something. Oh, the irony of it all...
Remember???????????
I don't remember if I sent this one out......... I don't think I did...or did you send it to me??
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
6. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
7. If all is not lost, where is it?
8. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
9. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
10. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
11. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
12. It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
16. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
17. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
18. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
19. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
20. I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT!
21. Funny, I don't remember being . . . . . absent minded...
Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 8, maybe 10, oh, heck, just send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are. Then something is supposed to happen... I think. Maybe you get your memory back or something! I think...