I love kids. It's some of their parents I have a hard time with. (I wouldn't have enjoyed your experience in the slightest).
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I love kids. It's some of their parents I have a hard time with. (I wouldn't have enjoyed your experience in the slightest).
I just hate it when people go "Children are smelly, stupid, germy, gross etc." I always say "Forgive me if I am wrong but weren't you a child once?"
Of course I understand Parenthood is not for everyone.
~Rachel
I remember when I was in 3rd grade and I went to a montesorri school. Well we were talking about probelms facing humans or something like that and over population was brought up. My teacher said families should only have one or two kids. I told them I'm in a family of six kids and guess what my teacher said? People like my parents are the reason there are homeless people on the streets:mad:
I was like yea okay whatever. It's not like my parents can do anything about it know!
~Rachel
I don't have children yet, and someday want to I think, but I also agree with people who don't want to have them. A dingbat secretary I work with made the comment about a guy we work with who he and his wife don't have kids b/c of medical reason. She said that is probably the reason he is an a$$hole, b/c he resents not having kids. I don't think that has anything to do with it, I just think he is an A$$HOLE kids or not!
And my response to this is - yes, and I was a nasty disgusting germ vector too. I'm not ashamed to admit it. ;) heheheQuote:
Originally posted by allanimalswelcome
I just hate it when people go "Children are smelly, stupid, germy, gross etc." I always say "Forgive me if I am wrong but weren't you a child once?"
Of course I understand Parenthood is not for everyone.
~Rachel
LOL! Me, too. And I apologize to all the people like me that were, irritated, grossed out, and/or disgusted by me. :DQuote:
Originally posted by ILoveReptiles
And my response to this is - yes, and I was a nasty disgusting germ vector too. I'm not ashamed to admit it. ;) hehehe
Although I do get get annoyed by certain kids, I hate that some people say kids are disgusting, dirty, headaches, whatever. If that's what you say about kids, don't get offended when people speak of pets that way. People love their kids. They are their life. Saying something like that is in my opinion, more hurtful that people saying such things about animals.Quote:
Originally posted by ILoveReptiles
And my response to this is - yes, and I was a nasty disgusting germ vector too. I'm not ashamed to admit it. ;) hehehe
I think kids are cute, but they can get on my nerves. I blame kids' bad behavior on their parents. Its not the kids' fault. Its the fault of the ones who raise them, just like bad dogs are bad because of bad owners. Its not the dogs, its the owners. Same way, its not the kids, its the parents.
PCB - I don't get offended when someone refers to one of my pets as icky or disgusting - they're entitled to their viewpoint. It's what I think that matters. ;)
LOL!Quote:
Originally posted by ILoveReptiles
It's what I think that matters. ;)
I have seen posts here from people complaining on what people think of their pets. Some of those people don't like kids. What I meant is that people who don't like kids but get offended when people talk bad about their pets, should know that people who love kids feel even worse when they say mean things about kids. :p
As much as I feel like screaming when I see a kid misbehaving, I try my best not to say things like *I hate kids* *kids are crazy* etc. Of course I don't believe those things and I love cute well behaved kids, but when I'm around nutty kids, I sometimes feel like screaming *I HATE KIDS*! Even if its not true. When I'm around good kids, I think to myself, what sweeties they are and that those are the kinds of kids I like. I personally believe its the parents that make kids good or bad. Kids definitely have their own personality and some may be harder to deal with than others, but most parents that have ill behaved children need to take parenting lessons. :o:p
Now, I'm one of the strange ones .... I have a child that I love dearly ... but in general I am not fond of children. I am of the old-fashioned (obviously!) school of thought that children should behave, listen, obey and be good .... with ALL adults. I don't like children who run amok. Yes, it's the parents' fault ... but I still don't like those kids.
My son is not perfect, but he has been taught manners and respect. As all children should be.
