Can you work with a social worker, to find Amy Beth a place of her own, away from the abuser, but not dependent on you?
At least Jenna will have some stability for the next little while. Does your family have a pastor that Amy Beth might trust for some counseling, because having her NOT go back to the wretch may be very, very difficult.
bingo Pam!
kim, I sure hope your daughter's husband doesn't know where you all live! will you all be safe??
yup, I thought of social worker too, but the problem is if your daughter has your shelter, they would probably won't help because of safety reasons (amy beth and jenna are not in danger) but not hurt to try! have you talked to amy beth about her and her baby living with you yet? if you haven't, you should and could you help her with looking for new, cheaper and safer place??
I'm sorry you're having all of this stress, at least they have a safe place to stay for a while - we all never stay on top of mountain for too long anyway. :rolleyes:
try to take one thing at a time, and remember everything happens for a reason, always! hang in there, ((((kim))))
Kim- this situation won't last forever - as your daughter feels better and gets some money put away, she will want to move on.
I think contacting a shelter regarding counselling would be a very good idea. Many women keep "picking" the same kind of guy for no apparent reason. There might be a group for young moms who are out of bad marriages/relationships that she might really get a lot from.
Also, some short-term family counselling might help - if you told your daughter you would go with her, that might encourage her.
It's temporary. It IS a strain. God forbid there is a next time, but if there is - you have the option of calling Family Services.
I am GLAD they are both safe.
HUGS!
I appreciate the support on me allowing them to move back in! Pam, I don't mean to sound like it is a terrible burden, but she has moved "back" in and out again so many times now that I can't even count! :eek: This last incident is just the first time I have shared any of this here on PT! ;)
Another big issue is my 17 year old daughter. She is in her senior year of high school and is feeling very frustrated with all the "attention" that her sister is getting. There was even a time when she threatened that she wouldn't stay with me any more (only at her Dad's house) if Amy Beth moved back in. I try and try to explain to her that it is "not that easy" to put your child and especially grandchild out on the street!!! :( So... hopefully that explains my reluctance to move them back in once again. Oh.... my dear hubby is getting rather tired of hauling all of their stuff from point A to B to A again every few weeks! :rolleyes:
Kim
You have my prayers, Kim. Letting her move back in was a really good choice. I hate to think of what could (and does) happen to children when they live in an environment like you describe. I hope your daughter will get some counseling so she can straighten out her life, for everyone's sake. You be sure to take care of yourself through all this stress, too. Sounds like you're the glue holding it all together. In fact, you may want to get some counseling for yourself, that's an awful lot of stress, and it's very difficult to think clearly when you are in the middle of the storm, especially when it involves your children. There are some wonderful compassionate people out there who can help you sort it out. God bless.
Sometimes moving back with the parents and having a child to care for can wake you up and realize that the life before was so bad and she'll try to get a better grip on life now with your help.I know it's very hard on you.I'm sorry your going through this.This is going to be a tough time for you so prayers are needed.I'll certainly pray for you and everyone living under your roof.
Its time to have a frank and open talk with your daughter - adult to adult. Explain that you will do all you can to help her but ultimately she has to take responsibility for her life and that of her baby and learn to fend for herself. I'm not saying give her a "sort yourself out or else" ultimation but she has to be made aware of the way her actions effect the rest of the family.
Its great that she knows she can come home to you but she is a grown up now.
I understand Kim and realize it must be so hard. You must feel like you are on a roller coaster ride, one minute happy that she is accepting responsibility and then the next minute going through something like you have recently gone through.Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
It is a fine line indeed. You want to be there for her emotionally and physically but the conflicted feelings of others in your home must make you feel like you are winding up in the middle of all of this. Also, if you push too strongly for her to develop her *wings* and she isn't ready you could send her right back into his arms. :( Life is sure not easy Kim. I sure would never judge you. Until we walk in someone else's shoes we just don't understand. In the meantime I will keep your situation in my prayers. I am hoping that when she gets settled in her career she will meet lots of people that will be a good influence on her and she will realize there are other options out there rather than remaining with this guy.
If this moving HAS been back-and-forth, then the NEXT time you WILL have to call the family services people.
She will have to learn that she can't run back and forth on a whim - and that will teach her!
She does need help, if she likely to keep going back and forth. She likely doesn't know any other way. I hope she will agree to some counselling, or even talking to another woman who went through the same thing and won.
If she is interested, she will get very good first-hand feedback at http://www.authpro.com/cgi-bin/auth.fcgi
I have been a member there for years. I check it out every so often. There are good people there.
The actual board is called "Breaking Up Support II"
HUGS
Oh, Kim! I am so glad to hear your daughter and grandbaby are back with you. I am nearly in tears. Sure, it isn't what you all hoped for, but, I don't think the two of them living in a shelter, on the streets, or with some loser was what you had hoped for, either.
Adults, even adult children, need some help, too.
