Thinking about you and praying for you today.
Be strong. And being strong means you can cry too.
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Thinking about you and praying for you today.
Be strong. And being strong means you can cry too.
I am so sorry that you are going through so much with Amy Beth. You are in my thoughts and prayers today. ((((hugs))))
I have not been on Pettalk lately but was aware of some of the things going on with your family from previous posts. First, I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with this, the stress must be so consuming. You are being so strong...you might not see it, but we all can...so remember that. ((HUGS))
I have already prayed for you and Amy Beth. I will continue to do so through out the day...no matter what the verdict, my prayers will continue. That God will hold you both in the palm of His loving hands.
I was looking for a paper that had words of encouragement and Bible verses that I wanted to copy for you to read here, it has helped a lot when dealing with trials that we are faced with on a daily basis that I have been dealt in my own life. I can't quote it, since I have misplaced it, but it would be nice to even send it to Amy Beth to read at some point, when she's ready.
To summorize it:
I am here by God's will, He put me in this straight place, He will help me to deal with this trial, teaching me lessons He wants me to learn, He will keep me quiet during it, and in His good timing He will bring me out of it, just how and when, He knows best...
I know that you are a Christian and have a faith in God, and I too know, that while being a Christian myself, we can often still wonder why is this happening, and that we just have to let go and let God take over b/c you have prayed and prayed and things seem unchanged...it is very frustrating and hard when we try our best to lean on the Lord, but trials can just weigh too heavy on us. But God knows your prayers even if you are too weary to pray them...he cries along side of you, and wants to comfort you. I pray that you feel His presence today and that somehow He calms your fears. We don't know why Amy Beth is doing what she is doing and why you are having to go thru it along with her, but we do know that God will get you through this, and we can be certain that He allows things to happen for whatever reason, but He can turn this into good...just how and when He knows best. "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
I found this "pass it on" ( that was given to me when I was having issues going on in my life),and thought it might be of some sort of help, I know that I am not in your place and your trials are huge right now, just know that people are praying for you and God will turn this into something good.
"Strength"
The problems that we think may drown us today, could be the stepping stones to greater spiritual strength tomorrow" Max Lucado
Prayer and Love,
Robyn
In our prayers today.
Thinking of you guys today. *hugs*
Thinking of you and your whole family, and sending prayers for everyone.
Kim you are in My Prayers Today.. Best of Luck.. I just hate that you are having so much trouble.. Hope all ends soon & that there is a pleasant road ahead.. (((( Huggss )))) God Bless
Kim, you and your family are all in my thoughts and prayers today.
After staying up most of the night, I called my husband at work at 2:00 a.m. We agreed that there was no reason for me to go to court this morning. Yep, I might have found out the "truth" but trust me, I have learned enough about my daughter in the past couple of years that I really don't need or want to know any more. :( If she had gotten probation, been there done that ... if she was sentenced, what good would it do to watch her be handcuffed and carted away? As it turns out, she is "free" ... I don't know the details, but I saw her in the courtroom for Jenna's custody hearing.
That is another whole story. At the last minute, I decided to show up for the temporary custody hearing for Denise (Chad's mom) to get custody of Jenna. All I knew was that it was at 1:00 p.m. I went to the clerk's office and asked which courtroom. They told me the floor and room number and that was all. When I got there, court was already in session, so I tried to quietly slip in on one of the back rows. Well, to my surprise, the judge told me that I was not allowed in there and to leave the courtroom. I got up and headed for the door ... the only thing I said as I went through the doorway was "she's my grandbaby!" The female judge sent her guard out after me. He stops me and says, "the judge wants to speak to you" and I replied "I'm sure she does". :rolleyes: I went back in and she told me that I was not allowed in a private hearing and she wanted "respect". I threw my hands up and said "I didn't know!" She said she understood and to be respectful and leave the courtroom. :mad: :( I have been humiliated and shamed by my daughter for the LAST time!!!!! :( :(
I truly appreciate all of the support, words of comfort and prayers from my PT friends, it truly means a lot to me. I'm very sorry for dragging you all through this fiasco for so long. Like I said, I am so ashamed and absolutely devastated right now. I won't trouble you all any more. :(
Kim
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
You are NOT troubling us! That's what we are here for. Nothing to be sorry for, you can always lean on us. I am so sorry that you are going through so much with your daughter, I hope that she learns through all this. ((((hugs))))
Kim,
Your humiliation and shame are only in your eyes. Your daughter is a very ungrateful being, and loving your grandchild, is not anything to be ashamed of.
