Teenage pregnancies and the battle to end them...

well to be honest I have 2 young friends with kids, 1 I have known since she was a little girl, her mom is EXTREMLY over pretective and over parents her kids, this friend was only 15 when she had the kid, her mom stuck by her and so did her boyfriend, but I think she is very lucky in that department. the other is the mom of my nephew, she also has parents that over parent, she is 18 years old, and the baby is 2 months, her parents also stuck with her, and so did my brother, not as boyfriend/girlfriend, but as the mom and dad who both want a part in the kids life. , I have a 16 year old friend who has been sexually active since she was 15, her parents also over-parent. see a pattern forming here?

A woman who worked with my sis in-law came in one day and told her that her daughter was pregnant! Her daughter was only 14 at the time! I couldnt believe it, well the woman said she would have to put the baby up for adoption because there was no way they could keep it. Well my sis in-law was having troubles concieving so she offered to adopt the baby! well she did and was very happy with the baby. She is now my niece meghan. well 2 yrs later the girl now 16 was pregnant again! I told my sis in-law that they would come back to her to adopt this one as well! The girl contacted my sis in-law and once again she adopted the baby, another girl who is now my niece morgan. I am glad that my sis in-law is happy, and I just adore the girls to death, but what is this teaching the girl??? That she can just give away her probs?? I am all for adoption but,what is this teaching the girl??? I am waiting for the next call that she is pregnant again(her two yr mark is just about here)!!! sorry just had to vent!!!

WOW. If nothing else, I am so glad I am an ADULT, with the ability to live my life the way I see fit, not according to someone else's standards. While I do agree with the teenage pregnancies and the battle to end them theme, the rest of this nonsense, is just that, nonsense. Morals? Who decides MY morals? I do. No one else. I try to live a 'good' life, doing no one else harm, pay my taxes, cut my grass, help my neighbor or friend, and any stray animal I might find. I put in a decent day's worth for a decent day's pay, give to charity, nourish my mind/body appropriately, and, give my all to my son. THAT to me is 'moral'.

I cringe to think I should give up my male friends. Not co-mingle with the opposite gender. My goodness, they make up roughly 50% of the human race! I laugh with them, cry with them, lean on them, and provide support. Fortunately, the relationships are nothing about sex. Nothing. Not even kind of. Just yesterday, I chatted with my MALE neighbor. Oh, it did lead somewhere..yes it did! Right to him asking to borrow my lawnmower, for the 2nd year in a row :D

Teenaged pregnancies are more about what is missing in a girl's life than what is in it. Self worth, education, courage, love, and hope. All that is missing, and the young women turn to others to find this, without thought, without care, without knowledge. I had sexual contact young. I never got pregnant, as I never wanted to become pregnant. I had high school, soccer, college, and law school ahead of me. I had alot of living to do, I had a head on my shoulders, and I knew I wasn't ready for children.

With Jonah? While not planned, it wasn't unplanned. Who ever knew the blessings he would bring to me? I had/have NO misgivings about raising him single, and I consider myself plenty 'moral'. I have no need to get married, and never thought that would be an impediment to motherhood. Why should it be?

While my rant is less on topic than it could be..I just like to chime in!

Johanna

Very well put posts. I agree with some here and disagree with others but am glad we can keep it civil because conversations like this tend to run high on emotion. I agree with K9Soul and I agree with Pops about a lot of what she says, especially about why it's good to wait and why it is such a waste to throw it away on a guy who doesn't really care about you.

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Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary

But I have to question your statement Kim. I do not believe there are no more girls getting pregnant (as a percentage) than in the past. Fear is a very powerful motivator....as is peer pressure and social acceptance. I was in high school and college in the 70's. We knew who got pregnant...who went off to those places you refer to and who had abortions. (Abortions were legal in New York in the 70's.)

To say it has always been as it is today.... well, I'd like to see the statistics on that!

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Surprisingly enough, according to statistics at the Center for Disease Control site, the rate for pregancies among teenagers ages 15 to 17 is declining--and was lower in 2000 than in 1976: Link

"Since 1990, pregnancy rates have declined substantially for teenagers aged 15--17 years. From 1990 to 2000, the pregnancy rate decreased 33%, from 80.3 per 1,000 females to 53.5, a record low. The birth rate declined 42%, from its peak at 38.6 in 1991 to 22.4 in 2003. The induced abortion rate peaked in 1983 at 30.7 and decreased by more than half to 14.5 by 2000."