Today I took Amy Beth to look at an apartment. I went home, talked to hubby, then went and paid the deposit ($200.00) and application fee ($30.00)while she was at work. We are signing for only a 3 month lease for now ... just as a trial run to see if she will do her part to keep it! Of course we will probably be paying as much as $300.00 per month towards her rent, but we aren't "saying" that to her just yet! ;) After the 3 months she will have (hopefully) completed her 90 days probation on her new job, and get a bit of a raise and health insurance.
I called her at work and told her the "deal". I made it clear (I hope) that this is "IT"! She has to work hard, be responsible and prove herself over the next 3 months. After that it is "sink or swim".
Kim
That was Quick Kim!You don't mess around ONE bit!Good Going!
Good for you Kim!
I have a friend who is going through a similar situation. Her daughter just had a baby and he was born premature due to her daughter using meth. He is hooked up to machines. :( Her daughter is running around with a drug dealer, and no matter what she does her daughter will not stop. She has temporary custody of the child, which just might turn permanent. :(
Can my niece move in with her....hehe just kidding.Quote:
Originally Posted by kimlovescats
I think in your daughters situation a little help on your part will go a long way, I can't imagine being in her situation with a child.
I may have the wrong idea of this but I just cant understand why you wouldnt want your daughter and grandchild living with you? If anything went wrong in my marriage my mom and dad would let me move in and out as many times as I wanted. And as someone said I dont know your situation but she is your daughter and as far as the 17 year old just explain that if it was her you would do the same thing and try to explain to her about her husband and your grandbaby.
:( I am so sorry Kim that you are going thru this.. I hope things do work out with the apartment and new job.. Hopefully your daughter will pick herself up for the baby and stay staight.. But She Has To Stay Off The Drugs.. PM anytime to talk ok .. Me & the girls send ((((( Prayers & Huggss)))))..
Tim - she mentioned that Amy Beth hs a pattern of moving in with them, back with him, in with them, back with him...this is really stressful. The pattern has to change, and I think this is a realistic and caring way of doing it.
Otherwise, she will likely go back to the guy again.
Kim - I'm just now seeing all this and I'm so glad they are both out of that situation with the husband/dad. I'm also glad to hear about the apartment. Hopefully this time Amy Beth can make the clean break and fresh start on her own and not end back up with him or on your doorstep.
Timlewis - Kim has helped her daughter repeatedly. She is now helping her by getting her on her own two feet. I hope it works!
I have been lurking around this thread for a long time just watching, but I'm glad you are trying to get Amy to stand on her own two feet again. I could almost imagine the same situation with my nephew and his mom. She doesn't do that stuff, but just the thought is enough to be upsetting.
You are soo soo brave and admirable. I'm so glad you are taking the time and money to help your daughter.
All the best for you, Kim. :) *hugs*
I'm so glad your getting her out and making her realize what life is about.You took her in and helped to get her out.
That is the best parenting I've ever witnessed.
A lot of parents let their kids move back in and STAY in...and they NEVER EVER learn to be on their own.
Great going and I consider you MOM of the year!
My mom kept letting my brother and his kid move back in anytime they wanted and now they are both very untrustworthy and use people and steel from others because they are use to things being handed to them.Lazy and don't think they should have to keep jobs or even be on time for anything...appointments or anything.No respect for anyone because they feel everything is owed to them.
My mom's fault.Killing them with kindness.Now they are useless!He's 50(my older brother and on drugs.) and his daughter now is a prostitute with aids,hanging with gangs and has her very own pimp.Lovely,huh?
Kim!!! I pray that this works out !!! The prayers keep coming!!! Sandra
I've been Frosted!!!
Tim .... I only started posting about my daughter after 3 years of her coming and going and being irresponsible. There is so much history with her, that it would take months to catch everyone up here. Trust me, we have put out thousands of dollars helping her, keeping her out of trouble, and even bailing her out of jail at one point! She has failed to keep a job .... whenever she actually HAD a job, and never has contributed anything to the household chores ... never cleaning up after herself, or being respectful in any way. As I said, a very loooooooooooong and painful history!
Most recently I tried the "tough love" approach but that is nearly impossible when you have an innocent 2 year old grandbaby involved. Amy Beth has become a master manipulator, so I have to be very careful in "how" I go about helping her at this point. I hope this clarifies it some for you, but then again, no one knows until they are in a situation like this .... and it is a very tough place to be. :(
EDIT: Her *real* father, packed all of her belongings and set them in the garage the day she turned 18 for when she came home from school. His whole *answer* to all of this is that I should have put her out on the street from the very beginning!!! :mad: :eek: This is another reason I can't turn my back on her .... she has abandonment issues because of her *father*. :(
Just taking it day by day and going on Faith!
Kim
Kim, I know a little of what you have gone through and would never judge you. You know what is right for your family, I am hear if you need to talk just send me a pm.
I hope your daughter gets on the right track for your family's sake.
Thank you so much, I really do appreciate it ... as I appreciate EVERY one of you who have been genuinely concerned and supportive!Quote:
Originally Posted by caseysmom
See the EDIT I added to my last post above!
Kim
I'm still keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers, too. I know it isn't easy.
Deb
Kim, I'm sorry to read of the troubles you are dealing with, and hope that, in time, all will work out favorably for you and yours.[[[HUGS]]]