I am proud of you for going , and also for making it clear, that Jenna has other people in her life that are concerned about her. I wish the judge to learn compassion and respect in the most expedient way imaginable.
Yes there are rules to a private hearing, but in this instance she could have left it be as you were leaving and simply carried on, to recall you back in for a tongue lashing shows her own fear of herself and her position.
Big Hugs,
Kym
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenBKR
Thank you so much, and CONGRATULATIONS on your little blessing! ;)
You are welcome always and THANK YOU!! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
Too bad you couldn't tell the judge you wouldn't mind showing respect if you were treated with some. Wow I am so sorry you are going through all of this.
You are right there are rules to a private hearing, BUT the general public shouldn't be expected to know that. There should have been a court officer outside of the courtroom to make sure only those involved in the litigation entered the courtroom. The fault was not yours, and the shame should not be bourne by you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr.Goodnow
Oh, Kim. I'm so sorry.
Please don't feel that you're trouble to us. If anything, feel free to vent more. If you can't do it anyplace else, you know you have us. Please feel free to say as little or as much as you'd like. You know we're here for you, either way.
I'm sorry the judge treated you that way. Totally uncalled for.
Exactly! Kim, that was not your fault so don't let it get you down.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginger's Mom
I'd say you not going to Amy Beth's trial was a good thing. As for talking about it here, if it helps keep doing it. Don't keep it all bottle up inside because it won't do you any good and you are getting a lot of good support here.
I hope Amy Beth or the other parties involved will all least have the decency to let you know that outcome of Jenna's custody soon.
Exactly!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr.Goodnow
Wow... what a WITCH!!!! :mad:
Many {hugs} to you!
Post here as much as you want to - my goodness!!!!!
HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!
If Chad's mom gets custody, I am sure you will get to see Jenna.
Do you even want to see Amy Beth?
HUGS
Dear Kim, you are NOT dragging us down in any way my dear. You came to your PT friends for support, advice, hugs and whatever else to help you get through this terrible situation. We may not all have the right words to say, but we sure can give prayers and {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
I know right now you are devasted and you have every right to be, but whether you realize this or not, "YOU NEED US RIGHT NOW!!!"
You NEED to get your feelings out. You NEED to vent. You NEED the love and support from your friends.
After ALL that you and your hubby have done for Amy Beth, it still boggles my mind how she just walks all over you guys and doesn't seem to show any appreciation at all. I truely understand that she is your daughter and that you just cannot turn your back on her, but Kim, enough is enough. How much more heartache do you think you can handle. You've been helping her for years now and each time she stabs you in the back. It's time to put your foot down and mean what you say. Like, "I have been humiliated and shamed by my daughter for the LAST time" and "We are "only" paying her $450.00/month rent for the next two months and then the purse strings will be CUT!!!."