Sorry I used the word "laughed".

Next time I'll keep my ignorant observations to myself.

Sorry to have offended anyone. That was not the intention.

Contarily to what you may believe I have a very open mind and respect everyones opinion. I may not agree with some, but that really doesn't mean anything. It's my problem.

I have visited and lived in many countries (US, Italy, Japan, Egypt) for months and even years at a time so I know how people of different cultures live and most importantly "why".

In my opinion, one of the major detriments is the teaching of abstinence only programs in schools... or even safe sex teaching at such a late age. Kids should be learning to take care of themselves in elementary school. I know in a lot of other countries safe sex is something that people are very open about whereas here in the state's it makes people squimish about it. I know so many people who don't use any kind of protection at all, or if they do, it's just birth control. Now as many others have expressed, birth control may be fine if you're in a commited relationship and your partner is disease free, but it is not a cure-all.

There's one free std/sti clinic here in my town where many of my gay friends go to get checked regularly. I know it was never mentioned in any safe sex class I have ever taken.

One other random thought that entered my mind this morning as we walked....so many people tie 'moral' in with sex. I find that absurd as sex is probably the one activity we do so very little of, in proportion to all our other activities!!! To say one is moral, or, immoral based on one usually inconsequential part of our day (week, month, year, whatever :D ) really confuses who we are, in total, as a person.

On a side note (Brought to my mind by cataholic's question about Moral)...

I once saw a description of the Puritans as a group posessed by their hatred of the thought that someone,somewhere might be having fun.

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

One other random thought that entered my mind this morning as we walked....so many people tie 'moral' in with sex. I find that absurd as sex is probably the one activity we do so very little of, in proportion to all our other activities!!! To say one is moral, or, immoral based on one usually inconsequential part of our day (week, month, year, whatever :D ) really confuses who we are, in total, as a person.

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Reminds me of a line from a book by one of my favorite authors....Parick Dennis. He said that most of the intercourse in a marriage is conversation -- not sex.

** the definition of intercourse is an exchange between two people....

I don't really know a whole lot of people who are pregnant at your school, i saw a girl who was pregnant my freshman year and then there was a girl this year who got pregnant and tranfered schools. and while it was their fault, i think many of you are putting the blame soley on the girls, when actually it is just as much the guys' fault as the girls'. Also, i think that if sex weren't such a taboo subject in our society then we would be able to be more open about discussions between parents/their children and about getting the protection that we need. (by we i dont mean just teenage girls, i mean anyone who isnt lookign to get pregnant) i dont think it is very realistic to teach abstinance to kids and not teach anything about protection to them. because even if they do wait until they are married they will still need to use protection within their marriage unless they plan to only have sex when they want to get pregnant. which again, isn't very realistic.

It is not only sex that is 'tied' with moral values, but anything that 'can' lead to problems in society, or 'does' lead to problems in society pretty often. Our everyday activities consist of eating, drinking, working, cleaning, talking, exercising, etc. No matter how much someone eats, there's no way it can be wrong, or immoral, or a cause of problems in society. Sure if someone eats too much, he or she could be harming his/her health, but it is not something that would ruin things for anyone else. Working...with working, whether its housework or work outside the house, you're actually helping yourself and also society. Again, cannot be tied to ethics. Cleaning is again a beneficial thing and cannot be tied to ethics. Same with exercise.