I own a boarding kennel, and it always makes me grind my teeth when I see mom dragging three dirty, whiny, loud kids out of the minivan and into my office ... just to drop off the dog for boarding. The kids are interrupting, touching things ... bleck. Why not leave them in the car?? I have a sign on the wall that says, "Pets welcome. Children must be leashed." The mom in the above example invariably reads it and laughs. I stare at her and her offspring with a straight face and say, "It's not a joke." It's my business, I can do that.
:D
I don't like kids, but I won't walk up to a mother and announce that to her. I expect the same courtesy to be granted to myself and my pets. If you don't like them, fine, but I don't want to hear about it!
Banged the nail right on the head ...
The problem with many children these days is that they suffer from neglectful parenting. With that said, however, a decent individual should never blame his or her upbringing on what type of person he or she becomes. So, I too, cannot STAND the bratty monsters that trawl the streets these days.
Many (not all! There need to be more Kay-Ann, Jordan and PCB's around) teenagers irk me the most ... they get on the train, drink WHISKEY straight from a bottle, swear, cuss, spit and make fools of themselves. They are inarticulate, indolent, and have no desire to make a positive contribution to society. This is the generation to whom we are leaving the planet? What a depressing thought....
I am not personally an advocate of being Child Free. I've never been particularly broody either. As for having children? I entertain the possibility of having children as being something that I might like to do. But, I'd much rather be Child Free than being an irresponsible parent.
Another thing ... two reptile lovers being CF advocates ... is there a connection or is that pure coincidence?? :D
Hey, that's wild. Maybe there is a connection! I think it's just coincidence though.. ;)Quote:
Originally posted by IttyBittyKitty
Another thing ... two reptile lovers being CF advocates ... is there a connection or is that pure coincidence?? :D
At the risk of getting rude PM's let me just say....
I'm so glad I'm not the only one.
I loathe children, always have, always will. I knew at 17 I did not want to be a Mom and at 50, I've never regretted the decision. Nothing make my sicker than new Moms coming into the office all goo-goo over stacks and stacks of baby pictures. I just walk away.
And respecting others, I in turn don't show off my cat's pictures to people at work. They just don't understand. **Sigh** I'm glad you do!!
I don't hate kids, I just prefer to limit my time around them. I love my neices and nephews. I am 37 and child-free. I knew when I was quite young I'd never want my own. Probably when I started babysitting (I was 12, into horses, and needed money for lessons and shows), I babysat a lot, but hated every minute of it.
I got the "You'll change your mind" speech a lot, it got quite sickening. Finally at 37 I don't hear it much anymore. Yikes. I could never figure out why so many people were so concerned about my reproductive choice!
Well not all CF'ers hate kids...Quote:
Originally posted by boscibo
I don't hate kids, I just prefer to limit my time around them. I love my neices and nephews. I am 37 and child-free. I knew when I was quite young I'd never want my own. Probably when I started babysitting (I was 12, into horses, and needed money for lessons and shows), I babysat a lot, but hated every minute of it.
I got the "You'll change your mind" speech a lot, it got quite sickening. Finally at 37 I don't hear it much anymore. Yikes. I could never figure out why so many people were so concerned about my reproductive choice!
And I know what you mean about the "You'll change your mind" speech getting sickening. To this day, I too still can't understand why anyone feels compelled to make your reproductive choices their personal business. It doesn't make any sense to me and it never will, yet they continue to try to make it their business and convince you that you're wrong.
Whatever... :rolleyes:
The more I work at the PO, the more I hate kids. these kids r rotten to the core, they break things open things & scream for no reason & some mothers, ok quite a few mothers make their young preteen or younger (6-9) take care of the baby, the darn baby is screaming so horribly I had employees & tones of customes comming over to see what on earth is going on & the poor kids r trying so hard to get their sibbling to calm down, that they look like their gonna cry themselves.
& today we almost hit a toddler that was biking behind a super thick bush onto the road & then he was biking all over thew middle of the road.
THERE WAS NO PARENT IN SIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This kid was maybe 3 yrs old!!!!!
I remember my mom told us my brother used to come to the library where she worked. He was supposed to sit behind the desk and draw or whatever.