I know this is going to be very hard on you Kim, but it is starting to affect your health and remember this, you have a lot of people around you who DO care and LOVE you, so please, take time for yourself and take care.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
How unprofessional of the judge to have a hissy-fit on the bench. And, Kim, I would see it differently if you were some nosy neighbor or someone else who did not have Jenna's best interests at heart; but you are her grandmother and as such, do you not have a right to be present during court proceedings involving her? I'm not an attorney, but I am having trouble understanding why you would not be permitted in the courtroom. I hope that you, Chad and his mother will remain on positive terms so you'll continue to have contact with Jenna. I will keep praying.Quote:
That is another whole story. At the last minute, I decided to show up for the temporary custody hearing for Denise (Chad's mom) to get custody of Jenna. All I knew was that it was at 1:00 p.m. I went to the clerk's office and asked which courtroom. They told me the floor and room number and that was all. When I got there, court was already in session, so I tried to quietly slip in on one of the back rows. Well, to my surprise, the judge told me that I was not allowed in there and to leave the courtroom. I got up and headed for the door ... the only thing I said as I went through the doorway was "she's my grandbaby!" The female judge sent her guard out after me. He stops me and says, "the judge wants to speak to you" and I replied "I'm sure she does". I went back in and she told me that I was not allowed in a private hearing and she wanted "respect". I threw my hands up and said "I didn't know!" She said she understood and to be respectful and leave the courtroom. I have been humiliated and shamed by my daughter for the LAST time!!!!!
Kim, you will continue to be in our prayers. I am glad that Chad's mother and you get along, even if her son is an idjit. When will you find out about custody hearing results?
I agree, very unprofessional.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lobodeb
You will ALWAYS be Jenna's dear grandmother, no one can take that away from you. Don't lose hope, you never know what tomorrow might bring. Things will settle down after a little time, things don't always turn out as bleak as the seem. ((((hugs))))
Praying for you.
I'm sorry the judge treated you that way, but don't feel bad. I've never encounted a judge that didn't act that way. More prayers are on the way. I hope things get back to normal soon.
*hugs*
Yea...Judges have really big ego's when you are in "their" courtroom. I'm surprised their fat heads fit in the doorway.Quote:
Originally Posted by My Peanuts
I'm really sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you've done all that you can and it's time for your daughter to act like an adult. You can't keep running to her side everytime she messes up. I know as a Mom you want to -she's your baby and you don't want any harm to come to her. But there comes a time when you have to say "enough".
I'm sorry if I sound mean. But it just sounds like your daughter is using you and I can hear & feel your pain in your posts. I wish I could do or say something to make you feel better. No parent should have to go through what you are going through.
You sound like a very strong woman and a wonderful, caring Mom. I don't think I would have your patience & understanding in this situation.
I am sending you a virtual hug. Take care & good luck.
I really don't know about the events you speak of, but I think I understand enough. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and don't think you need to stop bothering us, when you aren't even bothering us. We want to hear from you, you are such a kind-hearted person and you don't deserve what's happening in your life. (((hugs))) I hope everything works out for the best.
Kim I am sorry I am so late in responding to this thread. I saw it last night before I turned off my computer but didn't even know what to say. I think you were probably wise to not show up in court. I don't know if I could have done that because of my "need to know." At some point Amy Beth must realize that she and she alone is responsible for what she does and you will not always be there to bail her out. That said, I know that your heart aches for Jenna and you certainly want to do your darndest to see that she gets the love and nurturing that she deserves and that this mess causes as little impact on her as is possible.
I am so glad that you and Chad's mom have a good relationship. That is definitely a good thing and something to build on, especially since she does not seem like the type of person that would be threatened by, or jealous of, your presence in Jenna's life. I think you are both on the same page with regard to Jenna. You both want what is best for her and hopefully can work together toward that.
As for Amy Beth, I think right now what is needed is what they call *tough love.* I have always wondered how a parent could practice such a thing, but I can see where it is necessary in some cases. I truly do believe that in time Amy Beth will have a moment of clarity when she realizes what she has put everyone through and sees Chad for what he is. That may very well be the time that you two will forge a wonderful new relationship. Sometimes out of the darkest valleys come our mountaintop experiences. Kim, please don't feel that you are ever burdening us. We love you and we want to help. I don't believe anyone here is a licensed therapist but we are all offering advice and counsel as best we know how. (((hugs))) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v8...s/huggroup.gif
Amy Beth showed up at my door this afternoon. I sat and listened to all of the details of the day. Her charges for filing the false report were dropped, and her child neglect was re-worded as simple child neglect and she was given 11 months 29 days probation and ordered to take parenting classes.