Now, there are other issues that CAN and ARE tied to 'morals' or 'ethics', and this is because these things, when done in the wrong or irresponsible way can cause serious harm to people. Drinking...as in, drinking alcohol. For me, personally, it is against my religion and I don't drink it AT ALL, but when you look at it logically, too much drinking causes a person to get drunk, and can lead to car accidents, people getting injured, people getting hurt, even death. Drinking in moderation may not cause harm, but drinking too much...doing things in the WRONG way...yes, that is tied to moral values for the reason stated above. Same with driving. Someone could have a car and drive in a completely safe and proper way. Another can drive the same car like a maniac and possibly hurt others on the road. Driving...same action, but a 'right' way to do it, and a 'wrong' way. This is also something that can be tied to morals. Talking to people. Two people could be talking, but one might be polite and civilized, and the other might be foul-mouthed, constantly cussing and using bad language. Both people are talking...doing the same action, but in different ways. Obviously, the latter is not morally 'appropriate'. When someone gives a friend a gift, the 'morally correct' thing to do is appreciate it and thank the person. If the person doesn't acknowledge the gift, or thank his/her friend for it, obviously, there is something wrong with his/her moral character. This is a small, minor example, but everything counts. Manners, moral values, and ethics are VERY important in life, and gosh, if we all 'decided' our own morals, the whole of society would always be fighting with each other, because every person would make up their own morals which would contradict everyone else's and lead to a disaster. The same goes with sex. It is a natural thing, something almost everyone does, or will do, but when its done in a loyal, committed relationship, a couple benefits from it. When it is done outside commitment, outside a sincere relationship, very often, the results are disasterous. Yes there are situations where relationships that start as a commitment end up broken, but that is certainly not the intention behind the relationship. With fooling around, the intention is different. The results are different. The emotional 'after-effects' are different. If its a strong committed relationship, both man and woman would feel happy and very 'close' to each other afterwards. When done with the wrong person, people often feel intense regret, and sometimes have to deal with a pain that will scar them for life. As the examples I gave above, sex is also something tied to morals and ethics for this reason, and it is for good reason.

Perhaps many of you won't agree with me, but I've seen enough destruction resulting in society from having sex the wrong way, drinking the wrong way, driving the wrong way, and see all of these actions as 'morally-related'. I don't believe *I* decide *MY* morals...it is God who decides what morals are right and what's wrong for me, and everyone. The One who created me from nothing, brought me into this world, gave me health, a mind, a soul...my reason to be in this world to begin with. If God didn't create me, I wouldn't be here. If God didn't give me good health, I wouldn't be able to get it. If God took my breathing away, I wouldn't be able to breathe until He decided to let me breathe again. If God took all of the water in our world away, nothing could be done to get it back. When God in His mercy provides us with EVERYTHING, how could I even think of breaking His rules and regulations for me to follow? What is the point of living and then dying if there was no purpose of life? Is the purpose of life to be born, eat, drink, study, work, reproduce, and die? That's it? Truly, that doesn't make sense to me. There IS a purpose of life, and we are ALL going to die one day...each and every one of us. We see loved ones leaving this world everyday in front of us. Doesn't it make everyone concerned about their own souls? Its going to happen to ALL of us. Moral values in life are moral values. They are not something each of us invent according to our own wants or desires. They are MORAL values. If a person wants to live in a certain way, or do certain things, that person has the full right to live how he/she wants. That, however, doesn't mean a person with a knife who chooses to harm animals for no reason has good morals just because he decides those as his morals. Some people hunt for fun. On PT, we all know those people have bad morals when it comes to concern about other living beings, but they might not agree. They might say, "We decide OUR morals..." The fact is, those are NOT good morals. They're not. They can't be. The definition of 'morals' is pretty much having good human character or conduct. All of these issues fall in the same category. While I love many of you dearly, I have to disagree on this. Perhaps I feel too strongly about it...but that is the way I am. If I believe something is wrong, I see it as wrong, and that's that. Even if the 'wrong' is committed by the most dear person to my heart, even though I may love the person, the action is still wrong. Gosh, we are all human beings. I know that I personally HAVE done wrong in my life. I *have* had improper morals in certain issues at certain times. That doesn't mean I would boast about it, or think I was RIGHT about it. Sure I did those things at the time because that's what I saw as 'fit' in my limited human brain, but it doesn't mean those were honorable things to do. I have never really done anything majorly bad (he he he), but minor things. I try my best to correct myself...to correct my mistakes, correct my morals. I ask family members to correct me if they feel I've done or said something 'wrong' that I shouldn't have. I WANT to live a morally 'good' life, but that doesn't mean I will never make mistakes. I want to correct myself in any negative things I may have in myself, but that doesn't mean I will ever be able to correct everything, and make myself a perfect person. It just won't ever happen. Its trying our best that counts. The intention. As human beings, none of us are perfect. That doesn't mean we can claim to have perfect morals. While most of us probably try our best to be good morally, that doesn't mean we are perfect. None of us are. I just try my best to live the best life I can, knowing this life is temporary, knowing there is an eternal life to come, my main goal in THIS life is to live a proper, moral life, being sincere to God for as long as I live. As He is the One who created me, who else is more deserving of my sincerity and obedience? No one.

