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He was playing rough with her. I don't mean he was hurting her, just upsetting her, I think. Grabbing her belly, paws, etc.; lifting her up in the air with one hand; grabbing her stump (which she HATES and I told him that, and he stopped after that). He also kinda grabbed the scruff of her neck with one hand and was making her attack his other hand - kinda weird I know.
I would be a upset as well, but maybe he doesn't have much experience around cats and didn't know what he was doing was wrong. The fact that he stopped grabbing her tail after you told him to stop shows that he did have some respect for your kitties. Maybe he's only been around dogs and is used to playing kind of rough with them. The next time he comes over just ask him not to play with your kitty so roughly. He may not have realized that he was hurting your feelings and your kitty. Men can be kind of silly sometimes.