As for the child custody case on Jenna, Denise was given temporary custody but only until the next appointed court appearance sometime in May. ( I don't remember the date.) During the time until that date, Chad and Amy Beth can neither one take Jenna anywhere and can only have supervised visitation with her. They each are also going to have to pay child support to Denise and take parenting classes for I think 8 weeks and also family and individual counselling. IF they accomplish those tasks by the next court date, then they will most likely get Jenna back. Right now, I find it very hard to believe that they can accomplish all of those things in that amount of time. I am trying to put it out of mind, but I already find myself thinking of advice to give her on what to do first and how and ... and ... and..... !!! :rolleyes: :( It is just so hard to stop THINKING for your child when you have done it for 22 years. I wish so badly that hubby and I could just pack up and move away. :(
Oh, for those who have (like me) thought that Denise was being so nice to me, well I also found out today that she told Chad that she was only trying to get Jenna, to keep Amy Beth or ME from getting her. WHy? Because we are both crazy! :( Right now at this very moment, I'm not sure if I will even try to see Jenna for a while. I don't know how much more I can take, how much more personal attack I can withstand. My ex-husband ruined what little self-esteem I had when he drug me through court over our two daughters. He tormented and berated me for years and still hasn't stopped. I cannot throw myself into the fire for persecution any more. I had some very self-destructive thoughts on the way home from that courtroom today. Thank God for my loving husband and my daughter Amanda, who are the two people on this Earth who still make my life feel worth living.
What a beating you have taken!
If you want custody of Jenna, what sort of case would you have to present? Denise's saying you and Amy Beth are "crazy" is slanderous.
I am glad that Amy Beth and Chad are being forced into counselling. And good for you for staying away from advice giving, though you must have bitten your tongue for a good long while.
I don't imagine those courses will be any picnic. And if her probation is efficient, AB will be accountable for what she says and does.
HUGS, Kim. I hope you can relax for a few days, and let the worst of it wash away.
More prayers going to you...
Kim, first of all and above everything else don't you ever hesitate to come to us! Yours is a very painful situation, keeping all this in will do you nothing positive and will end up making you hurt even more. You have to let it out!!!
As for the custody hearing and the judge; I'm a child support specialist with the State of New Jersey and am very familiar with procedures in Family Court. I was the Family Court liaison for three years when I was with the child support unit in the county welfare agency and worked on many court cases. The Family Court hearings are closed to the public due to the nature of the types of cases and situations that are handled there. According to Court Rules, and in some states the statutes (I'm not sure which it is in your state) for Family Court matters only the parties to the action are permitted to be present during the hearing. A party to the action, is the individual who files the initial motion and the person or persons the motion is filed against. Now, if Amy and/or Chad weren't named on Denise's complaint they most likely wouldn't have been allowed to be there even though they are Jenna's biological parents. Again, I'm not completely sure how that works in your state. Even though you're Jenna's grandma you were not legally a party to this action and the judge was well within the law by asking you to leave the hearing room. Had the judge not done this, the case could be compromised and could lead to more legal problems down the road. A possible example would be if at some point in time you decide to file a motion for Grandparent's Visitation. Granted, this judge could have dealt with this much differently but perhaps it was mistaken for an attempt to disrupt the court which does happen frequently. Judges tend to take a very dim view of that. I'm not defending the judge because I think she did it all wrong, just offering a not uncommon reason for what she said. A better approach would have been to take a few moments to explain why you couldn't stay. In all cases the primary focus of the Family Court is what is in the child's best interest. Not always easy to determine and at times the court's decision is difficult to understand.