One day he ESCAPED FROM THE LIBRARY! Just got up and left. My mom was picking up books another kid was tossing on the floor and trying to deal with him.
Luckliy the library wasn't far from my house and luckily my dad was coming home and he saw him. He was like "What are you going?" and my brother said "To buy a birthday cake and some candles and some other things I need"
Hehe just thought that was funny.
~Rachel
I would never try to talk someone out of their decision to not have kids. There are so many people out there that shouldn't be parents...so why would I encourage someone that doesn't want to be a parent to have children. I do think it is to bad and find it offensive that some of you say you hate kids as if all kids are rotten. That is like me saying I hate all pit bulls.
Everybody is entitled to their opinions and everyone here who has posted have obviously thought out their course of actions well. I commend you all for standing by your points of view, even if they are not popular.
And I will add my two cents. My husband and I would like to have kids at some point, but we do both have health concerns that need to be addressed in the context of getting pregnant (we are both diabetic, so how would that affect the chances of the baby being diabetic and also how would it affect my health). Or, we may decide to adopt. Either way, we have decided nothing is happening till I am 30 (4 years from now).
What I hate is two things....first, the looks/comments I get about the possibly adopting thing and secondly, I get "30...you want to wait till you are 30 to have kids?!?!?!? That's too old!!!"
When I get the "adopting looks/comments", I usually reference Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias and be like "you want that to happen to me?"
And to the "30 thing", I usually point out that it would be nice to be 4 years into our marriage and have a house before bringing a kid into the world.
Oh what a sad thread. I find it very disheartening that someone could think my child, just because he is a kid, is discusting and that they would hate him. HATE is a harsh word. I worked hard for my child, and believe labor isn't all that fun either. He is a very nice boy and to think that someone would not give him the chance to get to know him and automatically hate him just because he is a little kid makes me want to cry. That is just so sad.
Some people just do not understand that at some ages, for instance age two, children behave a certain way. It is all a matter of growing up and learning. They don't know better, they have to be taught. Until then it is just unfair to judge a child that doesn't know any better. My son has temper tantrums because that is the only way he can communicate, he can't talk yet, so he has to show me somehow. I just say that to all you who don't want children and I respect your choice, that's a great thing, because you most likely wouldn't make a good parent.
I truly hope that my child grows up to be a good boy, and for now what I am doing seems to be working. :) I love my boy sooooo much!!!!
Well said, Luckies4Me. Much love to ya!
Well said. I'm sure your little Dylan is a real darling baby boy. :) He's so cute! :)Quote:
Originally posted by luckies4me
Oh what a sad thread. I find it very disheartening that someone could think my child, just because he is a kid, is discusting and that they would hate him. HATE is a harsh word. I worked hard for my child, and believe labor isn't all that fun either. He is a very nice boy and to think that someone would not give him the chance to get to know him and automatically hate him just because he is a little kid makes me want to cry. That is just so sad.
Some people just do not understand that at some ages, for instance age two, children behave a certain way. It is all a matter of growing up and learning. They don't know better, they have to be taught. Until then it is just unfair to judge a child that doesn't know any better. My son has temper tantrums because that is the only way he can communicate, he can't talk yet, so he has to show me somehow. I just say that to all you who don't want children and I respect your choice, that's a great thing, because you most likely wouldn't make a good parent.
I truly hope that my child grows up to be a good boy, and for now what I am doing seems to be working. :) I love my boy sooooo much!!!!
I don't hate all children. I dislike children that are abusive to me. And yes I am using the word abusive. When your child is screaming, throwing things, kicking the back of my chair or hurting my ears or body in any way that is abusive. I should not in any way what so ever have to put up with that kind of behavior. It is the parents responsibility at that point to remove the child from the restaurant, movie theater or where ever the child is misbehaving and not subject the rest of us to that. That is what a parent is suppose to do. This attitude of "He/she is JUST A CHILD and that we should have to tolerate it is nonsense. It didn't happen in my generation or in the generations of parents before me. Yet these days it seems to be the norm. That parents too often don't take their kid out of the restaurant when they won't sit still or stop screaming or throwing things. They just IGNORE the child. That is not right. Why should my stomach be upset and tied up in knots and my dinner ruined. I didn't have the kid and I choose not to have kids because I don't want my life disrupted in that manner.