Lastly, I do not believe sex is something most people do very little of. I bet there are people who do is nearly everyday, or at least several times a week. Probably most people who are in a committed, loving relationship, but again, none of us have any business to think of or worry about the frequency of anyone else's actions, especially when it comes to this. :o

Just my feelings about this, and please know that I'm not directing my comments at anyone on PT, and don't feel any anger towards anyone at all. I just wanted to voice my feelings on this topic, with all due respect. :)

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

One other random thought that entered my mind this morning as we walked....so many people tie 'moral' in with sex. I find that absurd as sex is probably the one activity we do so very little of, in proportion to all our other activities!!! To say one is moral, or, immoral based on one usually inconsequential part of our day (week, month, year, whatever :D ) really confuses who we are, in total, as a person.

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I'm not sure I follow the logic of this statement. :confused: Do You mean
morality depends on the frequency of a behavior?

I think in a way she was stating that morality is the whole person, not one part of what that person does.

You know, Pops, I think you've given all of us a lot to think about. I really had to ponder over what you said about a person receiving a gift and not acknowledging it. That really opened up a new page to me. From what I gather, life is a gift given to us. But so many young and old people today do not acknowledge it. They don't realize what a gift this life is. They don't understand the emotional bliss they can receive when they abstain from dangerous activities. They're too consumed with physical pleasure. While physical pleasure can give you momentary happiness, it is only temporary. Young people today don't realize the full extent of emotional happiness. They aren't even fully mature in the mind; how can they expect to go through the actions of intercourse and expect to feel a fulfillment that can only happen through a committed relationship? I don't know how or when or why, but teens today are in a rush to grow up. They're in a rush to skip all the emotional and intellectual maturity that is crucial to a happy life and sacrifice their childhood for a few moments of physical pleasure that may make them feel "grown up". It's sad.

America is continually pushing its youth to grow up, but I don't think anybody ever expected children to go out and start "growing up" in such a detrimental way.

Part of me wants to agree with G.P.Girl, but another part of me wants to disagree. Yes, sex is a very taboo subject in our society (I think it's taboo in EVERY society). Open communication *might* encourage a few girls here and there to wait, it might convince people to use protection, it might even curb sexual tendencies. However, I think other societies which are even more conservative regarding sex have even less teens experiencing with intercourse at an early age. When you are afraid of something, you don't go out and put yourself in a position that will encourage your fear. If a person does not know a single thing about sex, s/he will likely not go out and do it. Also, "protection" is certainly not the only way to control birth. Obviously, you're a high school student, but just the fact that you said that protection (I'm guessing you mean condoms) is the only way to prevent birth shows that kids in America don't even receive adequate education regarding sex anyways. For what it's worth, people don't even need a physical object, such as a condom, as a method of birth control. There is something called Natural Family Planning, aka the Rhythym method, the Calendar method, etc.

(P.S. When I said "the battle to end pregnancies", I meant that in a positive way.)

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Originally Posted by Lady's Human

I think in a way she was stating that morality is the whole person, not one part of what that person does.

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Thanks, LH! That was EXACTALY what I meant. :D

And, Pops....the difference here, for me, is that my God doesn't forbid all those things you were mentioning. I do drink, for example, and 'my' religion doesn't forbid it. As for the others....well, I DO choose my morality. I don't feel out of touch with God at all. Not one bit.

And, I might argue a bit with your examples on food, cleaning, exercise, etc. Anything done to an excessive fault is harmful. Sure, it has the added benefit of doing some good, too, but, it is harmful. They even have a disease named for some of the obsessions- OCD, comes to mind, immediately.

For me? Living the life I want to live, the one that I am comfortable with, works for me! I am happy, and I am 'good'...as in to others(most of the time, sometimes the ignorance of my neighbors drives me to less than kind things :D ). That is morality.

I think morality is one of those things that has different meaning to any person you ask about it. There just really can't be any set definition of it (although of course, everyone has their own definition of it), so it becomes a conundrum when bringing it into a debate such as this.