My only intent here is to try to help you understand what happened at the custody hearing and why based on my own professional experience with the Family Court system. If I have upset you in any way, I sincerely apologize. Don't hesitate to pm me if you have any other questions. And give Jenna a huge hug from me.
Momcat, I appreciate your explanation. I do understand that there have to be rules, but I was so used to all the other :rolleyes: court sessions that Amy Beth has been a part of where anyone just walks in and out and there is standing room only. I just felt very embarrassed and humiliated and scolded like a child, when I was already feeling particularly insecure as it was. Oh, it hasn't helped that I have also been MAJORLY PMSing these past few days. :rolleyes:
I can't tell you all how very much your posts, prayers, PMs and a recent phone call have meant to me! I don't have any local friends here to talk with... my hubby is my sounding board in all things. Bless his heart!!! Today was very bleak for a long time, but somehow the visit from Amy Beth brought me back up a notch. It's weird I guess, but making me so disgusted helps to replace sorrow with disgust, which is easier to deal with. :confused: No doubt, the sorrow always creeps back through, but I try to remind myself how fed up I really am, and how I have the right to be.
THANK YOU ALL!
Love,
Kim
Sending you more big hugs.
For some reason, I just thought of something my friend Margaret once said to me. Her older son, Chris was 27, engaged to be married, employed and living in San Francisco, and she's here in Massachusetts. Chris called to talk, and mentioned he was sick, and Margaret worried, despite herself. She said to me "I know he's a perfectly capable individual, and is just fine, and will be just fine, but I still worry, because I am hi mother. And I know it's ridiculous, but I worry anyway."
"When we were first married, and talked about having children, I was all for it, you know, raising a baby, getting it through the school years, off to college, etc. But I think, in the back of my mind, I figured each kid was about an 18-year commitment. But this week has really brought home to me - I'm gonna be a mother for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter how old they get, or how tall (Margaret is almost 5' 1", so both her sons passed her height-wsie by the time they were in 9th grade)), or how far away they move, I am STILL their mother. I don't know if I would have signed on for the job had I realized that!"
You will always be her mother, and you will always love her and worry about her, even if you don't particularly like her sometimes, but realize that just comes with the territory, sweetie.
Kim,
I've been sitting here for like 10 minutes trying to find the rights words to say. I'm speechless.
You have been through much these past months. You are such a strong person. Someone I admire and highly respect. I only wish I could help take away some of the hurt and anger. You certainly deserve so much better.
Don't ever feel like you are burdening us, because you're not. We are all here for you, anytime. Got that??
Love and Hugs,
Donna
Thank you, Karen. That is my hope for Amy Beth, that she too will realize the love that she has deep inside of her for her precious baby girl. That in a few years from now, these times will be a vague memory replaced with years of loving, caring, and nurturing her precious Jenna. That one day she will wonder how she will ever go a day without putting her child first in her heart and mind.
Thank you too, Donna! I think you and I were posting at about the same time! I appreciate your support.
Love,
Kim
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{KIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Im so very very sorry that you are feeling so down right now!!!!!
I wish I could give you a real hug!!!
I'm still praying for you, Amy Beth and Jenna.. and *wishing* :mad: Chad :mad: would go the h*ll on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahem, we witches aren't all bad! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by pitc9
Some of us are rather pleasant :D
Kim,
I am thinking of you, and praying for you. If you haven't already read it, a book I reccomend to many of my clients is 'When Bad things happen to good people". Although I do not endorse all of the book, there is some very good information in it. It may bring some peace and clarification, many hugs.
Kym
Originally Posted by pitc9
Exactly!!!
Wow... what a WITCH!!!!
Many {hugs} to you!
I could be wrong, but I interpreted the posting to mean:Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr.Goodnow
Exactly!!! (Meaning, I agree with everything you said)
Wow... what a WITCH!!!!! (meaning the judge who felt the need to make a bad situation worse)