Now luckiesforme I don't know you or your child so I don't know how you deal with him in these circumstances and I would not say I hate your child without knowing you. I would never do that. It isn't fair. I am only speaking of what I have dealt with first hand. My previous paragraph in no way speaks to someone I haven't dealt with personally. If I met your child and he/she was polite and well mannered with a ready smile I am sure I would find him adorable.
My opinion is that parents need to concentrate more on being parents again and raising their children. Getting to be your childs friend doesn't happen till they are already adults. You can't be their friend when you are still teaching them to be responsible, contributing members of society. If you want people to like your child then you have to raise a respectful, likable, pleasent child. It is really as simple as all that.
Denyce
Very well said Denyce! And a very good reference to abusive children. I couldn't have said it better myself.
That being said, the only thing I can think of that I dislike more than abusive children, is the parents who automatically assume that everyone will love their child, and insist that it's their right to subject everyone around them to their child's rotten behavior. The entitlement mindset really gets under my skin, and is quick to anger me greatly.
I too do not like to have my dinner out disrupted by a screaming child that sends my stomach into knots. Nor do I want a movie I go to see disrupted by a child that starts screeching right in the middle of the film. Nevermind that the film is not APPROPRIATE for such a young child... (I've seen parents dumb enough to bring a 3 year old to see Terminator 3!!! Talk about giving the kid NIGHTMARES!!!)
While the screeching and wailing of an ill behaved child irritates me, I can't say that I hate ALL children either - the rare cases where I see a well behaved child, I will actually make it a point to commend the parent for their excellent job in raising that child. But when they're screaming and throwing a temper tantrum, I just want to run the other way.
:D
I saw kids at BASIC INSTINCT when I went to see it when I was in High School. My mom found out I saw it and was Pi$$ed!!! And I was 17!!Quote:
Originally posted by ILoveReptiles
I too do not like to have my dinner out disrupted by a screaming child that sends my stomach into knots. Nor do I want a movie I go to see disrupted by a child that starts screeching right in the middle of the film. Nevermind that the film is not APPROPRIATE for such a young child... (I've seen parents dumb enough to bring a 3 year old to see Terminator 3!!! Talk about giving the kid NIGHTMARES!!!)
Thankyou luckies I agree with you:) :)Quote:
Originally posted by luckies4me
Oh what a sad thread. I find it very disheartening that someone could think my child, just because he is a kid, is discusting and that they would hate him. HATE is a harsh word. I worked hard for my child, and believe labor isn't all that fun either. He is a very nice boy and to think that someone would not give him the chance to get to know him and automatically hate him just because he is a little kid makes me want to cry. That is just so sad.
Some people just do not understand that at some ages, for instance age two, children behave a certain way. It is all a matter of growing up and learning. They don't know better, they have to be taught. Until then it is just unfair to judge a child that doesn't know any better. My son has temper tantrums because that is the only way he can communicate, he can't talk yet, so he has to show me somehow. I just say that to all you who don't want children and I respect your choice, that's a great thing, because you most likely wouldn't make a good parent.
I truly hope that my child grows up to be a good boy, and for now what I am doing seems to be working. :) I love my boy sooooo much!!!!
great thred :D hey could i get the URL for NK also :D
i am going to be totally honest here;)
i CANNOT tolerate children, and have no desire what so ever to bring one into this crazy $%^#@# up world.
i also get the talks about "oh one day you will change your mind" but NOT from my mother ~cheers~ after about 5 years of getting those talks my mum has given up, and now says when people ask if she is a grandmother "yes i am , my grand daughter has beautiful red hair oh and 4 legs" ~chuckles~
lmao, i also get the "when are you going to get married" talk
:o my reply "dont think it legal yet" lmao:rolleyes:
I don't know-maybe because I'm over 50-but when I was a child-you didn't have temper tantrums-communication-puleeze! Whatever happened to asking nicely and if the child can't talk what ever happened to pointing and shaking one's head yes or no? Maybe I'm too much of disciplinarian;but a child shouldn't have tantrums in the first place-a bit of value teaching might just be in order!! And don't get mad at me if your child is screaming and I walk away or complain to a store manager-I have a right to be in this world, too. If parents are sooo child obsessed maybe they should teach them to be a little better behaved. To be loved be lovable! No one loves a screamer-ask anyone!!Yes, the scream only a mother could love!!