My main point in my own posts were looking at what would probably reduce the teen pregnancy rate in the country as a whole, not in what I think should be enforced or done as a parent (and in teen, I mean unmarried, still in school, etc. My mom was married at 17 and had a child, my sister, at 18). Would I have agreed with all the things that some other societies practice in their culture such as PCB mentioned in keeping the two genders from mingling so freely? No, I wouldn't have. Because my society has not been that way, and with it going on all around me, there's no way I would have been happy with such restrictions put only on myself. BUT if my entire society and culture had been that way from the time I was born, I doubt I'd have thought much of it, and I doubt I would have been less happy because of it. In fact I think I would have been happier, seeing as how I was such an outcast in my school for being "different" than the sexually active girls.

In a culture such as ours where it is so encouraged (by peers, by marketing, etc. etc.), I really don't believe there is any sure fire parenting method that will make a child in this society 100% immune to the temptations and the possiblity of engaging in sex, although I do believe there are things that can be done to help bring that risk down. Those are the things that come down to individual beliefs and all of us could talk all day until we are blue in the face about what we agree or disagree are proper parenting methods :D.

K9Soul- VERY well said.

Ok i know everyone has already posted but.....The thing with saying about Morals? It does not mean because the parent may drink or do drugs that there child is going to run out and get pregnant i really dont believe that.Just because i was in that position myself i was 16 when i had my son and it had nothing to do with how i was raised or influenced it was my choice.I made it was not the best choice i had to grow up overnight and that was not a great thing for a sixteen year old.
I do not regret having any of my children i just wish i would of waited!!! I had to put my schooling everything i wanted to fufil in my life behind me,I worked my butt off to get where i am today!And yes im proud some kids that have kids dont have ambition to go out and finish there schooling and make something of themselves.Alot just sit around on Welfare,and that is the truth.
All you can do is talk to your kids about what can happen and how fast there life will change.I know mine has and im so proud of my kids they have done everything they have wanted too and now in college and im proud of that what Mother wouldnt be and the end of everything i raised my kids on my own,,I thank god everyday that i have made it through the bad times and i have alot too look forward too in the years to come..

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Originally Posted by Lori Jordan

Ok i know everyone has already posted but.....The thing with saying about Morals? It does not mean because the parent may drink or do drugs that there child is going to run out and get pregnant i really dont believe that.Just because i was in that position myself i was 16 when i had my son and it had nothing to do with how i was raised or influenced it was my choice.I made it was not the best choice i had to grow up overnight and that was not a great thing for a sixteen year old.
I do not regret having any of my children i just wish i would of waited!!! I had to put my schooling everything i wanted to fufil in my life behind me,I worked my butt off to get where i am today!And yes im proud some kids that have kids dont have ambition to go out and finish there schooling and make something of themselves.Alot just sit around on Welfare,and that is the truth.
All you can do is talk to your kids about what can happen and how fast there life will change.I know mine has and im so proud of my kids they have done everything they have wanted too and now in college and im proud of that what Mother wouldnt be and the end of everything i raised my kids on my own,,I thank god everyday that i have made it through the bad times and i have alot too look forward too in the years to come..

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That reminds me...How's your pregnant 14 year old step-daughter doing? Yikes, must be frightening for her to be heavy with child at such an early early age =/ She should have given birth by now, correct?

She is doing fine starting with the back pain now we are not sure when she will go by the way she is it looks like in the next week she will be in

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Originally Posted by Giselle

I never regarded teenage pregnancies as a serious issue until I received word that a close friend of *my* friend was two months pregnant. This poor girl is only 16/17. She isn't even into her senior year and she was two months along into her pregnancy. She hadn't even entered her final year of high school, and she was about to give birth to another human being. My gawd. I was just so shocked. It makes you wonder, with all this hype about sex ed and birth control and abstinence, what went wrong in our society so that so many girls today are experimenting with their bodies and their lives? I know PLENTY more other young young teenagers who are having oral and "normal" intercourse regularly. In fact, a former classmate of mine began this risky lifestyle at the age of 13. She hadn't even entered high school, for what it's worth. I'm just so disturbed and worried for these girls. Don't they know what they're doing? :(

The 16/17 year old girl I was talking about had her abortion just last week. She is so depressed, so tired, and regretful. What are these girls doing? Why aren't they receiving education regarding this issue and why aren't they learning? *sighs* I guess this was more of a rant than anything else, but I had to get this off my chest.

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I understand exactly how you feel. My former best friend had her baby girl when we were sophomores in high school. She is still in, I have graduated, and baby Gabriella will be two this year.