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You did the right thing and it will probably all work out in the end. You no longer have asked to have your wishes respected, you have demanded to have them respected. If those terms are unacceptable to any of your visitors then you're better off without them in your home. Your mother will get over it.
Well, here's a little update:
Reinhold called me on Saturday morning, asking why I haven't called them. I told him that my mother doesn't want me to, and that I'm still upset about the incident. He explained he reacted that way because he found it odd that a cat opens a sliding door and walks into the cabinet. Told him that Lily is allowed to do so, and even if she wasn't, it would have been my turn to tell her, not his, and I would have used other methods but punishment. I don't know if he really got my point, but he better does!
Then he asked me if I would stop by in the afternoon (at their restaurant), and I was reluctant at first, but then I did. My mother acted as if nothing has happened, and I didn't bring up the subject with her since I felt it wouldn't make any sense. When my mother feels defensive (and I'm sure she knew they were wrong), she cannot admit her faults but acts hurt and offended. It would have only led to a new argument, at least at this point. But I have planned to bring this up again when some time has passed.
Actually, I feel I made it too easy for them, but I hope they have learnt that lesson. I don't like being in conflict with somebody, and especially since my mother's sister has suddenly passed away last fall, I realized that my mother isn't the youngest anymore (64), and that she might not be there anymore one day.
moosmom, Reinhold is indeed a control freak when it comes to animals, but not with the women he lived with. It's more the other way around. When he was still married (his wife has died), he didn't have much to say in that relationship (he told me that when I yelled at him, he thought he'd see his wife in front of him). My mother isn't that bad, but still the one who's wearing the trousers. Guess he doesn't have much self confidence when it comes to people (he grew up in an orphanage), and I figure that's why he has to show to animals (who he considers to be lower creatures) that he's the boss. Sad.
Kirsten
Kirsten I'm glad the peace has started and I'm especially glad that they initiated it. They knew they were in the wrong or they never would have made the first move.
I think you may have really gotten point across this time. At least I hope so!
It is wonderful of you to understand the reasons behind Reinhold's behavior. It doesn't make it right but understanding why makes you a better person.
I agree with you that if it's possible you should try to resume relations with them. She is your mother and you are so right when you say the day will come when she will no longer be here. I would hate to think that later you would have regrets if you didn't attempt to mend fences.
They still MUST abide by your rules in your home. That is simple respect and everyone deserves that. Even though you are a grown woman they still see you as a "child" and are not regarding your feelings. That is wrong on their part and that needs to change.
You are a wonderful person, a wonderful kitty meowmie, and I'm sure a wonderful daughter. Don't ever forget that Kirsten. Every person deserves to have their wishes respected and absolutely in their own home. Stay firm in your beliefs but keep peace whenever you can. You are the bigger and better person for it.
{{{HUGS}}}
(((CCL))) Thank you!!!
Kirsten
Kirsten, I could not have said this better myself. I am happy that this has taken a turn for the better for you. But do stay firm on the ground rules for your home and pets.Quote:
Originally posted by catcrazylady
They still MUST abide by your rules in your home. That is simple respect and everyone deserves that. Even though you are a grown woman they still see you as a "child" and are not regarding your feelings. That is wrong on their part and that needs to change.
You are a wonderful person, a wonderful kitty meowmie, and I'm sure a wonderful daughter. Don't ever forget that Kirsten. Every person deserves to have their wishes respected and absolutely in their own home. Stay firm in your beliefs but keep peace whenever you can. You are the bigger and better person for it.
{{{HUGS}}}
If that Fellow,thinks,that Animals are inferior,he is wrong.But sadly,there are far too many,that agree,with him.My Mother cured me,of that by making,me read about an experiment done on a Mother Cat,that was wired,that if her Kittens,nursed,on her,they would.get a shock.The Kittens had alternate food,but wanted thier Mommy.Then,one day,the Mother Cat,was nursing her Kittens! They were shocked,to see that That Cat,had chewed through her wrist,until the wiring was no longer connected,and then she would be able,to love,and comfort her Babies!After that,I tried,never,to see Animals,as lesser beings!
I know exactly how you feel. When my aunt, who used to dislike dogs very much, first moved down here and started visiting a lot.. she'd basically, in my opinion, terrorize the dogs.
They couldn't move in their own home, couldn't sit on their furniture, couldn't "eat too loud", play too loud, couldn't do what they wanted (of course what they wanted to do are what they are generally allowed to do under my rule)
She'd completely run their lives and mine. My parents never understood WHY I was so angry with her all the time. They'd get mad at me for not wanting to come out of my room when she was over (i'd take the dogs and sit in my room the whole night until she left)
I don't know HOW many arguments we've gotten into over the years.
After years and years, she's finally understood how much my dogs mean to me. This past Christmas she made me a "Certificate of Appreciation" "from" the dogs to me as my gift. It's very cute and involves completely my dogs - it's signed as "Three Greatful Dogs". That's HUGE step and i've got to say she's my favorite aunt now. She will even pet the dogs and let them sit by her. She's said that if she HAD to have a dog that she'd want that dog to be one of mine.
Anyways, sorry for blabbering on in your thread. All I meant to say is that I understand how you're feeling because it happened with me for a long while.
Hopefully your situation will turn out as nicely as mine, and Lily can peacefully live in her own home with friendly visitors.
Kirsten...so glad to hear that this situation may have a happy ending after all!!!!...is it promising to you that Reinhold made the first move???...(i certainly hope that he has learned a valuable lesson), but if it bothers you that they may have swept the issue under the rug, i agree with you that you should talk about it with them at some point...yes, life is so short...(my mom passed at 63)...so i am really happy for you, i hope the relationships only grow from here, and it must be quite a weight of of your shoulders....:) :)
I am so glad to hear it has been somewhat resolved. Just stand your ground if it ever happens again!.... and I really hope it don't, for ALL of you.