Oh, I could go on for days about this!
I don't have children, I am almost 28 years old. I will not be having children any time soon. I may never have them.
I think what is important is that people have children when they want them and are ready for them. If I ever feel the "maternal urge" and my finances, relationships, home, etc are in order, then okay. But if that day never comes, then I will be just fine with it.
I, too, HATE it when people say things about my age and getting older. I mean, no matter what, I wouldn't want to think about having kids in my 20's. No way. I enjoy waking up on Friday and deciding where to go to dinner, or if I want to catch a play or drive to the water or catch a plane to Vegas. I like grown up vacations and grown up restaurants and a Cranberry Martini or two. So, I'm not ready to share my life with a child. I woudln't be a good mother at this point.
Why can't people realize that having a baby at a time when you will be a bad parent is completely selfish. Just because I'm almost 30, there are people who believe I shoudl run out and procreate no matter what. That's disgusting if you ask me.
So I may never have children. I may have them later. I'm okay with it either way.
I also know people who clearly can't afford children, have rocky relationships, etc. and they still keep popping them out for their "loving family." Whatever.
If I have children, I want to be in a position to never HAVE to say no to them. I will say no to them because I CHOOSE to.
I respect families and children, as well as the desire to have children. What I do not respect are undisciplined children and parents who do not respect the necessity of family plannign when it is appropriate.
There are millions of people out there who desperatly want children and can't have them. They are on adoption waitlists years long. They can provide wonderful, loving homes. And teenagers are out there keeping babies and having more to get the food stamps.
Sorry if that makes me evil, but I just don't understand that.
I don't have to deal with him in those circumstances because I am never in them. I would never take a little kid to the movies, that is just rude, nor do we take him out to eat to us unless it's somewhere like Taco Bell, or what not. I like to enjoy my dinner, and it's not fun when your son is throwing his bottle on the floor over and over again just to watch it drop...Quote:
Originally posted by Denyce
Now luckiesforme I don't know you or your child so I don't know how you deal with him in these circumstances and I would not say I hate your child without knowing you. I would never do that. It isn't fair. I am only speaking of what I have dealt with first hand. My previous paragraph in no way speaks to someone I haven't dealt with personally. If I met your child and he/she was polite and well mannered with a ready smile I am sure I would find him adorable.
Denyce
But if I do decide to take him to the mall and he gets up and runs around, I let him. I let him explore, as long as he's not acting like a lunatic on the loose. I am not one to not allow him his freedom, to walk around if he so pleases if he is being a good boy because I think that is very sad, and I hate seeing mothers do that. Sometimes a kid will simply ask for something and the mother will snap and smack the child and it makes me sick. I hate people like that. :mad: It makes me sad for children who grow up that way, their parents need help. I am a firm believer in discipline, if my boy acts up and knows he should not do a certain thing, he is punished, by either being removed from the area or at home he goes for time out in his crib.
I keep hearing people without kids saying well we have rights and blah blah blah, well we are parents have rights too, and if we want to take our children somewhere and you don't like that they are making noise, LEAVE! Or ignore them, which is sometimes the best thing. Dylan rarely has temper tantrums because I IGNORE him, meaning he gets no satisfaction out of it. I know a lot about raising children, the right way. I have a Healthy Start lady over every week who goes over milestones in child developement etc. She explains to me that having temper tantrums are normal and teaches self control and good discipline, not hitting.
