Questions About Australia?!?!?!?
Here are some classic questions that were actually asked of the Sydney
> Olympic Committee via their Web site.
> And some answers that we thought would be appropriate.
>
>
> 1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
> so how do the plants grow? (UK)
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
> die.
>
> 2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking
>
> 3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
> tracks? (Sweden)
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
>
> 4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
> A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
>
> 5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
> contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
> A: Let's not touch this one.
>
> 6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
> list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
> A: What did your last slave die of?
>
> 7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
> (USA)
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does
> not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
> Cross. Come naked.
>
> 8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
> A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
> we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
> 9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> 10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
> is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday
> night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
> 11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
> A: No, WE don't stink.
>
> 12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
> tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> 13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
> A: You are a British politician, right?
>
> 14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
> is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
>
> 15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
> A: Only at Christmas.
>
> 16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
> A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
>
> 17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
> round? (Germany)
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
> illegal.
>
> 18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
> rattlesnake serum. (USA)
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
> Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
> good pets.
>
> 19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
> its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
> trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
> them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walki
That was really a great one Chris! LOL!!
This one is awfully cute too!
LOL Pam, those were good!
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy..."
Little-Known Chocolate Tidbits...
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're
eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and
strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you
want.
Problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from
the store in hot car. Solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll
take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake
of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top
of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights and they
will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate
is a balanced diet.
The preservatives in chocolate make you look younger.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things
to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done!
Re: Little-Known Chocolate Tidbits...
adding to ChrisH Chocolate tidbits
If you drink a Diet softdrink, whilst eating chocolate - the diet softdrink cancels all the calories in the chocolate