As long as I am comfortable in my parenting method I could care less what anybody else thinks.
:eek: Or maybe parents who are in a situation like this should have the common courtesy to recognize that in a public situation, say a MALL... it's not very realistic to expect ALL of the other patrons in the mall to either put up with the screeching or leave.Quote:
Originally posted by luckies4me
I keep hearing people without kids saying well we have rights and blah blah blah, well we are parents have rights too, and if we want to take our children somewhere and you don't like that they are making noise, LEAVE! Or ignore them, which is sometimes the best thing.
As long as I am comfortable in my parenting method I could care less what anybody else thinks.
A nicer/more responsible thing to do as a parent would be to pack up your belongings and leave, then save the trip for another day.
I know that when I acted up as a child, my parents would stop what they were doing, leave, and come back later perhaps when they had found a BABY SITTER for me.
:rolleyes:
Quote:
Originally posted by ILoveReptiles
:eek: Or maybe parents who are in a situation like this should have the common courtesy to recognize that in a public situation, say a MALL... it's not very realistic to expect ALL of the other patrons in the mall to either put up with the screeching or leave.
A nicer/more responsible thing to do as a parent would be to pack up your belongings and leave, then save the trip for another day.
I know that when I acted up as a child, my parents would stop what they were doing, leave, and come back later perhaps when they had found a BABY SITTER for me.
:rolleyes:
You obviously did not understand anything I said. Did I say my son would be screeaching? NO I did not, if he is simply just making a little noise, then oh well, they can put up with it or leave. If my son was screaming I wouldn't have him there, period. I wouldn't want to deal with it and neither would anyone else, but esepcially ME! I wouldn't take a screaming child anywhere, it's not something I want to deal with. If my son decides to act that way he can go home, I won't deal with it.
Oh we understood everything you said Luckie-and I agree children shouldn't be slapped;but come on a "time out" and tantrums help in development-yeah development of a rebellious teenager and a probably nasty adult. You know we who posted on this thread are not some monsters who wish every child had never been born-we're just asking for a bit of consideration and understanding-I know you're probably ticked at those of us who say we have rights, too. Well of the children I have seen-if they are our future-I pity the future!!
Something worth reading.....
A study showed that parents usually control and guide toddlers in one of two ways:
1. Power Control- includes spanking, using force and taking away things or favors. It also includes not hugging, kissing or talking to the child.
2. Reasoning control- means telling the child WHY she should act a certain way, in simple words that she can understand. Reasoning means pointing out that the behavior could hurt her or others.
For example, if your child throws sand, power control might be yelling, or hitting her. Reasoning might be telling her that throwing sand could hurt other children by getting sand in their eyes, or in her own, and she must stop.
Reasoning works better! The study showed that parents who used reasoning were better able to control their children's behavior and teach them to cooperate.
In my opinion it doesn't do any good to tell a screaming child to stop screaming, by yelling at them. :rolleyes: You can teach them that yelling is not appropriate, and explain to them why. This is what I do and so far it's working great. My son is very well behaved, I don't know if I just got lucky or what, but I know I WAS NOT that way growing up, but I was also raised differently. I was not disciplined lovingly, it was with a whip and leash so to speak. I for one will not raise my child that way, and I know it's the right way for me, because it's working and I could not have asked for a better child.
Now you all have me thinking what exactly do you consider a temper tantrum? I may be a little overboard, but I think just crying and carrying on is one, Dylan never throws himself to the floor and kicks, although my younger sister used to do that...drove me crazy BTW. If it's kicking and crying and acting like a deranged person than I can honestly say that Dylan has not had one. If that is what you guy's have experienced than I feel for you because it drives me insane! I hate seeing kids that way, grrr. I just think I was blessed. :)
But not all the things children do are a direct cause from parents, like my younger brother for instance. Talk about a hell child!!! But he had ADD and with Hyperactivity which makes it worse! Finally after a gazillion years we went to a ADD meeting, (funny all the other people there were also shaking their feet, if you have ADD you know what I am talking about) my mom put him on meds and he got the help he needed. Now you would never have guessed, he's a straight A student, so focused and a nice young man.
Believe me, there are parents out there who try and try but the children need more help then the parents can give. Some kids are just plain rotten.
Here is something that helped me with Dylan though:
Guidelines and Discipline: Rules
Sometimes between 15 and 24 months, toddlers may become resistant and defiant. You will probably hear them say "no" a lot. Toddler want to test their independence and pwer, and show you how important they are. They may do this by saying "No!" This is a sign they are growing up. Be patient.
Making rules
Early on, you need to choose some simple rules- a few, not too many. Make rules your toddler can understand and follow. Most important, make rules that you can enforce all the time.
Rules like these help your toddler learn that he can and should follow rules- even if he really doesn't like them. He needs to know this to grow into a respsonsible adult.
Be consistent ( I cannot stress this enough!!!!) If you have a tule against candy before dinner, try to enforce this everyday. Otherwise, you teach your toddler that rules don't matter, or that they can be easily broken.
Use reasoning
Explain in simple words WHY you have the rule. Say something like. "Hole my hand when we cross the street so I can keep you safe". This helps your toddler learn that rules have a purpose. Studies show that children follow rules better when they are given reasons. Understanding the reason helps toddlers remember the rule.
I also want to add that other members of the family need to enforce these rules as well. If they are not allowed to do something at home, the same should apply when at the sitters etc.
Something worth reading.....
A study showed that parents usually control and guide toddlers in one of two ways:
1. Power Control- includes spanking, using force and taking away things or favors. It also includes not hugging, kissing or talking to the child.
2. Reasoning control- means telling the child WHY she should act a certain way, in simple words that she can understand. Reasoning means pointing out that the behavior could hurt her or others.
For example, if your child throws sand, power control might be yelling, or hitting her. Reasoning might be telling her that throwing sand could hurt other children by getting sand in their eyes, or in her own, and she must stop.
Reasoning works better! The study showed that parents who used reasoning were better able to control their children's behavior and teach them to cooperate.
In my opinion it doesn't do any good to tell a screaming child to stop screaming, by yelling at them. :rolleyes: You can teach them that yelling is not appropriate, and explain to them why. This is what I do and so far it's working great. My son is very well behaved, I don't know if I just got lucky or what, but I know I WAS NOT that way growing up, but I was also raised differently. I was not disciplined lovingly, it was with a whip and leash so to speak. I for one will not raise my child that way, and I know it's the right way for me, because it's working and I could not have asked for a better child.
Now you all have me thinking what exactly do you consider a temper tantrum? I may be a little overboard, but I think just crying and carrying on is one, Dylan never throws himself to the floor and kicks, although my younger sister used to do that...drove me crazy BTW. If it's kicking and crying and acting like a deranged person than I can honestly say that Dylan has not had one. If that is what you guy's have experienced than I feel for you because it drives me insane! I hate seeing kids that way, grrr. I just think I was blessed. :)
But not all the things children do are a direct cause from parents, like my younger brother for instance. Talk about a hell child!!! But he had ADD and with Hyperactivity which makes it worse! Finally after a gazillion years we went to a ADD meeting, (funny all the other people there were also shaking their feet, if you have ADD you know what I am talking about) my mom put him on meds and he got the help he needed. Now you would never have guessed, he's a straight A student, so focused and a nice young man.
Believe me, there are parents out there who try and try but the children need more help then the parents can give. Some kids are just plain rotten.
Here is something that helped me with Dylan though:
Guidelines and Discipline: Rules
Sometimes between 15 and 24 months, toddlers may become resistant and defiant. You will probably hear them say "no" a lot. Toddlers want to test their independence and power, and show you how important they are. They may do this by saying "No!" This is a sign they are growing up. Be patient.
Making rules
Early on, you need to choose some simple rules- a few, not too many. Make rules your toddler can understand and follow. Most important, make rules that you can enforce all the time.
Rules like these help your toddler learn that he can and should follow rules- even if he really doesn't like them. He needs to know this to grow into a respsonsible adult.
Be consistent ( I cannot stress this enough!!!!) If you have a rule against candy before dinner, try to enforce this everyday. Otherwise, you teach your toddler that rules don't matter, or that they can be easily broken.
Use reasoning
Explain in simple words WHY you have the rule. Say something like. "Hold my hand when we cross the street so I can keep you safe". This helps your toddler learn that rules have a purpose. Studies show that children follow rules better when they are given reasons. Understanding the reason helps toddlers remember the rule.
I also want to add that other members of the family need to enforce these rules as well. If they are not allowed to do something at home, the same should apply when at the sitters etc.
Quote:
Originally posted by Airedalekisses
Oh we understood everything you said Luckie-and I agree children shouldn't be slapped;but come on a "time out" and tantrums help in development-yeah development of a rebellious teenager and a probably nasty adult. You know we who posted on this thread are not some monsters who wish every child had never been born-we're just asking for a bit of consideration and understanding-I know you're probably ticked at those of us who say we have rights, too. Well of the children I have seen-if they are our future-I pity the future!!
Where did I say temper tantrums help developement? Do not put words into my mouth please. Yes a time out can help, when you have done everything else that is my last option and I WILL use it. It's either go in the crib, or be smacked, and I prefer not smacking.
There are varying degrees of temper tantrums, and yes I consider crying and carrying on to definitely be a temper tantrum. Anything that a child does when they're upset that they cannot have their way is a temper tantrum IMHO...
But here's a real doozy:
Temper Tantrum!!!
Quote:
Originally posted by ILoveReptiles
There are varying degrees of temper tantrums, and yes I consider crying and carrying on to definitely be a temper tantrum. Anything that a child does when they're upset that they cannot have their way is a temper tantrum IMHO...
But here's a real doozy:
Temper Tantrum!!!
Oh god! :eek: Now I know I am lucky lol.
Just want to clarify that just because a child cries doesn't mean it's because he's not getting his way. Children cry for all sorts of reasons, it shows they are unhappy and is a natural way of communicating. For instance last night I was doing dishes while Dan was on the computer. Dylan came over to Dan and was tugging on his diaper, I was watcing, Dylan was fussy. Dan got mad because he was fussy, so his diaper went unchanged. Dylan came back over tuggin on his diaper, clearly showing that he wanted it changed, which was obvious as you could smell he poopied in his pants. So I told Dan, duh, he wants his diaper changed! Can you not see him trying to tell you? If I had poop in my pants you better believe I wouldn't be a happy camper either. He changed his diaper and Dylan was fine. Lesson learned for both of them. Dan- pay attention! and Dylan- next time you need your diaper changed go to mommy. :p
Anyways, I respect peoples decision to not have children. What bugs me is when people still bug you even after you have one! I remember it was only about a month after I had Dylan and my step father was already asking me when the next was comming. I almost fainted. Ones enough! As much as I love Dylan, kids are a lot of work, deffinately not for everybody.
I can totally understand you being irritated by people continuing to bug you to have another.
I will never understand why some people take so much interest in the reproductive choices of anyone other than themselves. I don't see how it's any of their business.
I am aware of the fact that children cry for all sorts of reasons. But this does not change the fact that I cannot stand the wailing and crying noises no matter what the reason is. To ask me to sit by idly and tolerate it is out of the question. Most often you will find me doubling back and running in the opposite direction. I have extremely sensitive ears, and piercing noises drive me straight up the wall.
I'm fully aware of the fact that I'd make a horrible mother. I don't have the patience or the desire to deal with any of that. But if you do, then great. More power to ya. Just so long as you don't try to force me to love being around children. Plain and simple - it will never happen.
I've had people try constantly to "talk me into" liking kids. In all honesty, I think that is wrong. I don't like being around them, I don't like the way they smell, I don't like the noises they make, and I especially don't like it when they start crying/wailing/screeching for any reason. I think it's great that you like them - but I don't. And I don't understand it when people take it as a personal insult against them when I say I just don't enjoy being around children at all.